I heard the rumors. I was warned about what was going to happen, but frankly…..I didn’t believe it. No way would they do this seven episodes into a brand new show, right? WRONG! But. As sad as I am, Gasmi, I am also SO GLAD they went there. They’ve now shown us that anything is possible and that they are not afraid of knifing us in our collective gut. It takes the game to a whole new level.
We start the evening in Granny’s diner which apparently turns into the local watering hole in the evenings. I know that probably could have been deduced from last week’s show when Whale asked Mary Margaret if he could buy her a drink, but I don’t remember them actually drinking there. Not that it matters.
I was sort of hoping for a local bar or pub. You know, “Poisson’s Pub”, where everyone goes to get sauced. Or……..Triton’s Titty Bar, where the locals drown their sorrows. Yuk, yuk, yuk. Come on, you know Ruby would LOVE it if there was a titty bar in town; she’d make a fortune!
Anyway, Graham is having a drink at Granny’s and playing darts.
Damn. Is it true your aim gets better when you’re drunk?
Check the bathrooms! They’ll tell the true tale!
Sydney, aka Magic Mirror Man, bets him twenty bucks that he can’t make the shot again. He does and informs Ruby that his drinks are on Sydney.
Emma rounds the corner and heads for the door, avoiding eye contact with Graham as she goes. He responds by throwing a dart at her. Well, next to her. You know, nothing grabs the ladies’ attention like throwing sharp objects nearly at them!
Are you fucking nuts?!?!?!?
No. I’m drunk and horny and you’re ignoring me.
He says she’s been avoiding him ever since she saw him leaving Regina’s place last night. Damn straight she has! She’s probably been plagued with visions that she’d like to bleach out of her brain! She tells him she has NOT been avoiding him; she just isn’t interested in having this conversation. It’s his life, she really doesn’t care. (Except she totally does)
Emma leaves; Graham follows. He wants to know why she’s so upset if she doesn’t care. She’s not upset! He thinks if that were true she’d be having a drink with him, not running away. She doesn’t want to talk to him about it, but Graham really needs her to understand. Why???
I just do, okay?
She really doesn’t want to hear it, but Graham keeps pushing, saying Emma doesn’t know what it’s like with Regina; he doesn’t feel anything, can’t she understand? Yeah, I don’t think that’s going to have the effect he’s looking for here.
She doesn’t get why there’s all this secrecy involved; they’re all adults for Chrissake (I guess she forgot about Henry for a minute there), and Graham tells her it’s because he didn’t want to see her looking at him the way she is now. Why does he even care how she looks at him? Because….
Nice move, Graham. Except……
Kissing Emma seems to come with some side effects. Veeeeery interesting. Girl, I don’t know what you’re doing, but DAMN.
He asks Emma if she saw that and she wants to know just how much he’s been drinking. So I guess that’s a no, Sheriff. She tells him it that was way over the line and he says he’s sorry, but he just needed to FEEL something.
Go feel up your girlfriend or something!
Emma stomps off in her awesome boots leaving the poor sheriff standing there looking like a lost little boy.
He doesn’t stand around looking lost for too long though; he heads over to Regina’s place and starts pounding on her door. Its immediately clear that he has some other pounding on his mind and he plunges his tongue down her throat as soon as she answers.
Grmhm, wh abbo Hnrrr?
Did you say something?
As Graham kisses Regina’s neck we whisk on over to Fairyland. THANK GOD. EQ’s castle is just lovely; so warm and inviting.
It’s a real tourist trap attraction.
And there she is, good ole EQ herself, looking down from her balcony all evil-like. We cut to a coffin, covered in red rose petals. Snow approaches it, placing a single white rose on the coffin, tears in her eyes. Oh. It must be her dad’s coffin.
Doncha just want to hug her?
EQ shows up to offer her condolences and they hug, EQ rubbing Snow’s back and telling her that she’s totally here for her, even if she’s only her stepmother.
I so wish I had a dagger right now.
I have to say, EQ is a good actress. She even had me fooled, thinking that she may not have started out as an evil cold hearted bitch from hell.
Her magic mirror congratulates her, saying her revenge is almost complete. “One down, one to go” replies EQ. Daaaaaamn……she killed Snow’s dad? And Snow has no idea. She’s gonna be hella pissed when she finds out.
