Without Survivor on last night, I decided to check out ABC’s much ballyhooed new show, American Inventor. This show is such a clone of American Idol, it’s almost hurts. Not only are the initials the same, but the audition format is nearly identical — as is the music, the look, the fake-Seacrest host, and just about everything else. Imagine that: an invention show that fails to be, well, inventive.
It’s therefore no surprise to find out that Simon Cowell is one of the producers on the project. For someone who likes to preach about being fresh and original, Simon certainly knows how to recycle the trash. Add to this a cloying undercurrent of zealous patriotism and a lame attempt to mask mass humiliation in the American Dream, and you’ve got the makings of a reality mess.
These two guys represent one of the sadder moments in recent reality TV history. Why? Well, they may look familiar to you. They’re Evan and Jaron — the one hit wonders whose single, “Crazy for that Girl,” was all the rage six years ago. After over half a decade of blessed silence from these two, they resurfaced in the saddest way possible: as auditioners on this show. And what were they hawking? A bowl that hides olive pits. And yes, they even sang their signature song, changing the lyrics to — sigh — “I’m crazy for that bowl!”
Just when it couldn’t get more pathetic, they then got dissed. By this guy:
“You took away my dream.” — A direct quote from a twelve-year-old boy after he was rejected by the panel. Way to go, reality TV!
This lady is the best. She makes Paula Abdul seem like an ice queen. Her name’s Mary Lou Quinlan, and her claim to fame is that she’s “the Oprah of marketing” — which basically means she cries a lot. Seriously, a dude showed up with an apparatus to make sandbags, and she nearly lost it. Another guy had a portable exercise kit, and I thought she’d need to take five to collect herself. I’ve never seen so much lip-trembling over nothing.
Yes, there are children in those things. Children. Don’t even ask why.
This guy is actually pretending to pee himself right now. The American Dream!
And lastly, there’s this dude. His invention? You’re looking at it! He’s holding it in his hand. It’s a stick — or as he insists on calling it, “a wand.” If this isn’t ridiculous enough, the guy then claims his “wand” is the perfect defense in case of a random encounter with a mountain lion or a bear.
Mountain lion or bear. And I know that’s a daily problem for the majority of Americans, yes? I tell you, nothing keeps a giant, ravenous beast at bay like a 12 inch piece of wood.
The guy then tries to convince the panel that his wand is useful against muggers too, and even comes with a Mace attachment, if necessary. So… why not go out and buy a pointer and a can of Mace? Needless to say, the guy does not make it through to the next round.
What did you think of this show? Did you even watch it? What were your favorite inventions/inventors?