Models of the Runway: Just Another Day in Excitingville

Moments before… Heidi is all dressed up as a dominatrix and trying to decide whether Christopher or Nicholas sucks worse. It’s another fine episode of Models of the Runway!

Katie pipes up to publicly chastise Christopher for being in the bottom two three times in a row – even though she’s not even his model this week.

Katie, you suck. Besides, Nicholas is the one who is OUT, so Kojii – sitting there in his ridiculous outfit – is the one who needs to worry. She wonders if she’s jinxing the designers because hers are always in the bottom three. I don’t know, but you keep getting picked, Kojii, so you’re doing something right.

Kalyn bounces backstage wearing Irina’s winning multi-shades-of-brown-snowbunny outfit to congratulate and gush.

We get a snippet of Irina telling Kalyn that ever since the movie costume challenge she’s really come out of her shell. Kalyn decides she wants to stay with Irina because she’s the most talented designer and the one who talks prettiest to her. She loves pretty talk.

Here is Cheetos after not winning:

Nicholas comes backstage to bid farewell and he apologizes to Kojii for putting her in the losing outfit. Kojii defends him, saying he had to design an outfit inspired by Greece and he’s never been there. Fail. Not ever having been to Greece is not an excuse for making crap, so later Nicholas. And Kojii even admits that she didn’t feel pretty or sexy in his outfit. The models philosophize about Nicholas’s future, but it’s not too interesting.

Heidi time! I’ve decided that this portion is filmed right before the black slip lineup. Heidi’s not in her dominatrix outfit anymore, so this is all a conspiracy to get us off-balance. First Heidi wants to rip on Nicholas for screwing up so bad with a Greece-inspired outfit.

Katie has lived in Greece (oh great) and says that all anyone wears there is long flowy dresses because it is so hot. And Nicholas made long sleeves and long pants. I’m no fashion designer, but isn’t there a whole genre of dresses inspired by Greece? I mean, he had a total head start with the word “toga.” I don’t know where Kojii’s office slacks came from, but I’m guessing not Greece. Anyway, Kojii’s nervous now that she might get eliminated.

And back at the modelplex Delta Burke is tired. Not Mater and Kalyn! They decide to do a workout video and Cheetos scoffs. Here’s where Katie contemplates threatening Christopher so that she’ll be sure to get to go to Bryant Park.

Seriously, who made her Queen of the Skinnies? I don’t get why she thinks that everyone reports to her. And does she honestly think that a tongue lashing from his supposed “muse” is going to make Christopher come up with anything better? It would be fun to watch, though, so maybe she’ll do it despite my logic. Cheetos thinks it’s their job to push their designers. Hey morons – it’s your job to WALK. That’s it. Stop overestimating your relevance here.

In other non-interesting news, Kojii and Celine go out for drinks to talk about how similar they are. They both like clothes and music, you know, the important stuff. They discuss their “unusual” looks and wonder which one of them Logan will pick.

The next day the girls all head off to burlesque class. At first I thought this might have something to do with the show, but alas, it’s just something Delta Burke suggested for them all to blow off some steam. Meet Lux LaCroix, Mistress of Burlesque. She will be our friendly burlesque instructor for the afternoon. And lest we don’t notice, she’s also a PERFORMER so she knows of what she speaks. Mistress LaCroix arms the girls with feather boas and leads them in shaking their tiny boobs around.

Celine calls it a “bump and grind class.” Interesting that they paid money for this. Even more interesting that it was deemed camera-worthy and then airtime-worthy. That’s the end of that story.

The next story is that Kalyn very earnestly explains to us that as a model you always have to be available to go on casting calls. Like Remember Arby’s Erika? She was available to go on a casting call and it ended up leading to her getting a job on an Arby’s commercial where she wears totally unflattering pants and pretends to work at Arby’s. Aim high ladies. And inspired by Erika’s shining example, Kalyn has booked a job with Paige Denim. Never heard of it, but good for Kalyn. The photographer takes a few shots of her butt and then has her canoodle with a guy – who is also, I assume, wearing Paige Denim. Kayln giggles that it was nice to be around boys. Even gay ones.

And in our final disjointed story of the episode, Mater, Celine and Kojii attend an art show where they look at art and fret about being eliminated. Wow, this is a stretch. And someone greenlit a season 2???

Elimination Time! This week in a triumph of boredom, the designers can choose whomever they want. Remember! A model can make or break a look! Here’s how it goes:

Winner Irina chooses Kalyn. Kalyn is thrilled.
Gordana chooses Mater, who has worked very hard for her, by the way.
Carol Hannah chooses Delta Burke.
Althea chooses Cheetos, who twirls into the holding tank.
Christopher chooses his beloved Katie, who reviews her note cards and prepares for her upcoming lecture.
Logan is last to choose from Celine and Kojii – how did they know it would come down to this? He stumbles around and then says he feels more loyal to Kojii.

Aw, so Celine is out. And she even dreamt last night that she’d be eliminated! Someone is clairvoyant! She was my favorite, attitude-wise, and the designers seemed to love her look, so that’s too bad. Sealing my admiration for her, Celine puts her travel pillow around her neck before she even leaves the apartment. Atta girl. Sleep cures ALL. Farewell, Celine!

Next week Heidi asks which model wants it the most and Katie tells Kalyn she doesn’t deserve to make it (or something). See you there, if you care!

Thank you beloved readers, for traversing this puzzle with me. I can’t get my mind around this show, but I always have a blast reading your thoughts and encouragement, so feel free to sound off!

Thanks for reading!
-Honey Gangsta