MiniCap: The X Factor

Don’t worry. No teens were killed in the making of this show.

You know the saying about shoving 10 pounds of poop in a five pound bag? Well, last night’s X Factor was all about shoveling 15 minutes of poo in an hour long bag. It was roomy, so a lot of filler had to be added in the form of video recaps, long pauses, and Pepsi commercials.

Steve Jones explained how the elimination shows will work about 13 times during the hour. Out of the 12 remaining acts, the 10 that got the highest votes from America would be safe. The remaining two would have a sing off, then the judges would each cast a vote against one of the acts. The act with the most no votes would go home. In case of a tie, the act with the fewest votes from America would go home.

After an almost totally lip synched group performance of “Without You” and a performance from one of the Blues Brothers, Steve revealed the top 10 acts. He assured us 32 times that they were being named in no particular order. They were: Marcus Canty, Drew, Leroy Bell, Astro, Lakoda Rayne, Rachel Crow, Chris Rene, Josh Krajcik, Melanie Amaro and Stacey Francis.

Intensity went head-to-head with The Stereo Hogzz. The Hogzz turned in a lackluster and melancholy performance of “Emotions.” Intensity gave an angry performance of “My Life Would Suck Without You.” They tried very hard and looked like angry little kittens, clawing the air and straining themselves to sing as loudly as possible.

Simon voted against The Stereo Hogzz. Paula voted to send Intensity home, as did Nicole. It came down to LA, who hemmed and hawed while all of the girls from Intensity wept into one another’s shoulders. Finally, he voted against Intensity, sending the little Glee-like group packing, and leaving one little girl in need of a paper bag to hyperventilate in.

I was pretty surprised, because Intensity seemed like the type of group who would appeal to the demographic that I’d imagine watches shows like this and then spends the night tying up their parents’ phone lines to vote. But these shows never release the demographics of the voters, so I guess we’ll never know who dials in to these things. I like to picture my grandma’s cat knocking the phone over and then accidentally dialing in over and over again. But I’m thinking the likelihood of that happening is slim to none.

So… did you vote? Were you surprised that Intensity was sent home? Did you think someone else would get the boot? I’m working on getting recaps for both of this week’s episodes up this week. In the meantime, please enjoy my recap of last week’s performances, which includes pictures of cats, Steve Jones topless, and inappropriate screen grabs of former contestants. Thanks for reading!