Mob Wives: Hugging it Out

I have so much to say about this episode. It’s funny though, because I personally felt like there was very little actually happening – you know, drama wise. But, I gained a lot of character understanding.

I think Renee and Drita are very in their mindsets. I also think that Karen and Carla are extremely similar except Karen wants camera time and Carla just wants out. I think there is a reason that the opening shot is staged exactly the way it is.

Anyway, we start up with the fight.

My take on the fight was that Renee really should have gotten Carla alone in a normal situation and brought up her issues with Carla’s boyfriend. But, God love our favorite Drag Queen, that simply would not have made for a dramatic Sunday dinner, or good television. So, we have Renee screeching about Carla’s boyfriend liking to touch, while Drita is trying to let them deal with issues that are obviously between Carla and Renee.

Not that I don’t think that Drita doesn’t have her own issues with Carla’s boyfriend. I just think that Drita happens to be woman enough to put blurred faced boyfriend in his place if he crosses a line with her. So (and I could totally be wrong, but I don’t think I am), if Carla’s blurred faced boyfriend slapped Drita’s ass? I’m willing to bet it was only the one time and she let him know that shit wouldn’t fly right then. And then, she most likely told Carla about it, which was why Carla was all “I know he slapped her on the ass.”

Not to say that his slapping anyone’s ass is OK. Good lord, I’m explaining myself before the episode has even started. But, I have to get it out. If I am reading this entire previous scene correctly, Drita doesn’t want to pipe into the conversation for two reasons: 1. She already dealt with Blurred Faced Boyfriend and was honest with Carla about having to put him in his place and 2. She knows that this is something that Carla and Renee need to workout between themselves. We will have to wait until the reunion to find out if I’m right (thanks for the heads up on the reunion Sarcasatire!)

Anyway, Carla and Renee got into a hair pulling fight at Sunday dinner and Karen was pissed off because she thought it was going to be HER night of bringing up ex-boyfriend drama that no one has cared about for well over a decade. So, let’s take it from there:

Drita takes off her shoes and is screaming “Enough Carla!”

She is quite clearly trying to break up the fight and saying how they all look like assholes because of this and then Karen decides that she wants to be tough and says some shit in the interview about how she saw Drita squaring up to fight and how Drita was going to have to go through her to get to Renee, and then backed down.

Karen is such a ridiculous bitch! That shit didn’t even happen. You even see Drita trying to separate them while Karen is screaming “you gonna fight her?!” and Drita is screaming “ Stop this, we look like jerk-offs!”

The thing is, Drita has known and accepted from the very beginning that this was a fight between Carla and Renee. Karen simply wanted to make sure she came off as queen badass because she wants this entire show to be about her.

Drita understood that they looked ridiculous as mothers fighting at Sunday dinner, while Karen wanted this to be an opportunity to look tough and “gangsta.” Karen sucks so much you guys. Seriously. Karen sucks so much that the gravity of her suck would take a billion years to even be felt from our planet – and I don’t even think that’s a realistic measurement (scientifically or metaphorically).

So, now Renee is all moaning and wailing and crying about her dinner all in ruins and how it wasn’t supposed to be like this. Karen has adrenaline balls and is wanting to start some other shit for the camera. Carla still thinks the whole thing is a coma dream and is having a hard time not giggling while still trying to be tough for the camera. Drita is wondering what the fuck just happened when she just wanted some meatballs and maybe a little wine with her pasta.

But, Karen, now that she knows that Drita is trying to get everyone calmed down so they can come back, has decided that she wants to be the supreme bad ass to make everyone calm down. She is screaming and yelling for them to calm the fuck down and the women are separated.

I love the producers of this show (Props to Renee’s sister for this) because while Renee is in the Kitchen crying and yelling how she never raised a hand, and Drita is barefoot in the foyer saying that she was trying to break things up because she is disgusted with this entire display; Karen gives her this look:

Oh no bitch! There is no way that you are going to come out looking like the bigger person. Didn’t you read my contract?

