Miss Advised Recap: Are You Lonesome Tonight?

Recaps

By Pillania | Tuesday, June 26, 2012 | 7:00 am | 15 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Miss Advised, Recaps

L-R: Pathetic, Idiotic, Desperate

Hello again, Miss Advised superfans! ;- ) It’s your homegirl Pillania back to chronicle another installment in the series HRG (His Royal Gayness Andy C) was ill advised to greenlight. Do you like what I did there? ;- )

Prologue/Thoughts at Large: I’ve done a lot of thinking since last week’s premiere episode. Not because this show challenged my mind and nourished my soul, but because, as I mentioned in the comments from the last week, my television died not 12 hours after the premiere episode/trainwreck aired. Coincidence? I don’t believe in those. Due obligations such as going to work, the beach, and some bars, and to being generally broke, I was TV-less for several days. It was a horror I hope none of you ever have to face.

Anyway, I came to the conclusion that the reason this show sucks is because it’s attempting to make us care about the dating lives of half-wits who lack the qualities that make reality TV fun. They don’t interact with one another, so there’s no in-fighting. They lack self-awareness but not in the way that makes someone like Sheree Whitfield so amazing to watch. Julia is horrendous but not in the way that makes the Jersey wives so fascinating. Amy is icy and controlling but not in the way that makes Tabatha such a treat. As Derek Hazelton pointed out in the comments last week, Miss Advised simply chronicles the personal lives of desperate people who can’t maintain a relationship, yet make a career of doling out cliched love advice to others.

Word.

Anyway, I won’t keep you waiting another moment. On with the recap! ;- )

EMILY (San Francisco)

Over at the “Sex with Emily” radio show, Emily is speaking with a guest named Ray Luv about interracial dating. I guess this is supposed to be another one of her groundbreaking topics. He asks her out, and even though she’s not into it, she says if you’re going through a dry spell, you should say yes to every invite you get. Even if it’s from someone who spells the “Luv” in his name like the diaper brand.

In her next scene, Emily has made the logical choice of wearing a fox fur vest to the dog park to meet her best friend, Ruby. The two met because they were dating the same guy, who happened to be the mayor of San Fran, at the same time. The fact that Emily became BFF with this potential rival must be a testament to how open-minded and cool she is. Emily says she’s been in a vortex of weird dates where she ends up with bisexual dudes who like to be penetrated while playing Scrabble. Hey, to each his own, though I’m more of a Scattergories girl myself. ;- )

Whatever turns you on.

The two quickly go through a series of confusing stories about threesomes, going through a guy’s trash and finding another girl’s hair extension, and Ray Luv. She starts writing Ray Luv a blow-off text, but accidentally sends it before it’s complete. That sucks, but not as much as autocorrect errors. I once made made a series of unfortunate spelling errors that resulted in autocorrect asking my boss if she had HIV.

Anyway, Ray Luv calls Emily a day or so later and invites her out for that evening. Emily agrees because of her aforementioned dry spell. On the date, when Ray Luv asks Emily what kind of man she looks for, she said she doesn’t have a checklist (LOL), she just wants someone she clicks with. She actually ends up semi-liking Ray Luv, who should have quit while he was ahead. Instead, he takes her to a strip club to meet some of his friends. Emily seems truly uncomfortable, but I’m left wondering how this could possibly be worse than the Scrabble player. She leaves, having learned not to let someone guilt you into going out with them. I’m sure this will be a long-lasting, profound, and life-changing lesson.

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Pillania
About

Picture the most luxurious lifestyle you could imagine, then multiply that by 50.

Now you have begun to understand Pillania, a hypochondriac/grad student/waitress/TV watcher who recently moved back in with her parents while she completes her degree program. She is constantly getting into jams, including but not limited to being "trapped" in the garage of people for whom she was housesitting, causing an accident inside of a car wash, and spilling soda all over her state representative's head whilst serving him at the restaurant.

15 Comments

  1. 1
    aliens.rock
    Posted June 26, 2012 at 10:08 am

    I don’t watch the show, but I started reading recaps.
    These women seem so desperate, it’s ridiculus…And taking a woman to a strip club – on the first date to be exact.WTF!!!???
    I am not a prude, but I just don’t understand the idea of women going to strip clubs…if I want to stuff dollar bills into someone’s sweaty underwear, I’d just stuff it down my own…Ithink that American women got brainwashed into believing that attending strip clubs with guys is egdy and cool. Unless you are a lesbian, looking at fake tits and overstretched G-strings in a group of drunk guys with hard ons is just pathetic.

