-
TV Social
Login
Recent Comments
- vish: THANK YOU, APPLE–totally fucking agree with Penn’s forced...
- BlueCanary: Second best moment: Ken’s tap routine. Best moment: Dawn’s face during...
- chooch850: LOL Itchy, I can see you doing the twist… maybe these ladies need to see your videos!
- sagittariuskim: I was just thinking this episode would have been so much better if...
- itchy: I do an awesome twist. Think John Travolta in Pulp Fiction, but less gay. Less of that spray-on...
- CynTV: Oh – and ChaCha – I think that’s supposed to be “owned”. And is...
- CynTV: @GFalls – totally agree about the break-in. It was eerie. And you know Bitch Blondie is...
- Tapnfeet99: People get themselves in such a tizzy when you start predicting mental illness in kids. But...
- ChaCha: What is “pwned?” As in “Don just got pwned by a mistress.” As for Dr....
- KRB: Tap aka My Sister Wife – I think we would get along just fine. I see life that way and when I say...
Hot Shows
-
Fresh Tweets!
- TLC should be forbidden to use the word race to describe the situation of a 900 pound man. #top10tv goo.gl/hw59O 1 hour ago
- "Colette broke the stem off my apple and ate it." #RHOC Recap goo.gl/pDChl @bravotv 1 hour ago
- "Joan Rivers looks like Mickey Rourke's mother." #CelebApprentice Recap goo.gl/nBgAw @nbc @ApprenticeNBC 14 hours ago
- Fresh BS Gossip Rant tvgasm.com/home/kristen-s… @idlyitw @hollywoodlife @justjared @okmagazine @wesmirch @celebslam @snarkypeople @ohnotheydidnt 15 hours ago
- Fresh BS Gossip Rant! tvgasm.com/home/kristen-s… @huffpostceleb @star_news @celebuzz @thesuperficial @dlisteddotcom @egotastic @hellomag 15 hours ago
- Fresh BS Gossip Rant! tvgasm.com/home/kristen-s… @perezhilton @hitchmichael @peoplesrev @fanpagelist @tmz @thgossip @eonline @gawker @popsugar 15 hours ago
- Fresh BS Gossip Rant! tvgasm.com/home/kristen-s… @cookster74 @timmonslisa @lifeonthemlist @radar_online @maryforrest @ericzuley @kay819 15 hours ago
- @stoopidhsewives LOVE YA 15 hours ago
- I hope TLC has a lot of insurance. Maybe Vicki Gunvalson is working as a producer. #BreakingAmish Recap #http://wp.me/p32IkA-15Fb# 16 hours ago
- Minicap: RHOC goo.gl/vxRX2 18 hours ago
- Newlyweds Minicap: It's VD!!! goo.gl/Na3N2 18 hours ago
- Fresh BS Gossip Rant! goo.gl/4A3id Courtney Stodden Sex Tape, Miley Song @stoopidhsewives @adasheart @chris_lala @whatcrappens 21 hours ago
- Lifetime has an odd definition for extreme #top10tv #extrememoms #lifetime goo.gl/pFZ0R 1 day ago
- Minicap: DWTS goo.gl/MSbyK 1 day ago
- In case my internet goes down. #top10tv #cheerleading #worlds #espn goo.gl/mPifG 2 days ago
- Britany reminds me of a lost, saggy diaper baby that you see wandering around at Kmart @HelloAly #modelemployeehttp://goo.gl/LPZ8G@VH1 2 days ago
- Cyrus Beene is my favorite magical sparkle bunny #Scandal goo.gl/83Grt @ScandalABC @jscandalp @georgenewbern @Miss_Jess03 3 days ago
- Nia is a trash bag full of crab-ridden c words. #RealWorld Recap @mtv goo.gl/VFTeG 3 days ago
Monday, May 2, 2005
1:27 pm
49 Comments
By B-Side and J-Unit
I never thought much about what my version of hell would be like, but after catching a very special (in both senses of the word) installment of the Hallmark Hall of Fame, I think I can safely imagine Hades without much difficulty. Yes, after weeks of nonsensical commercials featuring a frumpy Rosie O’Donnell and the dependably toothy Andie MacDowell, we were finally treated to Riding The Bus With My Sister, a schlockfest melodrama with a noticeable lack of volume control. Directed inexplicably by Anjelica Huston, this made-for-TV-movie’s subtle subject matter seemed to have collided head-on with the koosh ball of embarrasing over-acting known as Rosie O’Donnell. We never thought we’d say it, but this movie made Rosie’s work in Exit To Eden look like Shakespeare.
