As someone who isn’t particularly a wizard with money, I maybe shouldn’t criticize the boyz of Buzzin’ for managing to screw the cash pooch two weeks in a row. But I just can’t help myself.
This week, Warren loses and envelope filled with $5000. We’ve all done that before, right?!We join the boyz at the album cover photo shoot for Shwayze’s much-discussed debut release.
Just kidding. This is a commercial on MTV.com advertising Buzzin‘s omnipresent sponsor, the Pontiac Vibe. Did you know this show was almost called Vibbin’? Ok, kidding again. I’m just HILARIOUS today.
Here they are at the real photo shoot.
Cisco and Shwayze are naturals in front of the camera, and the models lounging at their feet no doubt add to their jovial energy today.
I WOULD’VE PEGGED EM FOR BREAST MEN, BUT CLEARLY I WAS WRONG
While they’re busy flashing their pearly whites and trying to suck in their itty bitty beer guts, label CEO and manager Jordan has a private talk with pretend-manager Warren. Jordan sits Warren down in his car and tells him to make sure that he attends to all of the important road manager aspects of the gruesome twosome’s next gig in San Diego. He needs to communicate with the vendors, handle any problems, and ensure the whole event runs smoothly. Basically, Jordan’s asking the boy to do his job, for once.
“Can you cover this?” Jordan asks.
“Can a one legged duck swim in circles?” Warren replies.
CAN I HAVE YOU KILLED?
Yep. He’s in good hands with this one.
Feeling all puffed up and proud that Papa Jordan expressed a base level of confidence in him, Warren heads into their San Diego journey. The boyz are in the car driving to their gig, and Warren’s in the back seat being bossy and super serious.
THESE ARE MY SERIOUS SUNGLASSES
But the boyz know better than to believe Warren’s turned over a new leaf. And so they mock him. “We have to be all serious now. No smiling.”
When they arrive in San Diego, their first order of business is to meet/take tequila shots with their show’s promotor, a bald man in a tiny hat.
SO WE GOT A WISEGUY, EH? LISTEN, KID. I’M THE BADDEST OF THE BAD, SEE?
Actually, the whole meeting seems like a dumb hat convention.
THE WINNER IS TINY HAT
Once sufficiently buzzed (hey, is that why the show’s called Buzzin’?) they discuss the nature of their scheduled performance. There will be lots of girls and not a lot of clothing. The end. Oh, and they’re getting paid $5000 cash for their efforts. Tiny Hat hands over the fat envelope of bills to Shwayze, who passes it off to Big Boy Manager Warren for safe keeping.
DON’T WORRY, I WON’T LOSE THIS IN THE NEXT 10 MINUTES
Finished with the meeting, the boyz head over to the beach. And the mystery gaggle of hussies that appeared at the bar seem to have followed them to their second destination.
And then they head over to Wave House, the waterpark where they’ll be performing later on. The hussies follow them there too.
WE’RE GONNA BE ON TV, RIGHT?
After splashing around in the kiddy pool, it’s finally time to go to their hotel and rest up before their radio interview.
BRING THE HUSSIES WITH US
Back in their fancy playah’s suite, Cisco and Shwayze make with the hot tub action, while someone had the brilliant idea to give the hussies lollipops to suck on. Keep em busy!
Warren ducks into this bedroom to check on his money envelope. He digs around in his pockets. His face gets a little twisted. And then he realizes he’s lost it.
SO I AM USELESS
But before he starts to fret that he wasn’t able to carry out his one important manager task of the weekend, Warren tries to lay the blame on everyone else. He asks Cisco if he has the money. “Um, no. We gave it to you.” Then he tries a different tactic when he asks Shwayze. “Hey, what’d you do with the money I gave you?” But you can’t fool Shwayze that easily. “We gave it to you, dude.”
The gang launches into a full out search party, tearing the room apart looking for the envelope of money. Even the hussies are helping out. But there is no dough to be found. Which means Warren’s going to have to take it to the streets and hunt it down.
He brings the towel-clad hussies for some back up.
AND WHILE WE’RE AT IT, WE’LL LOOK FOR YOUR BIKINIS TOO
Since Warren’s busy tracking down the cash, Cisco and Shwayze have to handle the next business meeting on their own. They meet up with the manager of Wave House, who tells them what to expect and, more importantly, all of the rules they’ll have to follow. No swearing or talking about sex or drugs while they perform. Their by-the-beach locale means the stage is within earshot of sunbathing families.
