Minicap: Smash

It’s “clever” because it’s a play on the Not’s current show Heaven On Earth AND because, in this episode, everybody’s life totally sucks. Except Katren’s, of course.

Totally ludicrous plot line A: Katren and Ivy are both auditioning to be in an orange juice commercial. It is given to Katren (of course) because she is the bestest little actress ever and she farts rainbows and poops puppy dogs and is just sparkly and amazing. The entire commercial is CGI except for Katren’s face and the carton of orange juice.

It did not fail to amuse.

Totally ludicrous plot line B: Frank (Mr. Not-Grace for those of you who care about such things) finds out about Not-Grace’s affair with Michael because she is ridiculously cavalier about the sneaky part of sneaking around. I was more covert than she is when I was seven. He finds a song on her bedside table that tips him off to the whole adultery situation. He confronts Not-Grace and she confesses everything, claiming that it was an accident. I love it when people say that — so you tripped and your vagina magically landed on his penis? Oops! That is always so embarrassing. Frank then goes to confront Michael, who lets slip that they actually had two affairs, or rather one affair and a relapse. At which point, Frank punches Michael in the face, which I appreciated on a purely visceral level because I have never liked Michael. Frank packs up to leave, Not-Grace begs him to talk about things, he yells for a while, and then he bails. Not-Grace then goes to meet Michael in the rain, and I have no idea what exactly she’s trying to accomplish, but their conversation does give her the title for the musical: Bombshell.

Totally ludicrous plot line that we all saw coming from a mile away: Ivy’s it-would-be-creepy-if-it-wasn’t-so-obvious-and-heavy-handed gradual transformation into Marilyn takes a huge leap forward as her doctor has put her on a ton of drugs — uppers, downers, anti-anxiety meds, you name it. She doesn’t even know what all she’s taking. She is back in the Heaven On Earth ensemble, and goes through one performance like an angry automaton, while the next performance, is a total and complete drug-fueled disaster. Katren witnesses this meltdown because of a totally reasonable and not at all contrived accidental sunglasses switching event. Katren tries to comfort Ivy, Ivy is prickly and volatile, Katren retaliates in kind, Ivy isn’t all that wounded, Katren babysits Ivy as she walks around Manhattan in her angel costume. Never let Katren babysit your kids, btw, because she lets Ivy buy alcohol while already doped to the gills. They get drunk together, sing a song out in the middle of the street, and are totally going to be besties now, except for when they wake up in the morning all hungover and hate each other again.

Not such a ludicrous plot line because Derek actually has a valid point: They’re looking for a star to play Marilyn, but Derek refuses to get on board until they actually have a completed book to work with. In fact, he thinks they should take a full year before attempting to workshop it again. Eileenica starts shopping for a new director, and accidentally (on purpose?) runs into theater critic Michael Riedel while dining with a potential candidate. Riedel writes about it, and Derek gets pissed, but it does the trick and he is back on board.

The Gays: I guess they’re finally having good sex cos John is having sleepovers at Not-Will’s house. But then Not-Will finds out that John is a Republican.

Turns out Not-Will likes John enough to actually go to a fundraising event with him, but leaves because of Ivy’s little incident, even though John points out that Ivy is an adult who needs to learn how to look after herself. Not-Will finds Sam outside Ivy’s building, and Sam also says that Ivy is an adult and they need to stop taking care of her all the time. So they go out to a diner and stay out til 5am and oh em gee, would you two just kiss already? Geez!

Ellis: Is up to a whole new type of shenanigans, working on his own to land a star for the show.

Which involves a meeting with this guy who totally killed some people horribly on a Law & Order: Criminal Intent episode this one time, despite his aw-shucks, Ron-Howard-in-Happy-Days appearance.

He ends up getting Rebecca Duvall (who will be played by Uma Thurman next week!) to come on board, thinks that entitles him to a co-producer role rather than remaining Eileenica’s gofer/assistant extraordinaire, and gets smacked down in spectacular fashion by Eileenica, who remains the best thing about this show.

Songs: Smash original number “The Higher You Get the Farther You Fall” (Heaven On Earth cast); Smash original number “One More Kiss Upon the Brooklyn Bridge” (Frank, bitterly and with much pathos); Rhianna’s “Cheers (Drink to That)” (Katren and Ivy, while drunk, accompanied by a band of street performers).