On tonight’s Models of the Runway, we learn that moms will take ANY chance to spend a few hours away from their kids.
There’s no charge? Seriously? Okay! See you next week, suckers!
But I’m getting ahead of myself. First we have to start out where we start EVERY FUCKING WEEK.
It just keeps getting more and more exciting, doesn’t it?
Slutty tells us even she can tell her outfit is all sorts of crazy, while Brittany tells us that Betsy Wetsy is more of a plain Jane (Walmart) designer than the others. She’s pretty sure Betsy Wetsy will be going home.
Once we’ve seen her aufed again, Betsy Wetsy comes backstage to (literally) cry on her model’s shoulder.
The models are actually really nice to her, prolly cause they afraid of drowning.
Once the loosah clears the room, here comes Old Hambert for his celebratory hug. Valeria tells us everybody was so happy.
This is what a happy Croatian looks like
Kristina makes sure to jump up and give Old Hambert a hug also. She tells us she wants him back as her designer. She thought the jacket he made for Valeria was amazing. Old Hambert thanks Valeria for doing such a great job, and tells her he wants to do it again.
I am so happy for her.
Kristina tells us that Old Hambert’s style best suits her and she knows she’s eventually going back to him.
Dream on, biatch!
The girls want to know if Brittany’s nervous since her designer was aufed. Nope. jfdbndjvfbajrgiafhnaif Sorry. I just dozed off. Too much excitement, I guess.
Time for this week’s Klum Klatch!
Heidi wants to know how they liked the last challenge with the little girls. The general consensus seems to be that they had fun. Monique tells us they got to show them little tricks and techniques. Let’s see what some of those were……
Walk Like An Egyptian
I’m fucking pretty! Why do I have to wait in this line like everyone else??
If you wait long enough, someone will just pick you up and move you themselves
I don’t understand why other girl’s don’t like me, I’m really nice, but I’m not here to make friends
I fucked your boyfriend and I don’t care!
Wow! That’s a lot to take in all in one day; I sure hope those little girls took notes. They are sure to go back to these lessons over and over in the years to come.
Holly tells Heidi that her little model was adorable, and her dress made her feel very motherly. Probably because it was longer than one inch below her ass. Heidi still thinks she was one sexy momma.
She then moves along to Cerri who tells her that she’s not a real kid lover.
Kids are yucky
She says she doesn’t particularly want to have any anytime soon or, you know, EVER. She may be Irish, but not all micks want big families; some of them just want to be drunk all the time.
Heidi tells Witchie Poo that all the judges really thought she stood out today. She’s happy with this news, and tells Heidi that she felt very comfortable and sexy in her dress. She feels like that is her personality. Huh? Is sexy a personality?
Of course we see all the other girls rolling their eyes at this because no one there (or on the planet Earth) thinks Witchie Poo is sexy.
Jeesh! Heidi sure is talking a lot this week! Now she wants to talk about how Megan is the youngest model here. What’s that like? She enjoys it because she’s only been modeling for three months and she’s learned a lot from the other girls. In case you were wondering (and even if you weren’t) Megan is eighteen. Many of the girls started modeling before eighteen, but Megan’s excited to hear that Heidi herself didn’t start until she was eighteen. Megan thinks maybe she will be the next Heidi.
Not even in your dreams
Heidi’s really glad they had so much fun with the little girls, so she’s decided to send them on a little picnic in Central Park so that they can spend even more time with the little angels.
And that is the konklusion of the Klum Klatch.
Back at Anorexia Apartments, Cerri is pissed about the state of the kitchen. Honestly, it doesn’t look SO bad. I shared an apartment in college with five other people, and THAT was disgusting. We had one guy that left dirty dishes in the sink before leaving on Christmas break. FOR A MONTH!!! I still gag thinking about that.
Not that I’m saying a leaky garbage isn’t gross, but it could be a hell of a lot worse. Cerri tells the group (Valeria, Brittany, Lorena & Megan) that they’re just being lazy, leaving it that way. She really seems to be getting through to them.
Lorena tells us she doesn’t like people yelling in her ear, basically sounding like a spoiled little fifteen year old. I have to say, I’d probably go nuts living with those girls. There are always going to be people in a group living situation that are the cleaners, and those that are the piggies. Sometimes there are people that fall in the middle. But dealing with people who simply refuse to pick up after themselves can be unbelievably frustrating.
Wanna know how we handled the piggy roommate situation in college? After the whole Christmas break disgustingness, his attitude did not improve. So, after watching his dishes pile up in the sink one week, we decided to put all his dirty dishes in his bed. Nice? No. Mature? Nope. Did he do it again? Nyet.
My point is, I understand Cerri’s aggravation. Old Eyes says some of the girls are just younger than others. Cerri sums it up by saying, “Kids, man.” And then she makes an appointment to get her tubes tied the following day. What? Just because they didn’t show it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.
