Mob Wives Reunion: It’s the End, For Now

I was going to start this by bitching about how I tweeted Renee about those fabulous boots that she wears in the opening sequence and never got a response. Until I realized that she has like 63000 Twitter followers and I have 39. Then, I realized that I couldn’t even keep up with my 39. So, I still love her.

I live tweeted the reunion and was going to simply re-use my tweets to do the recap. Of course, my tweeting “shut the fuck up Karen” and “Karen sucks” over and over again wouldn’t make for the most interesting recap of a fairly disappointing reunion. So, I’m going to do a bit of both. I’ll include tweets when they seem relevant and add a little atmosphere for the rest.

We open on Wendy Williams who is looking like quite the fabulous drag queen that she is.

Don’t you just bet that she and Renee trade tucking tips?

The secret is in the SPANX!

Wendy starts off by saying that this is the first time they have been together since the big fight and that there is a lot of tension and she asks how it feels. And of course, that is where my first “Shut up Karen” got tweeted.

She is such a ridiculous bitch! She didn’t even give anyone a chance to talk; she is acting like it is all about her. And she even has the nerve to say that she wishes the cameras weren’t there because she has some things to address with Drita. Yeah, right Karen. You just don’t want the cameras catching you getting another ass beating.

Drita agrees with me:

Why does Karen want us to believe that she is so tough? We know she is a lying skank, but NOTHING she has done all season has shown us that she is tough AT ALL.

SHUT UP KAREN!

They address the Victoria Gotti question. Renee could give a shit what Victoria Gotti thinks. I think that Victoria Gotti was just jealous because she wasn’t included.

So, when asked how they have money, Karen says some bullshit about a day spa and book advances. I want to smack whoever gave that bitch a book advance in the face with a dildo – as hard as I possibly can.

Renee gets the best line of the night: “Don’t count my money, it’s not yours!”  My love for her keeps growing and growing.

When asked if there is still a mob (really Wendy?), the women shrug and Renee does her patented, “what mob? <wink>”

I have decided that I would pay full price to see her in her drag show revue of “Really Renee.” I think it will be the most amazing thing EVAH!

Of course Wendy pisses me off by giving Karen so many chances to speak.

Renee says that her father doesn’t speak to her, because of the show, not because of Karen. Really, her dad is right not to waste time thinking about Karen. I wish the rest of us had that option.

Karen is having a hard time keeping her knees together – which is apparently something she has had problems with throughout her life.

I’m only showing this picture to prove my point.

It gets worse as the reunion goes on.

Also, I shouldn’t be the only person who has to think about what’s just waiting to explode from those ever parting knees of hers.

When Wendy asks about what Lee thinks of the show, Drita says he doesn’t watch Vh1 in jail. That shit cracked me up for some reason. I don’t know why, I just had this image of the guys getting together in the break room to watch Oz, but not Vh1, because that might be gay.

Anyway, we take a walk down memory lane with Drita’s marriage and the bombshell of his infidelity.And, that bitch Karen has the nerve to smirk when Drita says that she just found out that Lee cheated on her. Look at the enjoyment she is getting out of Drita’s pain!

Vile Bitch!

Even Wendy is crying because that shit is hurtful and humiliating and totally fucked up. But, Karen is wearing her smirking bitch-face. She relishes the pain that other people are in way too much for me to ever like her. But, what’s funny is if you watch the whole thing play out, Karen doesn’t even realize she is smirking, because she immediately tries to put on a compassion face or thinking face (they all look like bitch faces) after a few seconds.

Anyway, Drita talks about how shocked and pissed off she was when she found out and how he denied it when she confronted him. They aren’t speaking and she filed for divorce ‘Atta Girl! Even Renee looks proud of her. Drita says she confronted the woman, but it wasn’t face to face, because that would have been a blood bath.

Wendy asks if they want to date normal guys, and Drita says absolutely, only to be cut off by bitch-face saying it’s difficult because normal guys are scared of them.

Can you blame any guy for being afraid of Karen?

Wendy leaves Karen hanging to compliment Drita on being a tough broad with great boobs.

Then she makes this face:

She and Renee should have their own drag queen duet. It would make millions.

They keep hyping up the never seen before footage of the fight and it’s driving me crazy.  Speaking of crazy, did you see this?

