Nurse Jackie Recap: Not What It Seems

Jackie storms into Cruz’s office to yell about her paycheck, and he reminds her that she told him to dock her pay for the supplies she gave to that dude a couple episodes ago. He also charged her full hospital price, which sucked up the whole damn check. Hospitals, I swear. But Cruz was really just making a point, and reassures Jackie he’ll recharge her so she only has to pay for the meds at cost. Cruz is growing on me, and I don’t know why. As she leaves, Jackie gets a text from Charlie, confirming their NA meeting that afternoon.

And then we get the most glorious moment of the episode: Akalitus, forced to change out of her vomit-splattered scrubs, is now clad in Zoey’s pink bunny monstrosities. It’s beautiful. Zoey then sticks her foot in her mouth, calling Jules “that awful pregnant lady,” and Jackie has to tell her to watch it. That was kind of a weird remark coming from Zoey, but she’s been coming from sort of a weird place this season. In any case, she seems properly humbled.

Jackie strolls over to visit Jules, and we learn that she has about three weeks left to lug around Alien and Predator before they put her in the ground. O’Hara’s given her some Vicodin for her hand, but she’s not interested; she wants to live every one of her remaining moments to the fullest. Plus, she’s done the junkie thing and is over it. She would like some Jäger, though.

Coop, ever the serious and attentive caretaker, is sharing wang stories with Broken Junk guy. “Sometimes, I sing Happy Birthday to my penis,” he intones, as I die. Thor walks in and suggests a lower dose of Zoloft–apparently, he’s been on it himself for five years, and revived his own penis by halving the dose. There’s just no delicate way to have the conversation, though, and he ends up just putting in his two cents and scampering off, while Broken Junk guy dies a little more inside and Coop laments that no one ever tells him personal things.

We can’t all feel as comfortable sharing penis stories as Coop is, I guess. Akalitus and O’Hara are discussing maternity leave options, and we get a few digs about the shitty policies in place in the U.S. as compared to Europe, where I’ve heard there are some countries that give you like a year off. Or at least don’t treat it like a disability. Speaking of disabilities, Jackie sticks her head in and gives everyone the vapors by announcing she’s leaving for the meeting.

When she arrives, Charlie is waiting for her, predictably faced off his ass. He interrupts the story being told and is rude and belligerent, so Jackie drags him out. She lectures him about using, but he doesn’t care, just munches on some hydrox cookies. Jackie asks about his father, and Charlie says he’s staying on his dad’s useless boat. Just then, some old guy falls and Jackie goes to offer assistance, but when she turns around, Charlie’s gone. Well, that was anti-climactic.

Kevin is waiting outside All Saints to confront Eddie, who has suddenly distanced himself quite efficiently from the shitstorm he helped create. I get that Eddie initially got involved in the whole thing unknowingly, but he told Kevin about the affair to get revenge on Jackie, and no one can convince me otherwise. Also, he got himself into it much deeper than necessary by befriending Kevin and acting like a creepy freak. So yeah, I can’t muster much sympathy for Eddie. He’s an asshole.

When he sees Kevin, Eddie thinks they’re going to fight, but Kevin wants more than that. He wants answers. He makes Eddie take him back to the pharmacy and detail every drug and dosage Jackie managed to bone out of him. Then he tells Eddie to inform Jackie that she’s just lost her kids. Damn, Kevin. Considering her new outlook and obsession with parenting, Jackie’s not going to take that well. At least where Grace is concerned. No one seems to give a rat’s ass one way or the other about Fiona.

Guess she needs to start wearing eyeliner.  The next thing we see is Charlie lounging on his dad’s boat, playing with an air horn, when his dad walks up. And lo and behold, it’s Dr. Miguel fucking Cruz! Those heartbreaking texts from a few episodes ago must have originated from the rehab janitor closet, and I can’t believe I didn’t put two and two together on that. Especially because those two actors actually resemble each other, particularly in the eyebrow region. Must have been the green hair that threw me.