Models Of The Runway: Valeria’s Choice

On tonight’s Models of the Runway, Valeria has a dilemma, the models become photographers for the day, and Jonathan is an asshole.

Portrait of a Jackass. 

Once again the models are watching the elimination from their model lounge back stage. Kristina doesn’t want Flamingay to go home. Cerri tells us she likes her dress and that’s all that matters.

Delusion, thy name is Cerri. 

As we all already know, Flamingay is sent home. Kristina says she’s more worried about his feelings because he is so nice. And of course she’s worried that no one will choose her now.

Emilioth cometh backthage for hith winner’th hug. I still don’t understand how he won this challenge. Lorena feels like she works really well with Emilioth, he’s amazing.

Maybe he can design you a hat that will cover your forehead. 

We see a clip of them bonding over the fact that they’re both from New York. 

But will they make it past the Yankees/Mets discussion???? 

Onth he’th gone, Flamingay comes in to say his good byes. He tells Kristina that his prayer was for him to stay, but now his prayer is that Kristina will stay and do what he couldn’t. 

“Dear God, please let Kristina stay and kick all these other bitches’ asses.” 

God: “I’ll be sure to do that. I’ll pencil her in between my meeting with the Easter Bunny and Never O’Clock.” 

He wants them all to know that you don’t have to have the crown to be the queen.

I beg to differ. 

He tells them to make this opportunity everything they need it to be, and then he’s off. Bye Flamingay! We will miss you.

Valeria gets a call from her agent on the sidekick of doom. She’s been confirmed for a DKNY job that she went for a few weeks ago. She really wants to do this. Really. Except…….

So she goes back to the model’s lounge to share the news with her friends. She tells them she doesn’t know whether or not she should do it. Old Eyes wonders if it’s a print job, and starts to say something about if it’s not a lot of money. Valeria says it IS a lot of money.

Old Eyes tells us this could be a once in a lifetime opportunity, and that’s why they all work in this business. 

Damn, Old Eyes! Go take a nap or something! You look like shit! 

Now we get to the real reason for Valeria’s dilemma. Old Hambert. She tells us about how great they work together, and how she wants to present his clothes at Bryant Park, but her ohmygodiloveyousomuch! face says something a little different. She doesn’t know what to do.

Do your kids have a pet bunny? I just love rabbit stew. 

Klum Klatch time!

Heidi is curious to know what Old Eyes thought about Mila’s dress this week. She says she actually liked it because it matches the painting her three year old niece did for her last Christmas. Heidi reminds her that none of the judges were too fond of her walking. We see a clip of Kors telling her that as a model, she made it worse.

At least I didn’t make this face while I was walking! 

She says they’ve all been in that situation in a million times where you literally cannot walk in the dress. Old Eyes tells us that if anyone else had been in that dress it would have been a complete and utter disaster. At least this way it was just a complete disaster.

Heidi points out that Cerri stood up for Jonathan today. Oh yeah, she did! She basically told the judges that they were wrong, wrong, wrong about everything and that she loves her dress.

Simple as. 

We also see that Heidi told Jonathan that she doesn’t think he understands Cerri’s body shape and somehow he always seems to make her look shorter and wider. Cerri’s so thrilled to be called short and wide; it’s something that as a model, you dream of hearing.

Heidi wants to know if she really liked what she was wearing. Yes, Cerri tells her, and she was completely and utterly surprised and disgusted by the whole thing.

Are you on drugs? 

Does Cerri want to work with Jonathan again? She would totally and utterly work with him again, but she doesn’t know if he’ll pick her after what the judges said. I completely and utterly hope he does because I love her and don’t want her to go.

Anyone has any questions?

Well, not so much a question, but Valeria tells Heidi about her job offer from DKNY. Did you know it was DKNY? DKNY. But it’s gonna be the next runway day here, so she can’t make it. She tells Heidi she doesn’t know what to do; she wants to be in both.

You’re a greedy little model, aren’t you? 

Heidi tells her there won’t be a model elimination if she decides to leave. Brittany translates for those of us that didn’t understand. “If Valeria decides to leave the competition, that means that all the models this week will stay.” Phew! I’m so glad she told us that because I was totally unsure about what exactly Heidi meant.

Heidi thinks it’s a tough choice, but it’s better to be wanted than not wanted.

You really think Old Hambert wants me?!? 

Okay! So, Heidi wants them to go out into the streets of New York City and take some photos of themselves. Try to find their best light. 

Can we wait til dark? That’s my best light. 

And that’s a wrap for this week’s Klum Klatch. See you at elimination, Heidi!

We skip our regular visit to Anorexia Apartments and instead visit a local bar with Cerri, Kristina and Old Eyes. Cerri tells us they’re pretty sure one of them will be going home, they just haven’t figured out which one of them it will be.

Old Eyes thinks it’s very important to defend your designer, even when they make a preschool art project. 

I mean, did you see that thing? 

She’s really nervous because the judges weren’t too fond of her performance.

At least they didn’t say you looked short and wide all the time! 

Cerri tells Kristina that just because Flamingay is gone; it doesn’t mean she’ll be the one going home. Kristina thinks that the designers have chosen the girls they want to stick with, but I don’t know about that one, has Emilioth thettled on jutht one girl yet?

Cerri hopes Jonathan remembers that she stuck up for him. Me too, Cerri, me too. 

Worst bicycle ever. 

We head out onto the street of New York for model picture taking. Valeria thinks the shoot was really helpful because for models it’s really important to work with light.