Of course, we here at TVgasm can always spot a train wreck miles away, and while we have the utmost respect for Ms. Huston as an actress, it is truly our duty and honor to completely tear apart her latest directorial misstep. A near minute by minute recap after the jump.9:00 PM
Okay, we’re off and running. So far, so good. Hey, that’s some swell rockin’ music. Nice to see the fellas of Foghat are still finding gigs.
9:02 PM
A title reads “Executive Producer: Rosie O’Donnell.” Great. We might as well start the “cutey-patootie” count.
9:03 PM
Thar she blows! The beast raises her curly head! Rosie wakes up from her deep slumber, ready to embrace the world in a loud, simplistic way.
9:03 PM
Also waking up is Andy MacDowell, who judging by the Asian paneling in her bedroom, appears to be living in a Geisha house of sorts. What a cold bitch.
9:03 PM
Rosie screams “GOOD MORNING!” to herself in the mirror. Wow. Two more hours of this shit?
9:03 PM
Rosie – a.k.a. Beth – waves to a bicycle messenger outside her apartment. She informs him that her toilet seat is broken and loose. America instantly vomits in unison as viewers imagine Rosie O’Donnell sliding around on the can while she tries to drop a load or two.
9:04 PM
Just in case we didn’t know how sophisticated she was, we discover that Rachel (Andy MacDowell) is dating an English guy named (I Am) Sam. Worse yet, he looks like Jeremy Piven. Man, this bitch needs some mentally challenged life lessons, STAT.
By the way, what are the chances that Sam won’t accept Beth into his life and therefore leave Rachel? And what are the chances that it’ll be a good thing because Rachel has found the true meaning of love anyway?
9:05 PM
A fat hippo of a woman accuses Beth of running down the stairs like… a hippo. Not only is this moment random, but it’s entirely too meta-hippo.
9:06 PM
Beth mentions her damned toilet seat again, says she might fall off the shitter. Seriously, this better not be a character arc.
9:06 PM
Turns out Rachel is a photographer, and not only that, she HATES puppies. Honestly, why not type “BITCH!” on the screen and add about fifteen flashing arrows?
9:09 PM
After some haters scoff at Beth on the bus, she notes, “I’m just a person!” Oh, I was wondering what the message of this movie would be. THANKS.
9:09 PM
Beth tells an inspiring tale about the time she once used the employee bathroom at a restaurant. No word on the toilet seats though. Maybe this movie should be renamed, “Rosie O’Donnell Takes a Shit.”
9:11 PM
We’re still not done establishing Rachel’s ice queen character. Now we see her back in her apartment where a bonsai tree, some smooth jazz, and a powerbook all seem to say “Sophisticated professional repressing emotion.” I WONDER IF HER HEART WILL MELT??
9:11 PM
Wow, I really need Rosie O’Donnell to shut up for a moment. My ears are ringing. Anyway, Jesse the bike messenger is back, and now he’s shopping with Beth for, you guessed it, toilet seats! Can’t wait for the climactic moment when he has to plunge one of her turds!
9:12 PM
Rachel and Sam enjoy a silent dinner out. Conveniently, the restaurant pipes in the same smooth jazz that’s so prominently featured in Rachel’s apartment. Meanwhile, Sam picks at his GIANT bowl of salad discontentedly. He’s already unhappy, and he hasn’t even met Beth yet. Nevertheless, Sam asserts that he and Rachel ought to seize the day. “We enjoy life,” she replies, adding “Yesterday I looked at my bonsai tree and repressed my emotions. It was a blast.”
“My oversized bowl speaks to my sophistication.”
