Models of the Runway: Ditch the Bitch

OH MY GAWD you guys!!!!!!!!!!!! This week’s Models of the Runway was SOOOOOOO freaking awesome. So much happened! There was blood, and tears, and sand, and sweat and naked man buttocks…..oh, wait This is Spartacus. Fuck! Don’t get me wrong, this show’s cheesy as hell, but at least it has sweaty naked boys in it. (Yes, I am just that easy) So!

Just when I thought I was in for an exciting evening………… 

 

This. 

That’s what I get for forgetting to change the channel before I start recording something and then go right to bed!!!

Guess how this week’s episode starts? If you said “backstage rewatching the eliminations yet again”….congratulations! You are now a psychic too!

I always knew I’d rub off on you someday. Well, truthfully, I thought I’d rub you off, you know, for comments and stuff, but….well…..never mind! 

Old Eyes is sitting around flapping her old gums about how PingPong just wouldn’t listen to her. These kids today! They never want to listen to their elders! She’s not shocked or concerned because even an old geezer like her could see the writing on the wall of PingPong. 

On the other hand, Kristina is left wondering what is going to happen now.

It’s so exciting! I can’t wait to see what happens next! 

If it was up to her she’d eliminate PingPong because she doesn’t understand that kind of style. You know, I’m no model, but she certainly does have a point. Of course, we all know that Flamingay is in and PingPong is owt. Unless you didn’t watch Project Runway. In which case I don’t even understand why you’re here. You’re owt.

Someone says they feel bad for PingPong, and Old Eyes tells them SHE feels bad for PingPong. She’s her model.

It’s so amazing how “feel bad” and “worried about my own ass” look the same, isn’t it? 

After the credits, Mila comes backstage to hug her model, but you just know she’s been chomping at the bit to get in there and make the gloaty face at Witchie Poo for dumping her.. 

Suck it some more, Witchie Poo! Don’t you wish you had stayed with me now? Huh? Huh? 

And then PingPong comes back to say good-bye. Old Eyes teeters to her feet to give PingPong the hug she is owed (per the contract), and tells us it’s so hard to see someone so passionate leave before they were ready to. Well, maybe it would have helped if she’d actually produced a decent design. 

Old Eyes thinks she is going to go on and be successful and be awesome and be PingPong, and that is good.

Unlike when I am found wandering around my neighborhood in my underwear wondering who I am. Ah, to be young again. 

It’s at this point that we get our first controversy of the season. You see, Megan has come over to PingPong to give her a hug good bye. And this is AFTER she spoke up on the runway (a big model no-no apparently) to defend Straight Guy against PingPong!!!! How DARE she?!? 

The models wait until PingPong leaves, and then the claws come out. Cerri tells us that Megan is a home bird and she doesn’t really know anything, but thinks she know everything. What the fuck is a home bird?

She goes on to tell Megan that she shouldn’t ever take sides, it’s not her place, and she’s contradicting herself. Cerri makes a point to say that the only reason Megan was asked anything was because she was moving her mouth around like a maniac, and made it obvious she had something to say. 

Whatever! 

Old Eyes tells us that a lot of people get concerned when their designer gets eliminated, but she’s not worried. Lorena asks her if she thinks Jonathan might pick her again. “Oh, hell ya!” 

Step off, bitch! He’s with me now!! 

See? That’s the awesome thing about being old; you don’t really give a crap if you upset anybody with what you say, you just say what you want. All the time. It’s like late onset Tourette’s. I can’t wait until mine kicks in.

Klum Klatch time!

Heidi wants to know what they all thought of their designers this time, specifically asking Lorena what she thought of her look since her designer won today. She loved it. That Heidi! She sure asks the tough questions, doesn’t she?

The judges thought Lorena was the best on the runway again today, and Heidi tells her to keep strutting it. Because models never ever talk on the runway, we go back to Megan, the pioneer of models speaking their opinions. Heidi wants to know what she thought about how it was for Straight Guy to work with PingPong.

It’s hard for me to produce more than one thought in a day. 

She thinks he had a great attitude, and she loves PingPong, but basically thought she sucked as a team leader. And then we’re shown clips of PingPong sucking as a team leader, as if we really needed to see the evidence to be convinced.

Is Old Eyes worried she’ll be going home? Nope. She tells Heidi she thinks she’ll probably go back to her old designer. Heidi wonders what Monique thinks about this.

I think I already told this bitch he’s mine now. I feel an ass whooping coming on! 

Either way, she tells Heidi, she’s confident that someone will pick her because she’s the only one there who looks like her. She is right. The model selection seems awfully pale this year. Monique tells us she is mixed race, and she spent a lot of her younger days trying to be white. But once she left her small hometown, she realized how unique she is and how fun it is to be different. I like her; she seems to possess a brain.

Heidi also gives a shout out to Sophia, telling her she thought she was really good on the runway. Sophia agrees. 

I am awesome. 

Heidi tells her she’s always good on the runway, but it’s also good to have a little bit of personality as well. I think you mean to say a GOOD personality, Heidi, because Sophia does have a personality, it just smells like ass.

Heidi warns her that people will see her backstage, and we cut to her getting her hair done before the runway show.

Is this fucking model really giving me lip?!? I need a fucking raise. 

Of course Sophia has a reason for her stankiness. She has a rare disease called stinkitus attitudinum skin allergy. It’s called Atopic Dermatitis to be more exact. Basically, it’s a type of eczema. She gets very irritated (as opposed to her usual sunny disposition), and she gets a rash and hives. I still don’t understand how she can really have any big success as a model with this sort of allergy. The best way to prevent allergic reactions is to avoid what triggers them. If you’re allergic to
hairspray, why the fuck would you become a model?

