Once Upon a Time Recap: A Hole

Hiya Gasmi!  Thanks to all of you for your terrific comments and shared theories, and of course, for reading!  I know I echo my fellow recappers when I say this site has the best readers EVAH!

So, I know that the whole issue of whether or not Regina remembers has been put to rest, but can I say once more how much better I think it would have been if she DIDN’T remember?  After all, Ole Rumpy makes sure to screw everyone over in the deals he makes with them; I don’t get how she should be any different.

Oh well, I’m gonna have to let it go since the writer has officially said that she does in fact remember.  Hrmph.  Don’t worry, I’m not too pissed, after all, there are tons and tons of strings to unravel and her knowing isn’t going to change that.  Have I mentioned lately how much I love this show?

Um……yes.

Oh shut it, biatch!  Anyway……I’ve been looking forward to the new episode, hoping that we find out more answers an also see more of our favorite fairy couple.  Well, we got a wee bit of the latter and a smidge of the former as well as lots of new things to ponder.  So let’s dig in, shall we?

We open in Fairyland where a puppet show is taking place.  A princess puppet is saying “I wish, I wish, but nothing ever changes.  I wish I was better at wishing.”

Maybe you should try wishing on a star, Princess Fugly.

While the townsfolk are distracted by the puppet show, a little red haired boy makes his way through the crowd, lifting the Fairyland version of wallets as he goes.

You’ve got to pick a pocket or two, boooooys, you’ve got to pick a pocket or two

Looks like the puppet show is a cover for a thieving enterprise, and the little red haired boy slips away to a wagon once HIS pockets are full.  After the show, and once they are away from the town, the boy turns today’s loot over to his parents.

I’m so glad we moved out of France and into Fairyland!  Running an inn was nothing compared to puppet shows!

You may have already guessed that the boy is Jiminy (before he was a cricket).  As mom and dad go through the loot, they come across a cricket in cage that Jiminy has stolen.  He’s excited because he loves crickets, but mom thinks they’re troublesome, noisy bugs.  Jiminy counters, saying they get to do whatever they want, hopping from place to place.  They’re free.  True.  Until someone puts them in a cage.

His parents say he’s free.  To do whatever they want.  To be who you are.  You are who you are.  Jiminy’s not confused by their double speak (after all, he’s grown up with them).  He says maybe he wants to be someone different, maybe he doesn’t want to steal, maybe he wants to be good.  All that from a cricket?

Just squash the thing and his dreams and let’s hit the road.

His dad tells him good is just another word for weak; they’ll do the thinking for him.  That’s what parents are for after all, to help you.  You are who you are and there’s no changing it.  And with that, Dad disappears the cricket.  Problem solved.

You guys suck

Over in Storybrooke, Henry tells Dr. Hopper he wasn’t always a cricket.  It takes Archie a minute to get what Henry means, but then he remembers that Henry thinks he’s Jiminy Cricket.  Why is that?  It’s just because of who he is; he’s a conscience, he helps people see right from wrong.

So all the crickets in Storybrooke were once people too?  Nope, Henry tells him.  There aren’t any crickets in Storybrooke, never have been, but no one’s ever noticed.  Archie wonders if Henry thinks that’s proof that there’s a curse.

Uh…..yeah.  But probably not enough proof for any of you boneheads

Henry knows he’s gotta get better proof to start making people believe.  He’s working on it.  Archie wants to know from him why it’s so important for the curse to be real.  Henry thinks real hard about this before saying, “It just is.”  Spoken in true kidtalk!  Archie wants him to keep thinking about an answer to that question because he thinks there is something buried there.

Meanwhile, in the sheriff’s office Emma is not thrilled with the uniform he just handed her.

Not gonna happen

She tells him he doesn’t have to dress a woman like a man to give her authority.  Um, okay.  But shouldn’t she be dressed like, I dunno, A COP????  Graham doesn’t push the uniform issue, but does tell her to at least wear the badge.  “If you really want to be a part of this community, you have to make it official.”