Unless you’re five thousand years old. Then you should probably stay in the dark. 

We see Old Eyes doing most of the photography, and she tells us the importance of knowing the difference between a body shot and a head shot. Let me see if I can help her out here.

Body shot…… 

Head shot……. 

Any questions? 

Old Eyes tells us that she would have had more fun, but Brittany was being a whiny pain in the ass about the challenge. Brittany in turn tells us she wasn’t a huge fan of Old Eyes because she made her look stupid.

Oh honey, you do that all on your own. 

Lorena tells us that it’s really helpful having Kristina and Cerri in her group because she always listens to her elders. She says they helped her a lot with her poses. And then Cerri chimes in to tell us that Lorena is mental. She’s all about the hands and movement and voguing. She’s like, “Would you stay still, child? You don’t have to move around so much.”

Have I mentioned yet this episode how much I love Cerri? No? Well, I do. Simple as.  

When they return to Anorexia Apartments, they get to look at their pictures, but it’s really just an excuse for Monique to say HP Touchscreen Computer. Hey HP! I mentioned you too! Feel free to hook me up.

Old Eyes really likes Monique’s pictures, but her favorite ones are the ones of herself. So humble. I have to say, I think Kristina looks beautiful in her pictures.

Doncha think? 

And now onto the evening’s hot topic: What is Valeria going to do? She doesn’t know; she won’t be able to talk to Old Hambert before elimination, so she’s going to have to say her decision on the runway. Wow. How much would it suck if she gave up the job and he picked someone else? Oh wait, Old Hambert wouldn’t do that. He’s no Emilioth.

Old Eyes points out that she has two wonderful opportunities. Which one is right for her right now?

Mmmmmmmm, Ham. I’m sorry, what was you saying? 

Before you know it, it’s the morning of eliminations, and Cerri still really doesn’t know who is going to go. Will she stay with Jonathan? Will Kristina go now that Flamingay is owt? What about Old Eyes’ inability to walk in Mila’s dress? So many questions. Let’s get on with it, shall we?

No words. 

Before they get to the model selection, Heidi tells the designers that she needs to let them know something. Valeria has been offered a big modeling job, with a high profile client. Unfortunately this job will occur on the next runway day which means Valeria has to choose. Valeria, have you made that decision?

Darling, you gotta let me know 

Should I stay or should I go? 

**crickets** 

If you say that you are mine 

I’ll be here til the end of time 

You know I’m married, right? 

So you gotta let me know 

Should I stay or should I go? 

Uuuuhhhhhhhhhhh……. 

After some hemming and hawing and a conveniently placed commercial break, Valeria announces that she is staying. Nothing can tear her apart from Old Hambert! Nothing! 

Of course what Valeria seems to have forgotten is that Emilioth ith picking firtht, and even after his turn there is no guarantee that someone else won’t grab her up before Old Hambert gets his turn. Model logic strikes again.

Heidi points out that very fact before telling Emilioth that as the winner, he gets to pick first. He thayth he’th in it to win it, and he thinkth if he chootheth Lorena they Could. Go. All. The. Way! Wow. I’m a little shocked; I was sure he would go for the dick move and pick Valeria. I think if it was anyone other than Old Hambert he would totally have done it.

Old Ham has to be the luckiest designer ever as his name is chosen next. 

I got you, babe. 

See, Heidi? He loves me so much. 

And then she goes back stage and cries to Lorena about how she could have saved another girl. Oh, wah, wah, wah. 

Jaysian is next and he sticks with Brittany. Maya stays with Monique. The older girls are the last on the runway, and Cerri says they keep looking at each other thinking they can’t believe it’s them tree, the tree misfits as everyone’s calling them.

Old Eyes says when you’re someone that has performed consistently the entire competition, and all of the sudden you’re in the bottom three? You’re like…..

Jonathan gets to go next. He tells Cerri that he and the judges have very different ideas about what looks flattering on her…….so he’s going to switch to Old Eyes. What??!!!!!?? 

You’re an arsehole. Simple as. 

 

Are you fucking kidding me??!? 

Cerri thinks he didn’t have to say that; she just stuck up for him! Why would he say that? 

So now it’s all up to Mila. She has to choose between Kristina and Cerri. Honestly, it’s no surprise that she picks Kristina; she never has been a fan of the blonde girls.

 

 

That’s the second time this week an elimination has made me sad, by the way. Then Mila totally irritates me by making this face.

 

Ass. 

And with that, Cerri is owt. I am so pissed and sad about this; I really like her a lot. Stupid Jonathan. Valeria feels really bad, but Cerri tells her she made the right decision.

Back at Anorexia Apartments, Cerri packs her bags while telling us that when you’ve modeled for ten years and traveled so much, you constantly leave your family and friends behind; it becomes normal for you to say good bye to people.

She says saying good bye to the girls is the biggest challenge of all; some of them get so emotional. And then she’s out the door, telling Old Eyes and Kristina that one of them needs to win.

 

I’m off to find the nearest pub! 

What did you think, Gasmi? Are you as sad as I am to see Cerri go? Do you think Valeria made the right decision? Will Old Eyes be able to walk in her next outfit?

Next week, Old Eyes is all up in Brittany’s grill, and Kristina can’t say for sure that the designers are going to stay with their models to the end. I can feel my brain shutting down as I’m typing this. Just a quick nap, and I’ll see you after, k?

SWAK, PottyMouth