Drita and Carla go dancing to meet guys. Drita has no game and hasn’t really outgrown the days of hitting a guy to show that you liked him.
It’s totally Drita and kind of cute in a disturbing way. Then one of the guys tells her that he knows Lee and it’s like someone pulled a needle across a record. She does one more shot and is out.
CousinSuckUp tries to claim a relationship with Big Ang (yay!) as she and Karen listen to stories of the good old days. I would like to point out that even when hanging with Big Ang, these two can’t contain their BitchFaces:
Big Ang says that her uncle was really good friends with Karen’s dad. Then, as an after thought, she says to CousinSuckUp, “your grandfather too.” Big Ang talks about when her mom would sneak in food and vodka to her jailed uncle. She would sneak it in under her boobs. Which, totally explains why Big Ang went so BIG with the boobs. She has been visiting people in jail since she was 10.
Anyway, she says that her days of visiting guys in prison are done. CousinSuckUp tries to save face by saying something about it being different if it’s someone you care about.
Big Ang awesomely shuts her down by saying “I was a convict!” She says it’s completely different if you’ve been through it yourself. She says the day she got busted was the day that she was biggest loser of her life. Then, she tells this hilarious story about how one of her girlfriends wore a wire and the cops made Big Ang listen to the tapes and she could hear herself peeing and how gross it was.
I fucking LOVE this woman.
Renee and Junior talk about his pending jail sentence. She has another mini-breakdown where she confesses how she feels like he doesn’t love her because he is so distant. She talks about how she is afraid to lose him and be alone. And that bastard has the nerve to sit there and blame her attitude for his distance.
This is the thing that has really been pissing me off about the whole Junior thing. He is constantly making her beg for the slightest bit of affection. He knows just how badly he is betraying her and he still blames her insecurities and trust issues on her. Look, we all know that Renee is a hot drag queen mess. That’s obvious, but what’s even more obvious is how much she can sense something is wrong. Yes, she has been manifesting it as paranoia about his cheating, but she really isn’t that far off and he probably IS cheating with another woman at this point too. Anyway, he lies and says that he will always be there for her.
Drita and Big Ang (Yay!) are at Big Ang’s favorite deli. Drita is talking about about how young the guys were at the bar and how she has absolutely no swagger when it comes to meeting guys. She talks about getting played by Lee. Big Ang talks about her current husband. She met him at the Drunken Monkey and she tought he was cute. Now, she calls him a cheating, sneaking stay out all out drunk. And describes her marriage as a disster. She says that she threw him out 7 months ago and told him to be a man and take some responsibility. Drita wants to know if he was always like that and Big Ang awesomely says “yeah, I guess he was.” See, Big Ang gets it. These women married guys who cheated and were criminals. Nothing that they have gone through or are currently going through should be a surprise. Why is she the only one who gets it?
Big Ang wants a man that will take care of her. She does not do the whole going Dutch thing. Drita talks about going speed dating with Carla because she wants a regular guy. Big Ang says that you just can’t go from a street guy to a regular guy. It won’t work. They talk some more about Big Ang’s husband and she says that he’s 38 and she guess he never really grew up. Drita, after hearing his age, calls Big Ang Gangsta (of course she is, she’s Big Ang). Then she says that Big Ang’s husband is older than her husband and she just love Big Ang – and that is just one more reason I will always be Team Drita. Their relationship seems much more real and friendly. Karen and CousinSuckUp seemed like they were waiting for Big Ang to bestow some sort of recognition on them based on family ties, while Drita is just haning out with her and having fun the way friends interact.
Here’s Renee and CousinSuckUp having lunch. I’m writing this up really quick so I am going to try my best to convey the tone of this scene. Renee talks about how stressed she is with Junior – and if you get the chance to watch this again, I want you to pay close attention to CousinSuckUp’s facial expressions. She has the look of someone who isn’t really interested in what she is hearing but is putting in the time so that she will have the chance to talk. There are also times when she looks at Renee as though she is totally disgusted with her.
Anyway, as CousinSuckUp is making all of these faces that alternate between bored and bitch, Renee explains that Junior is being really distant because of his pending jail sentence. She still isn’t speaking with her father because of the show. But at least Junior and her father still have a good relationship. God Gasmii, POOR RENEE! Meanwhile, CousinSuckUp looks at Renee like this:
Renee is crying in her interview about how glad she is that at least AJ still has a good relationship with her parents. CousinSuckUp talks about her kids not having their dad – do to her leaving him and how they don’t have a relationship with her dad because she married the man she did.
But, I’m still not interested in her life even if it sheds backstory on what makes her so uninteresting and awful.
Carla and Joe go out to dinner and Carla tells him that she wants him to come to the parent/teacher meeting for the kids.
She tells him about her and Drita going speed dating. Joe seems to know an awful lot about speed dating for someone who has been in jail for 6 years. He’s very supportive but they are also kind of flirty. I can definitely see how they got together in the first place. But, if he is as big a cheater as Carla said he was, them getting together would be a REALLY bad idea. Especially if you consider what it would put the kids through. It would be Renee and Junior all over again with out the wearing a wire (hopefully).
