Models of the Runway: Hart’s Desire

On this week’s show Jennifer is called in by an old professor to pose as his female romance novel writing female alter ego. Of course, she accepts and Jonathan comes along as her secretary. But things can never go simply for our self-made millionaire and his gorgeous wife, so naturally they run into a psycho. 

Jennifer, you’re owt. 

What’s that you say? Self-made millionaires and their fabulously coifed wives have nothing to do with modeling? But the episode is called Hart to Hart, isn’t it? Oh. Heart to Heart, my bad. 

I still think my version was better. 

This week we start out in major suspense! Who will be in? Who will be owt? I have NO IDEA.  Oh wait! I do! I forgot that I just saw this like two minutes ago. Amish Girl is in, and Jesus is out. Cerri is happy for Amish Girl…..

But still a little concerned about the dream she had last night that her teeth were falling out. 

While Brittany believes what the other girls told her about Old Hambert being a vampire, so she’s doing her damnedest to attract his attention. 

After the credits, Amy comes in for hugs from Kasey, and Slutty, Valeria and Holly all jump up to get in on the hugging action. Who can blame them? The designers have been switching it up each week (well, some of them), so these girls want to be sure to kiss some winner ass in the hopes of getting picked by her.

Her butt tasted like aash. 

And then in comes Jesus. Brittany runs over to give him a big hug, and she tells us she was trying to hold it together because he looks like he wants to go out on a positive note. But soon they are both crying. Awwwww.

Jesus wept. 

Brittany doesn’t think Jesus should have gone home, he has great ideas and does great sewing! But Kasey thinks his dress sucked balls. Does anyone really care what they think? Anyone? Just checking.

Witchie Poo thinks it’s really hard to tell who’s going to go next. She’d like to say it’s Brittany because she’s been in the bottom the majority of the game. What the hell is she talking about? Jesus may have been in the bottom, but Brittany hasn’t been close to not being picked yet. Witchie Poo needs to cast an intelligence spell on herself because she is a moron.

Klum Klatch time!

Heidi asks Kasey if she’s feeling good about her second win. Kasey says she can’t say it’s all her because her designer made an awesome dress (that she didn’t even walk in), but maybe she’s the lucky charm.

I’m magically delicious! 

Heidi wants to know if they enjoyed spending time with the women. Yep. And then she brings up how they coached the normal ladies on how to walk the runway. We’re treated to some really exciting footage of the models coaching the ladies. 

Stop! My heart can’t take all this action! 

Were the ladies nervous? Heidi wants to know. Witchie Poo thinks they were more excited than nervous. So, would the models want to spent more time with the ladies? Yeah! Heidi thought it would be nice for them to all exercise together.

While I watch and eat a quart of Haagen Dazs Vanilla Swiss Almond. Mwahahahaha! 

Next Heidi wants to know who’s nervous for elimination. Only four girls raise their hands: Sarah, Brittany, Slutty, and Holly. Holly says there’s always that fear in all of their minds. 

Speak for yourself Fraidy Cat 

And with that, Klum Klatch is klosed.

Did you know Kasey and Sarah No Chin are like TOTALLY like really close? No? Well, they are, and we’re shown the footage to prove it.

 

“Wow! My fingers are as gorgeous as the rest of me, aren’t they?”  

Sarah doesn’t feel like she’s met the right match for her as far as a designer, but Kasey doesn’t think she has anything to be worried about. I’m so glad they shared this scene with us because it really added to the excitement of the show for me. How about you?

From there we head on over to Anorexia Apartments where Brittany is nervous because her designer went home. She’s nervous and hoping someone will pick her. Riveting stuff.

 

This show puts me to sleep every week 

 

Dude, don’t cry. It can’t be that bad. It’s not like you have to recap this show. 

 

Shhhhh……I ate one of the models. The skinny ones are kinda crunchy. 

The next day arrives and the models head on out to the park to exercise with the heart ladies. They meet up with celebrity trainer David Kirsch, and he wants to know if they are ready to sweat. They are, a little bit. Oh no, David tells them they are going to sweat a lot.

He’s gonna teach them how to cop a good squat, so they can have firm and perky butts. Ugh. If it takes sweat to have a firm and perky butt I’ll stick with my flabby lazy ass, thanks David. One of the ladies wants to know if she’s gonna have a Beyonce bootie when she leaves. After checking out her ass David tells her she already has a Beyonce bootie, they’re just gonna make it higher and tighter.

 

And then I’m gonna tap that ass 

They begin to work out. In the middle of the park!!! I’m sorry but there is no way in hell I’d be working out in the middle of a park in New York. I cannot even imagine some of the comments that people made while walking on by. 

 

And how many children wondered why this guy is pooping in public! 