And……..earthquake

Hmm…….looks like Emma’s “making it official” is creating an impact on the town already!

Whoa.  Emma’s decision has made a bigger impact than I thought.  A giant sinkhole has opened up at the edge of town near some old mines.  Looks like half the town has shown up to gape at it.  Regina arrives at the same time as Graham and Emma and tells Graham to set up a perimeter.  I guess all those Law & Order marathons have really paid off!

When she notices Emma standing there she tells her this is official town business and she is free to go.  Emma tells Regina that actually she works for the town now.

Exsqueeze me?

Graham fesses up that Emma is his new deputy, telling Regina that the position is in his budget.  HAHAHAHAHA!!  Miss BossyPants tells Emma to help with crowd control.

Next she addresses the townspeople, telling them about the old mining tunnels and her plan to make them all safe by paving over the entire thing.  Henry’s arrived with Archie during all this and he is not happy about Regina’s plans.  He knows she is trying to hide something!!

Just then Regina sees something on the ground.  It’s a piece of glass with metal or something attached to it.  (I think I know what it might be!!).  She looks a little shaky as she squirrels it away into her coat pocket.  This is not lost on Henry who whispers to Emma, wondering what it is.

Regina has had it and pulls Henry away from the site, telling him it’s a safety issue.  She sends him over to wait in the car.  Guess how long he stays there?  You got it!  MAYBE all of two seconds, and then he’s out calling Emma and Archie over for an impromptu meeting of Operation Cobra.  Archie didn’t know he was in Operation Cobra.

There isn’t any sort of initiation is there?  I’m a bit squeamish.

Henry says they have to stop his mother from paving over the hole; he thinks there must be something down there that she’s trying to hide.  Emma says it’s just old tunnels, but Henry knows better; he thinks they collapsed because of her, something she did.  He tells her she’s changing things, weakening the curse.

Nonsense.  I cause earthquakes and sinkholes everywhere I go!

Henry insists that it’s her and asks if she did anything different today.  Emma touches her new deputy badge while looking puzzled.  No time to tell anyone because here comes Regina who is not happy to find that Henry has disobeyed her once again.

Once she sends Henry and Emma on their way, Regina turns her attention to Dr. Hopper, telling him that they need to discuss a new treatment plan for her son.  “Everything I do he thinks is part of some horrible plot!”  Um, that’s because it is.

So?

She can’t even cover up a safety hazard without Henry thinking she’s hiding something.  BECAUSE YOU ARE!!!  How is any of this logical to him?  Archie says Henry has an amazing imagination.  Yep, that he has let run rampant.  He doesn’t want to rip away the world Henry has created; he’d rather try to use it to…

SHUT THE FUCK UP

She doesn’t want to hear it and she thinks that Archie has forgotten that he works FOR HER.  He’s an employee and she can fire him.  She goes on, saying it is HER town.  He will lose his office, he will lose his house; she can cut him down to size until he’s a tiny shrunken little creature.  And his umbrella will be his only shelter.

You Suck

What does she want him to do, he asks her.  She wants him to take that delusion out of her son’s head.  And crush it.  Dun dun dun!

It’s about thirty years later in Fairyland, and Jiminy is still living in his parents’ basement wagon.  His parents take a look around their latest stop and think it must have been a good year given how fat everyone is.  Maybe they should run their elf tonic scam here.  Jiminy wishes they would just put on the puppet show without stealing or scamming.

He gets this from YOUR side of the family

He tells mom and dad he wants to quit and they are sick and tired of having the same conversation with him.  Bottom line?  No quitting allowed.  Besides, they’re getting old and need him to take care of them in their dotage.  You know, I’d feel sorry for him if he was still a kid or even a teenager, but a grown man?  Quit yer whining and leave!!!!

