Money Can’t Buy Me Tact!

Miscellaneous TV

By madeyoulaugh | Thursday, December 2, 2004 | 11:14 am | 6 Comments

gilligans_island.JPG


Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale,
A tale of a racist bitch.
Who thought she could say any anything,
‘Cause her husband was filthy rich.

Her mate was a mighty wealthy man,
Her tit’s are fake for sure,
Everybody hated her,
Cause she was a racist whore,
A jabbering, racist whore.

The rest of the island hated her,
Even her own team.
She never had anything nice to say,
about Jews Blacks or Gays.
About Jews, Blacks or Gays.

The shipmates got rid of her last night with a smile,
Yep, Gilligan,
The skipper too,
Got rid of the millionaire and his wife,
Even the movie star,
The proffessor and Mary Ann (also known as “the rest”)
All hated millionaire’s wife.

Full Review after the Jump…
First Gilligan’s Island, then Survivor, then Lost, now back to Gilligan’s Island. Being stranded on an uncharted desert island is hot hot business in the new TV Landscape. And as though designed to prove Elton John’s “Circle of Life” theory, television has gone back Giligan’s Island for a ratings boost this week.

In just two nights, TBS which is known for such hits as SEX & THE CITY (reruns), SEINFELD (reruns), THE COSBY SHOW (reruns) and even FRIENDS (reruns), has already aired 3 full hours of its venture into the scary world of ummm…not reruns.

Setting 2 teams of “castaways” against one another, each week a pair of characters go up against one another in a head to head competition. The loser is then banished to the other side of the island, and the winner has earned the right to be the castaway who will get rescued. When the two Mary Ann’s went head to head, I kept thinking maybe they will have to mud wrestle topless in the lagoon, sadly all that had to do was play with their coconuts until they squirt enough milk.

Last night, it was the millionaires turn. Setting Glenn and Mindy Stearns against Bill and Donna Beavens. Glenn and Mindy are youthful and attractive, and unless Im mistaken, Mindy is an Oprah discovery. A woman who could do Cock calls on command. While crooning cocks on The O Show, one cock came a callin’; she managed to call upon a 500 million dollar cock.

I swear to god, on the life of my mom, I have seen maybe 2 episodes of Oprah, and that one just happened to be one. I am concerned my snarky cred may drop if you think I am an Oprah fan.

Bill and Donna Beavens are the more the Jerry Springer trailer trash of the millionaire world. The Stearns’ are hovering at about $500,000,000 while the racist Beavens’ have a pitiful “Under $3,000,000″ according to the show.

THE GOOD GoodMillionaires.jpgmillionaires.jpg THE BAD

Ever since her initial clash with the gay professor, Donna Beaven’s has been rubbing everyone the wrong way and it was in little doubt who the castaway’s were hoping would leave. After noshing on some cow brains, boars nuts, and chicken anus the losers were announced and the Beaven’s were on their way home.

So far, the show is working out the way I personally want. the people I like are staying, the people I dont like are going. Speaking of people I like……

Maryann.jpg
MMMMMMM MARY ANN

So in a nutshell, the show is silly to say the least. If you didn’t catch it, you may want to set your TiVO for TBS Saturday morning 8am – 11am when they will re-air the three episodes back to back. Once you start from the top of the show, you may find yourself coming back. Though, if you just hop in next week, I would venture to guess you would just be bored.

UP NEXT WEEK

Ginger1.jpg Ginger2.jpg

GINGER VS. GINGER

I’m definately a Mary Ann guy. When Rachel Hunter said she had no panties on, I was kinda worried her nuts would fall out of her dress.

6 Comments

  1. 1
    george
    Posted December 2, 2004 at 1:09 pm

    Screw Mary Ann Ill take Ginger any day.

  2. 2
    Retroqueen
    Posted December 2, 2004 at 4:37 pm

    I’m in intensive therapy now discovering why I wasted 2 hours of my life watching this “show”

    Quite the glam shot of the Beaven crone above.

    That walking cadaver with her peeling skin cancer ridden flesh and her misshapen mouth spewing out all sorts of obscentities deserved to go back to her double wide mansion

  3. 3
    madeyoulaugh
    Posted December 2, 2004 at 4:41 pm

    Retro,

    Love the use of “double wide mansion”

    Madeyoulaugh

  4. 4
    Lisa
    Posted December 3, 2004 at 3:20 pm

    I absolutely love this show. However, I believe Gooner becomes the Gilligan and not Chris. darn

  5. 5
    Stephen
    Posted December 10, 2004 at 8:37 am

    I would have to say that I am a Mindy Stearns fan….Very hot, sexy, and great attitude. Gotta love that!!!!

  6. 6
    Mitsurugi
    Posted December 17, 2004 at 9:48 am

    Having actually experienced the true bitchiness of Donna Beaven first hand, I can say that almost everything the show says about that evil bitch of a woman is true. My brother went to school with her unibrow son. Donna Beaven took any opportunity that she could get to lourd her (husband’s) wealth over everyone else in the most annoying way possible. The woman has had so many face lifts that she can’t sit down and smile at the same time. She has no respect for anyone but herself. I swear to God, you have no idea how many times I’ve wanted to light a hot mess of thermite on the hood of her bitch car Porsche. It is really unfortunate that her husband got such a bad rap on the show by association, though. Mr. Beaven is actually a very nice gentleman who had the misfortune of getting tangled up with that horrible woman. Mr. Beaven deserves a lot better than her. It’s a wonder to me why he even bothers staying in the marriage.

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