Models Of The Runway: Dream On

On tonight’s Models Of The Runway, Witchie Poo continues to be annoying, the girls get to do a photo shoot at Marie Claire, and I realize I haven’t yet mentioned Heidi’s atrocious opening credits outfit.

 

But did I really need to? 

Have you already forgotten which designer got sent home this week? Well then, you’re in luck!

 

I have a strange feeling of deja vu 

When Amish Girl is told that Rumspringa is over, Cerri tells us that she is totally and utterly up shit’s creek. I’m waiting for the “without a paddle” part, but that never comes so perhaps she’ll be able to kayak her way to safety.

Amish Girl comes back to get her hug good bye, and Cerri tells us it’s heartbreaking to see her go.

 

I was hoping to get you naked wasted before you had to go back to the farm. 

Once the loosah clears the room, in comes Flamingay, still glowing from his win. I almost didn’t recognize Kristina; she’s smiling!! Yes, you heard me right. SMILING.

 

And you call yourself Croatian. 

Hey, has anyone else noticed that Kristina always sounds like she’s got a stuffy nose when she talks? You know who else sounds like that? Omarion. But I’ll save that for another recap.

The Flamingay is very popular, and all the girls run up to hug him. 

 

Ass Kissers. 

Kristina is very happy for him and thinks it’s a big deal that his dress is gonna be on the cover of Marie Claire. Whatevs. It’s no Vogue. 

Time for our weekly Klum Klatch!

Heidi wants to know what the models thought of this week’s challenge. Kasey thinks they all wanted to win because that way they’ll be remembered. By who? Do any of you remember who designed the dress on last month’s cover of Marie Claire? I don’t even know what celeb or model was on the cover let alone the designer of the outfit. Of course, I’m no fashionista though, so maybe other people keep track of these things. Anyone?

Heidi tells Kristina she was paired with Flamingay, and he won. How stupid does Heidi think she is? Kristina thinks that she and Flamingay worked great together as a team and we see a clip of him saying he wants his look to be modern, young, sexy……Kristina adds, “and signature”. Great teamwork, Kristina!

 

Now shut up so I can finish pinning this thing. 

Kasey tells Heidi she really liked working with Betsy Wetsy because she’s really, really sweet. She just couldn’t deal with the 3 AM feeding and the poopy diapers. Oh, and the outfit sucked donkey dick too. Heidi thinks it looked a little Bavaria, Alps, milkmaid slash bridal.

 

So this is what a Bavarian milkmaid wears on her wedding day on the slopes of the Alps!  

I’m so glad Heidi cleared that up for me because I’ve been wondering my whole life about just that very thing. See? Not only can Models of the Runway be used as a sleep aid, it’s edumacational too!

Heidi points out to Cerri that she’s been with Amish Girl for every challenge and now Amish Girl is gone. Cerri says she doesn’t know what she’s going to do without her (hint: try to get another designer to pick you). She says all the models had a lot of respect for her.

Kasey agrees, saying the Amish Girl was sweet, and then here comes Witchie Poo to, well, poo on that. “But this is a game, it doesn’t matter if they’re sweet or not, it’s about if they can do the challenges and make what they’re supposed to.”

 

STFU 

Witchie Poo says she keeps getting the stink eye from everyone. That’s because you’re annoying as hell and they all want you to fuck off. Brittany thinks Witchie Poo is rude and not a very nice person. Witchie Poo says she guesses she’s just going to have to deal with the way they’re going to treat her. As if she’s played no part in the fact that they don’t like her.

 

I don’t understand WHY she’s not more popular. 

Heidi has a little surprise for them. Joanna Coles (editor-in-chief of Marie Claire) was paid off has agreed to let them do a little photo shoot.  Oooooo, Aaaaahhhhh. And in case you’ve forgotten, Heidi reminds them (and us) that the model that is paired with the winner of Project Runway will be in Marie Claire magazine. But probably only that one time.

And that kompletes this week’s Klum Klatch.

 

I still hate you all! 

When they get back to Anorexia Apartments, Megan puts on her thinking cap and tells the others that she thinks the photo shoot may have something to do with the elimination. She also thinks Maya liked working with her but she’s not sure she’d pick her again and she thinks maybe Straight Guy would pick her, but maybe he wouldn’t.

