Extreme Editing Makeover: And Then There’s Maudlin

Miscellaneous TV

By youcantmakeitup | Monday, March 14, 2005 | 9:24 am | 28 Comments

Rabbit231.jpgEvery Sunday evening, I like to curl up with a nice, 28-ply cashmere throw, sip imported tea from a rare Mesopotamian golden goblet, and flip my 48-inch plasma television to ABC to catch Extreme Home Makeover, where poor and unfortunate people are given homes and various other accoutrements, largely sponsored by Sears. In the past, I would watch in glee and sadness as the blind, deaf, autistic, widowed and cursed heartland of America was given one more chance of freedom, of hope. Last night’s episode, however, went overboard. While part of the show’s fun lies in bequeathing Kenmore appliances to the poor, one of the most interesting parts is seeing how the troupe of 500-plus builders, contractors and designers puts together a house in only seven days. Yesterday it was Kassandra Okvath, an adorable 8-year-old girl battling cancer, who requested that the show redecorate the children’s cancer ward at the University Medical Center in Tucson, Arizona. The show obliged, but also secretly gave Kassandra and her large family unit a brand new home themselves. Overall, a grand idea.

But lately, the shows self-congratulatory testimonials and interstitials have seemed to overpower the design aspect, so that instead of seeing the house being built we’re seeing Ty Penington give knuckle sandwiches to the staff, making video clips of himself for the family, and shouting at the staff/America using an unneeded bullhorn. Ty Penington: Carpenter with a Soulpatch of Gold.

Rabbit230.jpgIn addition to the usual cringe-worthy antics of Ty, we had a whole load of other bullshit to put up with last night. One of the designers decided to write a children’s book inspired by Kassandra’s life, entitled something akin to “The Power of Love” or “A Child’s Love”, etc. The designer, Pat O’Theback, tearfully explained the concept of the book, which then led to a Reading Rainbow-style cartoon mock-up of the illustrations with a young child reading the prose. This lasted roughly 2 minutes, i.e. 2 minutes too long. Sitting alone in my Soho loft, petting my Norfolk terrier Coco, I shouted to everyone and no one at the same time “Why am I watching this?!?” The concept of the show in itself is shlocky. The last thing ABC needs to do is drizzle more sadness and affection on top of emotions that speak for themselves.

Later on, a female designer named Chris Myass told of an adorable anecdote (note: vomit-inducing). When small Kassandra (a real doll of a kid) was waiting to see their new digs, she was shivering. The designer, in a fit of kindness, lent the little girl her coat — a pink, hooded nightmare that would only look appropriate on a girl of 8, and which coincidentally fit her like a glove. Cutting to a testimonial, Chris explained how generous she was, saying “Kassandra looked so adorable in my coat…. Yes, she can keep it. (big, self-congratulatory smile).” Well whoopdeefuckindo. These people are being given a stunning adobe-style mansion and we’re wasting a minute of airtime talking about your goddamn coat that just got off the hein-train, last stop, My Incinerator?

Meanwhile, the house was gorgeous, as was the hospital they redecorated (albeit with Disney characters ” nice tie-in, ABC.) But did we see how it happened? No. Why? Maybe because ABC is really milking this dying cow for all it’s worth by airing another episode Monday nights called “How’d They Do That?”, which is basically what the show used to be before it turned into the Jerry Lewis Hell-a-thon. Note to ABC: When you pepper the whole show with crying morons and over-the-top shmaltziness, it really takes away from the climax of tears at the end of the episode. And seriously? Ty Pennington? YOU’RE A GROWN MAN. Act as such.

Oh, and p.s.: Nice book title. Ty’s Tricks. I know a lot of guys in the West Village who’d love to talk to you about your… “tricks.”

Today’s meaningless rant brought to you by: Day jobs. When life serves you lemons, squeeze ‘em on your wounds.

28 Comments

  1. 1
    chettogirl
    Posted March 14, 2005 at 9:30 am

    The most exploitative had to be the time they played the 911 tape of a screaming family when they found out their son had just been shot. it was awful!

