Models Of The Runway: Who’s The Best In The Sack?

This week on Models of the Runway, Witchie Poo revels in the drama she’s trying to cause, Veta lets it all hang out, and Sophia changes her mind and decides to make some friends. Of course, they’re all as bitchy as she is. Well, not quite, but you get the picture. Ready?

 

There was a crazy cat fight? Orgy? The models stuffed themselves at an all you can eat buffet and are now purging before the calories settle in their hips? 

 

Watching paint dry scores higher than this on the excitement meter 

I just love rewatching the auf-ing, don’t you? Heidi tells Pamela that they question her taste level and her ability to be fashion forward. While Jesus is told his dress is mundane. Shocked faces all around.

 

Look, Ma! No cavities! 

 

She said his dress looked like a great dane? I don’t get it. 

Both models tell us that they hope their designer stays. Sarah wants us to believe that she thinks Pamela should stay because she is so talented, but Brittany is more honest. She wants Jesus to stay because she wants to stay. 

 

He sucks, but he’s all mine 

You know the results already, right? Jesus stays and Pamela goes. Personally, I think PingPong should have been sent packing, but obviously I just don’t know enough about fashion. 

Time for congratulatory hugs for Jaysian and his model!

 

I’m so glad I thought to add that strap-on under all those ruffles! 

He tells her she can now take the dress off and pee. Why couldn’t she pee with it on? Does it have built in underwear? I’m so confused.

She knew he was talented before because models know these things, but this just took the cake. Phew! That’s good because I think she was ready to eat it. She’s prancing around talking about what a good couple they make and you can totally tell that the other models are SO happy for her.

 

We hate you. 

As she heads out with Jaysian, in comes Pamela to say good bye.

 

If only your ass wasn’t so HUGE.  

Pamela gives the models a little pep talk before she heads on out. “You guys just keep being divas, cause honestly? You guys make the clothing, well, like, we make, we make the clothes, you know, like we sew them, but you guys give them the life and power.” LOLOLOL. I know that was meant to be sweet, but I love how she felt she needed to clarify to the models that they weren’t the ones who actually sew the clothes.

Up next is Lauren Hutton, guest judge this week. Somehow Heidi tricked her into going backstage to talk to the girls. Predictably, they all are excited to see her. She does not reciprocate.

 

Heidi says I can’t have my car keys back until I talk to you bitches. 

She tells them she was shorter than anybody and has a sort of lop sided face, but it’s not just about being pretty because then you’re just sort of blank.

 

Exhibit A 

She tells them it’s really about who puts the most energy and the most effort into learning.

 

Does learning how to give the perfect blow job count? 

And with that Lauren leaves to go wrestle her car keys back from Heidi telling them as she goes that the secret to any success is working four times harder than anyone else. Slutty is totally going home and dusting off her knee pads.

Time for this week’s Klum Klatch! Heidi wants to know how they enjoyed being in potato sacks this week.

 

I’m thinking for next week, horse hair gowns! Exciting, yes? 

Heidi thinks they did an amazing job. The designers, that is. Since they got to pick their own designers for this challenge she’s wondering at the fact that Veta chose PingPong again. Veta wanted to give her another shot. I’m sure PingPong will do the same.

Heidi tells Veta she didn’t sell it, and she has to be stronger on the runway, even IF her whole booty is hanging out. Veta then tells us how two years ago she tore her ACL and her MCL in her left knee, so anytime her ass is hanging out of an outfit it causes her knee to flare up. Cold buttocks have been medically linked to old knee injuries acting up.

 

Is my ass showing? Because my knee hurts like a mother fucker. 

Heidi also wants to know why Witchie Poo picked Flamingay instead of sticking with her previous designer. 

 

I love drama! Silly Heidi! 

She then tells Lorena that the judges thought she was the best on the runway this week. And then Lorena awesomely thanks Witchie Poo for dropping her designer. Hee! Anyone nervous about not getting picked this week? Yup, Sarah. Heidi says she would be nervous too, and wants to know how Sarah feels about wearing that dress to an industry party. No comment.

