Models Of The Runway: Now You See Her, Now You Don’t

Hola my three amigos!! This week I was actually able to stay awake during Models of the Runway!! I know! Write it down, huh? Of course it had more to do with my rage over Boston Rob’s ouster from Survivor than any excitement this show may have had to offer.

Even they’re bored with the show. 

The up side is that I’ve finally found a use for this show; it can be used to calm down victims of extreme rage. However, I must caution you to use this tool with care as the slightest miscalculation could have extreme narcoleptic effects.

Anyway, on to the show! 

Backstage the models are waiting to see if Jonathan or Jaysian will be sent packing. Old Eyes really wants Jaysian to go home. Brittany is not amused. Old Eyes tells her she doesn’t mean to be mean, but NO, Jonathan is staying.

Your designer is stinkier than mine 

Old Eyes thinks it suck that Jonathan is one of the bottom two. Lorena thinks it’s rude of Old Eyes to say she wants Jaysian to go home because Brittany is sitting right there. Wait, what? Don’t they do this every episode? I’m fairly certain each week that the models with the bottom two designers are doing the ohpleaseohpleasenotmyguy chant.

Shut up. 

We see Heidi telling Jaysian his look is unflattering and Jonathan’s is only pretty from the back, and Old Eyes says she’d rather walk around backwards than be unflattering.

No offense.

And then she asks Brittany if she’d rather be fat or backwards. Brittany has yet to say one word during this entire exchange, if you could even call it that. She tells us she doesn’t care to argue with any of the girls.

Lorena feels really bad for Brittany because she’s just shutting herself off; when she’s pissed she doesn’t say anything because she doesn’t want to start with anyone.

If only someone would shut you off. 

So we all know that Jaysian stays and Jonathan goes. Brittany’s happy (obviously), Old Eyes is not. She doesn’t think Jonathan should have gone home. Well, when you become Heidi Klum we’ll all care what you’re opinion is. K? Thx. Bye.

Cerri is sad to see him go, and she’s also worried about Old Eyes. I think that’s really nice of her considering he dumped her ass last week. 

So nice to see ya, lassie! 

In comes Jonathan to get his loser’s farewell hug. Cerri jumps right up and runs over with Old Eyes to hug him. LOVE HER!!! He says there’s no hard feelings because at this point everyone’s so great. 

Uh……No. 

He says any little thing can send you home at this point. After wishing them luck and congratulating whoever may win, he leaves.

Unlike his dress, Jonathan does not look better from the back. 

Time for the winners to make their grand entrance. First we have the ever humble Emilioth. 

Doof. 

He skips on over to Lorena and tells her that they’re going all the way. Is it wrong of me to hope I see him crash and burn? I can’t help it! He brings out the meanie in me!

Lorena thinks that Emilioth’th outfits have a wow factor about them. “Whether it’s how he uses the draping or something like that. It’s always like something really cool.” Emilioth thinkth that the protheth of how they work together ith really inthpiring. 

Theriouthly. You are my inthpirathon. My muthe. The thiren thong I hear while thewing. 

And then in floats Flamingay like a breath of fresh air. Everyone is genuinely happy to see him. 

 

Or maybe Old Eyes and Brittany just really need to pee. 

Monique tells us she was really looking forward to working with Maya again, but everything happens for a reason, and working with Flamingay brought her her first win with a designer. Yay, Monique! Now all we have to do is get him to let you wear your hair naturally instead of making you straighten it!

Srsly. My hair is fried already. 

Kristina talks about how happy she is for Flamingay, how much she’s worked with him, and that she is really expecting him to pick her up again.

Hahahaha, you so funny…..hey! Did I mention? My hair’s already straight. 

But then again, he won this challenge with Monique, so maybe he will pick Monique. Yes, yes, we know; you have no idea what’s going to happen.

After Emilioth and Flamingay leave, Monique talks about how happy she is for Flamingay, coming back after being eliminated and promptly winning a challenge. Old Eyes immediately responds by saying she is mad. 

And then Cerri pipes up to say she really doesn’t get Jaysian’s outfits. 

This is coming from a woman who defended a disco straight jacket last week! 

Lorena asks what she doesn’t get. Okay, it’s not so much that she doesn’t get his outfits, she doesn’t like them. She thinks they’re very L.A. She thinks they’re the types of clothes you’d see girls with a lot of tan, blonde hair and really bad makeup wearing. Lorena disagrees. 