Seriously, look at her face! It’s like she can’t believe that Drita is getting away with being the reasonable one.

Then, she starts trying to talk over Drita saying “I dunno! I thought you were trying to…” but then she was cut off by Renee screaming about fighting over a guy. You just know she was going to say, “I thought you were trying to fight Renee.” It wasn’t as big of a deal as the hair pulling fight, but it shows just how much Karen is in this for the drama.

Karen is pissed now. There is no way that she is going to let Drita get away with looking like the better person. And, honestly, can you blame her? She has a book to sell, and a daughter that she left 3000 miles behind just so that she could make this reality show gig bring in that sweet, sweet cash, the likes of which she hasn’t seen since…Well, you know:

I’ll be rolling in the money again when this over. Believe that bitches!

Carla says that if she is being a fool, then she is being a fool. But, her relationship with Blurry Faced Boyfriend is not Renee’s business. She wants Renee to stop with the trashing of boyfriends and husbands. Renee is a little surprised and then starts saying that she only cares about her friends. Karen is trying to involve herself in the conversation while Drita is just trying to let them talk it out.

Karen tries to take the floor – even though NONE of this has anything WHATSOEVER to do with her – and decides that she needs to explain the situation. Remember, Karen is still really pissed off about not having had the chance to make her grand entrance so that it would be all about her. So, when Renee is still trying to talk to Carla about her feelings for Carla and Carla’s boyfriend, Karen gets pissed about not having the floor.

Drita does the right thing and moves Carla to one end of the kitchen island since Renee is at the other. All the while Karen is trying her best to yell Renee down. Karen is so sure that SHE is going to be the one to make this right.

Only, she didn’t count on Renee wanting to really get her point across. Now she has to make Renee stop talking so she knocks over Renee’s very pretty flower arrangement. Even Renee is wondering what the flowers did to deserve that.

This bitch has lost her mind. And it was such a pretty setting.

Karen’s temper tantrum gets Renee’s attention and Drita just looks like “see what I have to deal with?” While Carla is like “what did you do that to the flowers for?”

Why is she mad at the flowers? Did they date one of her ex-boyfriends?

Karen, for some reason, thinks that everyone NEEDS to hear what she has to say. So she says her bullshit about how every friend has the right to tell you how they feel about the relationships you are in – which is total bullshit. That mindset ended in 10^th grade. If you don’t believe me, go tell one of your closest friends that you don’t like the person they are seeing and that you think that person is horrible for them. See how well that works out. At best, that friend will never speak to you again. At worst, you will be rolling around on the floor pulling each other’s hair at Sunday dinner.

It’s no wonder that Karen considers her 11-year-old daughter her best friend. Her mindset never left middle school.

Look, you only give advice on your friend’s significant other when it is solicited. And even then, you stay diplomatic and supportive of the friend. You could have video of their significant other screwing a hooker and you will still initially get the blame or the resentment if it was unsolicited advice or opinions. It doesn’t even have to do with killing the messenger. It has everything to do with people not wanting someone to shit in their cornflakes when they believe they are happy.

Then again, I hang out with drag queens and highly strung artistic types. Maybe I don’t know what I’m talking about. But, since Carla’s reaction was exactly what I expected – defensive, argumentative, violent, resentful – I think I might be on to something. Especially, since Carla is neither artistic or a drag queen (that we are aware of).

Whatever, Karen spews her bullshit to stay on Renee’s good side and Carla has already brushed off the whole thing, so they drop it. This is when Drita tries to get Renee to back off of talking shit about Lee. Because she and Karen had an issue over Lee and Renee was piping in and Drita didn’t think Renee should have involved herself. And the bitch face that Karen gives at that should be patented:

This was supposed to be about me! I was supposed to bring up Lee not you!