EQ says she could have killed Snow just minutes before as she was comforting her, but she is way too loved by everyone; EQ doesn’t want the people to know that she is behind Snow’s death. They don’t know the wretchedness inside Snow the way EQ does and they would turn against her. No, she needs to find someone to kill Snow, someone adept at murder, bereft of mercy. Someone with no heart, the mirror adds. YES! Well then, she needs a huntsman.
The Huntsman talks to the fallen dear, saying it has died so that he might live. “Forgive me; your sacrifice is honorable. I thank you.” And then he sheds a single tear.
That cheek isn’t the only thing getting moist right now
A wolf appears on the scene and walks toward the huntsman, but he doesn’t seem afraid. Oh, they’re friends; he tells the wolf it won’t go hungry tonight. And he pulls the arrow out of the deer……..
And wakes up in Storybrooke.
Graham’s so startled that he wakes up Regina. He tells her about his dream, about hunting the deer and about the wolf with one red eye and one black. The wolf part seems to get her attention. Don’t worry about it; she tells him, it was only a dream. Yeah, but it didn’t feel like a dream; it felt like a memory.
**Panicking on the inside**
He gets up and starts to get dressed, clearly distressed about the dream. Regina tries to get him to get back in bed, but he is so outta there. Someone looks a little worried as leaves.
He left his squad car over at Granny’s (good job not drinking and driving!), so he’s had to go back now and get it. As he goes to unlock the door, he drops his keys…..
And looks up to find the red-eyed wolf staring at him!
HOLY SHITBALLS!!! That’s something you don’t see every day! The wolf goes trotting off down the street as Graham looks like he has been hit in the gut. Hard.
The next morning we pop by Mary Margaret’s house. There’s a bouquet of flowers on the table, just sitting there, minding it’s own business, when Emma the grump comes along and shoves it into the garbage. Hey! Those were mine! Mary Margaret tells her. Oops. She thought they were from Graham.
Nope. They are Mary Margaret’s and they are NOT from David. They are from Dr. Whale. Emma’s confused; why would Dr. Whale………?
Do we have to have the TALK?
Good lord, no.
Ewwwwww……Mary Margaret fucked Dr. Whale? I am going to barf. I know she was feeling bad about David going back to Kathryn, but THAT guy?!?!? Pretty soon he’ll be asking her if they can have a threesome with Ruby.
Yeah, he did that already.
Emma thinks it’s amazing; she’s getting over David. Whatever, it’s just a one night stand, Mary Margaret tells her. The flowers might be saying something different. Yeah, she’s thinking maybe she shouldn’t have called him. Whoa! Yeah, that’s definitely not a one night stand, Emma tells her. Mary Margaret says she’s still learning, she’s new at this being slutty thing. She feels guilty.
Emma doesn’t think she should feel guilty at all; in fact, one night stands are the only thing SHE does. Well, sure, Mary Margaret replies, that’s because you’re…….
A Slut?!? Is THAT what you were going to say?
Ummmm……no. Yes. Maybe. No. I just think you’ve built walls up is all. Slutty walls.
Oh, and FYI? Everyone can see that you wanna bite you off a piece of the sheriff. Nu uh. Anyway, there’s nothing wrong with protecting yourself. Sure, Mary Margaret agrees, but the wall she’s built may not just be keeping out pain; it may also keep out love. Listen to mommy, Emma!
Elsewhere, Graham continues on his quest while looking like a crazy person. He’s running through the woods, looking for the wolf. He spies a bush shaking, but it’s not the wolf.
What the fuck is he doing out in the woods with a shovel and wearing an apron? Suspicious. He apologizes for startling Graham (who looks like holy hell, by the way) and Graham says he thought Rumpy was a wolf.
“Did I forget to shave?”
LOL, Rumpy! What’s he doing out here? Oh, just a bit of gardening. Ha! Not bloody likely! You can tell the sheriff is distracted by wolfish thoughts because he totally lets that one go, not bothering to really try to find out what the hell RumpyGold is up to.
To the best of Rumpy’s knowledge, there are no wolves in Storybrooke, at least not the literal kind. Why is he looking for one anyway? Oh Rumpy wouldn’t believe him if he told. “Try me.” Graham tells him he saw one in his dreams and then he saw one for real, just a few hours ago. Did Rumpy see anything out there? Uh……nope.
What is that darkish stuff on his shovel???????!!
Is that blood??? Gah! I need to know!
No answers of course, and Rumpy heads on his way, telling Graham that they say that dreams are memories of another life. And then he wishes Graham luck and says he hopes he finds what he’s looking for. Hey! That’s the same thing he said to David last time right before he was hypnotized by the windmill! What the hell?!