9:13 PM
While Beth fiddles with a vending machine, Chloë Sevigny rushes into the room frantically. Oh wait, it’s not Chloë. Turns out it’s a social worker, and she has bad news: Beth’s dad had a heart attack. This of course leads to one of Ms. O’Donnell’s more subtle performances: she screams like a madwoman, runs out of the building, charges onto a bus, and ultimately winds up rampaging through a hospital, yelling “WHERE’S MY DADDY!?!?!?” And the Emmy goes to…
The producers desperately seek indie-cred by casting a faux Chloé Sevigny.
9:17 PM
After a tender (read: AWFUL) scene at her father’s bedside, Beth sits on an oversized bench. Seriously, it’s a rare bench that can make Rosie O’Donnell seem small. We watch entirely too long as Beth cries and noshes on a doughnut. Apparently the doughnut was Rosie’s idea.
9:19 PM
Beth calls Rachel and tells her that Dad died. Rachel simply hangs up on her sister. Listen, she doesn’t have time for non-bonsai tree related business.
9:21 PM
Dad’s funeral. The whole gang is here: Beth, Rachel, their Chad Lowe-ish brother, and even Jesse the bike messenger. The bus clique is there too, including Rick, the charming bus driver played by D.W. Moffett (most recently seen in Special Ed. He’s really cornering the market for these sort of flicks). Amazingly, one of the bus drivers even brought a bus to the funeral. Because we’re still unsure of who’s sophisticated (cold) and who’s just common folk (wise, omniscient), all the working class chums mourn casually in jeans and open-collared button-downs while the urbanites wear ties and suits. Yeah, I hate all those snobby city-folk with their “respectful” funeral outfits.
9:22 PM
The funeral service ends, and mourners are told to throw dirt on the coffin. Rachel grabs a clump of dirt and angrily squeezes it. DAMN YOU, DIRT!
9:23 PM
Oooh! The dirt leads to a dirt flashback! Perhaps Rachel’s first memory of her latent bonsai tree obsession? No. Just a guilt-ridden sequence involving a young Beth eating a clump of dirt. Move over, Prince of Tides! Your childhood sodomy can’t touch this shit!
9:23 PM
At the shiva, Beth sits with Jesse, who looks shockingly like a young Isaac Hayes. We once again see the scathing social commentary as the simple folk from the bus enjoy deviled eggs while the rich, snobby jerks snack on brie and crackers. BASTARDS.
9:26 PM
Another random flashback. This time we see a young Rachel watching as a young Beth has a seizure. Too… much… dirt…
9:29 PM
Rachel reclines on a couch in her Celestial Seasonings pose. We suddenly get another flashback (when it rains, it pours) of young Rachel tickling young Beth. Okay, let’s just skip ahead to the sexual abuse and be done with it.
9:32 PM
The producers show us some off-camera footage as Rosie O’Donnell asks “Are you sure you don’t want a doughnut?” Oh wait, that was an actual scene.
9:40 PM
In a classic “Too Much Information” moment, Beth announces to a bus that she’s been sterilized — her tubes have been tied. Thank goodness. A woman with that annoying a voice shouldn’t be allowed to spawn anyway.
9:41 PM
The bus driver happily waves to Jesse, the ubiquitous bike messenger. Man, gotta love those friendly working class people. They’d wave to a coughing wino if they had the chance. Note to self: move to Beth’s town.
9:42 PM
“I like everything with marshmallows!” Yes, Rosie, we know.
9:43 PM
Buckle your seat belts, it’s another torturous flashback! This time it’s ole Dad leaving the family. And wouldn’t you know it, the paterfamilias looks like Judge Reinhold. Man, this movie rocks.
9:45 PM
The Chloë Sevigny-ish social worker is back, and she’s happy to explain that Beth’s friends on the bus are like her family. Oh really? Thanks for the elaboration. Later, we find out from someone that Beth “knows everything, everyday.” YES. WE KNOW. Surprisingly intelligent, heart of gold, everyone appreciates her but her sister – WE GET IT!
9:51 PM
Rachel spurns her usual black pin-stripe blouse in favor of a blue tank top. It’s almost as if Beth’s mere presence has… let the color back in Rachel’s life! Anjelica Huston, you are a GENIUS!
9:52 PM
Sam dumps Rachel’s newly-colorful ass after she calls her sister a “retard.” Well, she’ll always have the bonsai tree. We then cut to the bonsai tree hopping away in its pot.