  2. 2
    SusieQ
    Posted March 14, 2005 at 10:47 am

    I like this show, but I do think they need to tone it down a little. They were doing just fine with a balance of building and design and tugging at the heartstrings, but they have upped the heartstrings quotient lately. The show is more interesting when they give details of the challenges faced by the recipient family through the design, such as building a house a certain way to accomodate a child’s disability, instead of focusing solely on the problems. The book they wrote for the little girl was cute, but it wasn’t necessary (or effective) to spend so long reading it before she came home and then talking about it and then reading it again after she came home and then talking about it even more.

  3. 3
    Betsy
    Posted March 14, 2005 at 11:10 am

    And why did we have to spend so much time on the British guys foot? And why do I watch this over the Simpsons? I ask myself this every week. And because ABC pushes the poor, pitiful, family aspect I get really jaded. I end up not caring at all even though I am sure they are lovely, deserving people. Thank goodness for Arrested Development. It means I can put myself out my misery a half hour earlier. Heaven Forbid I should just turn the TV off.

  4. 4
    Catie
    Posted March 14, 2005 at 11:21 am

    I stopped liking the show the episode where the girl with cancer (yeah, I know which one?) had the house redone and her brother got the airplane themed room. He wants to be a pilot, so they got all this actual aircraft equipment and Southwest donated all these roundtrip tickets for him… Anyhow, the kid says, “My mom thinks my room is overkill, but I love it.”

    His mom thinks the room is overkill? Um, that is the show…they built you a new house and you called a room overkill? Ugh, I wish they could’ve taken the house away right then and there. She was so ungrateful…she didn’t even get excited in the house until she saw her own room.

  5. 5
    madeyoulaugh
    Posted March 14, 2005 at 11:26 am

    Im waiting for “The BUBBLE BOY” episode…you know its coming.

  6. 6
    mountain girl
    Posted March 14, 2005 at 11:55 am

    I could really do without the “words of encouragement” that Ty feels necessary to repeat over and over again when they initially walk through the house. It’s always something like, “Wow, man. I know it’s been tough, but we’re here to make it better.” Um, no shit Sherlock. That’s the whole freaking point of the show.

    MYL, you are so right about over-dramatization during the episode. Sunday nights are my weekly therapy sessions. First, I get to laugh my ass off at all of the poor schmucks still getting knocked in the nuts on AFV and then I can cry my little eyes out during Extreme Makeover. Except this week, since they had to drag it out, no laughs and, by the end of the episode I was so fed up very, little tears.

  7. 7
    youcantmakeitup
    Posted March 14, 2005 at 11:59 am

    Mountaingirl, you just reminded me I GOTTA write an AFV post sometime soon. Take my focus off the garbage and turn it to pure brilliance. And no, I’m not being sarcastic.

  8. 8
    Catie
    Posted March 14, 2005 at 12:11 pm

    I am so happy to see that other people still watch AFV. It is my guilty pleasure show… I was so upset that they had bumped it from its usual 7pm timeslot for more of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition!

    Give me a dog in socks or an asian baby being hit in the face with a ball, or even a redneck riding a mower into a swingset any day over Extreme Makeover: Sick Child Edition!

  9. 9
    jmportia
    Posted March 14, 2005 at 12:42 pm

    They showed the home video from the family four times, once is enough. I now just watch the monday ‘how’d they do that’ but this time I sat down and watched the Sunday show as well. It was like one long ad for sears and disney.

    I am still amazed that none of the familys have filed for bankruptcy. They are making over homes of people who have had a hard time, yet the new expensis they are going to have to pay for will be huge. Property tax alone is going to make for a huge chunk of change. (My friend just put a new bedroom on his house and his property tax doubled, and that was only about 200 sq ft. These extreme homes are double the sq ft of the old home.)

  10. 10
    chettogirl
    Posted March 14, 2005 at 1:01 pm

    good point jmportia! and also, have half of these places been broken into? they put these mansions in the middle of rough neighborhoods and provide everyone with a floor layout? i’d like to know the number of broken in extreme homes and carjacked pimped rides.