Ryan Gosling is looking delicious!

They come back and talk about the mistresses, or “whores” as Renee calls them. Carla says that she found out that Joe cheated while he was in jail. And that is when she decided that she wasn’t waiting.

Wendy asks about Carla’s boyfriend. They broke up and Renee applauds. So, of course now it’s time to talk about the fight between Renee and Carla. Apparently there was a Twitter war happening during that episode – and I missed it DAMN. And then, Karen starts talking about Wheeties or some shit and I just say – SHUT UP Karen. NO ONE cares what you think or have to say. Besides, you have ZERO credibility.

Even Carla is laughing her off as completely unimportant. This whole conversation goes on way too long before Renee starts to drag queen out. And then, it is glorious!

She starts out with the “My Son! My Son!” Just like she did during the fight. Then she says that he didn’t touch her ass, it was worse than touching her ass. But she never says what it was he touched.

Carla is all, did he touch your boob, or did he touch your hand? What did he touch and I am wondering the same exact thing. I’m pretty sure the blurred face groper did grab Renee, but I want to know the details. Which of course, she never gives up. Renee is taking it personally now. She says, “Why don’t you believe he touched me? Is it because I’m a little chubby?”

Renee says that Carla is pushing it by calling her a liar. And you can see the tears starting well up. I’m waiting for the big drag queen pay off here.

Then she shouts “restalyn! Cuz you ain’t nothing but a filler, bitch!” That’s so AWESOME, and so very drag queen.  But, there’s more!

Here come the tears!

Now, she storms off.

Wendy has absolutely no control over her guests. She is just letting it play out.

So now we are back from commercial. A composed Renee has resumed her seat and Wendy asks, what did the groper touch. Renee just says that he was inappropriate and she doesn’t want to beat a dead horse. So, Wendy drops it and now we get to the fight between Karen and Drita.

She teases the never before seen footage again. Then they show a flashback of Drita and Karen’s friendship. We see the behind the back talking that Karen did. Then we see Drita apologize for hurting Karen. We see Drita refusing to read the book because Karen doesn’t care what Drita thinks.

Back in the studio, Drita says she never thought to call Karen because Karen was pregnant and with someone else and instead of answering that Karen pulls her default – “you keep making excuses.”

That is not an excuse. It is a fact. Either address it as such or admit that you were only bringing up Lee to start drama. You had no dog in this fight Karen. And your bitch face tells us exactly that.

Drita simply wasn’t happy with the way any of it played out. She said that Karen was talking about how she didn’t trust Drita and then Drita felt that she couldn’t trust Karen because of the stuff she said about calling Lee a scumbag baby daddy and how she was riding him.

Karen lies and says that she only meant the scumbag part because he wouldn’t tell Drita when he was coming home – trying to make it sound like she was on Drita’s side.

Lying, Liar who Lies!

Drita is all, “don’t talk about riding my husband’s dick.” Karen lies about the confrontation they had at Drita’s house. Karen says that she hasn’t decided whether or not to mention Lee in the book – which again tells me that she isn’t writing a book. She would have worked that shit out by now.

So, now we are finally going to see the fight footage that they didn’t show before.

All it really consists of is Renee pulling Karen away and forcing her down to the car. All the while Karen is foaming at the mouth over having her ass beat and is practically banging on her chest like a gorilla.

Seriously, all it looks like is her playing to the camera as though she is a bad ass, but bad ass got her ass handed to her and there is no undoing that.

From Drita’s side we see her telling Carla that she had no intention of fighting. And we can see that she does regret that it happened.  I believe Drita because well, I’m kind of afraid of her, and also because I think that she has gone all season trying not to be the girl who blacked out and beat a bitch down. I think that she was trying not to be that person for the sake of her girls and knowing that this would be televised.

But, you know what Drita? It’s OK. Karen needed to have her ass beat. Trashy or not, the fighting was necessary. Or, at least I thought it was entertaining, so thank you.

The extra footage was a total ripoff. If I wanted to see Karen huffing and puffing and beating her chest to the camera in a rage, I would rent King Kong.

