Minicap: The Voice

Here it is LIVE PERFORMANCE TIME! Or AMERICAN IDOL ON STEROIDS TIME!

First up in a roided out performance is Jermaine Paul! Jermaine sings Bon Jovi “Living on a Prayer”. There are two feuding drummers on pedestals that look like a pair of choreographed muppets and Blake looks like he chewed a stiff piece of tabaccy.

Jermaine has a super star performance and I’m happy to report that Christina is finally covering her feuding breasticles!

Next up is Chris Mann singing “Bridge Over Troubled Water”. He sounds like he should be in the Opera, but I can feel myself growing sleepy.

Chris was great but none of the judges were falling over themselves about it.

Raelynne sings Adam’s song “Wake Up Call” and looks like a little girl who wanted to play dress up. I’m starting to think that she may be playing out some twisted country fantasy of Blake’s.

Raelynne really commits to it and I’m happy to report that Adam finally took off his cardigan!

Moses Stone sings “Stronger and Power” in a skirt! He’s got some well-defined arms, for a girl! Christina is rocking the F out in the most serious way ever. Wait, she’s not rocking out, she’s stage moming – dancing the moves in the wings so her precious won’t forget them. Chill out and let your baby fly Christina!

TIME OUT: Betty White is in the audience! Don’t worry she turned off her hearing aids, she is not getting any of this.

Naia Kete sings “Turning Tables” and she is truly awesome. At first I just thought she was a little Rasta girl who knows a lot of pop songs, but she’s really got some stage presence. Christina is disappointed that Naia didn’t do reggae, but Blake doesn’t want her to do reggae! He doesn’t want it!

Lindsay Pavao sings “Somebody I Used to Know” which is my weakness, but this version makes me feel like I’m watching a Satan worshipping ritual. Christina is back to stage moming the performance. You’ve got to let these little cubs live Christina and make their own mistakes. Adam admits that he is terrified of the guys in the clown costumes and I am finally able to relate to him on a clown hating level.

Jordis Unga sings “Alone” and it was ok, but she’s not up there for me. But she has mastered the art of bringing her knees together and leaning over while belting in a rock star kind of way.

Sera Hill Sings “Find Your Love” and it’s kind of shaky, but there are a lot of men without shirts on stage, which I hear is something people like.

Erin Willet is next singing “Living for the City” which is another weakness of mine. She pulls it off like a real diva, but there are no shirtless men backing her up.

Ashley De La Rosa sings “Right Through It”. Adam and Christina agree about the strength of her performance, but Christina still can’t get her wacky breasts to agree on a thing!

Charlotte Sometimes sings “Misery Business”. I really have a hard time believing that’s her real last name. It was a pretty awesome performance and definitely made me like the song a little more.

Jesse Campbell sings “What a Wonderful World” but I refuse to listen to anyone but Louis sing this song. Blasphemy! He’s good but I will never forgive him.

Buuuuuuuut, I am happy to report that Cee-Lo is finally wearing a wig!