9:58 PM
Pin stripes update: After a brief flirtation with a colorful wardrobe, Rachel now wears black pin-stripe pants. Oh, she’s a frigid city bitch after all.
9:58 PM
The movie takes another random turn as we meet up with Jesse practicing Tae Kwan Doe in the park. Yeah, we don’t get it either. Beth watches happily on the sidelines before stacking five or six Oreos together and announcing “I’m making a cookie mountain!” Actually, it’s more like a cookie obelisk, but hey, that’s okay.
10:00 PM
After an hour of this crap, we learn that Jesse has a confidence problem. Suddenly, every time we see him now, he’s skittish and bumbling. Maybe that’s because late at night, he and Beth apparently “fool around.” Ewwww. Wait, is Jesse mentally challenged also?
10:04 PM
Jesse is not only mentally challenged, but he’s the most mentally challenged of all! Even Beth has to look after him. How did we not notice this for a whole hour? I guess actor Richard T. Jones needs to work on his acting abilities. You’d think someone who’s played “Successful Black Man” in Guess Who? and “Traffic Cop #1″ in Collateral would have more talent.
10:07 PM
Rachel, Beth, and Jesse eat ice cream cones and stroll under the moonlight. This leads to, yes, a moon flashback. The next morning, Rachel is passed out on the couch. Man, that was some hardcore ice cream. I hope she had a designated driver. Oh that’s right. THE BUS.
10:09 PM
Rachel and Beth walk into the bus drivers’ lounge to use the women’s room. A fatass named Eugene screams that this lounge is for drivers only. Yeah, when you’ve got a fancy setup of tables, chairs, and undecorated walls, you’ve got to keep the riffraff out.
10:12 PM
Rachel and Beth take a ride on Rick’s bus — aka the hunkiest bus route EVER! An obnoxious lady accuses Beth of not having a Zone 1 bus pass. Rick stops the bus, PAs the passengers, and then asks Beth what sort of pass she has. ZONE 1 BABY! In your FACE!
10:13 PM
With the Zone 1 dust settled, Rick gets back to more important things: having eye sex with Rachel through the mirror. Wow. Sparks are flying. I haven’t seen this much chemistry since Liza Minelli and David Guest.
10:19 PM
While walking on the street, Rachel and her sister are bothered by a sketchy sure-to-be-rapist who gives Beth a stuffed Tweety Bird. Apparently this is some strange guy who always gives such toys to Beth. That’s mildly disturbing. Well, I’m sure we’ll find out what the deal is with this guy later, right? Right?
10:19 PM
At the laundromat, the two sisters gab about boys. “Will Smith is very hot!” exclaims Beth. “If he was here right now, Rachel, do you know what I’d do to him?” Yes, one of the more unsavory questions this movie poses.
10:24 PM
“Where is Jesse anyway?” asks Rachel while making dinner. We then cut to Jesse inexplicably riding his bike down a dark alley. Odds for a random, West Side Story-ish fight? 2-1. Sure enough, a trio of street toughs pop out of nowhere and jump our slow-witted messenger. Luckily, Jesse is a black belt, and his martial arts moves — regardless of how slow and limp they look — send his attackers to the ground.
Doesn’t matter what your mental acuity is. Once you go black…
10:29 PM
Beth wants Jesse to spend the night so that she can “take care of him” (instant shivers). Thankfully, Rachel makes the mentally challenged Ralph Maccio stay at his own place. This of course leads to bitterness the next morning as Beth peppers her sister with angry, passive aggressive remarks. We wonder how this will affect their relationship and more importantly, Andy MacDowell’s alarmingly large FUPA.
 |
 |
Don’t fight the FUPA.
10:31 PM
Rachel and Rick have a romantically uncharged walk over what looks to be a rusty, condemned bridge. She says she’s not dating right now. “Just gotta keep putting yourself out there,” says Rick, who then suddenly plants a big one on her. Anjelica Huston HATES segueways!
10:33 PM
After her nooner with Rick, Rachel runs into Jesse (seriously, with the rate that people bump into him on the street, he must have a few clones riding around). The messenger turns out to be just that as he delivers a heavy handed message for all us viewers: “My momma taught me that you do your best this day and see what the next day be like. Keep movin’ like that.” Rachel nods her head and says, “I’m gonna remember that.” No you won’t, you stupid bitch. That was the most inane piece of advice I’ve ever heard.
