Miss Advised Recap: Are You Lonesome Tonight?

Recaps

By Pillania | Tuesday, June 26, 2012 | 7:00 am | 15 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Miss Advised, Recaps

Bisexual, penetrating loving Scrabble players > strippers

AMY (NYC)

You’ll recall her disastrous date with her ex, AB, last week. If you don’t, he’s the guy who moved to Saudi Arabia without telling her. The scenes of Amy at her matchmaking job call to mind a second-rate Patti Stanger. If Patti is the US Weekly of matchmaking, Amy is definitely the Star magazine. Amy shares some more of her sage rules: dating a younger guy is a waste of time, and don’t go on a date the same day a guy asks you. Also, randomly, no one wants to date someone with a cat. She says her rules override any stupidity that comes with thinking you’re in love. Oh you mean like when you thought AB was going to tell you he made a mistake and wanted to move back from Saudi Arabia and marry you? Okay.

We are treated to a fascinating scene of Amy at the gym. Someone named Lewis calls her, but Amy whines that he’s younger than her, and dopey too. He asks her out that night. Recall two of the rules she JUST discussed: no younger guys, no going out on the same day you’re asked. Logically, she says yes. Her trainer overhears this whole thing and calls her desperate at the exact same time I’m saying it out loud. In other news, my bottle of wine is getting low, and I’m not sure I can make it through the rest of this episode without it.

“NEVER, under any circumstances, date a younger guy. Especially one who asks you out the same day. Hang on, one’s calling me right now. ;- )”

Amy prepares for her date with the younger guy who asked her out earlier that same day. I must say Lewis he is hot! Well done, Bravo casting people, well done. He takes her ice skating. Amy scoffs that she hasn’t been skating since age 12, but she’s going out with a 12 year old, so it’s okay. Amy has the mentality of a 9 year old, so what does it matter? Besides, I think ice skating is such a cute date idea.

Does Lewis know what roller skates are? What about a Walkman? Amy keeps driving home the point that she’s older than him. Dude shut up! HE asked YOU out! Or at the very least signed a contract with HRG to semi-tolerate you for an evening.

After the skating, they go to eat at the rink’s restaurant. Amy cries that she’ll have to run extra tomorrow because she’s drinking hot chocolate (which she sends back because it has whipped cream). She’s horrified when Lewis suggests they order chicken pot pie. I’m not a guy, but I can imagine there’s nothing more attractive than a girl who’s terrified to consume an extra calorie. Bonus points when a person acts like this on the first date. I’m not perfect, but when it comes to eating on dates, I’m down with getting multiple apps, an entree, dessert, and drinks. And then possibly stopping for McDonald’s later.

Throughout this meal (although it looks like they never ended up ordering food), Emily keeps talking about fat, clogged arteries, and the like. Such a turn on! She cheers-es with the hot chocolate to “not thinking” about the amount of calories she’s drinking. Amy interviesw that she only went out with Lewis for practice, but now she really likes him for no apparent reason other than he gave her the time of day for a few hours. As they’re leaving, she says that was fun!……..right? Where is your confidence, girl!?

Some time later, we learn Amy hasn’t heard from Lewis in several days, BUT, per the rules of The Victorian Woman’s Guide to Dating (copyright 1910), women should NEVER initiate contact with a man. So — LMAO — in the next scene, we see her calling Lewis and leaving a rambling, awkward message. How this woman manages to get dressed in the morning, let alone own a business, is a mystery to me. My wine is almost empty, so it’s a question I can’t really give that much thought at the moment.

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Pillania
About

Picture the most luxurious lifestyle you could imagine, then multiply that by 50.

Now you have begun to understand Pillania, a hypochondriac/grad student/waitress/TV watcher who recently moved back in with her parents while she completes her degree program. She is constantly getting into jams, including but not limited to being "trapped" in the garage of people for whom she was housesitting, causing an accident inside of a car wash, and spilling soda all over her state representative's head whilst serving him at the restaurant.

15 Comments

  1. 1
    aliens.rock aliens.rock
    Posted June 26, 2012 at 10:08 am

    I don’t watch the show, but I started reading recaps.
    These women seem so desperate, it’s ridiculus…And taking a woman to a strip club – on the first date to be exact.WTF!!!???
    I am not a prude, but I just don’t understand the idea of women going to strip clubs…if I want to stuff dollar bills into someone’s sweaty underwear, I’d just stuff it down my own…Ithink that American women got brainwashed into believing that attending strip clubs with guys is egdy and cool. Unless you are a lesbian, looking at fake tits and overstretched G-strings in a group of drunk guys with hard ons is just pathetic.

