NYC Prep: Candy is Dandy, but Liquor is Quicker. (Ogden Nash)

This week our spoiled brats reveal their true colors. Sebastian throws a party, PC throws a party, Camille tours Harvard with Kelli, Jessie attends a meeting about her upcoming charity event and Taylor goes to a candy store.

I suggest drinking heavily during the show. Perhaps in the spirit of youth, you’ll partake in a Jaeger Bomb. Remember those days when you could do a few beers, Jaeger bombs and still go to work the next day? The alcohol will help dull the pain of watching these assholes and their posh lives.

Don’t you just want to see one of them do some actual work for a minor salary and then be told they suck at it? I do.

Kudos to Bravo for getting my attention, Camille is meeting Sebastian at an art gallery. I didn’t see that one coming. That’s kind of like taking a pet rock to obedience classes. All it can do is lay there because, it’s a rock. And much like our favorite hair flipping Sebastard, a rock has no brains. It’s not like you can hope Sebastard will absorb anything from visiting an art gallery, he’s not a sponge. I think he is just looking around to see if there are any visible nipples. Much to Camille’s surprise, Sebastard actually touches one of the sculptures. What a guy, I just hope he doesn’t spit on a painting.

Sebastard tells Camille that Kelli is not happy with him. So he tells Camille that he told her since he and Taylor are not hanging out anymore, he and Kelli should hang out. Camille is dumbfounded. She tells him that is just about the worst thing you can say to a girl. Actually if Sebastard said “I have crabs” that would be the worst thing, but this one is a close second.

Sebastard tells us that he doesn’t think he should take dating advice from Camille. He asks her when is the last time you had a date? 10, 20, 30 years ago? or are you not into that? Then he says that he thinks Camille is the type of person that would make you feel dumb.

He’s really stupid. All these months, all the episodes of this show and I just realized it right now, he is really stupid.

Camille fires back and says let’s see, you’re the guy who got dumped by Taylor and Kelli. Sebastard tells her not to go there. Why not? What’s the matter Sebastard, you can’t take it? I’d accuse you of dishing it out, but you didn’t really do that either.

After watching this exchange, I think anyone can make Sebastard feel dumb. He is either really stupid or high or maybe both. I never noticed before how dumb he is, maybe he had me fooled with all that hair. He is not cute enough to make up for being stupid. If he’s not rich, he’s going to have a hard time hanging on to a girlfriend. Cute and/or rich does not make up for being stupid.

Well it’s time to do the impossible. Are you ready? Jessie and Kat are trying on, wait for it……sunglasses!

Jessie is still upset that PC brought all those people (three) to the Carmen Marc Valvo event. She tells Kat that she thinks that PC needs a wake up call and says that her family has always helped save his ass!! Jessie is very upset and actually raises her voice. Between the yelling and the wonky eye she’s scary.

Kat tells Jessie to just back off and let PC fail. But Jessie can’t let him fail, she says she’s his friend and that she’s been saving his ass since the 7th grade. Kat says maybe it’s time to stop, and just concentrate on trying on sunglasses. It looks like they are in the right store. See the ad below.

Just as soon as she leaves Jessie, Kat runs to see PC and tell him all about what Jessie said about him. What a little back stabber she turned out to be. I guess that’s why she fits in so well on this show.

She tells PC that Jessie is really worried about him. PC says Jessie’s acting like she’s 5 years old. Then he says he wants to get out of here (NYC) because he’s been here for 18 years. He’s trying to get into Occidental, it’s a private college in LA.

Kat tells PC he needs a rude awakening, like not getting into college. That’s not a very nice thing to say right to his face, I think Kat was supposed to say that to Jessie so she could run and tell PC. How can they talk about it, if she says it right to PC’s face?

And just like that, it’s time for the first party of the episode. Sebastian and Gabe are having a party at a new restaurant. All of the regulars will be there, Taylor, Cole, PC and Camille. Also appearing for the first time, Cole’s ex-girlfriend Deniz. I wonder how weird it is for these kids to keep getting together for dinners and parties when it’s clear they don’t all know each other.

Cole and his friends are all making comments about PC and the fact he wears eyeliner. PC knows they are talking about him and says that he is flirtatious and that he knows who he is and that’s all that matters. Cole and his buddies are jackasses.

It’s pretty obvious that Cole intends to spend the evening making Taylor miserable, confronting Sebastian and making fun of PC. I have a feeling Cole is looking for his own reality show. This is a good way to start, be the biggest jackass in the room and you’ll make yourself known.

Cole wants Taylor to be friends with Deniz (his ex-girlfriend) even though the two have never met and have nothing but him in common. Deniz puts a stop to being friends with Taylor by telling Cole to forget about it. I can see why Taylor doesn’t like being around this guy, I wonder why she dated him at all, was it just to make Sebastard jealous?

Taylor seeks out PC to get away from Cole. She and PC are talking about all the drama and enjoying each other’s company, when of course Cole comes over and drags her away so she can sit with him and his ex. I don’t know why Taylor doesn’t just leave the party or just break up with Cole right there. This party sucks.

