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Last night’s Six Feet Under is an attention-starved watercooler’s dream. For those of you that missed it because you were out drinking on a Sunday night, might I suggest reassessing what it is you’re trying to escape from, and beginning where it no doubt hurts the most: Your childhood. For the rest of you out there that are like me, leaning against your husband (the stuffed kind that’s almost as good as the real thing) in mismatched socks, eating Triscuits three at a time, might I suggest keeping some water nearby? I had few close calls last night, and rather than getting some Crystal Lite to wash it down, I just spewed sawdust all over my floor and continued ad nauseum. But hey, at least I’m not married to that bitch Vanessa — Am I right? Am I right? Rico, baby, my pasta ain’t too salty, if you’re catchin’ what I’m throwin.
For those of you planning on corseting up later and HBO-Demanding this episode thanks to the wonders of dreknology (shout out to Mad Magazine), you may not want to spoil your soil by clicking ahead, you pussy.Seeing as this is the last season of Six Feet Under, I was surprised at how these past few episodes have been lackin zazz, zazz being a non-existent word for “plot-twists.” Well, last night I was zazzed so hard I can hardly walk today, not to mention create coherent metaphors.
So where are we so far in the season? Brenda is pregnant with a baby girl that will no doubt be born with fetal alcohol syndrome (no offense to longfaces reading this out there or my future children), Ruth dumped Crazy Old Farmer Hoggett, resident artiste Claire has fallen prey to reality and has turned corporate (what WHAT!), the gays have adopted two hoodlum sons who are being forced to suckle from non-lactating teets, Billy’s the missing link, and Rico’s wife apparently has a vagina made out of razor blades.
But rather than recap the episode, which is nearly impossible considering I’m at work and lack the proper equipment, let me pull up the major discussion points on my old fashioned “On Demand” system known as my brain and see where you stand, my lovely readers. Here are my thoughts.
First of all, is it just me, or did Ed Begley Jr. kinda jump out of the woodwork? I mean, I know he’s been on a previous episode, but the next thing I know he’s making out with Ruth. I found this highly suspect. Also, just when you think Begley’s career is on a post-”She-Devil” up-and-up, you remember his cameo on Arrested Development with a certain singer whose name is Liza Minelli.
Any reason to post this pic, folks, is a good enough reason.
Moving on, why is Brenda such a cunt? It was nice to see her boss finally tell her like it is, but seriously, Bren? Rinse your mouth out with douche and take a good look at your husband. You can thank the casting department for that, he’s way out of your league.
And while we all knew where his relationship “Nightmare Before Christmas” Maggie Sibley was headed. Even still, I literally covered my eyes with my blanket when they first began to make it. I do like them as a couple, however, so it was nice to see them consummate what wasn’t being said for so many episodes.
I find watching David’s parenting skills extremely annoying and uneffective. I find Keith’s parenting skills extremely satisfying and sexy. But maybe das becuz-a how I was raiiised.
Claire and the new boy? Me likey. Somehow, he absorbs some of her annoying habits with his Michael Douglas-like “I’m-following-my-cock-around” attitude, making the two of them tolerable.
Finally. The last scene.
Without giving too much away, I ask you, what is a narm? As in “Numb arm, Numb arm, Narm, Narm.” Was he, in fact, referring to his numb arm? Or was he instead trying to tell Maggie something about the National Association of Recording Merchandisers, or perhaps more appropriately the North American Registry of Midwives? Maybe he was suggesting that the two of them get away to the world famous North American Railroad Museum in Huntsville, Alabama. Did he mean to tell us about this picture, found when Google Image searched for “Narm”?
How dare HBO leave us with such a cliffhanger! And no preview for next week’s episode! I MUST KNOW WHAT NARM MEANS!
Also: Nate may or may not be dead. Sob. With all his faults and issues, I truly love Nate’s presence. He really grounds the show for me. Sigh. Not to mention, he’s The Hotness. Oh Nate. Please don’t gooooo!
And before you lay into me about what a superficial recap this is, please, save it. I literally wrote this sentence by sentence while jamming my small, childlike fingers into the photocopy machine’s parts so that it may spit out radiated papers with Nazi-like precision. No need to thank.