Models Of The Runway: Swimming With Sticks

Tonight’s Models of the Runway is all about a pool party. Sound exciting? It is! If you’re a tree.

 

HAWT. 

The models are gathered back stage once again, ready to provide us with their insight and thoughts on tonight’s elimination.

 

“I feel like me and Holly are in the same boat; we both have not the best dress.” 

 

I hate you 

Witchie Poo thinks that she rocked, so maybe Holly was worse than her. Uh, Witchie Poo? That’s not gonna help your designer, you moron. Of course she’s SHOCKED when Straight Guy is sent home. She’s not letting this get her down though. She is confident that someone else will want to chose her and be excited that she’s not working with anyone in particular.

Holly tells the other girls that it’s intense for her because Emilioth is the only designer that she knows wants to work with her. Even though he sent her down the runway half naked, she’d be happy to stay with Emilioth.

 

Holly looks more like a Harry! WOW. 

Jaysian comes prancing backstage for his winner’s hug, and Brittany’s excited to see him. She’s probably waiting for him to get her out of those trash bag pants. Can you imagine how sweaty she is under those things?

 

My boobs have disappeared! Oh wait. I didn’t have any. 

Jaysian reminds everyone that this is his second win. Like they care. As always, the winner has to clear the room before the loosah arrives. So Jaysian goes out, and in comes Straight Guy to say his good byes and try to arrange for a pity fuck before he goes.

 

The least you could do is meet me in the men’s room before I leave. Sound good? 

 

That’s not how I’m playing this game. 

After Straight Guy leaves to go find someone else to bang, Witchie Poo starts in on her usual mantra that she knows there are a lot of designers that really like her because she’s actually talked to them. She’s not that worried. The other girls give her dirty looks that seem to scream “Die, bitch, die!”

 

Either that or someone cut a really stinky fart. 

Time for this week’s edition of Klum Klatch!

Heidi wants to know what they thought of this week’s challenge. Holly says she thinks hers had all the washers in New York on it. Not true Holly. If that were the case your ass wouldn’t have been hanging out.

Heidi asks how it felt to not have much on and Holly tells her it was breezy.

 

It really aired out my cooch. 

She says it would have been different if it had been a swimsuit challenge and everyone else was half naked too, but she was the only one. 

We then move along to Brittany and Heidi tells her that the wig was a great new look for her. And then she goes over to Witchie Poo, pointing out that her designer was eliminated. Witchie Poo tells Heidi it’s a shame, but someone has to go. She’s not overly concerned.

Heidi has decided that all the girls deserve a little rest, so she’s organized a pool party for them. Now if this were any other show there’d be some cruel sadistic twist here…….

 

The pool will be a vat of sewage that you must survive in order to move on to the next round.  

Ah, we can only hope. Heidi tells them not to get too tan, and sends them on their way.

Over at Anorexia Apartments, the girls are asking Witchie Poo if she’s nervous because Straight Guy got eliminated. Not so much. She thinks other designers like her as well. She tells us she’s been scoping out Old Hambert from the beginning.

 

Hey, do you think you could get me five minutes alone with the old guy? What for? Um, well, abracadabra! Don’t ask me why, just do it! 

Another designer she’s had her eye on is Emilioth because he’s told her he loveth her walk, and how he really hoped to work with her. Do you think she’s actually had that conversation out loud with him, or was it wishful thinking in her head?

 

Also, Heidi’s told me I’m the best one here, Michael Kors whispered that I’m his new muse, and Nina wishes she could be me.  

She reminds us again that she’s not really trying to be herself in the house because she’s playing the game in a certain way. I honestly still don’t understand the point of that. I know she’s trying to psyche out the other girls, but all they do at elimination is stand there, so what are these head games going to accomplish. Model logic makes my head hurt.

 

Mine too! 

As they’re getting ready to go to the pool party, Cerri says they have to make a pact that there is to be no work talk there. Everyone agrees. Well, glad to see that that’s all settled.

Time for the pool party!

This look less like a party and more like Heidi just borrowed someone’s backyard for the day. Oh well, I’m sure the girls will have a great time away from work and not thinking or talking about it all day.

Lorena tells us they’re all having a fun time because they don’t usually get a break. Well, what are they doing while the designers are designing and sewing and all that stuff? Cleaning Heidi’s house or something?

 

Seal won’t tolerate a dirty bathroom. 

Slutty tells us she started modeling when she was thirteen, so she kind of missed out of the high school thing, and she’s always been kind of scared of other girls. Well Slutty, don’t boink their boyfriends and they won’t try to kill you!

There is jumping and splashing, and the girls seem to be having a great time. But look! Is it a shark? Is it a water borne virus? Is it a turd floating in the pool? Nope. It’s Witchie Poo!

