Money Hungry: Holla! And Goodbye!

Yo!  It’s time to talk about Money Hungry!

You’ll have to excuse my brevity today.  I spent about 24 hours in a sleep lab in the middle of this week, doing all kinds tests, and it really wiped me out (the lack of caffeine hurt worse than the lack of sleep).  The good news?  I don’t snore.  I don’t have the build to be a snorer.  You know who DOES have the build to be snorers?  These Money Hungry contestants.  Let’s go!

Last week, we ran steps at the Rose Bowl, and Pescis took the win.  They gave Snowman Teachers their extra immunity, and BBGG played all parties in the house to avoid his own dismissal.  It worked, but Double Chocolate went home.  Boo.  Everyone’s trust in one another goes bye-bye.  And now it’s time to deal with that.

We open with the gang sitting on the gigantic sectional in the living room.  Poi’s making his “holy shit” wide-eyes face, and Large Snowman is calling BBGG out for not sticking to his word. In interviews, BFB and Little One joke about not being able to trust BBGG as far as they could throw him, which isn’t far.  In fact, perhaps they can’t even pick BBGG up.  BBGG’s defense is that he doesn’t need to be a person of his word, he’s a person of the game.  I hate people who are all about the game.  I hate the game.  And the player.

“Whatchoo talkin’ ’bout, BBGG?”

The Pescis come in and start picking specifically on BBGG and his stupid microphone.  Yay!  My heroes!  Oh, lord, then more interviews with that jerk about how he runs the house and how proud he is to be a snake, etc.  Can’t stand it.  Moving on.

“I’m a person of the GAME.  An annoying person of the game.”

Every week when they read that note from “Dan”, I laugh. It’s so hastily scrawled on a crappy legal pad with a Sharpie, and it’s obviously not Dan.  And it just doesn’t look professional.  I mean, I know this is VH1 and all, but can’t you at least try to write using a balanced sense of white space on the page?  In a man’s handwriting?  Obviously, Susie the PA wrote the stupid note in a big fuckin’ hurry.  I don’t know why, it just bugs me every week.  Oh, and BBGG does some elaborately set-up joke about the challenges that I don’t find funny.  Did you find it funny?

It’s another beach day challenge.  And it’s another puzzle/physical challenge.  See, there are a bunch of big “cakes” on the beach–five layers of plywood with poles and holes (holla!).  There are two other poles in the sand.  Each team has to disassemble and reassemble their layer cake on one of the other two poles by moving one layer at a time.  At no time can a larger layer sit on top of a smaller one.  At first, watching this while totally sacked out on the couch (my DVR missed the 9PM airing and I had to rewatch it at 11, which is my normal bed time, wah), I had NO idea how you would do the puzzle.  Then they got started and, oh, that’s how.  (Just watch it.)

BFB is dreaming about cake.  Her team’s cake is yellow, so she’s talking specifically about lemon cake.  Shit, now I want some lemon cake too.  Bitch.

Hey, big surprise, the teams all want to win, because immunity’s at stake and we’re coming down to the final four.  Just thought you should know.  BBGG thinks he’s got this one in the bag, going through the other teams one by one and calling them dumb.  FORESHADOWING.

And they’re off.  They’re all moving layers of fake cake around, la-dee-dah.  There are apparently three difficulties with this challenge:  1) the layers are heavy–the largest layer weighs about 85 lbs; 2) it’s hard to align the layers on top of one another–there are PVC pegs and holes; and 3) it’s a puzzle, so dummies will have trouble figuring it all out.  Again, FORESHADOWING.

The Bouncers aren’t having a problem at all so far, which is a delight to see.  They’re NOT dumb, and because they’re big strong dudes, they aren’t having trouble moving things around one little bit.  Snowmen Teachers are struggling.  BBGG is delegating to Pretty Stephanie, who’s hauling ass.

Having trouble getting it in the hole.

Speaking of Team BBGG, they stall in the middle of everything, with four layers on one peg and one layer on another.  Genius BBGG totally blanks out.  Instead of figuring out the puzzle, he’s standing there hating sand, hating cake, hating everyone, and hating life.   So the puzzle genius is stumped, eh?

They’re actually checking out the puzzle solving skills of other teams, but wow, that’s some crazy backfat going on, huh?

Bouncers and Pescis are neck and neck in their puzzle-solving.  I don’t know how long the time gap actually was between ‘em, but it looks like only seconds separate the Pescis (the winners) from the Bouncers (not the winners).  The Bouncers are pissed–this is two weeks in a row they’ve come in second to the Pescis.  I’m just glad they didn’t dummy up the puzzle solving again!

Team BFB finishes next, so now it’s down to the Snowmen and BBGG.  Snowmen are frantic, and BBGG’s just standing there.  Oh, new excuse alert!  Apparently the beach smelled like poop.  So BBGG couldn’t think.  LAME.

Supposedly about to barf from poop fumes, or just dumb

Snowmen Teachers finish, and Team BBGG is on the chopping block!  YAY!  Oh, and there’s no extra immunity this week, so only Pescis are totally safe.  Twist!

Seriously, I’m not at all interested in the voting strategies and politicking going on here, and neither should you.  And that’s all this show seems to be about anymore. I am OVER IT!