WE DON’T WANT THESE KIDS TURNING OUT LIKE YOU BUMS
Meanwhile, Warren’s combing the coast line, looking for their magical money envelope. And he is looking everywhere. Even in trash cans. Because, logically, if someone found an envelope with $5000 cash, they’d throw it out.
DESTINED TO RUMMAGE THROUGH TRASH CANS
Back at the Wave House, Tiny Hat makes another appearance. And he’s come with a very special gift…the money envelope! Apparently it had been at the Wave House all along. Jackass Warren left it on a table somewhere. Thank you, Tiny Hat!
TINY HAT, BIG HELP
Cisco gladly takes back the money and then informs Shwayze that it is safe and sound. Then, rather than telling Warren to call off the search party, they decide to let him believe the money is still missing. This oughta teach him a lesson. Maybe.
It’s nearly show time at the Wave House, and Jordan shows up to oversee the festivities. Immediately when he arrives he notices there isn’t a trace of Axe Body Spray in the air, and concludes that Warren must not be anywhere around them. Cisco informs him that Warren is tied up with some things and that he and Shwayze handled the meeting with the venue’s manager all by themselves. “Well what did he say?” asks Jordan.
“He said rock it,” replies Shwayze. Yeah, I bet he did say that. But he also said about 15 other things and all of his sentences began with “Don’t…”
TRUST ME. HAVE I EVER LIED TO YOU BEFORE? WAIT…DON’T ANSWER THAT.
Although perhaps fooled into thinking that Shwayze and Cisco handled the meeting responsibly, Jordan is not completely appeased. Warren’s absence has him P-O’d. He calls him to unload his anger and leaves him a voicemail message basically saying his ass is grass if he doesn’t show up at the Wave House.
Meanwhile, at another pool party full of bikini-clad drunk chicks, Warren is courting his old pal Bruno, looking for a favor.
I MEAN, I MESSED UP A LOT OF THINGS, BUT I’M TALKING ABOUT ONE THING IN PARTICULAR.
Warren talks Bruno into booking Shwayze at his club for the night. A short set at the price of $5000. Reluctantly, Bruno agrees.
Here’s what I don’t get. Yeah sure he’s replacing the money he lost, but now the guys are doing 2 shows. So really they are still doing more “work” and so nothing has really evened out. But I suppose it doesn’t matter now that the money has actually been recovered, unbeknownst to poor Warren.
On stage, Shwayze and Cisco have the crowd going wild. They’re also saying a whole lot of bad words. It seems this crowd really likes swearing because they’re wooping up a storm.
GOSH DARN IT! M-EFFERS!
But there’s one guy who is not a fan of the f-bombs, the Wavehouse manager Peter the Hedgehog.
SON OF A…
I don’t know what had this man convinced that these two were going to follow his orders. And actually, he probably should’ve known that forbidding them from doing something would only give them the idea to start causing trouble. So Manager Peter finds Manager Jordan and tells him to get the boyz under control.
Jordan reaches out and grabs Cisco by the waste of his pants –probably something he’s used to– and tells him to knock it off because he’s pissing off the management. Cisco marches back on stage and announces to the crowd that they’ve been told to stop with the references to drugs and sex. Then they go on to say the Fuck work about 15 times in the next 5 seconds.
I’m sure that Peter the Hedgehog was not pleased. But Jordan seemed amused.
THOSE BOYS OF MINE
After the show, Warren calls Cisco to let him know they’re booked for two songs at Sweetwater and they’ll make back the missing 5k. Cisco still doesn’t tell him that they already found the money, and instead decides to stir the pot just a little bit more before the day is through. So he invites Jordan to Sweetwater where he’ll A)Be informed of the missing money and B) See that Warren booked a gig without consulting him first. Jordan’s already angry enough, blaming the whole swearing-and-riling-up-the-hedgehog mess on Warren’s absence. Warren’s absence that was caused by Cisco’s lying, that is.
When Jordan arrives at Sweetwater he is about ready to clobber Warren and is dying to hear why everything has gone wrong. Warren launches into a drawn out stammering fit. “Uh…well…the thing is…it’s like this…and…” Finally feeling sorry for his pal, Cisco steps in, produces the cash envelope and tells Jordan that Warren’s been busy all day booking this extra show for them tonight, in effect doubling the money they were originally set to make.
“Wow. You did this?” Jordan is so pleased with Warren. Without missing a beat, Warren’s like, “Yeah, you know how I roll.”
And then we wrap things with a shot of the whole gang having a laugh, just like at the end of an episode of Full House.
AND THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER