Invention Is Not The Mother Of Necessity

Miscellaneous TV

By B-Side | | 12:41 pm | 19 Comments

inventorWithout Survivor on last night, I decided to check out ABC’s much ballyhooed new show, American Inventor. This show is such a clone of American Idol, it’s almost hurts. Not only are the initials the same, but the audition format is nearly identical — as is the music, the look, the fake-Seacrest host, and just about everything else. Imagine that: an invention show that fails to be, well, inventive.

It’s therefore no surprise to find out that Simon Cowell is one of the producers on the project. For someone who likes to preach about being fresh and original, Simon certainly knows how to recycle the trash. Add to this a cloying undercurrent of zealous patriotism and a lame attempt to mask mass humiliation in the American Dream, and you’ve got the makings of a reality mess.

EvanJaron

These two guys represent one of the sadder moments in recent reality TV history. Why? Well, they may look familiar to you. They’re Evan and Jaron — the one hit wonders whose single, “Crazy for that Girl,” was all the rage six years ago. After over half a decade of blessed silence from these two, they resurfaced in the saddest way possible: as auditioners on this show. And what were they hawking? A bowl that hides olive pits. And yes, they even sang their signature song, changing the lyrics to — sigh — “I’m crazy for that bowl!”

Just when it couldn’t get more pathetic, they then got dissed. By this guy:

pudgyjudge
Ouch.
youtookawaymydream
“You took away my dream.” — A direct quote from a twelve-year-old boy after he was rejected by the panel. Way to go, reality TV!
crying_judge

This lady is the best. She makes Paula Abdul seem like an ice queen. Her name’s Mary Lou Quinlan, and her claim to fame is that she’s “the Oprah of marketing” — which basically means she cries a lot. Seriously, a dude showed up with an apparatus to make sandbags, and she nearly lost it. Another guy had a portable exercise kit, and I thought she’d need to take five to collect herself. I’ve never seen so much lip-trembling over nothing.

tizzytube
Yes, there are children in those things. Children. Don’t even ask why.
peeingdude
This guy is actually pretending to pee himself right now. The American Dream!
magicwand

And lastly, there’s this dude. His invention? You’re looking at it! He’s holding it in his hand. It’s a stick — or as he insists on calling it, “a wand.” If this isn’t ridiculous enough, the guy then claims his “wand” is the perfect defense in case of a random encounter with a mountain lion or a bear.

Mountain lion or bear. And I know that’s a daily problem for the majority of Americans, yes? I tell you, nothing keeps a giant, ravenous beast at bay like a 12 inch piece of wood.

The guy then tries to convince the panel that his wand is useful against muggers too, and even comes with a Mace attachment, if necessary. So… why not go out and buy a pointer and a can of Mace? Needless to say, the guy does not make it through to the next round.

What did you think of this show? Did you even watch it? What were your favorite inventions/inventors?

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19 Comments

  1. 1
    Court_Love
    Posted March 17, 2006 at 12:57 pm

    I HATED this show. It was a complete waste of my time.

    It seemed like the show was more about tears and people with “good souls,” then actual inventions.

    And how are edible snow globes and invention?

  2. 2
    Pamsey
    Posted March 17, 2006 at 1:04 pm

    I only saw bits of this show, but what I didn’t hear was what happens when they move to the next round? Do they have to invent something else, or improve upon thier current invention? Some of them said they’ve spent 10 years on thier invention, so how are they to come up with something new so quickly?
    Also, couldn’t they have let the kid go to the next round, and then crush his dream? geesh

  3. 3
    Posted March 17, 2006 at 1:34 pm

    I actually watched all of it.
    I felt, the sandbag shovel was by far the most marketable. And the edible snow globe that made it through was pure crap!

    Watching the panel of judges tear the Tizzy Tunnel inventor to shreads, was priceless.
    I will watch again, if it doesnt interfere with anything else I usually tape on Thurs.

  4. 4
    happy_gal
    Posted March 17, 2006 at 1:39 pm

    I thought the sand bag shovel was genius. Anyone who thinks otherwise has never lived through a flood where every second counts in getting those damn bags filled with sand.

    I also thought the solar-powered cooler was an excellent idea. That could be huge–with some modifications, of course.

    I actually liked the show. It will get better once they get down to the final 12.

  5. 5
    Posted March 17, 2006 at 1:40 pm

    #2 From what I understood.
    They receive $50,000 for making it through to the final 12.
    The money is to be used to develop the one invention that has been approved by the panel.

  6. 6
    Pamsey
    Posted March 17, 2006 at 1:48 pm

    Thank you, I was really curious about that.

  7. 7
    Posted March 17, 2006 at 1:54 pm

    I’ll agree with most of the people here and state that the sandbag shovel looked very good. I’m military and I’d love to have one..

    The “make-it-yourself” snowglobe thing looks promising – but like many of the things that showed up, whether they were approved or not, looked a lot like it should be licenced to some megacorp for finessing and marketing.

    The weight set was terrific – I’m betting we see that guy and the solar powered cooler (esp. if he leaves his wife at home) make it darn near the end.

    The solar power cooler is another one of those, “great idea, nearly there, let’s license it to megacorp” things.

    I want to know what 18 items that the judge invented that are in my house….

  8. 8
    Posted March 17, 2006 at 2:02 pm

    Jeff,
    Maybe we set on one of them while in the bathroom? lol

    I did find it hilarious that he went off on Thomas Edison like he did. I believe he called him crazy.
    I was going to mention that I have never seen so many inventions centered around the commode!

