NYC Prep: Children of The Corn

NYC Prep is a new show on Bravo about four young women and two young men, all teenagers who are in high school. Five of them go to private school and one is a public school girl. She’ll become obvious as the show goes on. Not because she looks different, but believe me they definitely make a point of letting you know which kids have money and which kids don’t. I always thought it was rude to discuss money openly. Oh well times have changed and so have the rules. Apparently these kids have very few rules if any and we are treated to all that their parent’s money can buy.

One thing is for sure, my high school years were never like this.Let’s meet our cast of characters, or lack of character in some cases.

OK, first up we have PC. PC’s Mom is named Apple and his Dad is Mac. He has a brother named Laptop.

This is a guy who says he is all about getting into college. He is good looking in that I want to smack his face for looking so full of himself kind of way, but he dresses nice. He’s waiting to meet up with his friend Jessie. She is the only blonde girl on the show. Jessie and PC are talking about going to college and Jessie says she wants to go to a certain college, without having to pull any strings.

I guess there are two ways to get into college. One, earn your way in through grades, achievement and two, pull some strings. Jessie has plenty of cash and can pull strings. Just like GW, our former president. He was an Ivy Leaguer too, just remember that the next time someone knocks you for attending a Big Ten school or other college.

PC is 18, he was born and raised in NYC and lives in the Upper East Side (UES). PC says that money flows like the wind, he’s like Shakespeare this guy. He should just skip college and just be. He already knows everything at 18, he has nothing left to learn, he can just hang out and be.

Jessie also is 17 and is a senior and lives in the UES. She loves fashion and says she treats her clothing like children. She gives some tips to us non-NYC’ers, don’t wear all your labels at once and mix-n-match is important.

Jessie has been working with (read, has been waited on) by a sales associate at Barney’s since she was 13 years old. She pulls clothes for Jessie so she doesn’t have to waste her precious teen time looking through the racks. I’m glad this girl has help, I would hate for her to have to look for her own new stuff.

Jessie says she is planning a fundraiser for Operation Smile and she asks PC if he knows what Operation Smile does. PC says he doesn’t want to talk about Operation Smile badly, but he will. Boy the words just drop off his tongue like pearls. Good thing I’m writing this stuff down. It’s like recapping gold. Maybe we could start a PC cult or something. He’s destined to be remembered as a great philosopher, or just a dick.

PC tells Jessie, there are so much more important things going on. Jessie says PC didn’t even take the time to find out what it is all about. Then she tells PC “If you roll your eyes one more time, I’m going to slap you.” PC promptly rolls his eyes again. OH
PLEASE Jessie, let me slap him, pleaseeeeee.

We leave the gruesome twosome to meet another NYC Prep schooler. We meet Kelli. Kelli is 16, she also lives on the UES with her brother. She lived in the Hamptons for 6 years and then she and her 18 year old brother Rory decided to move back to NYC. She wants to be in the city because she wants to sing. They show a short clip of her singing and she is OK.

Kelli’s parents live in the Hamptons and come to see them one night a week. They order take out. Tonight it’s Chinese. Kelli says she doesn’t have a curfew and likes the feeling of being independent and she is always out.

How does that conversation start when you say “Mom and Dad I want to move back to NYC, no don’t get up. I’ll go it alone.” Must be a whole different world out there, but back here in the boonies the answer to that is NO.

Kelli is having dinner with her friends Taylor and Megan They are discussing college when Kelli says she wants to take a year off after high school and go to Europe. Her friends don’t seem like they think this is a good idea. Then Sebastian shows up. He was invited by Megan.

Sebastian is a cute boy with side-swept brown hair with blonde highlights. Sebastian’s hair is almost another character on this show. In fact, I’ve decided that I’m going to call him Hair Man. He spends all his time running his hand through his hair. I wonder if he knows he will probably go bald doing that.