Jiminy WhinyPants

As he sets up the puppet theater, it starts to rain.  A little boy comes up to him and he looks like he could be Henry’s fairy tale cousin.  He thinks Jiminy is so lucky that he gets to work with puppets, and Jiminy basically ignores the kid wallowing in his own misery.

You don’t like it?

You’d understand if you met my parents.

The boy wonders why he wouldn’t just do something else then.  See?  Even the kid gets it!  Jiminy tells him this is just who he is and then changes the subject to crickets.  Turns out they both think crickets are neato mosquito.  He tells the boy to head home before he catches a cold and the little boy gives him his umbrella before heading off.  Awwwww.

In Storybrooke, Archie is in his office scowling.  No doubt thinking about how much he hates that bitch of a mayor.  Marco arrives for their lunch date, but Archie forgot all about it.  Anyway, he can’t go because he has a patient coming.  Speak of the devil!  Here’s Henry now!

After Marco is gone Henry asks Archie if he’s recruiting Geppetto for Operation Cobra.  Archie didn’t realize that Henry thinks Marco is Geppetto, but Henry points out that it’s obvious since he’s Jiminy Cricket’s best friend, just like Marco is his.

Archie’s a bit uncomfortable as he tells Henry they need to talk about this.  Henry knows he’s not convinced, but he has figured out where he can get proof!  Look he’s got flashlights and candy bars ready to go!  Archie knows immediately what Henry is up to and tells him he cannot go down there, it’s too dangerous.

Henry is not to be deterred so Archie grabs him and sits him down on the couch telling him to stop.  There is no proof; all of this is a delusion.  He tells Henry a delusion is something that is not real and is not healthy, and he thought Henry would outgrow this, but now it’s turned into a psychosis.

Plus your mom is all pissed about it

He tells Henry if this continues that they’re going to end up locking him away.  For his own good this has to stop.  “This nonsense MUST end.”

Whatchoo talking ‘bout, Archie?

Henry storms off while Archie watches with tears in his eyes, knowing that he has fucked up by doing this.

Over at Storybrooke General, Mary Margaret and David are playing hangman.  She’s having trouble guessing what turns out to be her own name!  How cute are they?!?

Adorable!

Mary Margaret asks if this is a game he played a lot before, but he doesn’t know.  He frowns a little and she tells him the doctors must think he’s making progress if they’re talking about sending him home soon.  Yeah sure, physically.  She points out that he’s making new memories just fine.  He thinks maybe he’ll like these better.  LOVE!!

They swoon at each other a bit (with eyes only) until Mary Margaret lowers her gaze asking if he wants to play again.  Kathryn arrives just at that moment, asking if she can play too.  NO!!  Mary Margaret is nicer than I am, taking her leave while David stares at her longingly as Kathryn tries to get him to remember their non –existent dog, Ajax.

So not listening.

Once home, Mary Margaret makes smores while telling Emma what a horrible person she is.  If Kathryn were a bitch it would be so much easier, but she’s not which makes her feelings for David even harder to deal with.  Emma wonders what exactly would be easier.

You know, stuuuufffff.

Wait!  Scratch that!  Nothing!  Nothing would be easier.  Emma’s like damn right nothing is easier.  She points out that Mary Margaret is smart; she knows better than to get involved with a married guy.  “It’s not worth the heartache.”  Emma says like someone that knows what that feels like.  Henry’s father maybe??

Knock, knock, knock.  Henry is at the door crying his little heart out.  Emma brings him in and then we cut to Archie, tying one on in his office.  Guess who pays him a visit?  You guessed it:  Emma.  She is pissed that he did exactly to Henry what he told her not to.  What happened to saying it would devastate Henry?

That was before the Mayor made me wet myself

Emma wants to know was it Regina?  Did she threaten him?  What could be strong enough to drown out his own conscience?  Her cell phone rings and it’s Regina.  Henry’s gone.  Again.  Emma tells her she doesn’t know where he is, but Archie thinks he might have an idea of where he’s gone.

Hole-y smokes!