I know about this stuff, and you should like listen to me. 

Brittany thinks this latest outfit looks like a lot of work went into it, and she loves all his stuff. And then she talks about how much she really likes Jaysian and how great they work together.

Old Eyes isn’t done yet! She reminds Brittany that the judges were really mean about her boobs. Or, you know, the boobs in the dress. LOL. She tells us she doesn’t really have anything against Jaysian, she’s just not particularly fond of Brittany.

I’d never have known! 

Lorena no likey the picking on Brittany; she thinks maybe Old Eyes has some insecurities or something. Prolly a cause she’s old and shit. 

Cerri is still focused on the type of person that would wear Jaysian’s clothes. Tanned, blonde haired girls from Miami or L.A.

I may be blonde, but I’m not tan or from L.A. so I’m better than those bitches! 

Are you tired of hearing this same shit over and over? Me too! Good thing it’s time for Klum Klatch!!!

Heidi welcomes Cerri back, and then we go into a flashback of Valeria talking with Old Hambert about the Donna Karan job. In a nutshell, after she turned down the job to stay with her true love, they came back and offered her double the money. Old Hambert immediately tells her she should do it.

Holy shit! It looks like Mila’s wonky eye disease is contagious!! 

I actually thought it was really cool of him to be so cool with her; I bet Emilioth would have tried to make her feel guilty!

Back at Anorexia Apartments she tells the girls she’s decided to take the job, and that it’s for a full day in New York. I wonder if it’s the DKNY shoot that Kelly coordinated on Kell on Earth?!?! I bet it was! Does anyone still have the show? Can you look and see if you can spot Valeria?

And so, because Valeria decided to leave, Cerri is back! Old Eyes is Sooooo happy! Me too!!!!! 

 

 

Heidi asks Monique what she felt about losing Maya. She was shocked. Heidi too. Especially because we’re so close to the end. Monique relives for us her confusion arriving at the fitting with Maya to be found. But then, in the back of the workroom, she saw it. A bright blue shirt! It was Flamingay!

Yay! I can’t wait to straighten my hair again!!! 

We see Flamingay tell Monique and Kristina that Maya couldn’t handle the pressure, and coming back his main concern was whether or not someone had picked up Kristina. Wow, way to make Monique feel good, Flamingay. 

Back at the Klatch, Heidi points out that yet again, Lorena was with the winning designer. She says good thing Emilioth listened to Lorena. Oh Lord. Did she actually provide input?

Yup. 

BTW? I still hate your stupid hat. 

Great. Now she’ll be even more of a know-it-all than she already is. Feh. She tells Heidi it was more like a team effort which she really likes, you know? I wonder if Emilioth would thay it wath a team effort??

Heidi tells the girls she does think that the designer’s do trust them after a while. They’ve become the muse of that designer. I dunno about that, though. Do we really think that most of these designers would change their look based on what their model says? I don’t really see that.

Now Heidi turns her attention to Brittany. Did she really think Jaysian’s outfit was red carpet? Sure, with a few changes from the comments the judges made. Heidi’s like, “We made a lot of changes.”

Yeah, it’s red carpet if you burn the original and start all over again. 

As she continues to criticize it, Old Eyes and Cerri have a good chuckle. Brittany is not amused. Heidi moves on to Old Eyes. What did she think about her dress? She thinks it was very beautiful from the back. 

Heidi likes that she stood by her man and defended him on the runway, and asks if Old Eyes thinks he should have been eliminated today.

Oh HELL no. 

She says she thinks Jaysian should have been eliminated because any woman given the choice would rather have a dress that only looked good on one side than one that made them look big. I have to agree with her here; I would never buy something that I knew was going to make me look fat.

Lorena tries to stick up for her friend(‘s designer), saying she wouldn’t want to have to be looking over her shoulder the whole time. So let Old Eyes get this straight. You’d rather looked wide over 360 degrees than look amazing for 180? 

Is this like that Kevin Bacon game? That one always confuses me. 

Heidi thinks they’re all doing a great job, and she has a surprise for them. They’re all going to get a little bit of pampering (while participating in yet another commercial). She says she’d join them if she could (but her fee is too high).

And so another Klum Klatch ends.