Jesse responds “You can learn a lot in one day.” He then suddenly adds, “Okay, bye!” and peddles away as we fade out to commercial. Smooth, Anjelica. VERY SMOOTH!
10:33 PM
The announcer says, “In a moment, the conclusion of ‘Riding The Bus With My Sister.’” THANK GOD.
10:34 PM
Another sentimental Hallmark commercial. This time it’s about a woman visiting her brother, played by a developmentally disabled actor. Wait a second. This commercial is all wrong. Why isn’t the brother yelling nonstop? Why is he cooking for himself? Where’s his Tweety Bird shirt? Am I supposed to believe that a mentally challenged person can be calm, resourceful, and well-dressed? Pssshh. I’m stickin’ with the brutally authentic Rosie version.
10:40 PM
Rachel returns to her cold, bonsai-laden apartment. Gosh, she really misses her sister. Luckily, Rick is there to give her a call, let her know that Beth misses her. After thirty seconds in NYC, Rachel heads back to Beth-ville. Way to really milk that conflict.
10:40 PM
Rachel finds Beth walking down a staircase with a quiet, less hippo-ish gait. It was Rosie’s most difficult scene.
10:41 PM
Time for a makeover! Rachel takes Beth to the beauty salon so she can get a mullet. So long Jesse, hello Ellen!
This is actually just a photo someone took of Rosie at the hair salon.
10:42 PM
Rachel and Beth board a bus where — SURPRISE! — the whole gang is there with a birthday cake. It’s Beth’s birthday, something she reiterates many times by yelling “IT’S MY BIRTHDAY! IT’S MY BIRTHDAY!” Shoot me now.
10:45 PM
After the big party, Beth eats cake on her bed and cries (I’m sure this is an everyday occurrence for Rosie). This leads to the always appealing hysterectomy flashback. Rachel and her dad corner Beth and tell her that she’s got to get the tubes tied. “You could get pregnant if you’re not careful,” says Rachel. “And everyone knows you’re not careful.” Whoa, is Beth some sort of slut? Now THAT’s interesting!
10:47 PM
With the flashback over, we return to Beth crying with her cake. Rachel tries to cheer her up by tickling her arm rather sensually. Rosie’s favorite scene: subtle girl-on-girl action AND cake!
Cake? Feminine groping? This is the role Rosie was born to play!
10:49 PM
Rachel, Beth, Rick, and Jesse all hit the beach where frolicking and laughter ensues. Rachel has a giant smile on her face. Hahahaha! I sterilized my sister! Hahaha!
10:51 PM
Hey, um, this movie only has a few minutes left. Are we gonna wrap up some of those loose ends? You know, like the random pervert or the hippo lady or Eugene or any of those jerks who make fun of Beth? Maybe Rachel can like, I don’t know, defend her sister for once?
10:51 PM
Rachel and Beth meet with the social workers again. Fake Chloë Sevigny is back in full form. The workers ask if Beth is still riding the bus. “The bus? The bus is Beth’s life!” retorts Rachel. Uh, isn’t that what the social workers have been saying all along? Anyway, I immediately brace for the inevitable “She’s just a person too” monologue, but it never comes. The social workers just shrug and say okay. BREATHTAKING DRAMA!
10:52 PM
Rachel walks Beth to the bus. As she boards, Beth tells Rachel “YOU’RE WEIRD!” Andie MacDowell flashes her patented “I understand now” smile and replies “So are you!” Beth then adds “But you’re cool sometimes too.” Rachel gets choked up. Why the hell is this scene so emotional? She’s just getting on a damn bus. Maybe they’re shipping Beth off to an institution.
10:54 PM
Rachel has a party to celebrate an exhibition of her photography. And wouldn’t you know it? Instead of those cold models, she uses Beth and the locals of Beth-ville in her pictures. Sam suddenly shows up and sucks face with Rachel. She really doesn’t protest with the random kisses much, does she? Smell ya later, Rick!