We need more Jessie in this show and here she is. She is having a meeting at her home with the director of development for Operation Smile, Dee Dee and Tatiana the operations manager . Sitting to Jessie’s right is her co-chair of the charity event, Wesley.

Jessie treats Wesley like she is a personal assistant or a lap dog. Tatiana says something about Jessie getting her personal letters out to show that she personally supports this organization and this event, but before Tatiana can finish, Jessie’s wonky eye looks at Wesley and she interrupts Tatianna and says I need you to get the 8th graders invitations for me. Tatiana starts to say something else and Jessie waves her hand at her like “shut up” and she asks Wesley, do you have a committee over there (at your school)? Shouldn’t Jessie know all of this stuff if she is a co-chair?

Seriously? Is she kidding? what do they want her to model Burkas? Tatiana and Dee Dee nearly burst a blood vessel trying not to laugh.

And then just to make sure we don’t forget that Jessie is the most powerful one in the room, she tells the committee that there’s a girl from an all girls school that wants to be involved. I gave her my phone number and e-mail but she didn’t call.

Dee Dee tells Jessie that she needs to be proactive and that she shouldn’t be worried about who calls who. They need everyone to work together in order to be successful. In other words Jessie, grow up and do some follow-up yourself and quit acting like this is a way for you to promote your career in fashion instead of raising money for a charity.

We’ve come to the part of the show that I’ve been waiting for, it’s Camille’s tour of Harvard. This is literally sacred ground for our little heiress and she says exactly that. She is touring with Kelli and Maite. Camille wants Kelli to think more seriously about going to college and she hopes that Harvard might jump start Kelli and get her to think about applying for college. Even singers need an education and they also need to sing out loud and in front of more than one person.

The first part of the tour is being led by Scarlett. This lady is allegedly on the faculty of Harvard. I’m thinking she’s on the faculty means, she is one of the teaching assistants. I certainly hope she doesn’t have tenure. She tells them that she did her undergraduate work at Harvard and that her major was Russian Literature. When she said the word literature, she said every syllable slowly and deliberately being sure to say all the ‘t’s’ . Kelli said she was annoying. That’s kind for what this lady was.

Scarlett begins to grill Kelli about college and really puts her on the spot and makes her feel very uncomfortable. But then again, when isn’t Kelli uncomfortable? Obviously the producers didn’t make it clear to Scarlett which of the girls with long brown hair is actually applying to attend Harvard. Camille tries to save Kelli and says that the acceptance rate for Harvard is about 9% right? Yes, Scarlett says it is about 9%. Camille tells Scarlett that she wants the opportunity to see how she can mold and influence the people at Harvard.

Scarlett says “oh, I can see you’re trying to impress me and that you’re definitely applying to go to Harvard” No shit Scarlett, why do you think she’s taking the tour? Because she wanted to meet you?

Then just as Scarlett is handing off the girls to their student guide for the rest of the tour, Scarlett says “Best of luck, although you probably won’t get in.” then she puts her hands up like devil horns on her head and says “I’m a bit of a devil, ciao!”

Camille, Kelli and Maite are dumbstruck. This woman was such a bitch! Telling them they probably won’t get in to Harvard without knowing anything about any of them. I hope Camille does get into Harvard and that she gives Scarlett’s number to Sebastard.

Camille and Kelli and Maite cheer up immediately when they get a good look at the student guide. He is a cutie and Scarlett The Weird, is gone. He starts by asking if they have boyfriends, they all cheerfully say no and then another young man joins them on the tour. As Camille says later, 2 Harvard hotties what more could they want?

Back in NYC, Taylor and PC are going to Dylan’s Candy Bar. It’s a fancy schmancy candy store run by Dylan Lauren. Taylor tells PC that she has 50 Pez dispensers, but PC doesn’t seem really impressed. When PC finds the adult section he questions Taylor about whether or not Cole would use the edible chocolate paint. It’s a weird discussion and I just don’t see any of these kids painting themselves or their partner with chocolate and nibbling on the edible underwear.

I think the only kind of sex these kids are having is the drunken stupor kind of sex that they regret the next day and hope that they never have to see that person again. Of course with the amount of drinking they do, maybe they are all having a lot of sex, who knows.

PC invites Taylor to a party he’s having at the Thompson Hotel. But, he tells her not to bring Cole. Taylor doesn’t want to see Cole anyway, so that’s not a problem.

Next up, we see Jessie at home visiting with PC in her bedroom. Jessie’s room is a reflection of herself. There is weird wallpaper that looks like blood clots on a white background and a red vinyl headboard. Jessie has her acceptance letter to FIT in a frame. PC does not have an acceptance letter yet, he’s still holding out for Occidental.

We’ve been waiting all week for this next moment, Jessie turns to PC and asks “Are you gay?”. PC doesn’t answer. And once again, THANK YOU BRAVO, for building us up for a big cliffhanger and then a big fat nothing happens. Good job.