  11. 11
    Todd
    Posted March 14, 2005 at 2:07 pm

    I stopped watching it a few weeks ago, when they had a family on that really didn’t have any problems other than they couldn’t afford to fix the septic on the house….Were they short a sick child that week?

    Also, who pays the taxes on the reassessed property? and all of the additional heat/electricity, etc? ABC can’t float these people forever, can they?

    Oh how I hate that show!

  12. 12
    jash
    Posted March 14, 2005 at 2:15 pm

    “Sitting alone in my Soho loft, petting my Norfolk terrier Coco, I shouted to everyone and no one at the same time “Why am I watching this?!?”"

    what scares me most is that *i* was sitting alone in my soho loft petting my cocker spaniel named coco yelling at the tv and the dumb sears commercials!

    this still is the only television show to have ever made me cry. yes, i do have feeling. singular.

  13. 13
    TinkerbellAPixie TinkerbellAPixie
    Posted March 14, 2005 at 2:20 pm

    Chettogirl, I am always wondering the same thing. You know those pimped rides are a target- wonder how many of those dvd players get ripped out from the seat backs.

    As for Extreme Home Makeover – anyone else sick of how many times Ty introduces the design team? I mean they meet them at the beginning, after they move the bus and again at the end – do all these families suffer from amnesia along with all their other ailments?

    When it first aired and was just about normal families (remember the family with triplets?) I thought, how cool to be on this show, but now you’d have to be missing an arm, leg, and eye, have a blind dog, obese mother and father who is missing his head to qualify to get on.

  14. 14
    B-Side
    Posted March 14, 2005 at 2:27 pm

    Entertainment Weekly had an article about the Extreme Makeover houses about a year ago. Apparently a lot of them are slick on the surface but contain many structural problems (surprise, surprise). Plus, I believe the residents must pay the taxes; so the big problem was that people would get these glossy but shabby houses and then have to pay more. The article cited one man who two or three months later still didn’t have a functioning shower. Then again, this was closer to the show’s humble beginnings. Maybe now ABC’s invested more money into the budget so the contractors can do crazy things like, I don’t know, provide running water?

  15. 15
    Catie
    Posted March 14, 2005 at 5:35 pm

    Friends of my family were asked to be the contractors for an episode, but they turned it down. They are booked for 2 years anyhow and they didn’t want to risk compromising their reputation by doing things so quickly…

    And Chettogirl, that is hilarious! I am always saying the same exact thing. I do wonder how many rides that have been pimped are stolen or broken into. And I cannot even imagine what those poor families go through with their new stuff broadcast on tv, basically a map to the expensive stuff, and then they’re still living in the ghetto? I hope Ty at least springs for a working alarm system.

  16. 16
    youcantmakeitup
    Posted March 14, 2005 at 5:42 pm

    Catie, I do recall in one house in Atlanta (the one with the mammoth meat smoker in the front yard) that there was a pretty sophisticated alarm system.

    And Jash, I have to come clean — I don’t actually live in a Soho loft, nor do I own the award-winning Norfolk Terrier Coco. What I was actually doing was sitting in my Morningside Heights bedroom and half whispering “What am I watching” so as not to wake up my three roomates. C’est la vie, no? p.s. Are you single?

  17. 17
    Catie
    Posted March 15, 2005 at 3:39 am

    You’re so right, was that Sweet Alice’s house? Sweet Alice is the only one I remember by name. Actually I think that wasn’t in Atlanta….

    Anyhow, Ty probably filmed a special segment on how to turn off the alarm system. You know, just so the family would know. And then Preston probably wrote a story about it, starring bunnies and butterflies.

  18. 18
    chettogirl
    Posted March 15, 2005 at 6:37 am

    Youcanmakeitup- I used to live in Mo-hi too!

  19. 19
    Genevieve
    Posted March 15, 2005 at 9:23 am

    I hope you sent this to ABC. Seriously, give em a kick in the butt. Maybe they’ll change something.