10:56 PM
Beth boards a bus and breaks in a new driver. She babbles incessantly and mentions that Rachel is pregnant. Then the movie arbitrarily ends. Um, okay. Who needs a third act anyway? Let’s just be happy it’s over.
We just tarnished our careers! Yay!
Update: Check out a montage of Rosey moments here.
TV Social
-
49 Comments
GOd you guys must have cast iron stomachs to watch this entire thing. MY dry heaving was so bad I had to take intermittent breaks.
That was one hell of a gunt on Andie McDowell.
ANd I didnt know the black stud from Judging Amy (Yeah Hartford!) was retarded to. I thought he was just a freaky chubby chaser who knew the best kept secret of all time. That retards give great head.
“Anjelica Huston HATES segueways!” Segueways?? Guys, I think watching this movie has dropped your collective IQ’s a bit.
There are some great men out there, men who take the hard hit so that others can be happy. B-side, you are that man. I am moved and touched that you watched this, so that I wouldn’t have to. I would ask you to bear my children, but as I announced to everyone on the M4 this morning, I had my tubes tied.
doh, the fact that this movie was made, and broadcast … all of our IQs are a little bit lower today.
First of all, it was like Rosie was channeling PeeWee Herman playing a retard, what with that creepy “i know you are but what am I” laugh.
And what was the point of this movie? There was no conflict, no Rosie kills a kitten unintentionally, no Rosie burns down her house, no Rosie turning tricks. It was just like some random events strung together that just kinda *bam!* ended.
I had to tune in for a few minutes just to see it. It did not disappoint. The train didn’t just wreck, it flew off of the tracks and crashed into an entire neighborhood of innocent bystanders. It was made-for-tv-movie perfection! (Of course, I could only stomach about 5 minutes of it before I had to switch back to ABC.)
And what’s the deal with their mom? I thought for sure she was dead. what the hell did the stepdad do to make her forget all of those years she wanted people to treat Beth like a normal person? Marry an ex-con, move to scottsdale, then forget about your kids? What the hell?
During one of the scenes where she was talking about Jesse, I thought she was going to say “HEY RACHEL! ONCE YOU GO BLACK!”
wow…. i just watched this trainwreck last night in order to fully appreciate the recap. Yikes…. embarrassing. I wish it was worse so that it would cross over to camp. However even worse than Rosie’s retard were the hallmark commercials…
J-Unit- I did not give you adequate credit in the post (I read the bottom and saw B-side, it was not till I looked closer and saw that you assisted)- but the “Once you go black” comment deserves a laurel all of its own.
Man I’m mad I missed this film. Remember when the Hallmark hall of fame had good stuff, like “The Secret Garden”?
I liked this movie much better when it was Rainman. Yeah, definitely.
So it’s FUPA? I thought the word for that particular anatomical feature was biff.. FUPA is much more descriptive.
It could have been worse … maybe. Rosie could have recruited her old friend Madonna to put in a cameo or something.
BRILLIANT commentary!
You guys are amazing. I only made it through the first hour, and was screaming so loudly at points (“Rosie-tard” was a frequent turrets-like expiulsion), I was sure I would be asked to leave the quiet, friendly, shady lane in which I reside.
I heart Anjelica as well, (super-heart), so it’s still taking a lot of effort to wrap my mind around this particular career choice. Is it really THAT hard to get a directing gig if you’re female? There HAS to be another way!
How do you justify something like this?
Keep up the good work,
Adele H
P.S. I wnated to have a RTBWMS viewing party, but no takers, even amongst my comedian friends. Astonishing.
It was beyond awful…what was up with her kermit voice?? I don’t know how any of them can live with themselves…
My BF summed it up best…”I am embarrassed to live in a world where this exists”.
CBS should have cast Shannon Lucio in the Andie MacDowell role and renamed it Spring Break Tard Attack.
I tried watching this, just for a laugh after Family Guy and American Dad and I couldn’t even make it 30 seconds! As always, boys, you deserve a medal.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again… You Are Doing God’s Work.
‘Spring Break Tard Attack…’ oh Jesus, gotta breathe–you guys are killin me!
I only could stomach about 30 seconds, when I realized that Rosie was indeed going to spend the entire time talking with her jaw sticking so far out she could see her own teeth.
