Idiocy is exhausting.
Julia is unpacking 45 million boxes when she receives a call from Keith, some type of editor at Elle magazine. He wants to meet up with her to discuss a potential writing gig, and she needs to bring 4-5 fleshed out pitches. She seemed shocked that she would be asked to come with actual writing samples and ideas. Listen sister, HRG can’t set up everything around here! Don’t you have a portfolio with clippings from your high school newspaper kicking around in one of those boxes?
Her roommate, JP, condescendingly asks how Julia got hooked up with Elle magazine. Total shades of LC when Heidi randomly quit school and became some type of PR assistant. Julia suddenly begins to cry because she feels her whole life is out of control, and she’s going to F everything up, and she needs to have no pressure on her for two minutes. To which I say, what pressure?! In Chicago, you were living on your parents dime, and I’m going to go out on a limb and say that in addition to getting you hooked up with Elle, Bravo’s footing your LA bill as well. The look on JP’s face, the only ally I have on this show, suggests she agrees.
Side note: Alert commenter Big Lamb linked to a site last week that has completely devoted itself to hating Julia. One of the most interesting tidbits was that Bravo arranged Julia’s dates with actors (last week’s Craigslist Justin), gay men (apparently an upcoming episode), and worked with an LA-based dating agency that was NOT Patti Stanger’s Millionaire’s Club.
I wouldn’t touch her with a……..thirty-nine-and-a-half-foot pole.
Julia meets up with Keith from Elle. He envisions a series delving deeply into WHY Julia is single despite the fact she’ll date anything with human DNA. She wants to call her series “Guinea Pig of Love,” I guess “Reeks of Desperation” was taken. Julia will visit different experts (like the ones on this show?) and speak with her exes (the handful who don’t have iron-clad restraining orders). Keith loves the idea and says she’s relatable — he doesn’t elaborate but I assume he means to people severe personality disorders. I suppose what we are witnessing here is groundbreaking journalism in the making. Woodward and Bernstein got nothin’ on Keith and Julia.
Keith is not allowed to get another word in as Julia speaks for the next 14 hours straight. Her monologue becomes creepier and creepier and ends with her shrieking about where the man of her dreams is, and if Keith, a well dressed editor of a women’s fashion magazine, is single. Keith must have one hell of a crush on HRG to put up with this crap.
Keith gives Julia a Friday deadline for her first piece. She tells the potential employer offering her a dream job that Friday doesn’t work because she needs to unpack. She (or rather HRG) convinces Keith to let her turn the piece in on Monday instead, and Julia makes an unfunny reference to Carrie Bradshaw.
How come no one ever wanted to be a “Miranda”?
JP brings her personal trainer, Todd, back to Casa de Crazy. Julia basically begs Todd to set her up with a friend. I think we’re supposed to think this is like the next day, but the 40 million boxes we saw two scenes earlier are gone and the apartment appears spotless. Anyway, Todd, who proves he’s not the brightest bulb by asking what the word “objectify” means, foolishly agrees to bring a friend by. Plans are made to have a beach day and then BBQ at the girls’ apartment. As Julia prepares for her date, she says she’s going for a laid back, west coast version of herself. I’m sure it will work out magnificently.
Todd brings his friend Chris with him for this not-staged-whatsoever double date. I’ve come to the conclusion that Julia has possibly the most embarrassing interview scenes of anyone on Bravo, ever. She confesses she’d love to lick Chris, and mimes the action of licking. Still classier than last week’s references to blow jobs on the first date.