In the first part of our fall preview spectacular, the TVgasm staff took it upon ourselves to hand out some reccommendations of programming that would do you good. In part two, we take on an equally important and challenging task; we point out the worst floating around so you don’t waste countless hours finding out for yourself. As a bonus, we predict the series we think will be cancelled first. And for all of you network executives out there, we dish out some free advice in the form of ideas for pilots we would like to see on the air.
Friendship Favorites 2005
(AKA The Shows That Will Suck)
B-Side
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Ghost Whisperer (CBS) – Jennifer Love Hewitt is the first problem here. But aside from her, I’m completely turned off by the red-state-pandering premise of a girl who talks to dead soldiers. This show will be awful, and even worse, Middle America will love it. You know it’s gonna be on for like nine years. On the plus side, it’s a perfect vehicle for those muted gray colors CBS loves so much. |
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Commander In Chief (ABC) – This also looks amazingly bad. I’ve always liked Geena Davis (yeah, I know), but I think I have to finally put out my torch for her. To think that she won an Oscar… |
copygodd
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Ghost Whisperer (CBS) – I read in an interview with JLH that she feels her breasts have a better career than she does. Perhaps CBS should rename this show The Breast Whisperer. I’d watch that. |
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Commander In Chief (ABC) – If we learned anything from Season 4 of 24, it’s that CTU really needs to work on their perimeters. That, and any President who’s not David Palmer deserves to be shot in the face. And let’s face it: Geena Davis is no David Palmer. Hell, she’s not even Charles Logan. (Although I bet her dick’s bigger.) |
J-Unit
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Freddie (ABC) - Not only should Freddie Prinze Jr. be punished for keeping SMG away from the rest of us, but if he is successful, we can look forward to seeing a lot more of those late-nineties stars of teenage coming-of-age dramas/horrors with pilots. Do you honestly want to see the likes of Andrew Keegan and Matthew Lillard dirtying our Tivos each and every week? That’s what I thought |
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Inconceivable (NBC) - I was going to use this space to tell people to stay off the Desperate Housewives/Lost bandwagons, but then Inconceivable hits me in the face. Even the prospect of Angie Harmon’s to-die-for voice won’t be enough to save it. Going in its favor is that you will now have an easy way to fit Ming Na (now a ripe 42 years old?!) and fertility clinic into one sentence. |
Kat
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Commander In Chief (ABC) – This show thinks it’s liberal, but I’ll bet you a shiny nickel it’s offensive to women 20 times an episode. Geena Davis will be all idealistic and pure-hearted and honest and I’ll vomit everywhere. |
m_ruv
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Today (NBC) – Diane Sawyer has taken you down. She’s lined up more great interviews this month than there are hairs left on Matt Lauer’s head. Although I must admit there remains the exciting prospect that NBC could try to boost ratings through stunts like a live Katie Couric vs. Ann Curry celebrity deathmatch. |
sg-dub
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Saturday Night Live (NBC) – simply unwatchable last season. And I’m very much hoping TAR8 Family Edition doesn’t end up in this category when all is said and done. |
Pull the Plug 2005
(Which Shows Get Cancelled First)
B-Side
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Surface, Threshold, Invasion – I hope it’s one of the alien shows if only for the lack of originality. Some people say Threshold is good. Some say Invasion is good. No one says Surface is good. So yeah, that should probably go. |
copygodd
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Head Cases (FOX) – It’s a legal dramedy. It’s on FOX. It stars Chris O’Donnell. |
J-Unit
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Surface (NBC) - With ABC, CBS, and NBC all coming out with alien dramas, Jeff Zucker will come out on the losing end (even if the show sounds the most original of the three)…and Les Moonves will eat his children. |
Kat
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E-Ring (NBC) – This show sounds good in theory, and Dennis Hopper is in it, which is kind of neat. But apparently there’s a whole lotta paper shuffling going on in the Pentagon, and the show conveys that pretty accurately. It’d be one thing if this show had the cojones to take on the real government, but I just don’t see that coming from a major network show. |
m_ruv
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NCAA Football Mississippi State at Tulane, Sunday, 9/17/05, 8pm EDT |
sg-dub