I know, I know. I tried to use logic there for a minute which never works when you’re dealing with models. When will I ever learn?

We see Sophia get chastised by one of the hair guys, and she tells us that feels that a model’s character and what she brings out on the runway is more important than whether or not she can have hairspray or a mohawk on her head.

I’m sorry……did she just say a model’s character is most important? Bwahahahahahahaha! That was a good one!

I did not come here to make jokes. 

And on that note, the Klum Klatch is konkluded.

Back at Anorexia Apartments, Megan needs a hug. She doesn’t get one. I think Megan is either an only child or the youngest of a large brood. 

 

Wah Wah Wah 

She’s sitting around whining some more about PingPong, and I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who is sick of hearing about it at this point. 

 

Do you ever shut the fuck up? 

The Bitch Niche heads on out to the local pub for a brew and bitch session. Topic? Megan. Specifically, Megan’s lack of manners. What?!?! Is this conversation really taking place? Didn’t these bitches sit around on their asses making the stink eye at everyone last week during an industry party? And they are talking about someone else’s lack of manners? I’m flabbergasted.

Sophia is not here to teach Megan manners. She thinks that’s something that Megan’s parents should have taken care of a long time ago.

 

A little self awareness would go a long way, doncha think? 

Back at Anorexia Apartments, Megan is talking with Holly and Monique, and Holly tells her she thinks Megan’s honesty will go a long way. Megan says she has a lot to learn. I think she should start by going to speech classes and learn how to talk without whining. 

She’s glad to be here with some of the other girls because she can learn a lot from them. She has definitely growned a lot. Grew. Groon.

 

Macaroon? 

And with that, Megan is off to find some cookies she can scarf down and then barf away.

Sophia is back from the pub and is now talking to her boyfriend on the phone. He wants to know what her schedule is like, pretty early? Yes. Is she having fun? Yeah. (said in the most unenthusiastic voice you can imagine). 

Sophia tells us she is a very family oriented person and her parents and boyfriend mean a lot to her. Being without them is like having a part of herself taken away. I’m guessing that part is her heart.

Time for eliminations! Backstage Old Eyes says she’s excited to see what’s going to happen. She thinks this is the most exciting part of it. Cerri tells us that the group is definitely getting smaller, and the girls are getting stronger. She thinks that the way the designers have been picking, it makes it really hard to predict who will go. Thank God. At least we get a little excitement there because this glimpse into the models lives? YAWN.

Let’s get to it, shall we?

There are thirteen designers left, but fourteen models standing here. In the end, there will be one model on the runway. Bet you can’t guess what will happen to her.

Heidi reminds th designers that a model can make or break their look, and shares with them that the judges’ favorite again this week was Lorena.

Because Mila was the winner of the challenge, she gets to pick first. She stays with Lorena. DUH.

 

Suck on that Witchie Poo! See what could have been yours had you picked me two weeks ago? 

Jaysian is up next, and he dumps Kasey for Monique. 

 

Jonathan is displeased. 

 

Monique totally saw it coming. 

Emilioth ith up netht, and he ith going back to Holly. Maya wants to work with Old Eyes.

 

Jonathan is displeased. Again.

Amish Girl is sticking with Cerri because she hasn’t yet mastered the art of the beer bong. Old Hambert guesses he’ll stick with Kristina. Straight Guy takes a dramatic pause before picking his model so that Megan can whine at us that she thinks he’ll pick her because she had his back, but she’s not sure she’s safe. I guess that whole talking thing worked out for her, because he appreciated how she defended him and he feels like he can trust her. He picks her.

Betsy Wetsy chooses Valeria again, and Ben stays with Witchie Poo. Jonathan chooses Slutty. Time for Jesus to choose. On the one hand his former model Brittany is still available, or he could stick with Sophia. I wonder what he will do? He tells Sophia she is too difficult to work with and so he is going back to Brittany.  HEE! 

 

Whatever. I think you suck anyway. 

Sophia has NO IDEA why Jesus would say she’s difficult to work with. In all fairness, we really didn’t see her being difficult with him and I would have thought they would show us that if it happened, but last week the designers made comments about her stinky attitude, so there’s obviously something there.

Brittany tells the girls backstage about Jesus saying Sophia was difficult, and Cerri tells us she kinda wasn’t surprised. She thinks Sophia is definitely a force to be reckoned with. 

Amy picks Kasey, and now we’re down to the last two models, Sarah No-Chin and Sophia. It’s all up to Flamingay. He thinks Sophia has a great look, but he has consistently heard designers complain about her. It’s hard to hide a stanky attitude, whereas makeup can add the illusion of a chin, so he picks Sarah.

Sophia, that mean you are owt.

 

I didn’t come here to be in. 

Backstage Heidi tells Sophia that didn’t realize she was that difficult. Sophia says something about her allergies being difficult. Yeah, that’s totally it. Whatever, she’s excited to be going home. 

 

I am. I really am. I AM. 

She’s going home and she’s really excited, but she’s going to miss her friends here and she hopes them the best. She looks forward to seeing them back home. Honestly, she is so grateful to be going back home. REALLY.

And that’s it for this week, Gasmi. What did you think? Were you happy or sad to see Sophia go? Do you wish they had shown more of her bitchiness toward the designers? Do you find Megan’s whiny voice to be as annoying as I do? Tell! Tell!

Next week, the models are worried about elimination, because one of them will be going home. You never know who it will be, and even if you think you know, you may not know. Sounds like too much excitement to handle, doesn’t it?

Try to keep calm while you’re waiting. I’ll be taking a valium before the show to counteract all the excitement that’s sure to come. See you there!

SWAK, PottyMouth