Nashville Minicap: You’re Gonna Change or I’m Gonna Leave (or possibly get belligerent all over your cracker ass)

AND WE’RE OFF: Juliette’s coerced by her publicist into doing some ridiculous, zoo-themed publicity stunt that throws her into the path of Tim Tebow…sorry, some dumb-fuck actor playing the role of Tim Tebow.

Rayna’s looking to make some drastic changes to her career and she finds just the right producer to help her along her way. LOVE this Rayna and how she’s a bit messy and wild. I clapped like some kind of idiot at the video of her singing half-drunk.

“Campaigns are about creating opportunities”…Lamar has a plan to have a cop stop Coleman. Fucking Lamar. It goes about as well as you can imagine a traffic stop between a black man and a middle-aged white good-ol’-boy would go. Especially after Boss Hog’s partner (a vaguely Latina-looking chick that I can only assume the producers created to prevent this scene from coming off as way-too-painfully-racist) found CrackMom’s vial of pills that Deacon turned over to Coleman last episode.

Avery has a possible big break. Performance was better than the first but he’s too art-poser for me. He may have hooked himself a sultry, Linda Fiorentino-in-the-90’s manager. But will he have to prostitute his pretty twink-y body to seal the deal?

At the ridiculous “Clean Campaign Pledge Signing” (why does this remind me of those horrid, creepy virginity pledges/rings?) Teddy is clearly uncomfortable and thrown as Peggy swans in and announces she’s on his election committee. Oooh, is Peggy an erotomaniac????? Stay tuned.

When Teddy had the nerve to confront Lamar and insinuate that he had the cop plant the drugs in Coleman’s car, Lamar flicked his forked tongue at Teddy and put the fear of the devil in him.

I fucking hate Juliette’s publicist, whose name I figured out tonight is McKenna (of course it is). No wonder our entertainment industry is almost complete shit – artists let publicists and tweets and FB hits dictate what they do, say, wear.

Scarlett plays dumb hillbilly and leaves Avery to stay with Deacon. Wonder how Gunnar is going to play that, now that Hailey is on the scene.

And AHAHAHHAHAHHA! Coleman was behind the skeezy photog creeping on Teddy and Peggy last episode. I was almost positive it was Lamar but was holding out hope that it was Coleman. Why? Because I want him to fight Lamar and win. And in order to do that, you’ve gotta play dirty. And I really liked how Coleman was discussing the campaign with his wife, it showed they were a team and each had confidence in the other. And I particularly liked how Mrs. Coleman was all “Honey, you don’t owe those fools anything,” when Coleman was dickering about releasing the photos as they would hurt Rayna. Is it possible for a man to look any more like a pale, flaccid, tiny penis than the music exec Rayna is butting heads with? So many questions, so few answers. Sate yourself with last week’s recap here. Trust me, I’m hard at work on the full-length recap.