The next day the ladies are getting ready for their picnic, and Cerri tells Old Eyes she doesn’t agree with kids wanting to be models, and if she had a kid she wouldn’t let her be a model. Interesting. She tells us that modeling got a mixed reaction from her family (Da didn’t like it, Ma said it was fine) and she was sort of stuck in the middle. Not fun for a fifteen year old.
Witchie Poo is so excited. She’s excited to be able to spend extra time with the kids, but also to be out in nature. It’s her favorite thing.
Slutty’s excited to hang out with her kid away from the nerves of the runway. Cerri is nervous. She’s sitting with Monique and her kid who’s telling them that ballet teachers and gymnastics teachers are always telling you the same three things: “Point your toes, tuck in your butt, and suck in your belly.” LOL, that’s too true. Cerri tells her that’s exactly what you also get told for modeling. And then she tells us she had a great time with the kids. Awwwwww.
Holly annoys me by talking in a baby talk voice with her kid. Other than that she seems to enjoy the time, telling us that it felt really good when Lauren told her she was pretty. It should, because kids don’t sugar coat their words. If she thought you were fug, she’d sure as shit tell you. It made her think about possibly having kids.
You remind me of my teacher, Mr. Moore.
Shut up, kid! I’m all woman!
Moving over to Megan, she’s so excited because she has so much in common with her little girl. They both like Hanna Montana, favorite color is pink, and she feels like they really connected.
And then Johnny looked at me, and I thought it meant he liked me, but I wasn’t sure, what do you think? Do you think he likes me? Let’s call him and you can ask him if he likes me and I’ll listen while you ask him and then we can giggle and giggle and giggle and braid each other’s hair. Can you ask my mom if you can sleep over? It will be so much fun!
Megan’s so happy to be able to sit and chat with someone who really gets her. And they can really share stuff about each other. About hair scrunching and other really important things.
Later that night a few of the models are on the town, Where? I have no idea. But they decide to do their walks for each other. We don’t get to hear what bitchy things they say about each other’s walks, but Megan is so happy to be able to do her walk for the other girls and hear what they think and learn from them.
Goooooooooo Models! YAY!!!!!
And before you know it, it’s the morning of the elimination ceremony. Brittany’s not nervous because when it’s your time, it’s your time. Words to live by. Lorena’s not nervous either. Yeah, I don’t think she really has a reason to be though, do you?
Cerri is convinced she’s going to go today. Old Eyes says no way, but Cerri tells us she’s really nervous and even though her designer (Mila) is safe, Cerri doesn’t think that she’s really Mila’s type. She tends to choose the darker haired girls. We’ll find out soon enough because here comes Heidi and her bag o’buttons!
God, I hope she doesn’t go into labor; we’ll be able to see the baby crowning!
Let’s bring out the models!
Model kickline! 5, 6, 7, 8!
There are ten designers left and eleven models. We all know what that means.
Someone’s going to have to start paying for their own laxatives?
Let’s begin. Old Hambert won the challenge, so he gets to pick first. Valeria is kind of sure he will pick her, but a little worried that he might go back to Kristina. He decides to stick with good integrity (WTF???) and so he chooses Valeria.
Emilioth ith picked thecond and tho he wathteth no time in choothing Holly.
Anthony’s up next and he picks Kristina, followed by Mila who does indeed decide to drop Cerri. Instead she picks Old Eyes which Lorena is surprised by given the fact that she was Mila’s model when she won that challenge.
Maya dumps Megan for Lorena, Straight Guy sticks with Witchie Poo, and Ben decides to switch over to Slutty now that Maya has stolen Lorena from him. Plus, he heard she gives really good hand jobs. It’s all the same if you close your eyes, right?
I-Ramy is up next and she chooses Monique, followed by Jonathan who decides that the pale people have to stick together so he chooses Cerri.
Hooray for whities!!
And now we’re down to Brittany and Megan. Jaysian has to decide who is staying and who is going home. They sort of look the same to me. Wasting no time, Jaysian picks Brittany and so, Megan is owt.
Cannot Comprehend (The Final Chapter)
She’s very sad to be leaving and does a little squeaky crying thing when she goes back to hug the girls, but she seems to pull it together well and is actually joking around with them before she leaves, Brittany says she was quick to draw a judgment when she first met Megan, but now she really likes her.
Megan tells us competing with these girls that are
ancient so much older and dried up so much more experienced than her has really taken her career for a whole new level. She can’t wait to see what it’s going to do for her.
What did I do with that kid’s number? I wonder if her mom will let me sleep over tonight.
There you have it, Gasmi. Another week over, another model aufed. Were you happy Cerri got to stay? What time do you think those moms finally picked their kids up? Can YOU tell Megan and Brittany apart?
Next time, everyone hates Witchie Poo Part Two! According to my DVR guide, no new show next week, so I guess we’ll have to wait a little while for the Witchie Poo hatefest. Until then, don’t forget to count your calories! And barf, barf, barf!