After the torture exercise session, the models get to sit down and talk with the women about their stories. One woman had to have heart surgery and a c-section at the same time, while another collapsed at her 48th birthday party. The girls are all really touched by these stories, and a couple of them even cry while listening to the women.

Enough touchy feely crap! Let’s go to the nail salon!

 

Someone has some big ass feet. 

While they’re sitting around getting their pedicures, Witchie Poo asks if the other girls think Sarah No Chin is the next to go. 

 

Kasey is not amused. 

She thinks that even if you think you DO know who’s going home, it’s something that you should keep to yourself. She tells Witchie Poo she doesn’t want anyone to leave, but Witchie Poo points out that that’s sort of the point of the competition. Kasey doesn’t want to talk about it, mmmkay?

 

Yeah, I’m totally gonna drop it.  

Witchie Poo points out that Sarah No Chin has been in the bottom a couple of times, so she was just wondering why they thought she was so unwanted. Valeria speaks! And now I know why she keeps her mouth shut. Yikes! She thinks it wasn’t Sarah’s fault. Not the first time, or the second time. 

 

And then she needs a nap 

Witchie Poo tells us she’s trying not to get emotionally attached to the game or the girls, so it does create her to be some bitch that everyone hates. Nah, I’d say you going out of your way to try and cause drama is what’s doing that for you Witchie dahlink.

 

Well, that’s how I’m playing the game. 

Okay, so here’s my question for this week…….is there really a game to play? The models seem to have very little control over who is picking them week after week, so what does she gain by purposely trying to create drama (other than more camera time)? It just seems like she’s going out of her way to be a certain way when it’s not even necessary. 

Witchie Poo is not done yet, when Lorena says she thinks Mila will pick her again, Witchie wonders what will happen if she doesn’t. Does Lorena think she will work well with another designer? Witchie herself is not worried because she feels like there are a few designers that would want to work with her, so if Ben goes home, she thinks someone else would pick her. 

 

God, I’d love to punch her in the uterus. 

And with those feelings of love and harmony, we skip on over to the button ceremony. 

 

I wish Heidi would stop airing out her vagina during the show. 

There are twelve designers left, but thirteen models on the runway. Thanks Heidi, I think we can all do the math by now.

Because Amy won the challenge, she is picking first. Of course she’s gonna pick Casey, right? Wrong!!!!! She picks Holly. 

 

Thufferin Thuccotash she did it to me again! Thoopid girlth! 

Holly is happy to be picked first and get it all over with, but she thinks there may be some drama going on between the designers and who picks who. Hmmmm, I wonder where she got a idea like that?

Anthony’s next and he steals Kristina away from Seth Aaron. Ben dumps Witchie Poo for Lorena, so Mila goes for Old Eyes. Seth Aaron picks Valeria, and Jaysian sticks with Monique. 

 

Stop by later and I’ll show you my appreciation! 

Straight Guy dumps Megan for Witchie Poo. Poor Megan! I can’t believe she got dumped after sticking up for him last week! Straight guys suck! 

 

Cannot Comprehend.

Megan would rather he have picked anyone but Witchie Poo, and backstage no one seems real happy to see her. I guess her game play is working out exactly as planned. 

Amish Girl is sticking with Cerri, and Jonathan wants to stay with Slutty. Kasey is ready to lose it. She’s looking at the designers that are left, and she doesn’t think she’s any of their type. Sure enough Emilioth ith netht and he pickth Brittany. She’s relieved and excited.

Maya is next and she chooses Megan which leaves Kasey and Sarah No Chin as the last two models standing. It’s all up to Betsy Wetsy now. Of course neither of the girls are happy to be up against each other, but neither of them wants to go home either. I feel a friendship coming to an end. And Betsy Wetsy chooses……….

 

Kasey 

 

Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way owt. 

Kasey goes backstage and cries about how awful she feels which ends up being fairly crappy as Sarah is forced to comfort her friend WHO IS STAYING. She’s much nicer than I am.

In her final interview Sarah breaks down telling us that she thinks she was being strong for Kasey and now she’s sad thinking about saying good bye. She tells us she met some really amazing girls and she wants them all to do well.

 

Except for Witchie Poo. I hope she rots in hell. 

And there you have it, Gasmi. Another model bites the dust. What did you think of this week’s episode? Was it Sarah No Chin’s time to go? What about Witchie Poo’s “strategy”? Do any of you think it makes sense? If so, can you please explain it to me?

Next week, Heidi has a surprise for the models! Please let it be enemas! They have a photo shoot in a men’s dress shirt and nude panties. The girls are contemplating burning Witchie Poo at the stake! Will the excitement ever end??

Here’s hoping I can stay awake next week!

SWAK, PottyMouth