In Fairyland, Jiminy goes his to visit his parents’ fence who is none other than Rumpelstilskin.  Rumpy is passing the time spinning some straw into gold and inquires about who the stolen items belonged to; he wants the names.  Jiminy pulls out a sheet of paper and lays it on top of the bag and Rumpy gives him some gold thread as payment.

Jiminy starts to leave but is obviously taking his time.  Rumpy wonders if it’s because he wants something magical.  Jiminy whines some more about how he wants to be free from his parents but is too wimpy to just leave.

I have exactly what you need!

Rumpy says what’s in the vial will set him free if he gives it to his parents.  But Jiminy doesn’t know how he can pay for such a thing.

Just a token really.  A trifle.  What I want from you is……

To leave your parents where they are after the potion has done its work.  Rumpy will stop by later to collect them.  But what will happen to his parents?  Don’t worry about that; they’ll be in safe hands and he’ll be free.

Oh.  Okay then.

I know his parents are assholes, but Jiminy’s kind of an asshole too, don’t you think?

In Storybrooke Archie and Emma have arrived at the mine shaft/sinkhole.  Archie’s Dalmatian, Pongo (love it) sniffs out a candy bar that Henry has dropped, so they know he’s gone in.  Inside Henry’s walking around, shining his flashlight here and there and finding nothing.  So far.  He’s not giving up yet.  Oooooo, looks like Henry has found something!

Looks like it’s another piece of that glass, and at this point I’m shouting at the TV that it’s part of Snow’s coffin!  Don’t you think?  Oh, so exciting!!  Uh oh.  Pulling out the glass shard seems to have upset the delicate balance in there and part of the rocks collapse, blocking Henry’s way.

There’s a shock outside as well that knocks Emma on her ass and Archie into the shaft.  He lights a match which seems like a really stupid idea in an old mine tunnel, but don’t worry, he doesn’t blow himself up.  He finds Henry who is excited to see him, thinking Archie has come to help with the search.

And off Henry goes, deeper into the mine to look for evidence.  Archie has no choice but to follow him.

Back in Fairyland, Jiminy and his parents have come upon a cozy looking cottage.  Jiminy wants to skip whatever it is they’ve got planned for tonight, but his parents are having none of it.  He points out that they don’t need the money, but they tell him it’s not about the money, it’s about the principle.  It’s about excellence.

Take some pride in your work for Chrissake!

With a little chuckle, they give him the elf tonic to hold onto.  Why not just walk away?  Instead, Jiminy sighs and knocks on the door.  A cute couple answer and invite them in.  Over dinner, Mom stage whispers to Dad about the horrible plague in the town they were just visiting.  The couple are worried they may have just invited plague carriers into their home, but Dad assures them that they’re immune; they have elf tonic.

Surely you have some of your own

Of course the couple have never heard of elf tonic, but totally buy into it’s existence.  Jiminy recites his line, “Oh no, you’re going to die.  You need elf tonic.”  They wish they had extra but there is no extra.  They could pay them, the lady of the house says.  In the end, Mom, Pop, and Jiminy leave with a sackful of stuff from the couple and hand over the elf tonic.  Jiminy looks like he wants to barf.

Mom and Dad load up the wagon as Jiminy tells them that those were good people who would never have hurt them like that.  And?  Dad thinks it’s better to be the kind of people that take, than those that get taken from, Mom finishes.

Jiminy has had enough.  He takes out the vial that Rumpy gave him and sprinkles the contents on his parents.  Nothing.

Sorry.  Switched the vials.

So whatever Rumpy’s tonic was going to do to his parents is now being done to the cute couple they just stole from.  Jiminy runs back into the cottage to find….

The couple has been turned into a pair of creepy ass puppets.  Oooooo!  More for the show, Mom exclaims.  Just then, their son arrives home and is none other than the boy that gave Jiminy his umbrella.  Talk about feeling like shit!