Honestly, I think this was Drita giving a nice warning to Renee to stay out of her marriage – regardless of how fucked up it seems to outsiders. But Karen JUMPS on this chance to bring up her petty – you dated my boyfriend after I had already left him – bullshit.

So, now we get to the Drita/Karen/Lee discussion. Karen is all, maybe Renee felt it was wrong for you to get with Lee only a year after we broke up. Drita thought they ended this discussion at Drita’s house. Karen is making it about her and Drita’s friendship. Karen admits that they said it was cool. But, now she is saying that Drita betrayed her.

Drita breaks it down for us: It would have only been disloyal if she stole Lee from Karen or if she were sleeping with Lee while they were together. Since neither of those things happened, she didn’t betray Karen. And I have to agree.

They get into it and Drita is like, “How was I supposed to call you when we hadn’t even talked for years before I got together with Lee. You had already had another kid and was with someone else, we weren’t even on speaking terms.” Karen can’t deny any of that but still makes it about how she was so hurt because she had to hear it from someone else.

Here’s the thing Gasmii, Karen has changed her story about what it was that hurt her so many times. First, it was that Drita married her ex-boyfriend. Then, it was that Drita got together with her ex-boyfriend a year after Karen had broken up with him. Then, it was that Drita didn’t tell Karen that she got together with Lee. Then, it was that Drita is downplaying the relationship that happened 13 years and three children ago.

Karen starts crying and Drita feels bad that Karen is hurting so she asks Karen what needs to be done – because she “needs ta know.” Karen doesn’t even know at this point because her story has changed so many times. But, Renee is like “just say you’re sorry.” So, Drita says she is sorry for hurting Karen. And they hug and make up.

Karen just wanted an apology for something that didn’t deserve one and when she couldn’t coerce that apology with yelling and being “gangsta” she cried so that Drita would feel sorry for her. So, she emotionally blackmailed an apology out of Drita.

So, now she finally has an apology. Not for anything that Drita did, mind you. No, she has an apology because Drita felt bad that Karen was still crying about something that has no bearing on her life, or her daughter’s life, or the life of whatever idiot Karen convinces to date her after this.

I did think that it was funny that when Karen brought up the conversation she had with Carla in the gym, she called Carla a “dumb ass bitch” and then immediately looked at Renee like, “you got my back right?”

You got my back right? You know I can’t take either one of these bitches.

Congratulations Karen, you are the “realest bitch” we know. You saw that Carla and Renee were both willing to get physical. You have seen Drita not give a shit and get physical at the drop of a hat in the past, so you have to make sure someone will protect you from getting your ass beat for bringing this shit up and trying to be “gangsta.” Karen is such a fucking douche!

But, Drita is a good friend. She honestly thinks that she hurt Karen and that Karen is still hurting – even though Drita did nothing wrong. And she is sincere in not wanting anyone to ever hurt Karen. Which makes me hate Karen’s lying manipulative douche-y ass that much more.

Now everyone is all hugging and loving each other, and most likely starving because they still haven’t had dinner yet.

Plus, all of that hair pulling and screaming had to make them hungry. And it looked like Renee really went all out to make a good dinner too.

I am at 4 pages and still less than 10 minutes into the episode. Time to push through.

It’s a new day and Carla and Drita meet up to rehash the bullshit of what went down at Sunday dinner. They both feel really good about the fact that everything seems to be squashed but are exhausted from the ridiculous drama of it. As, am I, ladies. As am I.

Drita even says that they didn’t get to eat! What a fucking waste! Drita decides that if they have to go through this again, she should just come in with an Uzi and shoot everyone down and be done with it.

I’ll just mow all you bitches down and eat some noodles when I’m done.

Karen and Renee meet up for their rehash. Karen tries to rewrite things so that she seems mature and Renee talks about trying to get Junior involved the next time Blurry Faced Boyfriend gets hands-y. Which is really just a way for her to talk about how she misses being a family with Junior and AJ. The only real problem is that they never actually were a family. Junior was in and out of prison for most of AJ’s life. And, it sounds like when he was out, he usually had another girlfriend. But, she really misses having someone.