 

Thinking makes me sleepy 

Cerri is really worried now that Amish Girl is gone. She doesn’t think she suits the criteria of what the other designers are looking for in their models. I don’t know about that; she’s pasty and skinny. I think there are a few designers that would go for that. But she’s worried.

The next day Witchie Poo is back to her shit stirring. This time she tells Megan she had a dream and Megan was in it. But a weird version of Megan. In the dream Megan kept getting fatter and fatter and fatter and then she stormed off and Witchie Poo can’t say the rest of it because it was kinda weird. Unlike the part where Megan was getting fatter and fatter and fatter.

 

“Seriously, you were Sumo fat in my dream.”  

Megan is not amused by any of this. Witchie Poo doesn’t understand why she’s taking it so personally. Yeah, right. Like she didn’t know that the fat dream would piss off a model. Sell it somewhere else, sista! Lorena thinks it’s funny how they all keep dreaming about each other. But Megan doesn’t dream that the other girls are fat!!!!!

 

How could someone dream such an awful thing about me?  

Time for the photo shoot! They head on over to the Hearst Building and meet up with Joanna Coles (editor-in-chief, Marie Claire) who makes sure to tell them she is editor in CHIEF. You know, in case they forgot. 

Kasey thinks it’s amazing to have this opportunity to work with Joanna Coles (editor-in-chief, Marie Claire) because as a model those connections are really important to your career. As is staying skinny and avoiding sudden outbreaks of acne.

Joanna brought them here because she really wants to see what they as individual models can bring to the shoot.

 

I’ll also be letting Heidi know which of you is not allowed to be paired with the winning designer. 

She has a rack of blue shirts as wardrobe for them as well as a tray of really gaudy jewelry that they can choose to use or not. But it’s really about them her (Joanna Coles, editor-in-chief, Marie Claire) getting a sense of their individuality, and bringing something of themselves to the page.

Backstage we see glimpses of the models getting ready. Cerri is gonna have a laugh, Old Eyes wants to rip the buttons off her collar, while Monique rightly says that she doesn’t think she needs any jewelry because her hair is so cool.

Slutty picks an ugly green necklace that actually works on her, and Witchie Poo toys with playing peek a boob.

 

Yes, even skinny girls can have saggy boobs. 

We get started on the shoot, and they each get five minutes. Seems like a long time for photos, doesn’t it? Slutty tells us that the sun shines out of Kasey’s ass, lighting up the whole room wherever she goes. Monique is told to use her body and she’s feeling good at the end of her five minutes.

Cerri needs to worry less about what’s going on around her, and Old Eyes starts out by saying she isn’t as pretty as the rest of the girls. She tells us she’s not one of the pretty smiling girls, and then shares that a couple of years ago she was attacked by a dog. It jumped up and bit at her face. Whoa. She’s really self conscious about it, sort of hiding her chin at one point, but really, I can’t even tell. Either the bite wasn’t too bad, or she’s had some really good work done.

Joanna (Coles, editor-in-chief, Marie Claire) says no one should ever get up there and say they’re not as pretty as everyone else. Do not apologize for being who you are. Even if you AREN’T as pretty as everyone else.

And then, it’s Witchie Poo’s turn.

Since they were told to be themselves, and she feels SOOOO sexy and confident, she just knows she’s one of the top girls. Uh huh. Keep telling yourself that. Everyone else tries not to barf while watching her be “sexy” and “confident”.

 

I should have held out for more money 

When the models return to Anorexia Apartments Megan is still upset about Witchie Poo’s dream. Get over it already!! She must have actually eaten today and is feeling guilty or something. 

Witchie Poo tells us that for some reason, even though she is such a nice person, everyone in the house seems to have a problem with her. Oh please!  Like she has NO IDEA why. I thought she wasn’t here to make friends?  Ugh. Make it stop.

No one listens to me. Witchie Poo continues to try to hog as much camera time as possible by now apologizing to Megan, saying she’s sorry for talking about her dream, and she didn’t want Megan to take it personally, and she doesn’t want people to hate her because of what she said. It was just a dream.

 

But can I have a lock of your hair so I can make it come true? 

Megan thanks her for her apology and gives her a hug, but Brittany’s not buying it. She thinks Witchie Poo always has to be the center of attention and that’s what this was all about.

But Witchie Poo’s not done yet. Oh no. She then proceeds to tell Megan that it’s really not a bad thing that she dreamed that Megan was a fattie. You see, she looked up dream meanings and dreaming someone is fat is actually a sign of prosperity.

