Miss Advised Recap: Are You Lonesome Tonight?

Recaps

By Pillania | Tuesday, June 26, 2012 | 7:00 am | 15 Comments
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Posted in: Miss Advised, Recaps

Idiocy is exhausting.

JULIA (LA)

Julia is unpacking 45 million boxes when she receives a call from Keith, some type of editor at Elle magazine. He wants to meet up with her to discuss a potential writing gig, and she needs to bring 4-5 fleshed out pitches. She seemed shocked that she would be asked to come with actual writing samples and ideas. Listen sister, HRG can’t set up everything around here! Don’t you have a portfolio with clippings from your high school newspaper kicking around in one of those boxes?

Her roommate, JP, condescendingly asks how Julia got hooked up with Elle magazine. Total shades of LC when Heidi randomly quit school and became some type of PR assistant. Julia suddenly begins to cry because she feels her whole life is out of control, and she’s going to F everything up, and she needs to have no pressure on her for two minutes. To which I say, what pressure?! In Chicago, you were living on your parents dime, and I’m going to go out on a limb and say that in addition to getting you hooked up with Elle, Bravo’s footing your LA bill as well. The look on JP’s face, the only ally I have on this show, suggests she agrees.

Side note: Alert commenter Big Lamb linked to a site last week that has completely devoted itself to hating Julia. One of the most interesting tidbits was that Bravo arranged Julia’s dates with actors (last week’s Craigslist Justin), gay men (apparently an upcoming episode), and worked with an LA-based dating agency that was NOT Patti Stanger’s Millionaire’s Club.

I wouldn’t touch her with a……..thirty-nine-and-a-half-foot pole.

Julia meets up with Keith from Elle. He envisions a series delving deeply into WHY Julia is single despite the fact she’ll date anything with human DNA. She wants to call her series “Guinea Pig of Love,” I guess “Reeks of Desperation” was taken. Julia will visit different experts (like the ones on this show?) and speak with her exes (the handful who don’t have iron-clad restraining orders). Keith loves the idea and says she’s relatable — he doesn’t elaborate but I assume he means to people severe personality disorders. I suppose what we are witnessing here is groundbreaking journalism in the making. Woodward and Bernstein got nothin’ on Keith and Julia.

Keith is not allowed to get another word in as Julia speaks for the next 14 hours straight. Her monologue becomes creepier and creepier and ends with her shrieking about where the man of her dreams is, and if Keith, a well dressed editor of a women’s fashion magazine, is single. Keith must have one hell of a crush on HRG to put up with this crap.

Keith gives Julia a Friday deadline for her first piece. She tells the potential employer offering her a dream job that Friday doesn’t work because she needs to unpack. She (or rather HRG) convinces Keith to let her turn the piece in on Monday instead, and Julia makes an unfunny reference to Carrie Bradshaw.

How come no one ever wanted to be a “Miranda”?

JP brings her personal trainer, Todd, back to Casa de Crazy. Julia basically begs Todd to set her up with a friend. I think we’re supposed to think this is like the next day, but the 40 million boxes we saw two scenes earlier are gone and the apartment appears spotless. Anyway, Todd, who proves he’s not the brightest bulb by asking what the word “objectify” means, foolishly agrees to bring a friend by. Plans are made to have a beach day and then BBQ at the girls’ apartment. As Julia prepares for her date, she says she’s going for a laid back, west coast version of herself. I’m sure it will work out magnificently.

Todd brings his friend Chris with him for this not-staged-whatsoever double date. I’ve come to the conclusion that Julia has possibly the most embarrassing interview scenes of anyone on Bravo, ever. She confesses she’d love to lick Chris, and mimes the action of licking. Still classier than last week’s references to blow jobs on the first date.

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Pillania
About

Picture the most luxurious lifestyle you could imagine, then multiply that by 50.

Now you have begun to understand Pillania, a hypochondriac/grad student/waitress/TV watcher who recently moved back in with her parents while she completes her degree program. She is constantly getting into jams, including but not limited to being "trapped" in the garage of people for whom she was housesitting, causing an accident inside of a car wash, and spilling soda all over her state representative's head whilst serving him at the restaurant.

15 Comments

  1. 1
    aliens.rock
    Posted June 26, 2012 at 10:08 am

    I don’t watch the show, but I started reading recaps.
    These women seem so desperate, it’s ridiculus…And taking a woman to a strip club – on the first date to be exact.WTF!!!???
    I am not a prude, but I just don’t understand the idea of women going to strip clubs…if I want to stuff dollar bills into someone’s sweaty underwear, I’d just stuff it down my own…Ithink that American women got brainwashed into believing that attending strip clubs with guys is egdy and cool. Unless you are a lesbian, looking at fake tits and overstretched G-strings in a group of drunk guys with hard ons is just pathetic.