Anyway, I keep waiting for Wendy to ask why Karen was calling Drita a dirty ho, when Karen was the one sleeping with any guy with a dick (including Drita’s boyfriend) while she was in a supposedly serious relationship. Drita gets another point when she says that she never said one thing about Karen the whole season. Karen can’t let that truth hold so she lies and says that Drita said tons of stuff off camera.

Say it with me Gasmii, LIAR!

Drita immediately says that if that were true, she would have said it to Karen’s face and would not have let Karen come to her house. And we know that is true. Because do you honestly think Drita would have been so welcoming and supportive to Karen all this season if she had a beef with her that caused her to talk smack off camera?

Karen lies and says that she said one thing and she said it to Drita’s face. We all know that isn’t true.

Did she forget about this:

But, everything I said to Drita, I said to her face!

Anyway, Drita tells what bits and pieces of the fight she remembers. Renee can’t say who she thinks would win. She thinks that Drita is extremely strong, and Karen has heart (no she doesn’t, bless your trusting drag queen heart). She says that she got scared when Drita stood up which was why she tried to make Karen sit back down.

Karen says that Carla thought it was funny. Carla said she has a nervous laugh and decided that she wasn’t going to be able to stop it. Karen is out for blood and is like, Carla was saying let her go while I was on the ground. And Carla is like, no I was saying don’t grab her the same way you were telling people to let you go. Karen is just so pissed that she got her ass beat and is dancing as fast as she can to blame everyone else for it. It would be sad if I didn’t despise her so much.

Wendy asks about Karen hooking up with Drita’s boyfriend. Drita says that if they were such girls who cared about getting with each other’s men, she would have never been friends with Karen in the first place. Wendy asks about Karen cheating on Lee and still doesn’t ask why Karen calls Drita a dirty ho. Maybe Karen’s definition of a dirty ho is different from everyone else.

Karen is saying her stuff was still in Lee’s house so therefore she was still with him.  Drita says that she saw Karen with someone else. And that guy’s name was not Lee.

Drita is still trying to give Karen the benefit of the doubt saying that she wasn’t judging Karen for doing her thing. But, because of Karen just being out “doing her,” no one would have believed that Karen was still in a relationship. Karen is still trying to throw Drita under the bus and saying that Drita got with her best friend’s boyfriend. And that Lee was the one who told her that.

Drita says that Lee was wrong and had to apologize in front of everyone for saying that and that it is a known thing. Karen is trying to turn it around. She doesn’t want to make it look like she is the only skank sitting in front of Wendy and she just doesn’t manage to pull it off. Especially, since she can’t keep her freaking knees together.

Trust me this is the most closed they stayed during the reunion. I am sparing you the rest.

Karen is such a nasty passive aggressive bitch. Saying that if it makes Drita feel better to believe that Karen had moved on – even though Karen HAD MOVED ON – then it is what it is.

Then we get back to our favorite drag queen. We see the highs and lows of Renee and her drama queen antics; the crying, the laughter, the getting back together with junior. It’s awesome. She is truly the life of the party! Wendy asks about her and Junior. Renee says that Junior is gone and she is seeing someone who is more of a friend than anything. But, if she were to get serious with anyone it would be that guy. I’m happy for her. Our little drag queen is all grown up.

Now she is styling rappers again. She is a good friend of 50 cent who calls her the core of conflict. Which, if Fiddy is calling you the “core of conflict” there is no escaping the fact that you are in fact a drama queen.

We get confirmation that Karina’s father is black. Wendy asks if Karen is going to stay in Staten Island. She is trying to convince Karina to stay – told you she has no qualms about uprooting her daughter’s life so that she can fame whore.

Once more for old time’s sake, Gasmii.

Then Wendy plays some music to get Renee to dance. And Renee does a little bit in her seat. I love Renee so much!

Final Thoughts:

They ask about regrets. Karen wishes that she didn’t appear that she was so hung up on Lee and that she and Drita didn’t fight on the rooftop. I think that’s the only honest thing she has said all season.

Renee wishes that she had lost weight before the show. But, since she is going in for her surgery, there are no worries. So, all in all, Renee has no regrets.

Carla regrets the fight she had with Renee. Drita regrets the fight with Karen.

And there is a season 2 starting in the fall.

And with that, we are out Bitches!

Bring on Season 2 Bitches!

What did you think of the reunion, the season, and Karen’s multitude of bitch faces? Let me know in the comments.