 

Flying in on her raft to spoil all the fun. 

“But are you guys nervous about elimination though?” Oh no she di-int! If only these girls had paid attention in school, or you know, WENT, then they would know that witches can’t swim! Girls! She’s powerless without her raft!!!!

Cerri is PISSED. They made a pact not to talk about work, and she doesn’t want to hear any work talk.

 

Maybe we could drown her. 

That’s what I was just saying Cerri! Brittany talks about how Witchie Poo is a pain in everyone’s ass. It’s not that she doesn’t like her…….

 

She just gives everyone a migraine whenever she walks into the room. 

That night, back at Anorexia Apartments, Witchie Poo is outside talking to Slutty. She tells her she’s really sort of stressed out right now. Hmmmmmm…..seems your “strategy” may be backfiring on you, huh? Dope.

 

Everyone hates me, but I’m a really nice person, I’m just not being a nice person here because I have a stupid strategy to make them stressed but I’m stressed and I don’t understand why no one likes me. 

I get really annoyed by people like this. You say you’re playing a game and you don’t care if people like you or not, but then get upset when people don’t like you! Give me a fucking break! 

Slutty tells her that all the girls think she’s a big phony fake. Slutty feels sad that the other girls aren’t getting to know the real Witchie Poo.

 

I know, but I can’t even allow them to see who I am because that will mess my game up. But why don’t they like me? 

 

I’m not even sure why I like you anymore. 

And then Witchie Poo hugs a tree. For real. She hugs some poor defenseless tree. That immediately shrivels up and dies.

Inside everyone is eating dinner and trying to figure out which designers might want to work with them. Old Eyes thinks that Jonathan or Mila will pick her. Brittany hopes that Jaysian picks her because they won. She says that Jaysian told her when she was getting her hair and makeup done that if he stays she’s definitely going to stay. Hopefully he’s not a big fat liar!

Old Eyes points out that Jaysian was the designer who had Kasey and then dropped her after they won.

 

I think I might barf. Oh wait, I barf after every meal. 

Holly feels pretty good that Emilioth will pick her. After all, she did walk down the runway almost naked for him. Witchie Poo asks a couple of the girls if they think they’re all even or are there a couple of weakling models still around.

 

Weakling? No. Annoying? Yes! 

Do they think anyone’s gonna switch it up at all? Slutty says they always do, don’t they? Witchie Poo isn’t worried at all because she’s an amazing walker, better than some of the other girls.

Elimination time!

There are nine designers left, but ten models standing here. In the end, there will be one model on the runway, and that model will be burned at the stake owt.

Because Jaysian won the challenge, he picks first. After a really long pause he chooses Brittany. She tells us she didn’t know what to do when she walked backstage because it was just her. LOL, she’s been on the bottom so many times, she used to a whole room full of girls waiting for her.

 

Um……..yay?? 

Up next is Old Hambert and he sticks with Valeria. Maya stays with Lorena, and Anthony stays with Kristina. Emilioth ith up netht, and we all KNOW he’th thicking with Holly, right? Wrong! Apparently the thight of her cooter wath tho frightening to him that he hasth dethided to thake thingth up. He chootheth Monique.

 

I’m gonna kick his lispy ass from here to next Tuesday. 

Wow. That was a really shit thing to do considering that he sent her down the runway with her ass hanging out and she didn’t even complain about it! I have to admit, that one surprised me.

 

Then I’m gonna take these fingers and gouge his eyes out. 

Mila stays with Old Eyes, Ben stays with Slutty, and Jonathan sticks with Cerri. So now it’s all down to I-Ramy. She has to choose between Holly and Witchie Poo.  Holly tells us she’s sweating and freaking out. The girls backstage say they have to be nice to Witchie Poo if she doesn’t get picked. Witchie Poo is not worried.

I-Ramy calls Witchie Poo’s name…….

“I’m really sorry. Holly, I’d love to work with you again.” Oh snap! She did a total fakeout and Witchie Poo really thought I-Ramy was going to pick her!! Did she not remember how I-Ramy and Emilioth were fighting over Holly in the beginning of the competition??

Holly is overly joyed not to be going home. The girls are overly joyed to see her.

 

 

And all the models in Model Land rejoiced! 

 

And now, you will be burned at the stake 

Back at Anorexia Apartments, Witchie Poo packs and shows off a dress she wishes she could have worn. But alas, it’s now time for her to get on her broomstick and fly away. See you at Sabbat!

And that concludes another week of Models of the Runway. What did you think, Gasmi? Wasn’t the pool party ultra exciting? Were you happy to see Witchie Poo go? What did you think about Emilioth’th shocking betrayal? 

Next week, Heidi tells them they all need to step it up. Something is making everyone feel like scum, and Slutty is having performance issues. See you there!

SWAK, PottyMouth