 

Back at Anorexia Apartments, Monique washes off the chalkboard surrounding Maya, and reinstates Flamingay’s chalk cheers.

And then, it’s commercial pampering time!

I am here to pamper you! Garnier, Garnier, Garnier. Let’s get to the pampering. With Garnier of course. Let me tell you about Garnier. 

The only people we see getting anything done is Brittany and Old Eyes, and it’s boring as fuck so I’m done talking about this whole thing. Garnier.

Later, Monique, Brittany and Lorena head out to buy ice cream (huh???) and Monique tells us how happy she is and how good it feels to be with a winning designer. 

She is concerned about how Flamingay’s going to pick in the eliminations because she knows he loves Kristina. Lorena definitely doesn’t want Monique to go home because she thinks Monique really wants to be here and that’s important. But she also really loves Kristina, so she can’t, like choose between the two of them.

It cannot be said enough: Shut. Up. 

Monique asks Brittany if she thinks Jaysian will pick her again. Uh, ye-eah. Duh. She tells us she went from being completely nervous about being sent home every week to being with a strong designer that she feels is going to pick her every week.

So, suck it bitches! 

That night at Anorexia Apartments, the oldies are sitting around, and Cerri says the thought of being eliminated again is a pain in the arse. She tells us that when she got the call to come back she was concerned. She thinks it’s weird to come back knowing you may get eliminated.

Hopefully NOT. 

Old Eyes thinks it’s really going to come down to who Flamingay chooses. If he goes back to Kristina, Cerri has a better chance of being chosen by Old Hambert again. If Flamingay picks Monique? It’s questionable. 

And then, it’s elimination time! Heidi has chosen to celebrate the return of Flamingay by dressing in the colors of his natural plumage.

She has not yet made a decision about conducting the elimination ceremony standing on one foot. 

Sometimes you just have to go with what feels right in the moment. Let’s bring out the models. There are five designers and six models, in the end one of them will be left on the runway, and that model will be owt.

As the winner, Emilioth ith up firtht. He chootheth Lorena. Interestingly, when choosing he asks her if she wants to try it one more time. I immediately wonder if he will fuck her over the way he did Holly.

Flamingay’s going next because he was The Other Winner. Kristina’s hoping he picks her. Monique is hoping he picks her. He says to please know there is a method to his madness…….and he chooses Monique.

I want to see how many times we can straighten your hair before it all falls out. 

Old Hambert is up next. He tells Cerri he really had a good time working with her, but he is choosing Kristina.

“I had a great time working with you” is totally the designer’s “I hope we can still be friends” isn’t it? 

Mila’s next and she stays with Old Eyes, so it’s up to Jaysian to choose between Brittany and Cerri. Cerri tells us she’s standing on the stage, and everyone’s walking by her one by one, and she just really wishes they’d get this over with already.

She really didn’t want it to be her and Brittany on the runway as the last two because Brittany’s very young and she has a bit of an attitude. Jaysian tells Cerri he admires the way she walks, and for a minute here I was thinking maybe he was going to choose Cerri over Brittany, but NO. He picks Brittany, and so, for the second week in a row Cerri is owt.

What a crock of shite. 

Brittany tells us she never really spoke with Cerri beyond arguing about their designers, so she doesn’t really care that Cerri is owt. Little Biatch.

Heidi tells Cerri she is owt, and hilariously, Cerri asks her if she’s sure this time.

I wish you didn’t have to go! 

She really hopes that Old Eyes and Kristina make it to Bryant Park, and that one of them is the winner. 

²  

Lorena thinks that Old Eyes and Kristina are old, old, old and someone should take them behind the barn and kill them.

 

You can’t fight Last Day. 

Monique says all five of them can taste Bryant Park. But she doesn’t tell us what it tastes like. But then again, sometimes there are things that are better left unsaid. Don’t you think?

And there you have it, Gasmi. We get Cerri back, and then she gets eliminated again. I wish she had stayed, but I’m not surprised to see her go. What did you think? Were you wishing for her to stay? Do you find Brittany to be as bratty as I do? And most importantly, who else would like Lorena to Shut The Fuck Up???

Next week it’s time to pick models for Bryant Park, and Lorena and Brittany start shit with Old Eyes. I really hope we see a smack down! See you there!

SWAK, PottyMouth