Anyway, Sebastian, who I am renaming Hair Man thinks Kelly is cute. He likes girls, and he doesn’t want one girlfriend, he wants a lot of girls. He is like Samantha from Sex and The City, only not clever, no job and no good quotes. He tells us he “hooks up” with between 2 and 16 girls a month.

Right now I have two wishes. One that I was the person selling condoms to this guy and two, that I was the person selling mirrors to this guy. Methinks, he loves himself the most.

Next up we meet Camille. Camille is 17 years old and is a junior and lives on the Upper WEST Side. I wonder if she needs a passport to go to the UES. But thank goodness she tells us right away that she is very wealthy, but they are not “multibillionaires”, but they are in the top 1/2 percentile. Camille likes saying percentile.

Camille also says she won’t apologize for having money because life is good. She also has her life planned out. Camille says first she will go to Harvard, then she wants to be a business head of a genetics firm and then at 40 she will have a husband and two girls. Way to plan things out Camille. I hope the future sperm donor knows his place and is able to keep her in the manner to which she feels entitled.

Camille goes out to brunch with her Mom. Camille’s Mom seems pretty driven too. She asks Camille to check on her SAT score. Even though Camille is still a junior, she took the SAT early. She says it’s hard to believe that one test could be the determination of whether you go to one school or another. If her score isn’t good enough I guess she’ll need to talk to Jessie about those strings.

Camille checks her score on her Blackberry (BB) and she is happy. She tells us she scored in the top percentile. Camille loves the word percentile. She tells her Mom that she can achieve a perfect score and she will work until she gets it. The only thing she needs now is community service hours. I guess you don’t get community service hour credit for being pretentious.

Next up is our poor public school girl. Taylor is 15, she lives on the UWS. She also has long dark hair. Except for Jessie, these girls all kind of look alike. Taylor says she is a sophomore and goes to one of the top public schools in the country. She says that everyone who graduates goes to Columbia, Harvard, Yale, etc.

Taylor tells us that the UES private school kids (all the other kids on this show) have a lot of money. She tells us that some of her friends have a lot of money, but it is obvious she does not. Her parents are divorced and she lives with her Mom.

As she is doing her homework she tells her Mom she is having a party at a Japanese Restaurant downtown. She is being kind of a brat when her Mom presses her for a guest list. I keep wondering where this little waif gets the cash to throw a party at any restaurant. Taylor tells us it is important to be perceived to have status. To this end, she invited both her private and her public school friends. Sounds like an oil and water situation to me so that means Bravo is paying the bill.

Over on the other side of the city Hair Man calls Kelli and they go shopping. Kelli tries on a black dress and Hair Man likes it on her. She looks cute. H.M. tells us that Kelli could be his girlfriend, but that he would rather hook up with as many girls as he wants.

It’s the night of Taylor’s party and Camille calls Kelli to ask her to go to Taylor’s party. She tells her that it is downtown and that she hopes it’s fun. It sounds like Camille is a little uncertain about hanging out at Taylor’s party even though according to the clips, Taylor is often invited to Camille’s parties. I have a feeling Camille thinks she’s going to have to cook or help clean up, two things she’s obviously never done in her life. Kelli invites Hair Man to the party. This seems to be a trend in this show, if someone invites someone to dinner or a party, they feel comfortable bringing someone with them.

Taylor’s party is in a Japanese restaurant. She is dressed up and looks pretty.

Kelli and Camille arrive and they are very nervous but that’s OK because Camille breaks the ice by asking the other guests “How did you guys get forced into being here?” Camille probably learned this in the same fancy schmancy manners classes that Theresa from the New Jersey Housewives attended.

Poor Taylor, your friends and you have just received a big black mark on your attempt to prove that you have some perceived status. But nice try.

But just when all hope was lost, Hair Man arrives!! He says he was excited to see Kelli, but after walking in “I was like wow, there are a lot of girls here.” To be specific Hair Man is the only boy here. At this point, Kelli is no longer happy she invited Hair Man.

And with a toss of his bangs, Taylor is indeed smitten.

Kelli notices the hair toss and the eye contact. She is regretting inviting Hair Man to a party where there are no other guys.

As they all introduce themselves to Hair Man, Camille says that Kelli and she realized that Taylor is smitten with Sebastian. I think the real problem here is that Sebastian is smitten with Taylor. Kelli is not happy and she and Camille get up and leave. They do say goodbye before getting the heck out of this public school mess. Those poor girls, I
bet they have to shop on the way home, just to calm themselves down.

We leave the party and we are back to Jessie again and she is shopping with her friend Zoe. Jessie is complaining about the TV show Gossip Girl. She doesn’t like it because now the restaurant she likes (STK) is filled with freshman!! And, they film on her block so their production vans are like parked on her street! Oh the horrors, this poor girl!!

I guess it has completely escaped Jessie’s notice that without Gossip Girls she would not be on a reality show right now. Bravo was looking for rich UES girls who attend a private school and who would allow themselves to be filmed. From what I’ve read, the most exclusive and best schools will not allow their students to participate in reality TV. But Jessie, nice try.

Jessie is getting picked up by PC because they are going to an Art and Fashion Show. Jessie tells us that PC is her ex-boyfriend, but now they are good friends. She tells us that she can’t say what if for the rest of her life. If she was older and smarter she would not be saying “what if”, she would be saying thank God.

PC picks her up for the Art and Fashion Show. PC is complaining (bragging) that he got a text that says “Poor PC can charm the skin off the snake but one day he’ll get bitten by the creature.” PC is so deep and I’m so grateful he shared this with all of us. He’s letting us know how dangerous he really is so we won’t be caught off guard. Thank you PC, I guess we’ll all sleep with one eye open.

So they arrive at the fashion and art thing. Jessie likes attending these events because she gets to network with fashion designers, fashion editors etc. But as they arrive, there is a problem. PC sees two girls he knows, Kelli and Camille, but Jessie doesn’t know them and she doesn’t want anymore friends. At least that’s what she tells PC.

At this point I should mention that Jessie is one jealous bitch. She is
PC’s ex, but it is clear she doesn’t want to be the ex. Jessie says PC saw two girls he knew. When they are introduced Camille asks Jessie, “who do you know here?” Jessie doesn’t answer and instead returns the question to Camille. This girl is not happy.

PC is not upset by Jessie’s bad behavior and kind of likes the jealousy, he gets Kelli’s number (in case your keeping track, Kelli has already given her number to Hair Man and PC and we are just in the first episode). After PC gets the number, Jessie tells PC she wants to go. So PC apologizes and runs out the door with Jessie.

Just to make sure he rubs it in really good, PC tells Jessie that he is having dinner with Kelli and continues to talk about her all the way home. Way to twist that knife PC.

But don’t worry, we’re not done with these two yet. Jessie and PC meet up in what looks like a club. PC asks her to turn the sound off on her BB, he finds it irritating. This is the only thing that I agree with him on, it is irritating. I can’t imagine what is so important that you have to give and receive texts all day long. Hey, I know I’m old. No need to message me on that.

PC tells Jessie he is having dinner with Kelli tonight and he also asks Jessie if she wants to come with. She says she would be happy to have dinner with PC. I guess they could ask Kelli to sit outside on a bench.

Back to Taylor. She is shopping with her Mom and they are looking for leotards. I’m guessing we’ll see her dance this season. As they shop, Taylor is constantly texting on her BB. When Mom asks, she says it’s Sebastian.

Taylor explains that it is important to be social with Sebastian because he’s in Prep school. I’m thinking that Taylor should be giving tips to Silex. This whole social thing she’s doing seems a lot more successful than their campaign to invade society.

And before we know it, we are off to another breathless night in Hair Man’s life. He and his wing man Gabe, are meeting two girls. They have a signal all worked out to figure out which girl Hair Man wants. He will flip his hair in the direction of the girl he likes best. Hair Man tells us that knowing French is a huge plus and that he is not into relationships. Except the relationship he has with his hair and the mirror.