  9. 9
    Mark
    Posted March 17, 2006 at 2:52 pm

    The Tizzy Tube fiasco was one of the greatest things on television I’ve seen this week–nay, this month. I mean, they started crying about child abuse and all this crap… Way to overdramatize everything.

    I loved the lady with the Beddie Whatever. And they were like, “I have one at home,” and she’s like, “Well, you can’t because my Beddie Shit is patented.”

    This show is probably the worst crap I’ve seen on reality TV since Martha Stewart’s Apprentice. Yet I know I’ll be watching every week until it’s over.

  10. 10
    Posted March 17, 2006 at 2:54 pm

    Did you happen to catch some other past TV personalities on the show when Evan and Jaron (and their friends) did their exit interview in front of the white screen?

    One of them was comic Elon Gold who I believe was in NBC’s “The In-Laws.”

    The other was on the far-right of the screen…That was Scott Weinger, aka D.J.’s boyfriend from “Full House” and the voice of “Disney’s Aladdin.”

    To add to the coincidence factor…Scott and I went to the same high school and college around the time…

    Between him and B.J. on “The Amazing Race,” too many people from my past are starting to get on reality TV this season…

  11. 11
    Posted March 17, 2006 at 3:05 pm

    Isn’t this show produced by Simon Cowell? Thereby making the whole “Woah, this is a big clone of idol’ argument a little moot. It was never advertised as anything but American Idol with inventors – produced by the same people, following the same formula, everything.

    I seriously remember Simon Cowell on Howard Stern a year or so ago talking about this show about inventors that was in the mould of idol.

    Anyhoo…I thought the show was brilliant trash and infinitely enjoyable. Loved and hated every second and I’ll be watching it until the end.

    That bald, angry judge seems slightly jealous of a lot of the people, methinks. I think he gave two yes’s the entire episode. And the way he destroyed that kid was CRUEL and you know he only did it because he wanted to exact some revenge on the people who used to beat the ever lovin’ shit out of him – but why chose that sweet kid? BTW, I woulda said no, too – he invented a portable air conditioner. Wooh.

    The Space Beetle Utopia was hilarious. Too bad they were roaches, though, not beetles…again, am I right?? I’ve never seen beetles that look like exactly like cockroaches before.

  12. 12
    Posted March 17, 2006 at 3:22 pm

    Ah, on second thought, yes, being a clone of idol is unoriginal…but they never claimed the show would be anything else.

    When you get a hooker and she tells you she’s a man, you can’t really get pissed when she whips out a wang, now can you…

  13. 13
    stacyrocks
    Posted March 18, 2006 at 1:09 pm

    Too many tears on this show!! Every other contestant, even the judges were tearing up except for baldie Doug or whatever his name is. He was cold as ice.

    I liked the man with the fitness kit. He was funny, he was so full of energy and he spent so much money on his ‘invention’. Wait for later this year when he has an infomercial for that shit.

    And that dude with the freaking CAR SUIT?? What about the ‘smoking gun’ flavoring doodad man???? So many damn clowns on this show… And yes I will be watching the other audition episodes.

  14. 14
    Simmssays
    Posted March 19, 2006 at 5:56 am

    I saw American Inventor and I give it mixed reviews. I thought they could have done alot better so I was a bit disappointed. I thought the judges were really inconsistent. Hopefully, it gets better with the next show.

    There’s a fun discussion of it going on about “Does American Inventor Suck?” at americaninventorspot.com
    if you want to take a look.

  15. 15
    TinkerbellAPixie
    Posted March 19, 2006 at 10:01 am

    I would have liked to see more inventions – felt like there was just a lot of filler and fluff and not enough inventions.

  16. 16
    chick110
    Posted March 19, 2006 at 3:25 pm

    The guy with the pee cloak was just so amazed that his invention didn’t wow the judges. They were so grossed out and he was just so taken aback that they didn’t think it was the BEST.INVENTION.EVER…

    FTR, I wouldn’t be whipping that thing out if my back teeth were floating…

  17. 17
    Posted March 20, 2006 at 7:13 am

    I think the car suit dude just watched Johnny Dangerously too many times.

  18. 18
    MrsC
    Posted March 20, 2006 at 9:39 am

    Hey, I loved Mary Lou! I coulda done with a few less tears, but otherwise I thought she was a terrific judge. MrC. however,didn’t like how she shot down the lady with the “learn to have good character set” but I agreed with Mary Lou- that lady had a polished, ready to go right now, product. She didn’t need the show.

    I wanted to know what the 18 things are. Maybe I’ll google the Doug inventor guy if I keep watching. Maybe not.

    And how tall is that Englishman?

    We liked the sandbag idea and the workout in a bag idea a lot.

    The pee pouch was unbelievable. I especially loved it when he said he had tried it at the bus stop where folks thought he was doing something wierd but wasn’t sure what.

    The lame bowl on a bowl for pits and shells wasn’t worthy of the next round.

    The edible snowglobe was nice but I thought it was ready to go and didn’t need this show too. And I could swear I saw a segment on the Food
    Channel for “Crafty Kathy.” I was too distracted by how much she looked like Dolly Parton to see if the product was really awesome or not.

  19. 19
    RealityTV4Me
    Posted March 20, 2006 at 7:50 pm

    That lady judge looks just like Catherine O’Hara.

    And baldy, Elmer Fudd judge looks like…well…ya know.

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