Rosie really should have stuck with her proven talents and produced this as a musical. Ten years from now, college campuses across the nation would be doing their own interactive revivals, initiating “virgins” by forcing them to eat dirt and tickle each other. Veterans would know to show up in mismatched sneakers and Tweety Bird t-shirts.
You guys are brilliant. This was hilar. I can’t even believe R.O.D. would be daring enough to play a RETARDED person in a movie. Like does she have no idea what people think of her?
The funniest thing about the entire RTBWMS debauchle is reading the crap on Ro’s blog. Literally hundreds of people writing how the movie moved them, blah blah blah.
I was surprised, however, that she approved my post in which I told her (a) there was no point to the movie; (b) the entire thing was atrocious; and (c) it didn’t seem like she was acting.
She probably only approved my post because I began it by complimenting her performance on a League of Their Own. I knew that would do the trick.
I think the remark from Eddiebosox about developmentally disabled folks and oral sex should earn him at least a day in hell (where I pray all they will show him are Dr. Phil reruns and “my favorite things” episodes from Oprah). Really.
This whole collection of jokes about “retards” seems unnecessary when the movie itself and at least one of the stars is fodder enough for plenty of well-deserved jokes.
This is my first time visiting this site….
“Maybe this movie should be renamed, “Rosie O’Donnell Takes a Shit.”"
…and I’m hooked for life. My deepest respects for watching the entire way through; I could barely stomach the commercial.
Haha, hilarious recap. What was the point of the movie though? It doesnt sound like there was any plot at all.
just so you’d know what Rosie’s fan’s are saying…from Rosie’s blog
Sage said:
OMG my tin man heart has cried already!!!
I smell an emmy!
-sage
….so emmy’s smell like poo??
here’s the blog link
it belongs in Ripley’s Believe it or Not
http://www.rosie.com/2005/05/01/da-movie/
I have never laughed so hard. I love you guys
Where do these people come from? Another reader from Rosie’s blog:
“Bonny said:
What an awesome delight you were, Rosie. I laughed from beginning to end, cried from beginning to end, but mostly smiled from beginning to end. Smiled because it has been so long since we’ve seen you ˜in action’ and it was this film that brought you back to us.
Everybody did a WONDERFUL job. You should all be very, VERY proud. Especially you.”
fun undergrad film project: intercut scenes from RTBWMS with Jan DeBont’s Speed
I knew this would be good. I’m so glad you guys watched this movie, so we wouldn’t have to. Thanks for taking the bullet for us. Nothing short of watching this movie in your presence while you wrote your comments would make me endure this. Good work! I’m laughing so hard, I’m afraid I’ll wake my daughter up.
Check out the user comments and posts on imdb.com, especially the glowing reviews of this horrific movie.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0420128/
So are the fans of this movie the ones that keep voting for Scott Savol? And will Scott S. someday star in “Riding the Bus With My Brother?”
oh my god.. all i kept thinking when i saw rosie on tv was : “C IS FOR COOKIE!” she’s a dead ringer for the Cookie Monster.. was she deaf too? why did she have to be so loud? i had to turn my tv down like 10 times!
I can only hope CBS cranks out more of this crap so we have something hilarious to read two days later on TVGasm!
All weekend long, I kept hearing radio ads that had the “YOU’RE WEIRD!” clip and I knew that was about all I could stomach of this movie. Kudos to you for surviving!
Loved the toilet seat commentary, the giant salad bowl, the bonsai tree hopping away! Awesome.
You know, I tend to be a bit sensitive about/ not a fan of “retard” jokes. But frankly, this movie itself made the retard joke. People with disabilities should be mad at Rosie, not us! we’re just reacting to it, dude.
I saw Riding the Bus With My Sister and let me tell you my little web friend, the situational comedy is back and I mean BACK with a bang on Network TV.
I have never laughed so hard in my entire life. I know Rosie’s film acumen is right up there with Jean-Pierre Melville so, I’m sure, she knowingly uses every modern film cliché and ignores everything that has every been made in the way of film and sticks a big fat lesbian finger at the rules!
At let me tell you, IT PAYS OFF BIG TIME.
