You may have thought I’d given up on Battle of the Network Reality Stars, but no… with the ever-entertaining Simon Sez battle this week, I had to tune in. And who knows… maybe there would be a “side of beef carrying contest” and with our girl Charla still in the ranks, I wouldn’t miss that for the world.
Alas, the show is still terrible and nowhere near worthy of a proper recap, so enjoy the photo-cap of the “Greatest gathering of reality stars ever assembled,” according to host Mike Adamle. That’s kind of like October 13, 1997 after a night out at Loco Perro for dinner and tequila shooters, I had the “greatest crap I’ve ever taken,” but we’ll take what we can get.
The Incredible Hawk
Retro footage of Scott Baio and his special custom Simon Sez knee brace. Because we all know who tough that game can be.
Man, Mike Adamle is looking haggard. But more importantly, what’s up with Batman lurking in the background?
Jimmy “JJ” Walker taking time out of his busy schedule to proclaim Melissa Howard’s ass, “Dyna-just-alright.”
Richard Hatch lights an atomic fart and blows it towards Nikki McKibbon. He also confirmed for those present that he is indeed the goatse man.
Mirna, sick of Charla getting all the attention, shot and killed her diminutive cousin. Please bow your heads for a moment of silence.
Will Wilkie makes up for his invisible package by working out. A lot.
Darva Conger still blows.
Sue Hawk reminds us all that yup, she’s a filthy white trash trucker.
The highlights: Omarosa’s “serious” interview with Richard Hatch (after winning the Simon Sez event), even asking him about his tax evasion allegations. He dodged the question with all the skill of a Survivor champion. Will Wilkie stating that Nikki McKibbon, “looks like a withdrawl victim; scratching her body and flailing all about.” Theo kicks ass at dodgeball – Prospective employers are lining up, I’m sure. Brittany Brower (ANTM5) and Tiny Fabulous (Bachelor) are damn good swimmers who look damn good in their swimsuits. No joke here, I just found that surprising (the athletic part, not the looking good part).
Team Coral came in last place and had to send two players home. Little Charla volunteered herself followed by Duncan Nutter (the prick from Showbiz Moms and Dads) who did the same. This moved captain Coral to lament, “Charla and DuncNutt, dude, for real, give it up.” Idiot. And lastly, the winning team (Miz) had the cool prize of being able two move 2 players on any team to Team Coral as two new mystery players were to be brought in. Blah, blah, blah, they moved Tina Fabulous and Gervase over to Team Coral and they were replaced by Jeri Manthey and some dork from Average Joe.
And next week, a whole team is sent packing! If only there were a shred of infighting or drama or intrigue, I’d actually care. Oh well.