Models of the Runway: Pumpkin Mush

This week on Models of the Runway: Pumpkin pie.Moments before… Celine is sitting in the holding tank wearing the EXACT same collar that got Christopher in the top three last week and that this week has him in the bottom two. Last week it was on the back of Katie’s neck in her vampire bride outfit and this week it is on the front of Celine’s neck and it’s BLUE, per the requirements of possibly the LAMEST CHALLENGE EVER. Design something blue. So I guess the lesson we learn here is that the back collar of a Victorian vampire bride dress does not translate into something the INC department of Macy’s wants to sell. Remember that.

Katie, who modeled the winning outfit, as if we need any more of her:

Is all in a state because up until this challenge she has been Christopher’s model and if he gets sent home she’ll just DIE. Aaaand, why should we care what you think Katie?

Anyway, Louise designed this for Kojii to model:

And she loses. And she’s the only one to go, despite Heidi’s threats that this may have been a multiple elimination. Bummer. That means we’ll only be rid of one model this week as well. So Katie trots into the designers’ tank to congratulate Irina for winning the stupid challenge and then the models all dive into what constitutes 99.9% of this show: whining that they’re nervous about elimination. Why exactly, did anyone think we needed 30 minutes a week of this? No one knows. But here’s Louise to say a teary goodbye and then it’s onto the runway for this week’s tongue lashing from Heidi. She wants to know how the girls felt working with different designers this week. Katie’s like, “Oh my gosh it was SOOO weird because Christopher always has something for me to try on right when I walk in, but like, Irina made me wait on the couch for a while!” And Kalyn’s like, “I’ve worked with like five different designers and it’s totally fun, but I’m always nervous about getting eliminated!” We learn that Kojii doesn’t feel as though she and Louise really clicked, so she’s nervous about being eliminated, but she would have been nervous anyway. Wait, so the models are nervous about getting eliminated then?

Heidi tells them that the designers are in this for themselves, and the models should be too. Well said, but how, exactly can they pull that off? Answer: they hope. And now Heidi has a surprise for everyone! Tomorrow the models will be meeting with Runway Coach Michael Maddox. Have any of them heard of him? Why yes, Cheetos has even WORKED with him before! Nice try, Heidi.

Back at the modelplex the girls relieve their stress by throwing bags of frozen food around. That’s cause they like to have FUN, as Delta Burke tells us. And because they reject the idea that food is for eating.

Redundant does a little dance and says she loves hanging out with Cheetos and Delta Burke and spending time with them. The next morning Kojii gives her speech again about wondering if she’s being a good mom with her modeling career and all, but in the end she’s inspiring her daughter to follow her dreams. It’s old, Kojii. Any new thoughts in there? I’m sure your three-year-old is overflowing with career inspiration.

And it’s off to meet Michael Maddox! I kinda like him because he’s out to put models in their place. He tells them he will not have any divas and it will serve them well to pay attention while he critiques the other girls. Then he tells them not to be offended if he calls them “pumpkin” because he works with so many dang models that in his mind they’ve all warped into one giant brainless gourd. Or pie made out of said gourd. In other words, you’re all a big indistinguishable mess of vapidity to me and I don’t care to know your names, so pipe down. And without further ado, he orders them to do a half-turn, one at a time, and apparently they’re all doing it wrong. After watching several of her colleagues be shot down, Mater hesitates, saying she’s not sure what she’s supposed to do and she wishes Michael Maddox would clue her in.

He refuses, and orders her NOT to challenge him, but to go ahead and make a sure-to-be-failed attempt. Mater tries… and wouldn’t you know it, she’s WRONG. Listen pumpkin pie. He’s been doing this for 20 years and ain’t no one gonna tell him how to go about HIS genius business, got it? Now shut your pumpkin pie hole.

Redundant does what looks to me like the exact same thing everyone else does, but according to Michael Maddox, it’s “perfecto.” Redundant tells us that her mother was a model and her mom. She watched her mom struggle and fight to the top of the modeling world, so that’s how she knows a half-turn. Modeling is very complex.

Celine proclaims that she never intended to be a model and that when she walks she can’t think, so that’s her excuse for not knowing how to do a half turn. Charmed, Michael Maddox tells her, “It’s fine, pumpkin pie. No brains necessary. Just follow me.” And he takes her hand and teaches her a half turn.

See Mater? That was your mistake – acting like you could think for yourself. That’s just not acceptable in the modeling world until you’ve reached Heidi Klum status. Even then, be careful. At the end of this intense training session, Michael Maddox hugs all of his pumpkins goodbye and Mater tells him he’s a pumpkin too, which I’m surprised doesn’t get her a beating.

Elimination day! Once again the outfits are carefully selected for the journey to the studio where everyone will change into identical slips. Heidi prances out her usual insane perky self and reminds us about all the prizes at stake and that there are no special rules on today’s selection. Irina goes first as the winner and chooses Cheetos. Katie is extremely put out, saying she won the challenge for Irina. Oh dream on, Katie. She made a blue dress and you walked in it. The end. Some designers stick with their new models and some go back to their old ones. It’s not that interesting. When Christopher is up he goes, “A boy never forgets his first model… Katie!” And Katie acts like she’s been crowned Miss America.

Sweet, she’ll get to wear the ruffle collar again next week I’m sure. Will it be in the back or the front this time? It comes down to Celine and Redundant left standing on the runway and Logan chooses last. He says that Redundant is great, but he’d like to try out Celine’s look.

Here come the water works. Celine comes bawling into the model tank saying she feels so bad for Redundant. Redundant says not to feel bad, and she tells us she’s totally surprised and she’s shocked. She’s the only one who knew how to do a half turn! Cheetos and Delta Burke help Redundant pack and get the heck out of the hot pink modelplex. Later, Redundant, and we’ll see you another time.

Next week looks like more of the same. They’re all really worried about being eliminated. Tune in and have your mind blown!

Any thoughts on this doozy, darling pumpkins?

Thanks for reading!
-Honey Gangsta