 

But at least my ass won’t be hanging out. 

Heidi wants to know if Sophia will have fun at this fashion event.

 

I’m not here to have fun. 

We conclude this week’s Klum Klatch with a reminder from Heidi that the next time she sees them, one of them will be owt. Now go have fun at your party!

Back at Anorexia Apartments, Sarah is worried about getting eliminated. She doesn’t want to see anyone go, but at the same time she doesn’t want to go. But someone has to go. Models + Reasoning = Headache for me.

In the blink of an eye, night turns to day and it’s time to get ready to partay! Sarah asks Mo(nique) if she can do braids. Mo’s like, yeah, sure, ask the half black girl if she knows how to do braids.

 

Does my hair look like it’s been braided? Idiot. 

Witchie Poo is really excited that they get to go to an industry party and mingle with people in their business. She’s hoping to collect some hair and possibly fingernail clippings so that she can bind them all to her bidding.

And off to the party we go! 

Is my ass showing? 

Veta thinks that a lot of the designers really transformed their potato sacks into something unrecognizable, but when she looks down on her outfit it still looks like it is made out of a potato sack.

 

Fucking PingPong. 

Poor Sarah didn’t get her braids, so instead she settled for some very chic looking ponytails.

 

Can I get another drink? 

 

Yes, bears DO shit in the woods. They just don’t wipe very well. 

 

H&R Block At Home: You do the work, we make the money 

Back at the party, the models are mingling; laughing at lame ass jokes, nodding in agreement even when they don’t know what’s being said, all in the hopes of getting a booking or audition or something out of it. 

 

No, I’m not normally this fat, I’m just PMSing, I swear. 

Guess who’s not mingling? You guessed it! Sophia. After all, she’s not there to make friends, you know. Or book jobs either it would seem.

 

Bitchy, party of four, your table is ready 

Awww, how nice! Sophia actually HAS decided to make some friends. It’s so nice when a group of bitter ass bitches bond over how much better than everyone else they are. It’s so heartwarming.

Sophia tells Kristina it’s not like she’s just going to go up to people and tell them her name or something. I mean, why would she want them to know who she is? They might actually want to book her for a job or something. Oh, never mind. Once they got a whiff of her stank ass attitude there’d be no danger of that happening.

So the Bitch Niche is made up of Sophia (DURRRR), Kristina (Croatians are meeeeeean), Old Eyes (because where else would a bitter old hag be?), and Cerri (the Irish one). Oh darn. I was hoping that Cerri was going to be a fun drunken girl, but purging all that Guinness out of her system must make her really cranky.

Sophia tells us that these girls are all closer in age, and some of the younger girls may judge it as more of a competition base. 

 

That’s because it IS a competition, you moron! 

She thinks they may be a little star struck. Cerri says the four of them have been around the world twice over already whereas some of the girls haven’t even left New York or L.A. She thinks when they do start doing that, they’ll kinda get a smack in the face. 

 

Well, someone needs a smack in the face. 

Mo doesn’t care for the stanky bitches, but she stays away from them and just hangs with the girls she likes. Smart move, Mo.

After the party, the models head home to look at food in the refrigerator and wish they could eat it. Kidding!  

Veta is sitting with Lorena and Sarah icing her knee. She tells us that right now she can’t even feel her knee and she has to limp when she walks. She thinks she can either be entirely discouraged, or she can say hey, it’s important to know your faults and weaknesses and keep working on them. I’m not really clear how she plans on working on the fact that she has a bum knee.

 

Someday I will convince designers everywhere that limping is the hottest way to show their collections! 

Witchie Poo thinks that some of the designers may hesitate to pick her if they really believe in being loyal to their models. Huh. I would have thought they’d hesitate to pick her because she purposely tried to create drama. Potato, Potahto.

Let the model auction begin!

 

Suck in the bellies, girls!  

Heidi reminds the models that it is a competition for them as well. There are fourteen designers left, but fifteen models standing here.

In the end, there will be one model on the runway. That model will be forced to eat an entire rooty tooty fresh and fruity breakfast before being tossed owt.