Archie and Henry are still wandering around the mine and Henry thinks he spots something shiny “down there”.  Archie pleads with Henry that they should get out of there, saying he’s frightened for him.  Because he thinks Henry is crazy?  No, dumbass.  Because they’re in an abandoned mine that’s already had one collapse.

Oh.

Outside, some construction workers are trying to clear the collapse at the mine entrance, and I wonder if they’re part of the seven dwarves.  Another tremor ripples through and Regina shouts at all of them to get away from there, they’re making it worse.

Emma and Regina get into a little, each blaming the other for Henry being trapped in there until Regina loses it, saying “Oh please!  Keep lecturing me until his oxygen runs out.”  Because Emma cares about Henry, this shuts her up.

Back in the tunnel, Archie and Henry hear Pongo barking, so they follow the sound.  Emma tells Regina they have to stop; arguing is not going to accomplish anything.  They agree to work together while inside, Henry and Archie find an old elevator.

Regina thinks they need to find some way to punch through the ground.  That sounds like a terrible idea.  Isn’t that going to cause MORE instability?  Marco chimes in saying they need explosives.  Sounds stupid, right?

Sounds like a plan to me

Archie and Henry start to turn a crank to raise them up to the surface just as Regina gives the order to fire up the explosives.  It doesn’t work.  Shocker.  It also fucks up the elevator, causing it drop, though luckily not down the entire shaft.  Yikes.

Let’s take a break from the life and death situation in the mine and check in with Mary Margaret and David at Storybrooke General.  She’s wrapping things up for the day when he pops over to ask her to take a walk with him; after all, he needs his exercise.  Seeing how it’s doctor’s orders and all, Mary Margaret agrees to accompany him.

Sigh

They walk by the lake and David tells her he STILL doesn’t remember this place; it’s like he woke up in some strange land.  But what about when he’s with Kathryn?  Mary Margaret points out that he remembered the dog the other day.  Faked it, he tells her.  Nothing feels real or makes any sense to him.  The only thing that does feel real is Mary Margaret.  She the only thing in this place that feels right to him.

SWOON

Just as they’re about to kiss, Princess CockBlock shows up.  Grrrrrrr.  She’s clueless as to what is going on between the two of them and offers David a basket of cranberry muffins she made for him.

Can I offer you my muffin?

Eh. Last time it was kind of dry

Mary Margaret takes her leave, but David calls after her, asking if he will see her tomorrow.  She just smiles and walks away.

Back at the mine shaft Regina is pissed that the explosives didn’t work.  She yells at the workers saying they could have killed her son.  What an Ahole she is.  Emma realizes that Pongo is barking and lets him out of the fire truck; he immediately runs off and finds a grate in the earth.

Fathoms below, Henry is apologizing to Archie, saying he just wanted to find some proof.  Archie tells Henry he’s sorry too, and he doesn’t think Henry is crazy.  He just has a very strong mother who wants him set on a certain path and she gets scared when Henry steps off that path.

Well, why did he say all those things earlier?  Archie says he guesses he’s not a very good person.  He’s not the man he wants to be.  Up above, they’ve got the grate off the hole and now need to figure out what they’re going to do next.

Back in the elevator, Henry tells Archie he knows he can be a good person; he IS Jiminy Cricket, you know.  There’s the whole cricket vs. person thing, Archie points out.  Sure, but before he was a cricket, he was just a guy who took a long time figuring out what to do.  Archie admits that that does sort of sound like him.

Shit.  Looks like I was always a whiny wimp

Henry thinks it’s just taking longer for Archie to get there because of the curse.

Above, Marco is getting rigging ready to lower someone into the shaft.  Pissing contest number two starts as Emma and Regina both vie to be the one lowered down.  Emma points out that Regina’s used to sitting behind a desk and has been doing so for ten years.  She relents and lets Emma take this one.