People are working out.  Poor Richard seems to be a really good trainer. It’s too bad we see just about NOTHING of him on this show.  I love his attitude–he’s helpful without being a dick about it.  Too many instructors at my gym have their own personal agenda they’re pushing when teaching a class.  One lambasts us for yawning, which is BS.  Same one actually gives you shit if you get flush in the face while spinning your ass off. She says, “You obviously have high blood pressure if that happens.”  Honey?  My blood pressure is just fine, LOW, even, and my face is flushed, so you can suck it.  Another one gave us shit for doing jumping jacks with fully extended arms.  Exqueeze me? According to him, that’s hard on the shoulders and you should do these funny looking jacks he was doing.  I thought he was an asshole, so I kept doing full armed jacks.  Asshole.  (Yes, the lack of sleep has me crabbier than usual.)

Best trainer!

Poi’s upstairs, flipping through pictures of his kids.  Aww, they’re cute li’l ones.  He’s feeling totally dragged, so he calls home to get a pep talk.  I like that they don’t restrict calls home like they do on Biggest Loser.  I know it sets people up to be more emotional (and therefore, better TV), but that sucks.  Anyway, they chat a little bit, call each other baby, tell each other they love each other, and that’s that.  I bet that really put wind in Poi’s sails.

Aww.

More BBGG tomfoolery, this time with him setting up a vote to keep his team safe.  Something about getting people to vote for Team BFB.  Then there’s the quote that the BBGG followers looooooooove:  “I’m a fierce kitty with nine lives, and I’ve only used seven of ‘em.”  Hysterical.

More workouts!  BFB is totally impressing me with her jump rope skills.  Multiple crosses, forward AND backwards.  She is AWESOME.  Otherwise, the usual stuff.  Trainer Richard is adorable as he thanks the group for “giving him everything.”  So cute.

Impressive!  Yes, Little One did a cross-over, too, but it’s more impressive when BFB does it

Bouncers and BBGG are talking outside.  Oh yeah, BBGG has his hair pulled back and looks totally masculine for about three minutes. I love that when BBGG whines about the vote, the caption team elongates the “o” in vote to show the whine.  “…the voooOOTE.”  HA!  Little things amuse me.

Improvement.

The pig who cried wolf heads up to the Snowmen to talk votes, and they don’t want to hear it.  BBGG has switched his vote a zillion times, they don’t trust him.  He whines to us about this being the time he’s actually NOT going to switch his vote, but they just don’t believe him and shut him down.  Best line, “Don’t be mad at me, be mad at yourself.”  Did my dad somehow join the cast?  Shit.

We waste at least another 10 minutes talking about votes.  This is BORING.  I don’t care.  Move on.

She pronounced it “uh-FIX-ee-yate.”  WRONG.

Why are all the girls getting gussied up?  Are they hitting the town?  Oh wait, they’re getting all pretty for weigh-in.  Nice!  Even the Pescis dress up a little bit, and they actually look nice!

Cute!

Whoa!

Voting time!  All this talk that I wasn’t paying attention to (and you’re not missing out on anything), and now we get to bite some apples.  Bite, bite, bite, I think Team BFB is goin’ down. (And the apples actually look good for once.)

Weigh-in time!   BBGG is wearing all kinds of ridiculous shit (crazy scarf; crazy sunglasses), and Little One of Team BFB is carrying her OWN microphone.  WTF?  This is just getting worse.  Younger Pesci burps and Older Pesci blesses him, and I laugh again.  It’s just never not funny!

Last time we see the smush

Man, no one can shut up about how they put up $10,000, can they?  That’s my second-least-favorite phrase in this show right now.  Absolute least favorite phrase is stupid BBGG’s “I run this house.”  If you’ve been playing the Money Hungry drinking game that I just made up two seconds ago, you were drinking every time he said that, and you’d be passed out by now.  Sorry.

Pescis weigh in first, using the weight from two weeks ago as their baseline (remember they gained a bunch of water weight last week to hide any true weight loss they had), and they’re still up five pounds. Since they had immunity, they were still safe to water load.  Stupid.

Team BBGG lost two whole pounds this week. Wow, they know they’re on the chopping block, they’re all up in the gym, and yet…no big loss.  They really suck at this!  BBGG does the face smush.  I guess Grandpa didn’t really need that $10,000.

Snowman Teachers are next, and they lost….14 lbs!  Wow!  Good for them!  Especially since they were up a bit last week from the water loading.  Bouncers go next, and they lose 12 lbs.  I’m pretty sure both of these teams are safe.

So, now it’s down to Team BFB, and they ARE the team that got voted into the chopping block.  They’re pissed.  BBGG is thrilled that his machinations worked yet again, that his attempts to throw votes worked.  He sucks.  Go home.

Team BFB loses 9 lbs, which gives them a higher percentage of weight loss than Team BBGG, and I get my wish.   BABBGG (Big Annoying Big Black Gay Guy) is going home.  Sorry to see Stephanie go–she really got railroaded by her stupid partner.  Then again, it’s no personal loss to her–BBGG’s grandfather’s the joker who’s out the cash.  GREAT JOB, BBGG.  Joes Pesci celebrate the end of the BBGG era, and I’m cheering along with ‘em.

Aww, though, they both cry as they leave.  Okay, I have a heart.  He’s annoying, but he’s gone so I can be charitable.

BYE!!!

Oh, but next week!  Well, first of all, it’s the final four.  Older Pesci and Little One are taking a gigantic bubble bath together upstairs.  I don’t think it’s romantic, IS IT?  BFB comes in and dives headfirst into the bubbles, spilling shitloads of water all over the bathroom.  The challenge seems to be on a bridge, with cars and tires and running and such. Bouncers are really getting sick of working out, literally.  Oh, and BBGG calls the house to haunt everyone s’more. I hate him.

And again, no, I didn’t go to the party on Staten Island this Monday.  Way too far to drive on a Monday night of a crazy week.  Though I bet it was fun!  (Was it fun, boys?)