Karen convinces her to do online dating so that she can find someone different. Renee decides that she will think about it.

Carla goes out with some friends and we learn that she and Joe used to work for the same company and that she taught him how the business worked. When he went down for fraud, she got fired. Apparently she was making good money and now things are tight. She says this as she eats at an expensive restaurant with her girlfriends.

I want to know what these women do for money. None of them seem to work. But they have all of this stuff. Where is the money coming from? I remember when the show first started they did little intros/bios like, Karen is an esthetician, and Drita is a make-up artist, and Renee has a business called Jail Mail. But, we now know that Jail Mail started during the making of the show. We also know that with the exception of doing Carla’s make-up for the party, Drita hasn’t been swarming with clients. And Karen, well, we haven’t see Karen do anything but start shit since she first appeared on the show. They never even bothered to give Carla a fake job that I remember. I know they are probably being paid for doing the show, but the houses, the cars, the furs, the designer clothes all have to come from somewhere. So, where is the money coming from and how is the IRS not involved?

Back to the show. They toast to Carla not having to take care of her kids anymore since Joe will now be the “permanent babysitter.” I totally called that! I said the first time that little Joey called his sister a dirty c-word that Carla had totally checked out and was waiting for Joe to get out of prison so she didn’t have to worry about dealing with kids anymore.

Drita is at Renee’s and helps her set up an online dating profile. I’ll bet Karen will be pissed that Drita was the one to do it and not her.

I love this scene because Renee is just so fun in it. She has a sense of humor about herself and her life and this whole set up. But, she is also honest about the drama that she will bring to whatever guy she gets involved with. And, she jokes about her plastic surgery! I love Renee so much in this scene! I could totally hang out with this version of our favorite drag queen!

What I love most about this though, is that she could never be this open with Karen helping her do something like this. Because Karen takes herself way too seriously to ever get the joke. Karen would want to be all about how important a step this is and how Renee needs to stop making light of it and this is a great way to make sure that Renee doesn’t die alone after AJ leaves her. And you just know that the bitch would totally say that to Renee, because she really doesn’t have any respect for her. Karen totally thinks she is better than Renee.

Anyway, the whole online dating thing moves way too fast for Renee and she and Drita both get really stressed about it because some guy starts doing the IM thing immediately and they don’t realize that they can just ignore or block it.

But, Renee is hilarious and totally lovable during the entire thing.

Karen is picking up Karina and she says how excited she is, but doesn’t look it. She can barely muster up a smile.

She picks up Karina and says things about how much she missed her, but is way too involved in making sure she looks ok for the camera to hug and love her daughter. It doesn’t matter though, Karina is back and she is beautiful and I want the best for her after just a few seconds of seeing her on screen again.

Drita gets her pictures back and has Giselle pick out which ones to send with her. It’s cute, but kind of weird. These are sexy pictures of mommy. Even though Giselle helped her pick out the clothes, it is still kind of strange to have her help pick out the photos.

One of my friends said that she found this entire scene endearing because it wasn’t about sexy photos for daddy. It was about mommy looking pretty and Giselle helped. I can see that but I still am not sure about the “I like you naked” comment. I think it’s because Giselle looked directly at the camera after she said that and Drita didn’t seem to notice. It seemed like something someone off camera got Giselle to say and I don’t like that. But, I’ve watched the episode so many times that I may just be seeing boogey men where they don’t exist.

Carla and Drita have lunch and discuss Joe coming home and having to stay in a halfway house after he gets out. Drita warns her against taking the kids to the halfway house because of the area it’s in and the gunshots. Carla is disappointed because she was hoping to just drop the kids and run.

Drita really wants Lee to be home because she misses him – we are going to have to work on that one if we are going to be friends Drita.