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Joey (NBC) – I said it last year and I’ll say it again. |
Casting Couch 2005
(Television Pilots we’d love to see made)
copygodd
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| TVgasm: The Show (E!) - Remember Talk Soup? It would be just like that, except it would be the TVgasm staff recapping the prior week’s shows on-camera. Well technically off-camera, as the staff would be played by puppets. Sock puppets, to be exact. Except for B-Side, who’d be a marionette. Just think of the merchandising potential! |
J-Unit
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| Five Black Guys in Beijing (UPN) - Five basketball players serve their drug suspensions as ambassadors to the NBA in China. They live above a restaurant called "French Toast It!" that only makes french toast of other foods (krullers, sushi, prime rib, etc) Two cultures that are miles apart discover they are more alike than they could ever imagine. Seriously, this is pure gold. |
Kat
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| How rad would it be if there was a show that didn’t try to look sexy, or appeal to the broadest possible audience, but instead portrayed life as it really is, with unemployment and estranged fathers and fat people who aren’t jolly? And what if that show had an amazing staff writing truly funny scenes that weren’t just gags? Sigh….Roseanne was a good show. |
m_ruv
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| Bonbons and Bustiers with Bill Hemmer and Dr. Sanjay Gupta |
sg-dub
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| I’ve always thought a show that follows the exploits of a good-looking, guitar-playing independent young trucker who travels around the country in his big red & white rig with his pet chimp would make for good TV. He continuously finds himself caught up with a bunch of young women trying to flee a white slaver who happens to be the local sheriff. And he’d be named after a slang term for fellatio. |
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13 Comments
Anytime there is a BJ and the Bear reference, I’m going to laugh.
There needs to be more Greg Evigan on tv too…Hell, they are letting Marc Linn-Baker back into my living room..I’m sure there is room for Greg somewhere.
Um – Talk Soup still exists. Stick to blogging. Our TVs are inundated with enough rehashing – no need for one more.
you guys are gold. Finally, someone giving the low-down on TV shows like Entertainment Weekly USED to do before they started kissing major network ass. I’m cancelling my subscription and sticking with TVGasm!
F Entertainment Weekly!!!
SG-Dub… Beau Job?
Talk Soup is now The Soup. I am appauled that you have not seen it since it IS the TV version of this site.
J-Unit, I’m ready to join the Five Black Guys in Beijing chat room. If UPN would only go for your idea, they could have more than one night’s worth of programming that might get some viewers.
I was excited when I heard Angie Harmon was going to be back on tv, then I heard what show she’ll be on. She’s not a cast member and is only doing a few episodes, but honestly, why? Surely someone who was so popular back when L&O was still a big deal could find a better project to come off of maternity leave.
J-Unit, I love your idea. However, I would like to expand that by having them accompanied to China by a matron-type lady played by Monique. In season 2, she will have to send for her adorably precocious nephew/niece to add to the hilarity.
for me, talk soup died the day henson left.
Hmmm… for FBGB, I think the guys should run the restaurant too. And shouldn’t there be a goofy neighbor named Baby Aseem who comes by and does something silly. You know, like spilling pudding on his head and then going “Ooops!”
Thanks to m_ruv, now I’ll always have a nagging empty space in me that pines for “Bonbons and Bustiers”.
John Henson is alive and well (but sadly wasted) hosting “What’s On” on the TV Guide Channel. A show, about, well, what’s on tv. I believe it generally airs around :56/:57 past the hour in prime time. Henson also hosts the (ironically?) named “The Spot” on TV Guide On Demand. It is nice to see “the spot” (which he’s had since the E! days and continues to sport) on “The Spot”. The only downside is the heavy-handed product placement. (Literally, they make poor John hold up the advertiser’s product and hawk it.)
TV Guide should really come up with a “Talk Soup”-type vehicle for him; it couldn’t possibly suck worse than their current “programming”.
I hope VH1 brings back BWE soon. Their video clips are in some Windows-only format that works approximately one time out of 100 on my Mac.
henson!!!
space ghost had the biggest man-crush on him…
I watch The Soup and find myself thinking “TVGasm did that joke – and they did it better, and they did it first” during just about every episode
This is shaping up to be a scary season.
Myself… looking forward to Survivor, scared about AR and thinking Martha Stewart will, either way, be great fodder for you guys.