From The Please Go Away Files: Ashlee Simpson

Miscellaneous TV

By B-Side | Sunday, June 27, 2004 | 2:32 am | 4 Comments

Ashlee Simpson: We don’t know where you came from, and we don’t know why you have descended upon pop culture, but we humbly ask you to go away and never come back. Yes, you may be Jessica Simpson’s younger sister, and yes, you may feel this entitles you to some sort of cultural sidekick role, but you and your manager father are sadly mistaken. We don’t want you. Your music is stale and pedestrian, and your dreams of stardom are simply lame excuses for woolgathering at our expense. Yes, we know you’re an “actress” too, but your showcase of talent on 7th Heaven leads me to believe you should be packed in a box and sent to Malta.

Additionally, your reality show is prosaic and vapid, and your general presence in our collective conscience is uninvited and already overlong, even though you just got here. So if you don’t mind, we’d like you to quietly recede from the spotlight, and feel free to bring other less talented younger siblings with you. That includes Aaron Carter and Haylie Duff. Come to think of it, you can take all the Carters and Duffs. And don’t let the door hit you on the way out…

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4 Comments

1

Leah3t

Posted June 27, 2004 at 7:49 pm

I would have to agree big time here. Now, I love Jessica Simpson and “Newlyweds” [mostly as a result of life dream of getting to live in a big house and say stupid crap and have my husband still love me], so I WANTED to like Ashlee Simpson. I couldn’t watch more than 10 minutes of the first episode of the show. She thinks the most mundane interests are compelling personality traits “I really like hanging out with my friends! We espically like going to see other friends!!”

And by the way, speaking of boring women in the Jessica Simpson world, her new assistance/roommate is a total buzzkill. The lack of personality is really bringing the show down.
2

Stephen S.

Posted June 28, 2004 at 5:25 am

Someone please give this person the Pulitzer or at least a raise.
3

lyrikaljuse

Posted June 28, 2004 at 6:29 pm

actually haylie duff is older than hilary duff, so she wouldn’t be the younger sibling…i’m just saying though…not that it matters…
4

saima

Posted July 1, 2004 at 8:36 pm

She has no talent, just a name. Record producers are trying to mold her, to create her into something because they know it will sell. She is a typical, spoiled, LA brat. Her idiot father is treating her as a product. And she keeps expressing that she doesn’t want to sound like her sister. She likes rock. She can’t sing. But she can wear trendy clothes and have rocker girl hair equipped with bangs. And she is fascinating to watch. She is doomed to fail. We’re watching a product being realized. We’re watching the illusion of a girl’s life and her intimate thoughts. It’s actually shallow fluff that means nothing and can’t make up for any lack of talent.