Dear Drita,

I would never tell you that your man is scum (at least not to your face because I don’t want to know what a broken jaw feels like), but he does leave a filmy residue. Love ya lots – PlathAddict!

So, now Drita, Karen, and Carla bring all of the kids to dinner at Carla’s house. Karina is so pretty and seems really sweet – she deserves a much better parent.

Carla pisses me off.

I’m not the same level of pissed off I get when Karen starts posturing for the camera (although the same intensity is there), but I am very pissed off about Carla’s lack of interest in her children. Carla had these kids when she thought she was hooking up with the rich connected guy. Now, she can’t be bothered to take an interest in them. That makes me want to take off my slipper and beat her about the face and ears with it.

Comfortable, yet effective.

Little Joe is trying to tell Carla what is going on and she is just trying to get him to be quiet and leave the room. In her mind, it’s because his dad isn’t there. But really, she just can’t be bothered because she has company. She actually lets Drita discipline her child because she doesn’t want to be bothered with it. She thinks him not having a father is the problem. The problem is that she doesn’t want to raise her kids and is counting the days until they are no longer her problem.

The women are putting away dinner and Drita talks about how she helped Renee set up an online dating profile. I knew Karen would be pissed that it wasn’t her. You can almost see her thinking:

It was my idea to do online dating. Why did she do it with Drita and not me? I thought she was my girl.

She tries to play it off and says that Renee needs to go on a date and get over Junior. But you can see just how pissed off she is that it was Drita and not her that helped her past that first hurdle.

Renee and her friend Nikole talk about the online dating thing and how it’s a bunch of psychos and she isn’t comfortable with it. Only she says it in drama queen language. She says that she is going to grow old and die alone. Or, that she is going to be the mother-in-law who lives with AJ and his wife.

For a second, I honestly thought she was reading the comments on my recaps. And then she says “fuck that bitch if she doesn’t want me in the house.” And my love for Renee just swelled. Because the way she said it acknowledged that no one would want to have her for a mother-in-law but she is who she is! It was perfect. Renee really does have a great sense of humor.

So, they delete her dating profile because she really just wants Junior and this idea of family that she has in her head but has never actually experienced.

Carla talks to Joe about him getting out in a couple of weeks. She wants to get him stuff for the halfway house – and make sure he is completely out of her house. So she talks about buying him stuff and trying to find out what he needs. It’s clear that he will never live with her again and they both seem ok with it. Which is good. I keep thinking that despite her dazed coma, Carla is the most ready to be out of the mob life.

I just also think that she believes her kids are a part of the life that she needs to get away from and that makes me really angry.

Renee visits her therapist. The therapist is trying very hard not to laugh out loud at Renee’s assertions that she wants a normal life. Basically, Renee isn’t ready and her counselor tells her exactly that.

The problem is that Renee won’t ever really be ready because she still wants this life that she never had and will never have with Junior.

But, I said I want to change! Why don’t you believe me!

Drita takes a call from Lee. He got the photos. He really likes them and it seems like he is trying to go into a phone sex voice but he is just so crass and gross that it isn’t really working.

Drita, realizes that she is doing things to make him happy, even though she isn’t happy. But, she is determined to stick it out. She wants the family to work when Lee gets out.

Next week:

Renee goes in for a full body plastic surgery consult. Karen is crying about her daddy again. Renee wants Junior and is willing to let him to move back in. Karen plays Oprah and tries to counsel Renee.

So, where do you stand Gasmii? Do you think Renee is stupid enough to truly get back together with Junior – you know since last we heard he still has a girlfriend? What is Karina doing while Karen is out playing Oprah for Renee – since Karina theoretically doesn’t really know anyone in Staten Island? Will Carla just dump her kids off at her mother’s until she can dump them with their father?

Part of me thinks that there is very little drama left. But, another part of me thinks that the drama is just getting started. I just hope it is less about Karen and more about Renee and Drita.