  20. 20
    jash
    Posted March 15, 2005 at 9:50 am

    Youcanmakeitup-sorry, unless you are between 5-10 and 6-2, and a hot guy, it’ll never work out :(

    and CHETTOgirl, mo-hi? HOW LAME. i thought they were trying out SOHA (south of harlem) or NOCO (north of columbia) either one sounds retarded–in a pejorative sense.

    i like “inwood” sounds more…chetto? (pinky to mouth)

  21. 21
    jmportia
    Posted March 15, 2005 at 10:17 am

    I think sweet Alice was in the LA area. I don’t think sweet alice’s home will be broken into, unless abc really played up her role in the community. The community center in that episode, with all the new computers and tv’s, is a more likely target.

    ABC ‘leases’ the house for a week. When you do that, you are allowed to make what ever changes you want to the home. That is how they are trying to get around the taxes. But they are still very shady, the family’s should be paying taxes for all of the new items in the house (tvs, beds, clothes, ovens, etc) and that alone would be a huge hunk of change. What about the home’s where they put in pools? Pools are expensive to keep nice.

    Whatever happens on this show, it will still never be as bad as the fox spin-off with dr. phil’s son.

  22. 22
    chettogirl
    Posted March 15, 2005 at 10:39 am

    Of course it’s lame Jash, Morningside Heights is lame itself! I had heard SoHA but not NoCo…that is pretty bad.

  23. 23
    youcantmakeitup
    Posted March 15, 2005 at 11:38 am

    Whoa whoa whoa – Chetto, Jash calm yourselves. Mo-Hi is a lame acro, yes, but I lurve the neighb. My friend Chelsea once wrote a funny piece relating to retarded city acronyms: http://www.chelseaperetti.com/nolob1.php

    And no Jash, I’m not a hot guy, but I do have a bevy of hot gay guys avail at all times. Welcome to New York (gunshot — that’s me killing myself.)

    Oh, and if ya’ll are so inclined, feel free to e-mail this over to ABC. It would feel great to never be able to work in that town again.

  24. 24
    jos1yn
    Posted March 15, 2005 at 9:56 pm

    What a pleasant surprise to find that TVGASMers watch EM:HE! The next thing I know, you’ll be admitting you watch Oprah! (I do, and faithfully, I might add)

    The best episode I ever saw was the one where the extended family all lived in the same house and the son was a basketball star in college and got shot and was now in a wheelchair and he had a fiance, and the aunt lived there with her three kids…I was crying like a baby-they had me on that one!

    I agree you guys about the terrible irony of buiding a dream house or pimping a ride in the middle of the ghetto. I mean, why not just give them the money to shop for a house in a supernice area? Like Extreme Makeover: House Hunter Edition. Now there’s a show–House Hunters on HGTV. Don’t lie-I know somebody out there watches or used to watch that show!

  25. 25
    pixie-girl
    Posted March 16, 2005 at 1:34 pm

    I love House Hunters. The poor production quality and the obvious scripting it great. I even think Susan Wong may be an early model of the Chen-bot.

  26. 26
    Gina
    Posted March 20, 2005 at 4:22 pm

    I watch your show and it makes me cry. You guys are so great, you have the ultimate job in the world!!! Just to bring to those families to ease there troubles. Coming for a single mother raising four boys, just knowing those feeling of what those people are going through, and seeing you guys coming and being there rescueing angel, your giving them much more than just anew home, your giving them hope, and and a renewed fight for life! Ty to me is the ultimate!!! Him and his crew do amazing things!! This is just something I had to say. God bless you all!! And keep goin strong!

  27. 27
    Gina
    Posted March 20, 2005 at 4:23 pm

    I watch your show and it makes me cry. You guys are so great, you have the ultimate job in the world!!! Just to bring to those families to ease there troubles. Coming for a single mother raising four boys, just knowing those feeling of what those people are going through, and seeing you guys coming and being there rescueing angel, your giving them much more than just anew home, your giving them hope, and and a renewed fight for life! Ty to me is the ultimate!!! Him and his crew do amazing things!! This is just something I had to say. God bless you all!! And keep goin strong!

  28. 28
    Catie
    Posted March 20, 2005 at 7:57 pm

    Um what?

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