 

Looks like Slutty’s already hiding food in her hairdo 

Before the designers pick, Heidi tells them that the judges felt that Lorena was the best model this week. Jaysian’s picking first since he won the challenge. Will he pick the judges’ favorite? Nope. He’s sticking with Kasey.  

Mila’s next, and she’s keeping Lorena.

 

Suck on that, Witchie Poo! 

PingPong’s turn. She tells Veta she really likes her as a person and thinks she’s very lovely, but she needs a stronger model. Poor Veta.  PingPong chooses Old Eyes. Jonathan is not happy to have his model stolen, but Old Eyes tells us she is one of the strongest girls and that’s why PingPong chose her.

Amish Girl sticks with Cerri because she’s hoping to stay with her during Rumspringa. Ben sees an opportunity to get rid of Sophia’s stank ass attitude and so he picks Witchie Poo.

 

Whatever. I’m not here to get chosen by designers. 

You’ll be shocked to hear that Sophia thinks it’s Ben’s loss that he didn’t pick her. Witchie Poo is unsure about whether or not Anthony would have chosen her again if he had picked before Ben. After all, he’s black and she’s white. Personality wise, that is. 

 

Still Racist. 

Maya is also switching it up and she will be trying Valeria (who?) this time. Jonathan picks Mo, and she’s happy not just because her name was called but also because it was called by a designer she wanted to work with.  

 

Woo Hoo! No Jesus or PingPong! Yay Me! 

Iran dumps Slutty for Emilioth’th model Holly. 

 

Thufferin’ Thuccotath! I’m furioth! 

He yells out after her that she shouldn’t worry, he’ll get her back. Holly’s just happy to get the fuck off the stage.

Betsey Wetsy steals Jesus’ model Brittany because her model has already been stolen. See what you started PingPong?

Straight Guy doesn’t want to piss anyone off, so he’s sticking with Megan. Flamingay steals Old Hambert’s model, Kristina.

Emilioth’th turn. He thinkth that Thlutty’th previouth dethigner did not know how to uthe her beauty, and he will bring it to the runway. Will you acthept thith needle and thread? Yes, she will.

Jesus is still carrying the weight of man’s sins, and so he picks Sophia as his model. Someone whispers that she didn’t look very happy.

Heidi wants to know what that means. Jesus says she’s allergic to hairspray.

 

“She’s allergic to smiling.” 

Bwahahahahahahaha!  That was hilarious! Good one, Jaysian!

Backstage Sophia is rolling her eyes about having been picked by Jesus, telling her fellow Bitch Niche-ers that she was praying he wouldn’t say her name. Yeah, me too, but for entirely different reasons.

And now we’re down to the last two models, Sarah and Veta. It’s all up to Old Hambert now. Veta has almost come to terms with the fact that she thinks she’s going home. Sarah says Veta is a good friend of hers and one of them is going home but neither of them wants to go home. Thanks for clearing that up for us, Sarah.

Old Hambert may be old, but he’s certainly not blind. And anyway, one of them were on his top three picks out of everybody. So he picks Sarah, and with that, Veta is owt.

 

Sad Sack 

Veta is glad she had the opportunity to work with the designers and tells us that the atmosphere has been amazing. She’s going to go home, get her knee in shape and you will definitely see her on the runway.

Next week on Models of the Runway……..Megan whines about someone, and whines, and whines, and whines. Also, Sophia’s hairspray allergy gets in the way of the hairstylist styling her hair. Can you be a model and be allergic to hairspray? How has she lasted at all in the business?

 

It’s not my hair that people are looking at, it’s my character that’s more important. Oh, never mind, I’ll pack my bags and go. 

So that’s it for week two, Gasmi. What did you think? Anyone sad to see Veta go? What did you think of the four bitches sitting on their asses at the party? Any favorites yet?

I’m still hoping that they devise some gladiator type challenges for the models to rev up the excitement. What? A recapper can dream, can’t she?

Until next week…….

 

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SWAK, PottyMouth