Movie Cliché 1:
1. Andie MacDowell plays the business woman who must learn that making money, supporting yourself, and not being reliant on men for affirmation is ALL WRONG!; she must learn to “love” and not a easy man to love at that; a man who also, is focused on contributing to society, and who gasp!…has a bank account.
2. It’s all about family! Forget about people that add things to your life. The only thing that matters in life is sentiment and you guessed it, FLASHBACKS!, tons of them, at every corner, MacDowell’s character has these haunting images throughout the film of when she made rational judgments–even as a child–and you guessed it: it hurt the retard’s feelings.
3 Life lessons so general that they are no help to anyone at all, such as Respect you elders! or Time mends all wounds!….how can you use such life lessons? (you got me)…but who cares!…The are so general and non-descript that no one could possible get offended or hold you responsible if you followed them and things went tragically wrong, such as if you took in a ‘tard to show it love!
Leah3T, I remember the Hallmark Hall of Fame “Secret Garden” movie well. It was one of my favs as a kid; it was wonderful. Hallmark has lost its corporate mind to go from funding that sort of gem to settling for this crap. That’s what Rosie’s crazy fans should be crying over.
Ashes! I’m so glad my siblings and I are not the only ones who remember that movie! That was a rainy day fav at the 3t house.
I wonder if Riding the Bus with my sister will be re-broadcast or available on some other medium for viewing. I think we should all start having regional tvgasm screening parties to watch some of the shows/movies covered on this page.
She did NOT have her tubes tied! She had her tubes tied UP!!!
God, people, get it straight!
First of all, my wife and I watched the whole thing, laughing hysterically the whole time.
Second, on this morning’s Howard Stern show, prank phone calls were played with Rosie’s lines of dialogue from the movie. Calls were made to a Howard Store “Toilet Seat assistance on aisle 1.”
We laughed so hard, I think I tore abdominal muscles.
Finally, I need, let me repeat, NEED, sound samples from this movie, to attach to emails, instant messages…etc.
“HELLO”
“GOOD MORNING”
Little help!
MarkC
Bravo! You guys took a truly putrid piece of crap movie and made it funny as hell! I enjoyed this recap very much. Keep it up!
“It could have been worse … maybe. Rosie could have recruited her old friend Madonna to put in a cameo or something.”
She did, but at the last minute she had to go to the gyno to have the cameo removed.
One word: bollocks
Regarding my post yesterday…
My friends are comedians. Not me. I just like to laugh, which I am doing plenty of reading everybody’s entries/responses here.
Awesome.
Missed the Stern calls today. Hope he replays them.
Adele H
I think I’m gonna puke now. Even though I never saw the show, just reading it and having the time to read it, along with mental pictures of Rosie Odonnell bouncing around in my central nervous system, makes me want to reconsider that gay guys offer down the street!
this is the best thing I have ever read in my life.
What? WhatWhat Whaaaaaaat?!……is happening here? I thought this was a comedy bit! The walls of reality are crumbling before me! (oh no, thats just the apocalypse approaching)
I’m looking for something Howard Stern aired on 5/4/05. It was “Another One Bites The Dust” with a soundover of Rosie ODonell saying “I GOTTA TAKE THE BUS”. Any leads?
Hello All,
As a British bloke living in Britain, I was denied the wonderful opportunity of watching this paragon of the cinematic arts. However, I heard about it via Cash Peters on UK Radio 5′s Up All Night show. I really wanted to see it.
Thanks to the excellent commentary from J-Unit and B-Side, and the montage of Rosie’s best moments, I now no longer feel so left out.
I found Rosie’s portrayal very reminiscent of the South Park Special Olympics episode, where Cartman pretends to be “special” so that he can compete and beat all the other really “special” people. I feel as though this 20-odd minutes of animation was the sum of Rosie’s research, she only forgot to add the cycle helmet.
The comments from other visitors to this site have had me in stitches, as did the original ball-by-ball commentary on the film – you have won a new fan and I shall spend some time reading the rest of this site now. I am all for sites that takes the piss out of people who take themselves too seriously.
Have a good un, and keep up the excellent work.
Brad, Yorkshire, UK.
PS: I seem to think the word is GUNT round here, but FUPA is, as another poster mentioned, much more descriptive.