 

See? It says it right here in Wikipedia. What?!? No I DID NOT put that entry in there myself! Must be another Witchie Poo!  

Elimination time!

Heidi comes out on the runway looking like the Greek goddess of pregnancy.

 

I will be popping out babies into my sixties! And I will still be skinnier than ALL of you! 

Did you know that the model that is paired with the winning designer of Project Runway will receive a fashion spread in Marie Claire magazine? Oh. How about that she’ll receive $25,000 from an overpriced French makeup company? Know-it-alls.

There are eleven designers left, but twelve models. Since you all know so much, I’m sure you can do the math.

Megan tells us that they all just want one person to go home. Wondering who? Well, her first name rhymes with bitchy, and her last name is poop without the last p.

 

W.P. Go Hoooooome. 

Lorena told Witchie Poo that all the girls want her to go home, but she’s not bothered by that because she’s here to win the game, not make friends. I can’t get over how nice she is! I really can’t understand why they all hate her. Jealousy is ugly, y’all.

Before the designers get to the model picking, Heidi thinks they should know how the models photograph. Why? I’m sure they could give a rat’s ass about how photogenic they are. This is Project RUNWAY, not Project Picture. Amirightoramiright? 

Heidi tells them that yesterday the models had a test shoot with Joanna Coles, editor-in-chief of Marie Claire magazine. Under each of their chairs is a copy of the latest issue a folder with the pictures of the models that did the best and worst at the shoot. 

Best of the shoot? Monique and Slutty. Worst? Witchie Poo and Old Eyes. Well, so much for not apologizing for who you are. Oh. Maybe that was why. Also?

 

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL 

Alright, it’s time to choose the models. As the winner Flamingay goes first. He bypasses the best of the shoot and decides to stick with Kristina. Emiloth ith up netht and he wathteth no time getting Holly back.

 

Thuck on that one, I-Ramy! 

Old Hambert keeps Valeria, and Ben had a great time with Lorena, so he is keeping her. Betsy Wetsy switches over to Brittany, dumping Kasey, while Straight Guy decides to stick with Witchie Poo.

 

I am so breaking up with him now. 

Witchie Poo predicts that the girls backstage will not be happy to see her. She is correct. She’s excited that Straight Guy didn’t care about her being on the worst of the shoot list, and she’s excited to keep working with him. She also has a crush on him.

 

Actually I watch to crush his bones and use them in one of my potions, tee hee hee hee! 

The top two for the photography have still not been picked. Told ya! Oh, I spoke too soon because Jaysian is up next and he’s sticking with Monique. Jonathan tells Slutty he had a great time working with her, and he totally respects her, but he’s going back to Old Eyes.

 

I totally wasted that blow job. 

Maya’s next and she stays with Megan, Amy picks up Slutty since Emilioth thole back Holly. It’s all down to Mila. Will she pick Cerri or Kasey? 

 

God I wish Witchie Poo was still up there so I could send her ass home! 

Cerri wishes she wasn’t in the bottom two with Kasey because she is the hair gel of all the models. I think she meant to say that Kasey NEEDS gel more than the other models. 

Mila picks Cerri, and so Kasey is owt. The other girls cry. Because they are safe and someone else is going home. Models! Kasey feels like this outpouring of emotion means that she made an impact. She’s feeling a lot of love. She’s proud of how far she made it and guesses that it was just her time to go.

 

I’m calling No Chin as soon as I get home so we can cry together 

Monique tells us that each elimination is harder because even though you want to do well and stay, you don’t want the people that you’re close to going home. It’s sad. You know who’s not sad to see Kasey go?

 

How’d you know? 

Witchie Poo tells us she’s actually excited to see Kasey go because she is one of the favorite girls in the house, so it makes all the other girls weak and stressed out and makes them want to leave because it’s so hard to deal with.

 

Yeah, I totally see your nice side now. 

So that’s it for this week, Gasmi. What did you think? Were you sad to see Kasey go? Did you think the designers would give a crap about photos when choosing their models? Do you want to see Witchie Poo crash and burn?

Next week Cerri doesn’t appreciate messy people, Lorena doesn’t like people yelling in her ear, Megan loves feedback and Witchie Poo is still trying to get people to believe she is sexy. Oh, and Cerri hates kids.

See you then!

SWAK, PottyMouth