PC tells Jessie that he and Taylor have become friends and that there is something about her that makes him want to help her. Jessie says “you aren’t Jesus. You need to get into college before you save anyone else.”

Jessie says Taylor’s a sophomore, she’s 15, PC is 18 and his friends are in their 20′s and 30′s . She doesn’t think it’s a good environment for Taylor.

PC says that Jessie needs to let him make his own decisions. He decides not to invite Jessie to his party at the Thompson. He doesn’t need the drama. Actually, I think he doesn’t like to share the spotlight when he’s having a party. He wants all eyes on him, not on the wonky eyed FIT girl.

Cole has been obnoxious enough to warrant his very own small part of this show. He’s been working hard to get his own spot, let’s see what he does with it.

Cole and his friends are at a deli eating and talking about Taylor. Cole complains that Taylor hangs out with her friends more than she hangs out with him. And one of her friends is PC and he doesn’t like him. Cole’s friend (I’ll call him D1- douche bag 1) D1 says that Taylor wears the pants in their relationship.

Cole is not taking this, Taylor does not wear the pants. Cole says that Taylor is a different girl with her own personality. Yes Cole, all girls have their own personality unlike those life-size dolls you and your buddies have hidden in your rooms that you’ve been “dating” since you were 13.

D1 says that PC is having a party at the Thompson Hotel and that Taylor is invited. Cole didn’t even know about the party. D1 says he didn’t bring it up sooner because he wanted to know if Cole knew about it. Apparently not, gee you think Bravo might have clued his friends into the party? What a clever setup Bravo, no one can see what’s coming next.

No wonder Taylor doesn’t return his calls or texts, this guy is a controlling jerk. He probably will get his own show next year. He’s an asshole at the level of Puck from Real Word San Francisco. I can see his show now “Cole of Love” where 20 teeny boppers vie for the affection of the douche bag known as Cole. If he picks them he puts a condom on a chain around their necks and says “do you accept this rubber and will you stay and hang with me and my buds?” VH1 is probably calling him right now.

Next up it’s the night of PC’s party. PC and Dan are throwing a party in the penthouse of the Thompson Hotel, they check-in and start pouring alcohol. Camille is there, she forgot that Dan and PC are friends. So of course PC grills her. Camille offers to answer one question so someone asks “Did you f*** Dan?” Camille says No. But that’s not good enough, PC makes Camille and Dan kiss and makeup and promise to have dinner. Camille says that she wasn’t surprised, this is a very “PC” thing to do.

I’m so sick of everyone saying this is a PC thing or that is a PC thing. We get it already, he’s called PC but nothing he does is actually PC – politically correct. Can we please move on to another joke, please???? This was lame after the first episode.

PC is feeling good and they are all getting drunk and toasting their senior year. PC reads a text message from Taylor it says she is not coming to the party because she is grounded. PC says he doesn’t believe her and says just one more thing and he is dropping her.

Then someone is at the door, PC answers it and who can it be??? is it COLE?????? What a surprise.

How did Cole find out where the party was? I’m pretty sure none of Cole’s friends were invited to this party. Hmmm.

Cole comes in and asks PC “Where is Taylor?” PC tells him she isn’t coming. Most people who are not invited to a party, but go to the party anyway to confront their lying girlfriend, would probably leave when they hear their girlfriend is not coming. But Cole is not most people. Instead of being embarrassed and saying he’s sorry for interrupting the party, he asks PC to go out onto the balcony with him to speak in private. Cole is really trying hard to get a show, let’s see if he can get our attention.

So out to the balcony we go. Cole tells PC that he and Taylor are not getting along very well. PC doesn’t care, in fact no one cares at all. PC says Cole is a total loser and I agree with him. They go back inside, PC bums a cigarette and Cole leaves. Sorry Cole, but if you are going to get your own show, you have to step it up a notch.

After this debacle, Taylor and Cole meet to talk. Cole tells Taylor that he went to PC’s party. He says he thought she was going, so he went there to confront her, then he thought she would apologize to him for lying to him, then they would leave the party together.

Taylor is angry. She says this is the last straw. How could Cole embarrass her like this and go to a party he wasn’t even invited to and then think she would apologize to him and leave with him? She feels like Cole is smothering her.

Cole realizes this is not going the way he expected. Taylor has that different personality after all and is not falling for his grand gesture that was actually just a lame attempt at party crashing. Cole asks Taylor does this mean we are broken up? Taylor says yes, but we can still hang out.

That’s all for this week my friends. Next week is the season finale and probably the last episode ever. But it looks good. I know I’ve said that before, but really it looks good. First of all it’s the night of Jessie’s charity event and Camilla throws Jessie under the bus, cool huh? And that’s not all, Jessie is wearing makeup and she looks much better, but her eye is still rolling around like a marble on the roulette wheel. And perhaps the biggest thing of all, she falls down on some stairs while she’s wearing heels and a short dress. I just hope her fall is witnessed by lots of people.

Until next week Gasmii,

Love and luck,

TVannie