  2. 2
    Honeybee
    Posted June 26, 2012 at 11:00 am

    I sincerely hate when people idolize SATC; especially Carrie. Carrie was a shallow, self-centered, idiot. The ideas that she had about what makes a lasting relationship are that of fairy tales. She wanted the “idea” of a relationship, as long as it fit into her “ideal” (so did Charlotte). However at least the Charlotte’s Character comes to realize all the rules and lists she made for the perfect mate really didn’t matter at all. Carrie never did, never grew and in all is a sucky character.

    In the first couple of seasons, it was amusing (I was also in my early 20′s, but watching it now makes me cringe). When it started to get to the meat of the characters (and the movie that followed) it showed her as being a flighty nit-whit who thought a lasting relationship was rainbows and butterflies. And idiot women like Juliet are the exact same.

  3. 3
    maryedith
    Posted June 26, 2012 at 11:28 am

    Does this show come across as scripted as it sounds in the recaps? It sounds like each girl says one thing and does the opposite, right? I can’t bring myself to watch it, but it sounds so fake that I’m wondering why anyone would even bother to critique the women’s behavior.

  4. 4
    Big Lamb
    Posted June 26, 2012 at 11:41 am

    so blessed to be mentioned

    I fell asleep watching YAWN so thanks for the recap!

  5. 5
    NotWithoutMyTV notwithoutmytv
    Posted June 26, 2012 at 11:42 am

    I started an irrationally anger-filled rant against both SATC and this shitfest of a show, then decided no one needed hear that spew.

    Suffice it to say, I am not a fan of this kind of portrayal of women.

  6. 6
    Honeybee
    Posted June 26, 2012 at 11:46 am

    For the record, I have not watched a second of this crapfest. But I am LOVING the recaps and will read all of them as long as they continue.

  7. 7
    labowner
    Posted June 26, 2012 at 12:08 pm

    Emily the bay area is the most judgmental place on the earth. Get a grip.

    Is Julia real? If she is real, she needs some therapy. She reminds me of Melissa from Tough Love NO.

  8. 8
    NotAlway'sPerfekt
    Posted June 26, 2012 at 1:19 pm

    Pillania, thank you for the great recap! Hilarious! Luvs it!

  9. 9
    Tmurda
    Posted June 26, 2012 at 2:14 pm

    In her interviews, Julia talks exactly like Mira Sorvino in “Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion”, no? I keep waiting for her to say “Hi, my name is Romy, and I invented post-its”. These bitches are retarded, and doubt this show will last more than a few episode.
    Awesome recap, Pillania…keep it up!

  10. 10
    labowner
    Posted June 26, 2012 at 2:24 pm

    “The two met because they were dating the same guy, who happened to be the mayor of San Fran, at the same time.”

    Wow Emily, how many other whores besides you were fucking the very married Gavin Newsom?

    http://www.sfgate.com/default/article/AIDE-QUITS-AS-NEWSOM-S-AFFAIR-WITH-HIS-WIFE-IS-2620226.php

  11. 11
    ninad
    Posted June 26, 2012 at 3:05 pm

    It is so blatantly obvious why these morons are single

  12. 12
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted June 26, 2012 at 5:05 pm

    Once again, thank you for watching this so we don’t have to.

    So agree that it might be better if there were some interaction among the women. Marginally. I can’t believe that any of them can walk and breathe at the same time.

    Do they?

  13. 13
    RHhater
    Posted June 26, 2012 at 8:07 pm

    Yet another addition to the Bravo Hates Women exhibit.
    No matter how scripted or edited, these 3 “experts” have NO redeeming value.

  14. 14
    WaffleBoy
    Posted June 27, 2012 at 10:47 am

    Emily says she’s been in a vortex of weird dates where she ends up with bisexual dudes who like to be penetrated while playing Scrabble.
    Wow, that brings a whole new meaning to double word score. Also this is the moment I became a Boogle fan.

    And Ruby is Ruby Rippy-Tork? That is so awesome. To begin with most awesome name for a woman in a political sex scandal ever. I also loved that Gavin Newsome thought that somebody named Ruby was going to keep things on the down low. I giggled for days when this story broke. mainly because I’m an awful person.

    Great recap. I don’t know how you are making this mess entertaining, but great job. Thanks!

  15. 15
    Amanda
    Posted June 29, 2012 at 5:58 am

    I could NOT get over Amy’s annoying calorie-counting on her date. Do you think Bravo will ever address her budding eating disorder? It’s definitrely not normal to mention calories that much on a date and it seems to actually ruin her time thinking about it. Those FACES! She seems legitimatly OFFENDED at the chicken pot idea, but can’t you imagine shoving one in her face late night, in her closet?

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