Renee wakes up depressed. She can’t even make herself get out of bed. She thinks about the conversation she ahd with Junior and ruminates over the fact that he didn’t kiss her goodbye when he went to check in with his parole officer that morning.
We see closeups of past wedding and family photos and you can truly see how much of a toll her relationship with Junior and just being in this life has taken on her appearance. She says that Junior should have been home by now. She sees that he left her a letter on the night stand. It says something about being charged with armed robbery and turning himself in. She lights a smoke on the stove and calls Nikole. She starts making calls trying to find out where he would have even gone to turn himself in. He isn’t using the lawyer she hired for him after the bust, and no one has any info. She is devestated and trying to find something she can control. She reads parts of the letter and talks about how this is an entirely different charge than the one he was originally charged with.
She is still blaming herself for this and I hate him that much more for doing this to her. I know, she signed up for this, but DAMN! That shit is so wrong and Renee is really shaken by him saying he hopes she finds someone better than him. She says that she is wanting to wait for him even if it’s 20 years. She is in denial so hard about what is going on. She is at a point where she can’t even cry because she is at least happy about the fact that he can’t cheat on her while he is in jail. Oh, Renee. Poor, poor Renee.
Drita and Carla go speed dating.This is a fireman themed speed dating event.
She’s really cute by being so nervous. The first guy is cute but engaged? Then there are two really good looking guys. She tells them that she doesn’t want to do the long distance thing because it’s no different than being with a guy in prison, and the look on their faces is kind of priceless.
They both visibly swallowed in reaction. The next guy is all get your shit finalized and lets press fast forward – which, no.
The reality is that Drita is not used to the types of men who get up and work regular jobs. Even if that job is saving people’s lives while looking pretty for theme calendars. I just hope this doesn’t mean that she is going to backslide and run back to Lee.
So, Karen shows up at Renee’s house sometime that night. Renee tells Karen about what Junior said in the letter. Karen’s boobs express shock. She can smell something is up. So, I will give her that bit of common sense even if she doesn’t want to say it. Renee starts freaking about having nothing left and is pulling out her groceries for some reason.
Karen gives a few lame platitudes about how Renee can’t fall apart now. Renee needs Drita and Carla and possibly Big Ang right now, but for some reason she chose one of the people who manages to wind her up rather than calm her down. Karen pulls the “don’t let the feds win” card and Rneee has a moment of clarity. She says that she doesn’t blame the federal government, because that’s their fucking job. And, the look Karen gives her is so Classic Karen BitchFace number 93. The one that says, “Bitch, I am supposed to be the voice of reason here, not you. So, go back to being irrational and let me sell my book.”
Nikole comes over and Karen starts explaining. Renee just wants to find out where he is. She calls the prison. She starts out polite saying that she has his registration number and he turned himself in and she wants to find out where he is. The operator is just as polite as any civil servant when she says “No, ma’am.” Apparently, the database records aren’t updated until after midnight and she tells Renee she has to call back then.
That leads to Renee telling the operator to go fuck her self and calling her a twat. I didn’t know that they bleeped out the word “twat” on TV. Interesting.
Anyway, Nikole calls now and the operator isn’t fooled and asked if it’s the same woman who just called. Nikole assures her that she isn’t. She gives Junior’s last name and the woman immediately replies, “Hector?” and after a confirmation, she puts them on hold. All of the women are sitting there shocked now. The operator comes back and asks if she is speaking to the sister, the wife, the what… and Nikole says the wife. The operator puts them on hold again. And wouldn’t you know it? In walks AJ and his girlfriend. Renee tries to call to him by saying, “you know I love you right?” AJ, who is way too wise for someone his age, knows some shit is up and takes his girlfriend upstairs.
The operator comes back on to say that Junior is being processed.
Nikole says that his son wants to see him and wants to know if he can come visit him the next day. The operator says no but that she can see him and he is ok, but she can’t tell her anymore than that. Renee gets physically sick from this.
Karen enables Renee’s dramatics and Renee breaks down even more.
Renee is still in the mode of making the phone calls to get more information after Karen and Nikole leave. It’s the only means of control she really has. She calls her cousin.
She tells them what she has done so far. She knows he is in the southern district. She wants to know if he would be arraigned the next day. She starts hearing commotion over the phone. She goes into a screaming fit when she realizes that it’s the police taking her father away. She is having a full on breakdown and this shit is almost impossible to watch. She is dry heaving and barely standing. It’s awful and painful and everything you would think and if I didn’t have to recap it, I would have changed the channel from the discomfort it’s caused me.
Next week, everyone reels from the fact that Junior was flipped by the feds.
That was definitely the most difficult episode of this show that I have ever had to recap. So, hopefully you guys can cheer me up in the comments. I am definitely looking forward to it.
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