Hair Man tells the girl that sits by him that he thinks she is hot and the he wants to marry her tonight in French, and then in English. She suggests going to Vegas. This girl is eating this up. I feel sorry for her, it’s been a long time since I’ve seen someone this dumb. Then Hair Man confesses to the camera that maybe when he’s 70 he’ll be in love. Oh Hair Man please, you know you will never love anyone as much as the guy in your mirror.

Back to the other boy in this show. We arrive at dinner along with PC, to find that Kelli did not come alone, she brought Camille. PC is not happy. He even makes the comment that she didn’t tell him that Camille was coming. Camille thinks PC is a jerk for mentioning this, but she said it in a much more roundabout way. For some reason PC is wearing a T-shirt instead of his usual suit. This shirt looks awful, it’s ok for McD’s, but not a restaurant that looks fairly nice.

PC has to wow two girls at once so he tells them he had blowfish the other night and that it made him feel like a bad ass. That’s a new one. I’ve heard of a a guy on a Harley being a bad ass, a guy with the loner personality and long hair being a bad ass, but eating a blowfish? I think this guy is in for some epic frat party stunts. We’ll probably see him on TRU TV “World’s Dumbest Partiers Part XX”.

PC clears this up for us by saying, “I’m a senior and they are juniors so there is definitely a lot they have to learn.” So to share some of his wisdom he says “How old are you 12?” Camille and Kelli look a little stunned and tell him Kelli is 16 and Camille is 17. When Camille says that she thinks he’s being a little abrasive, PC says he thought she was being offensive. I guess she’s supposed to be charmed by this jerk.

So PC goes on holding court and asks “Do you guys smoke?” Then PC comments to the camera “They are like f***ing young bitches that have no idea what they’re talking about but I don’t want to say that.” I guess this is PC being nice.

Next we see PC has moved on. It’s yet another night in PC’s miserable existence and he is meeting Jessie. I guess Kelli was not as impressed as she was supposed to be, so it’s back to the ex who is also so obnoxious they are the only friends each other has.

PC says he and Jessie were dating but it was weird because they were like best friends. He also says the only difference between best friends and dating is having sex.

So Jessie asks PC how was your date with Kelli? He shrugs his shoulders so Jessie says “how about if I set you up with a skinny, tall brunette, someone you can have a conversation with?” PC says “I don’t want to date myself.” Yes you do PC, you love yourself almost as much as Hair Man loves himself.

And this is where it gets good.

PC – “I’m done with the high school crowd.”

Jessie – “So who do you want to date?” (She wants him to fall on the floor and beg her for a date but that doesn’t happen.)

PC- “If I knew that, I wouldn’t be in this position.”

Jessie – “Maybe you should think about it. Don’t get frustrated with me for trying to help you.”

PC – “I said you could.”

Then PC throws an almost empty bottle of water at Jessie and then snaps his fingers like a douche and says “You know, make it happen.”

Jessie is pissed, it’s awesome. Jessie says ” You threw a motherf***ing bottle of water at me, honestly I don’t need to be here right now. It’s not all about you.”

PC answers “IT IS!!.” Then PC says “can we make up please?” Jessie tells him “No, I think we’re done.” So PC explains to us that it’s not like he threw water on her. The cap was on it. She should have caught it.

Jessie tells him to grow up and leaves.

Then PC says something I never thought I would hear anyone say, he calls Jessie “a massive (C-word!)! ” I can’t believe he said it and if I’m wrong someone e-mail me, but I’ve watched it over and over and that’s what it looks like to me.

Later PC calls Jessie from Columbus Circle. Jessie asks if he has a fanny pack like a tourist. PC apologizes and Jessie accepts. PC says it’s not like I got you wet or anything. This guy is a douche, but Jessie is too so they are a perfect couple.

What a show. Until next week kids.

Love and luck

TVannie.