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The foursome head to the beach to play volleyball, where Julia begs overdramatically to be picked first for teams (four people divided by two teams = two people/team, but okay). She is just truly an obnoxious, loud, unappealing person. After the game, she makes Chris go for a walk/carry her partway down the beach. He meets several of the qualities on her checklist (remember? It only had 73 pieces of criteria), including being adventurous. Because nothing says adventure like a four-person volleyball game and walk along a beach. She asks a series of inappropriate questions like who he usually dates and who pursued who in his past relationships. She admits she can be forward sometimes, but Chris says he thinks that’s a good thing. Good job reading those Bravo cue cards, Chris! Keep up the good work and next thing you know, HRG will be asking you to be the guest bartender on Watch What Happens Live.
The little mini-segment during commercials is of the guys seeing Julia’s pink princess room (complete with “Princess Parking Only” sign). When I was 4 years old I wouldn’t even have wanted a room like this. The guys are appropriately turned off, but what’s most significant about this scene was that at this point I realized it was 10:42, and only had to endure 18 more minutes of this nonsense. ;- )
“The only people who should be forced to spend 18 minutes with me are war criminals.”
The double date continues at Julia/JP’s place. They cook dinner and Julia continues to interrogate the guys about dating. Why can’t she just carry on a normal first date conversation? Where’d you go to school….where are you from….brothers/sisters…etc. Side note, this date started at like 10 am and it’s now pitch black. The minutes have been feeling like hours to me, so they must have felt like centuries for JP, Todd, and Chris.
JP suggests they play spin the bottle Of course, Julia obnoxiously cheers this idea like a frat guy witnessing his first keg stand. When Julia spins, it lands on Chris, and he chastely offers his cheek. He also refuses to kiss her when he spins and it lands on Julia. Excuse me Chris, if that is your real name, your acting career will require you to kiss many people you don’t feel attracted to, so might as well start now.
“That SAG card better be worth it, ANDY COHEN.”
Epilogue: Julia continues to screech about not getting a kiss. As the guys are leaving, Julia keeps jumping on Chris like a manic idiot, begging him to kiss her. I think the editors, who keep cutting to JP giggling, expect us to think this is funny. Honestly, it was so uncomfortable, pathetic, and every synonym for desperate in the thesaurus. This is why this show isn’t enjoyable. The girls’ situations aren’t endearing, charming, or funny. They are embarrassing, cringe-worthy, and sad.
What did you think, everyone? Will this show survive until next week? I certainly hope so, because it seems like Emily is taking what seems to be a riveting trip to Montana. Will my new TV commit suicide after being exposed to this show again? See you in the comments!
Pillania ;- ) ;- )
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