  2. 2
    Honeybee
    Posted June 26, 2012 at 11:00 am

    I sincerely hate when people idolize SATC; especially Carrie. Carrie was a shallow, self-centered, idiot. The ideas that she had about what makes a lasting relationship are that of fairy tales. She wanted the “idea” of a relationship, as long as it fit into her “ideal” (so did Charlotte). However at least the Charlotte’s Character comes to realize all the rules and lists she made for the perfect mate really didn’t matter at all. Carrie never did, never grew and in all is a sucky character.

    In the first couple of seasons, it was amusing (I was also in my early 20′s, but watching it now makes me cringe). When it started to get to the meat of the characters (and the movie that followed) it showed her as being a flighty nit-whit who thought a lasting relationship was rainbows and butterflies. And idiot women like Juliet are the exact same.

  3. 3
    maryedith
    Posted June 26, 2012 at 11:28 am

    Does this show come across as scripted as it sounds in the recaps? It sounds like each girl says one thing and does the opposite, right? I can’t bring myself to watch it, but it sounds so fake that I’m wondering why anyone would even bother to critique the women’s behavior.

  4. 4
    Big Lamb
    Posted June 26, 2012 at 11:41 am

    so blessed to be mentioned

    I fell asleep watching YAWN so thanks for the recap!

  5. 5
    NotWithoutMyTV notwithoutmytv
    Posted June 26, 2012 at 11:42 am

    I started an irrationally anger-filled rant against both SATC and this shitfest of a show, then decided no one needed hear that spew.

    Suffice it to say, I am not a fan of this kind of portrayal of women.

  6. 6
    Honeybee
    Posted June 26, 2012 at 11:46 am

    For the record, I have not watched a second of this crapfest. But I am LOVING the recaps and will read all of them as long as they continue.

  7. 7
    labowner
    Posted June 26, 2012 at 12:08 pm

    Emily the bay area is the most judgmental place on the earth. Get a grip.

    Is Julia real? If she is real, she needs some therapy. She reminds me of Melissa from Tough Love NO.

  8. 8
    NotAlway'sPerfekt
    Posted June 26, 2012 at 1:19 pm

    Pillania, thank you for the great recap! Hilarious! Luvs it!

  9. 9
    Tmurda
    Posted June 26, 2012 at 2:14 pm

    In her interviews, Julia talks exactly like Mira Sorvino in “Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion”, no? I keep waiting for her to say “Hi, my name is Romy, and I invented post-its”. These bitches are retarded, and doubt this show will last more than a few episode.
    Awesome recap, Pillania…keep it up!

  10. 10
    labowner
    Posted June 26, 2012 at 2:24 pm

    “The two met because they were dating the same guy, who happened to be the mayor of San Fran, at the same time.”

    Wow Emily, how many other whores besides you were fucking the very married Gavin Newsom?

    http://www.sfgate.com/default/article/AIDE-QUITS-AS-NEWSOM-S-AFFAIR-WITH-HIS-WIFE-IS-2620226.php

  11. 11
    ninad
    Posted June 26, 2012 at 3:05 pm

    It is so blatantly obvious why these morons are single

  12. 12
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted June 26, 2012 at 5:05 pm

    Once again, thank you for watching this so we don’t have to.

    So agree that it might be better if there were some interaction among the women. Marginally. I can’t believe that any of them can walk and breathe at the same time.

    Do they?

  13. 13
    RHhater
    Posted June 26, 2012 at 8:07 pm

    Yet another addition to the Bravo Hates Women exhibit.
    No matter how scripted or edited, these 3 “experts” have NO redeeming value.

  14. 14
    WaffleBoy
    Posted June 27, 2012 at 10:47 am

    Emily says she’s been in a vortex of weird dates where she ends up with bisexual dudes who like to be penetrated while playing Scrabble.
    Wow, that brings a whole new meaning to double word score. Also this is the moment I became a Boogle fan.

    And Ruby is Ruby Rippy-Tork? That is so awesome. To begin with most awesome name for a woman in a political sex scandal ever. I also loved that Gavin Newsome thought that somebody named Ruby was going to keep things on the down low. I giggled for days when this story broke. mainly because I’m an awful person.

    Great recap. I don’t know how you are making this mess entertaining, but great job. Thanks!

  15. 15
    Amanda
    Posted June 29, 2012 at 5:58 am

    I could NOT get over Amy’s annoying calorie-counting on her date. Do you think Bravo will ever address her budding eating disorder? It’s definitrely not normal to mention calories that much on a date and it seems to actually ruin her time thinking about it. Those FACES! She seems legitimatly OFFENDED at the chicken pot idea, but can’t you imagine shoving one in her face late night, in her closet?

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