We open with Rayna belting out Wrong Song while various pasty white dudes groove down in the background. Juliette is supposed to be there but she apparently has pulled a Lohan (BTW – y’all need to read the NYTimes article of the making of The Canyons. I think the writer was surprisingly fair to Lohan and she still came off like a crazy, delusional crack bitch).
Ahahhahahahhaha! They got married. Juliette pulled a fuck-you on Tebow’s mom and married the virgin football star. Well, he aint no virgin now!!!!! Signed, sealed, delivered, you’ll soon be divorced!
Gunnar is acting like an assoholic while he and Scarlett very painfully try to write a song. She’s still as fragile, corn-pone as always and I really just want to smack her. Hailey doesn’t live the dream and push Juliette down the stairs as they collide abruptly in the hallway. I really hope the writers are trying to create sexual tension thru the fighting instead of making Gunnar a total d-bag in the second half of the season. I really like him and love him and Scarlett together. Just not like this. The arguing and the meanness is not enjoyable.
For some reason, I hate Wyclef Jean. I liked him in the Fugees but right now, with that bald head and the stink of scandal coming off his Haiti charity/failed presidential bid just turns me right off. A nyway, he’s chilling with Avery discussing his career. “From now on, you don’t owe nobody nuthin’ But me.” Nice career advice, mentor! What an ass.
Deacon’s on tour and I just cringe when I see all those old geezers trying to be rock stars. You can replace a cardigan sweater with a sparkly scarf and a Werthers candy with a fedora but YOU ARE STILL OLD, GRAMPA!
Juliette and Rayna have a delicious passive-aggressive conversation that proves that the more time these two spend on screen together and metaphorically scratching each other’s eye balls out (but smartly! None of the usual “You a bitch! No, you a bitch!”) means the more time I am watching tv gold.
Rayna tells Teddy she’s taking the girls out on tour with her. He vows to fight her on it. I side with Teddy on this one and I’ll get into why in the full recap. Poor Teddy looks gutted at the thought of losing his girls, even for a few months.
Hold up – directed by Paul McCrane. As in the Paul McCrane from ER? Who lost his arm in a freak helicopter accident? Must investigate further!
Poor Juliette doesn’t have any friends or family for her wedding party. A fact Mommy Dearest sinks her teeth into and doesn’t let go. Christ, these Christian bitches can be so terrifying!
Speaking of horrible parents who have no shame in going for the lowest, most painful blow – Lamar basically tells Rayna that if she files for divorce, he’s going to let the world now Deacon is Maddie’s father. OUCH! That is seriously cold.
Juliette cuts the cord with Avery (for now) with a show of spirit that had me rooting for her. She looks pretty rough in this episode – must have been filmed over the holidays and the actress had a bit too much good food and good wine.
Hot diggity! Teddy knew about Deacon! And he totally went all Proud Dad on Lamar for threatening Rayna!
Rayna and Teddy come to an entente about the tour. It was really quite sad and realistic.