Mob Wives Recap: Big (Ang) Love

OK Gasmii, let’s talk about Big Ang for a minute. Yes, I dropped the (elo) from her name because I love her just that much. If she ever gets a drag show together to tour in the ATL, I’m sure the (elo) will be there, but for now… She is just Big Ang! That’s not to say the (elo) won’t make an appearance now and again because, seriously?

But, all kidding about gender aside, Big Ang is totally a bitch after my own heart! I want to hang out with her and spend all night drinking like we are 21, and then head back to her house for hangover food and Bloody Marys.

Now, that I got that out of my system, lets talk about the episode.

This week was a nice calming moment after the cray cray of last week. There weren’t any bitches beating each other up. There weren’t any nipples being blurred out. There weren’t any hysterical drag queens running through the parking lot in bare feet. There weren’t even grown as men punching conversion vans.

No, this week we started out with me wondering why in the hell Big Ang wasn’t the first person cast for this show. Why did they even bother with Karen? I know, she has a book to sell and all that, but come on! The cast list should have gone: Big Ang, Renee, Drita, and if they wanted to calm things down, Carla. At least Carla would have given us some harmless snark without the hatred that Karen brings. Of course, I do understand the need for a real villain. So, I guess I’m thankful for Karen for that reason. It’s really the only thing she has going for her in my opinion.

So we start out with my NEW favorite drag queen Big Ang (you know it’s really hard not typing the (elo)). She is meeting up with Drita to discuss how Hawwrible the situation at Renee’s birthday party was. And she is wearing leopard print! LOVE!

Drita has known Big Ang since she was 16 and I do see a genuine affection between them. Or, maybe I just love both of them so much that I want them to love each other as much as I love each of them. I drink, Gasmii. So, I my logic may not always be sound, but I am totally feeling nothing but love this episode. And, it’s all because of Big Ang!

I know I’m not the only one who loves her. The interwebs have been blowing up with praise for my NEW favorite drag queen. In fact, she now has her own song:

She Likes Wise Guys

But, back to the show. So, Drita and Big Ang talk about “the melee” (I swear they have been reading these recaps). Big Ang blames CousinSuckUp, as do I. She goes on to say that she thinks everyone is acting immature and that it’s just a lot of bullshit that they should get over already. And, while I agree…I still hate Karen. But, Big Ang hates no one! She is moving right along to the other problem in the group. She wants to know the deal with Carla and Renee.

Drita and Big Ang agree that Carla should have called Renee and that the two of them should make up. She wants them all to get together for cocktails in the city.

See? Big Ang is a peacemaker. Which does kind of make me question the whole drag queen thing. Not that drag queens can’t be peacemakers, it’s just that, in my experience, drama and/or attention seems to win out over making peace.

Can’t you just see Big Ang in the olden days running a speakeasy and telling gangsters what’s what? Sorry. I keep getting sidetracked by how much I LOVE her.

And, she posted this pic of herself pre-surgery on Twitter:

Drita gives an interview about how scary it is to get two people who aren’t getting along together. She compares it to sharks and blood in the water. And, considering how she rolls when she is angry, I totally get it. If there is anyone on Mob Wives who can talk about sharks and blood in the water, it’s Drita. For real, does anyone REALLY want to be on her bad side? I know I joke about her beating me down…But, seriously? The look in her eyes when she is just angry fight or flight mode? Yep, never want to see that in person.

Shit! Now, after enjoying the first few minutes of the episode, CousinSuckUp gets her own sit down with Renee. I’m going to actually earn my Cheetos and recap this scene for you Gasmii.

She smugly saunters up to the house and rings the bell. Renee, looking pretty awesome in the librarian glasses greets her with a hug. And, before they even talk we see CousinSuckUp’s inteview about Drita acting like a farm animal. She immediately starts giving Renee the business about how it was all Drita’s fault and how CousinSuckUp goes way back with Renee, so Renee has to acknowledge it. For me, the look on Renee’s face says that she knows this all a part of the show and she has to hear her out and acknowledge that they go way back.

I am just going to assume that this is a part of the ritual of that life. Because, even though I didn’t get a picture of it, I could swear that this is the same face Renee made when Karen showed up at her door after the bust in the first season (sans glasses). So, let’s just get through this.

The thing I like about this scene? Renee’s whole demeanor says that she is just putting up with what CousinSuckUp has to say and not necessarily that she buys what she is hearing from her.

I think that Renee has gotten a bit smarter about the way the whole reality TV thing works when it comes to the women.

Or, at least I want to believe that, because I don’t want to see Big Ang trying to deal with some bitch trying to fight her in later seasons (PLEASE include Big Ang in later seasons, VH1).

Anyway, CousinSuckUp goes through this whole thing about how Renee has known her since she was a kid and Renee has to admit that they are like sisters because of the “family connections,” but I don’t think that Renee buys CousinSuckUp’s apology/explanation. Renee was all about Drita after the brawl – and we have to keep that in mind. She was most in tuned with Drita (she made sure Drita was calm and Drita knew that she wasn’t involved in any set up while all that craziness was going on – she was pissed when she confronted Karen, but with Drita she was all about trying to convince Drita that she would never set her up like that) and that speaks volumes to me when I watch this scene play out.

Especially, when Renee says “Drita put her hands up first. Am I mad at her? No. Done.” And, then this is the look on CousinSuckUp’s face:

Renee goes on to say that she is so Fucking Tired of all of the fighting. CousinSuckUp is saying, “I hear you” but at the same time, she doesn’t get it. Because CousinSuckUp signed up for the drama. And, don’t get me wrong, Renee may hate drama at this point, but she can’t live without it. It’s too much a part of her life.

But, when it comes to the type of drama that CousinSuckUp is bringing, I totally believe that Renee is over it. Renee wants the kind of drama that is about her – like any functional drama queen. She doesn’t want to have to actually calm people down, or run around bare foot (unless she looks fabulous while doing it – which she kind of did). She only wants the type of drama that is focused on HER. It’s drama queen 101. If there is drama going down, and it doesn’t involve you, what the fuck is the point?

But, CousinSuckUp is all in. She is talking about how she doesn’t like fighting and how gross it is and then we see her interview where she is all, “we can fight if you wanna fight, but you might as well go pick out your gravestone now.”

CousinSuckUp is supposed to be “the new Drita.” And SHE SUCKS AT IT. Even I am not afraid of this bitch. She rolls with Karen, so that should tell you everything you need to know about how tough she actually is. I believe the word is Wangster. Thank you, Gasmii (I love you so much for coming up with that word).

I think I am all about the love in this episode. I don’t know if it’s you guys, or Big Ang, or all of the wine I drank tonight, or just how much I want to give Renee a huge hug and the “yeah, I love you, but I know exactly how much of a drama queen you are” look.

Let’s just feel the love.

Anyway, after CousinSuckUp has her moment of blaming it all on Drita, and Renee has a chance to reflect on what they discussed; Renee still decides that this might be the time to put the (in Big Ang’s words) “retarded bullshit” behind her.

Carla and Drita meet up and talk about Big Ang’s plan to get the Renee and Carla together. They both love Big Ang. They agree but hope that Big Ang hires security.

Renee sits down to write Carla a letter. As she is writing the letter, Nikole calls and pretty much says it’s bullshit that Renee has to be the one to reach out to Carla since Carla is totally in the wrong. Renee reflects on how difficult it is to actually be the bigger person.

Now we get Big Ang cooking a meal fit for 2 Queens. She tells how the night before she and her friend went out and had guys buying them drinks. She talks about how she loves wiseguys because they are so generous. They buy her houses, furs, nice clothes. And, all I can think about is how much I love her and everything about her. Her friend comes over and they talk about how waisted they were the night before. And how they have horrible hangovers. Her laugh is just plain infectious.

They can’t remember if they made fools out of themselves the night before because they were so trashed. She tells her friend how she is going out for cocktails with the girls so she can get them to act like ladies.

She talks about how she wants MORE plastic surgery. She wants a face lift. Her friend tells her that if she wants a facelift, she should go to the Ukraine. They don’t know where it is, just that they have to take a plane to get there. More Big ANG!

Drita is divorcing Lee so she has a realtor over to see the house. She wants to sell it to get passed her life with Lee. There is also a room that no one is allowed in because it belongs to Lee. I want to know whats on the other side of that door. She hasn’t even been in there in years. How do you have a room in your house that you just don’t go in?

Drita hasn’t told Lee about selling the house, but she feels she is already divorced and it doesn’t matter what Lee thinks, she has to move on.

Now, we are treated (tortured) with Karen and CousinSuckUp. And it’s so stupid. It looks like some really bad SNL sketch. But, I guess its supposed to give us more background on CousinSuckUp, like we give a shit.

I love that Big Ang gets more guys buying her drinks than Karen.

Drita talks with Aleeya. She hasn’t said anythign to the kids about the divorce. Even though she isn’t speaking to Lee, Aleeya and he still talk. Drita does something here, that I really don’t like. She gives Aleeya messages to relay to Lee about dance lessons and selling the house. Aleeya is no idiot. She immediately knows something is up with wanting to sell the house. Drita, tries to explain that they don’t need a big house and we even learn that she lived in the projects at one time (which totally explains her fight or flight response to every situation). Anyway, this is very upsetting for Aleeya and Drita is left worried that Aleeya is having to think about stressful things way too much for a kid her age. Which is kind of why Drita shouldn’t have Aleeya delivering messages to Lee on her behalf. It puts her in the middle of bad situation without any real information about whats going on.

Dear Drita, please don’t kill me for that small criticism. I still totes love you and want to hangout. Love forever, PlathAddict.

It’s time for the ladies to meet up for cocktails. It’s Big Ang, Carla, Drita, and Renee. I want everyone to notice just how much fun the ladies have without Karen and CousinSuckUp there.

Renee gets right to the point and wants to know why Carla didn’t make any attempt to reach her while she was in the hospital. I love this because, Renee has come prepared to let everything go. She just wants to know what Carla’s deal was so she can put it behind her. Carla talks around the issue a bit. Renee tells Carla about the letter and says she wants to give it to her in private later. She decides to end this issue. And the ladies agree to walk away and not have a problem with this after tonight. They put it behind them and the ladies have a good time.

They are laughing and joking. Then, my Big Ang love gets sealed forever. Because Renee uses Big Ang’s boobs as a buffer to the wind so she can light her cigarette.

I want you guys to compare this scene to the scene of Karen and CousinSuckUp earlier. Who do you think was actually having more fun?

Then, we get Tiffany! I love Tiffany and want to see more of her hanging out with Renee. Mainly because I like the idea of someone who is not afraid to call Renee out on her drama queen antics. The two go shopping for clothes to fit Renee’s new body. I’m wondering what sequence this was filmed in because, Renee has a noticeably flat ass in this scene, when in two scenes last week, she totally had a round little tushy. It’s confusing.

But, I also think a part of it might be the dress. It seems to flatten her in the front, so it may be doing the same thing to her backside. Damn, I envy Renee’s legs. I want to surgically attach them to my body and walk around vamping it up in mini skirts and thigh high boots.

Renee tells Tiffany about Junior confessing his love for her. Tiffany warns her to take it slow. She also says, and it is so true, that it’s not about how Renee will be while he’s in prison, it’s how things work when he’s here. And she tells Renee that Junior needs to change, but so does Renee. I am just having a big ole LOVE FEST with this episode.

We got plenty of Big Ang, we got minimal Karen and CousinSuckUp, we got the girls having fun, and we got reasonable advice from Tiffany without a whole lot of screaming and hair pulling. Renee knows that she has a problem with her attitude, but that Junior needs to not cheat.

It’s all so sane and rational.

Drita goes to see an appraiser about selling some jewelry that Lee gave her. She shows her a gorgeous necklace, that was her first gift. The appraiser tells her to keep it and give it to her daughter when she gets married. The ring gets appraised at well over 100 thousand dollars. Drita is floored because there were times when she had no idea where it was sometimes. But, she is happy to know that Lee left her with something of value that will help her move on with her life.

Renee and Junior go out to dinner. And knowing how things played out for them, just makes this whole scene so sad to me. They talk about their relationship issues. Renee’s biggest issue was his cheating. Junior’s biggest issue is that Renee is a control freak. I wonder if Junior is wearing a wire during this conversation. Mainly, because of the story he tells about Renee’s father dumping a bag of rings out and asking him to pick one to give to Renee. God, my heart breaks for her.

Anyway, he agrees to not cheat and she agrees to work on her control issues.

Karen is worried because she hasn’t heard from CousinSuckUp. She finds out that Ramona and her boyfriend were arrested. There is no explanation about why she was arrested. And we move on to Renee visiting Carla.

Renee reads Carla her letter. They discuss their friendship and how Renee was trying to protect Carla. Carla says how she felt attacked and Renee agrees that she did attack her and they move past it. It’s a sweet scene because they acknowledge that they trust each other and really squash the problem. Then Renee brings up CousinSuckUp. We find out that for all of the shit that CousinSuckUp has been talking about Carla, the two don’t even know each other. Carla wants nothing to do with her because she has heard about all of the shit talking and really doesn’t want to deal with that crap.

So, next week Junior moves back in. Renee has a drama queen breakdown over crumbs and the TV. Renee still wants everyone to get along. CousinSuckUp talks some more about being arrested. Karen starts some shit with Carla.

Sorry about the lateness of this recap Gasmii. It has been a hell of a week with the site being buggy and kicking me off. But, hopefully things will go more smoothly from here on out.

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