In the elevator, Archie revisits his earlier question, asking Henry once again why it’s so important for the curse to be real.  Henry thinks for a minute and then replies, “Because this can’t be all there is.”  Archie gets it.  Henry’s upset that they didn’t find anything, but Archie says they DID. He was lost and Henry found him.  Henry’s excited because he thinks that means Archie remembers being Jiminy, but what it really means is that Archie has remembered what type of person he wants to be.

Just then, Emma arrives to hoist them up.  She gathers Henry up, telling Archie she’ll be back for him in a minute.  As they start to raise Emma and Henry up, another tremor hits, sending the elevator plummeting downward!  Luckily, Archie has his handy umbrella that he’s managed to hook onto Emma belt, preventing him from falling.

Phew!

Once they reach the surface, Regina gathers Henry up into a big hug while everyone around them cheers and claps.  Emma reaches out for Henry, but Regina pulls him away.  Marco gives his friend Archie a giant hug as Emma hurries over to where Regina and Henry are standing.  Regina shuts her down immediately, telling her to clear the crowd.  Truce is over I guess.  Poor Emma.

Regina heads over to Archie to thank him, but he cuts in telling her that he’s going to continue treating Henry and he’s going to do it HIS way.  Bullshit!  Regina reminds him of her earlier threats, but now he’s got one of his own.  If she doesn’t leave him alone to do his work with Henry the way he sees fit, he’ll testify against her in any custody battles that might come about in the future.

Exsqueeze me again?

That’s right, biatch!  And remember, the psychologist has a powerful voice in custody battles.  Put THAT in your pipe and smoke it!  Regina’s not happy but she lets him walk away without saying anything.

In Fairyland, a depressed Jiminy stares up at the night sky.

And wishes on a star

We don’t hear his wish, but the Blue Fairy does and comes down from the sky to talk to him, telling him she heard him, he doesn’t have to wish so loudly.

It makes my boobs vibrate in a most unpleasant manner.

She tells Jiminy it’s not possible for her to bring back the boy’s parents.  But he has to make it right!  He would trade his life to make that happen.  No can do, the Blue Fairy tells him, but perhaps she can grant another wish.  The boy will face many hardships as he grows up, and Jiminy can help him.  But how?  He can’t get away from his parents, they’re who he is.

If he could not be them, who would he want to be?  She asks him.  Crickets chirp as he smiles.  The Blue Fairy hears what he’s wishing, and with a wave of her wand, she turns him into a cricket.  She asks how he feels.

Sure, til someone comes by and squishes you.

She tells him to find the boy; he will live as many years as he needs to help him.  But how?  He doesn’t even know the kid’s name.  His name…..is Geppetto.  I’m not gonna lie, Gasmi; I cried like a little bitch when Blue said his name.

Back in Storybrooke, Emma sits with Henry for a minute and tells him he scared her.  He’s sorry about that.  But listen!  Crickets!  There are crickets in Storybrooke!  Henry tells Emma that things really are changing.  She looks like she might be starting to buy into this whole thing.

Wonder what ever happened to Geppetto’s parents?

Looks like Rumpy picked them up as planned

Over at the hospital, Mary Margaret is dropping off a letter of resignation.  I just wanna give her a big hug.  Back at the mine, the mood is jovial; everyone seems to be having a good time, happy that tragedy has been averted.  Well, everyone except for Regina.

She sneaks away, off to the side and takes that piece of glass from earlier out of her coat pocket.  Making sure no one is watching her; she drops it into the air shaft.  It tumbles down a long way, before finally reaching ground……

I can’t tell if that’s Snow’s coffin like I thought, but it sure as hell looks like Fairyland is buried beneath Storybrooke!  DAMN!!

And that’s it for this time, Gasmi.  What did you think?  Do you think it is Snow’s coffin under there?  Were you as annoyed by Jiminy as I was?  Did you cry when you heard the boy was Geppetto?  And did your heart break for Mary Margaret?

I can’t wait to hear your thoughts, so get to it!!

SWAK, PottyMouth

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