  2. 2
    Honeybee
    Posted June 26, 2012 at 11:00 am

    I sincerely hate when people idolize SATC; especially Carrie. Carrie was a shallow, self-centered, idiot. The ideas that she had about what makes a lasting relationship are that of fairy tales. She wanted the “idea” of a relationship, as long as it fit into her “ideal” (so did Charlotte). However at least the Charlotte’s Character comes to realize all the rules and lists she made for the perfect mate really didn’t matter at all. Carrie never did, never grew and in all is a sucky character.

    In the first couple of seasons, it was amusing (I was also in my early 20′s, but watching it now makes me cringe). When it started to get to the meat of the characters (and the movie that followed) it showed her as being a flighty nit-whit who thought a lasting relationship was rainbows and butterflies. And idiot women like Juliet are the exact same.

  3. 3
    maryedith
    Posted June 26, 2012 at 11:28 am

    Does this show come across as scripted as it sounds in the recaps? It sounds like each girl says one thing and does the opposite, right? I can’t bring myself to watch it, but it sounds so fake that I’m wondering why anyone would even bother to critique the women’s behavior.

  4. 4
    Big Lamb
    Posted June 26, 2012 at 11:41 am

    so blessed to be mentioned

    I fell asleep watching YAWN so thanks for the recap!

  5. 5
    NotWithoutMyTV notwithoutmytv
    Posted June 26, 2012 at 11:42 am

    I started an irrationally anger-filled rant against both SATC and this shitfest of a show, then decided no one needed hear that spew.

    Suffice it to say, I am not a fan of this kind of portrayal of women.

  6. 6
    Honeybee
    Posted June 26, 2012 at 11:46 am

    For the record, I have not watched a second of this crapfest. But I am LOVING the recaps and will read all of them as long as they continue.

  7. 7
    labowner
    Posted June 26, 2012 at 12:08 pm

    Emily the bay area is the most judgmental place on the earth. Get a grip.

    Is Julia real? If she is real, she needs some therapy. She reminds me of Melissa from Tough Love NO.

  8. 8
    NotAlway'sPerfekt
    Posted June 26, 2012 at 1:19 pm

    Pillania, thank you for the great recap! Hilarious! Luvs it!

  9. 9
    Tmurda
    Posted June 26, 2012 at 2:14 pm

    In her interviews, Julia talks exactly like Mira Sorvino in “Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion”, no? I keep waiting for her to say “Hi, my name is Romy, and I invented post-its”. These bitches are retarded, and doubt this show will last more than a few episode.
    Awesome recap, Pillania…keep it up!

  10. 10
    labowner
    Posted June 26, 2012 at 2:24 pm

    “The two met because they were dating the same guy, who happened to be the mayor of San Fran, at the same time.”

    Wow Emily, how many other whores besides you were fucking the very married Gavin Newsom?

    http://www.sfgate.com/default/article/AIDE-QUITS-AS-NEWSOM-S-AFFAIR-WITH-HIS-WIFE-IS-2620226.php

  11. 11
    ninad
    Posted June 26, 2012 at 3:05 pm

    It is so blatantly obvious why these morons are single

  12. 12
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted June 26, 2012 at 5:05 pm

    Once again, thank you for watching this so we don’t have to.

    So agree that it might be better if there were some interaction among the women. Marginally. I can’t believe that any of them can walk and breathe at the same time.

    Do they?

  13. 13
    RHhater
    Posted June 26, 2012 at 8:07 pm

    Yet another addition to the Bravo Hates Women exhibit.
    No matter how scripted or edited, these 3 “experts” have NO redeeming value.

  14. 14
    WaffleBoy
    Posted June 27, 2012 at 10:47 am

    Emily says she’s been in a vortex of weird dates where she ends up with bisexual dudes who like to be penetrated while playing Scrabble.
    Wow, that brings a whole new meaning to double word score. Also this is the moment I became a Boogle fan.

    And Ruby is Ruby Rippy-Tork? That is so awesome. To begin with most awesome name for a woman in a political sex scandal ever. I also loved that Gavin Newsome thought that somebody named Ruby was going to keep things on the down low. I giggled for days when this story broke. mainly because I’m an awful person.

    Great recap. I don’t know how you are making this mess entertaining, but great job. Thanks!

  15. 15
    Amanda
    Posted June 29, 2012 at 5:58 am

    I could NOT get over Amy’s annoying calorie-counting on her date. Do you think Bravo will ever address her budding eating disorder? It’s definitrely not normal to mention calories that much on a date and it seems to actually ruin her time thinking about it. Those FACES! She seems legitimatly OFFENDED at the chicken pot idea, but can’t you imagine shoving one in her face late night, in her closet?

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