In Fairyland, the huntsman is out for a night at the tavern, bringing his wolf companion along as his wingman. The crowd doesn’t seem too pleased that he’s brought a wild animal into the bar. A couple of jerks try to cause some trouble, talking loud enough to each other so that they are heard by all.
They think he’s just as much an animal as the wolf; after all, he WAS raised by them. He smells like them too! Oh, and he cries over his kills……Buuuuuurn. Getting no reaction, one of them heads over to get in the huntsman’s face. What kind of a man cries over an animal?
Uhhhh……one that gets all the ladies, jackass! An honorable one is his reply. What does he know about honor? Well, he has it, the animals have it, but YOU do not. Animals have honor? Yep; they are pure of heart, not selfish and self-serving like people. Them’s fightin words!
Shortest bar fight ever.
The guy’s buddy rushes to avenge his friend and the huntsman quickly knocks him on his ass. Another tavern patron thinks about taking him on, but the huntsman picks up a broken piece of mirror and the dude runs away. He puts the jagged sliver of the mirror on the table, and it’s through that piece that EQ sees him in her mirror.
I wanna break me off a piece of THAT
She thinks he is perfect and orders her men to bring him to her.
Back in Storybrooke, Graham is still running through the woods, looking for the wolf. Suddenly, he finds it. It’s the wolf from his dream! He shouts out, demanding to know what the wolf wants, but the poor thing can’t talk, can he? Instead, the wolf whines and starts to go, until Graham gives a little whistle…..
That turns the wolf around and he pads over to Graham, nuzzling against him. As soon as Graham touches the wolf’s fur he has another flashback. This time we see images of Snow holding apples, a knife, Snow looking scared, the knife again, the wolf howling, and some sort of emblem that looks like stag antlers. Whoa again.
Graham comes out of the flashback and looks around, but the wolf has disappeared once again. We cut over to the school where class is just getting out. Graham comes in to talk to Mary Margaret, and he thinks they know each other. Uuuuhhhh, yeah they do. No, he doesn’t mean from here. From where then? Another life?
Are you on something?
In Fairyland the Huntsman has been brought to EQ whose is lounging sexily on her couch waiting for him. She wonders if he’s so tortured because his parents abandoned him to the wolves. Those weren’t his parents, they just gave birth to him (well his mom did at least), his real parents are the wolves that raised him.
I’m sorry, your wolf package is so distracting
EQ has always thought of people as either wolves or sheep; those who kill and those who get killed. She thinks he is definitely a wolf. Ugh, cut to the chase; why is he here? She needs him to kill someone, natch.
He kills for himself, why would he do anything for her. She can offer him a place at her court.
He is completely uninterested in becoming her pet in this cage she calls a castle. Good boy! He doesn’t get why she’s coming to him when she’s got a whole army at her disposal. Well, it certainly doesn’t help that her prey is beloved by all, she tells him. She needs someone without compassion, someone who will have no qualms about carving out a heart out and bringing it back for her collection. I hope she’s got that collection insured!
Don’t need it
He says that’s him. She just knew it! Now what will it take to get him to do the deed? He doesn’t want riches or luxury; he certainly doesn’t want her cooter. What he does want is for her to outlaw the hunting of wolves. Awwwwwww…..suddenly I’d love to be the filling in a Charming/Huntsman sandwich.
“So who do you want me to kill?” He asks her.
I think we all know the answer, but if you’re still wondering, we get a hint as we jump back to Storybrooke and Mary Margaret. She’s still talking with Graham, and he asks how long they’ve known each other. She’s not sure; a while. But how did they meet, does she remember? Um, no, but that doesn’t mean anything.
Do you remember meeting anyone here?
Well……..now that you mention it……….no. Isn’t that odd? YUP. She thinks maybe that’s just life; things get hazy. He asks her if he’s ever hurt her. No! Of course not! What the hell is going on with him? Does she believe in other lives? Mary Margaret thinks he’s been spending too much time with Henry, but boffing his mom down the hall doesn’t really count. She explains to him about Henry’s book and how he thinks they are all characters from the book that don’t remember who they are.
Makes sense to me!
In the woods of Fairyland, Snow and the Huntsman are walking down the pathway on their way to the summer palace. Snow is looking forward to going there and offers the Huntsman an apple. He’s not hungry. She thinks it’s a bit curious that of all her father’s men, he’s the only one that hasn’t offered her his condolences. Oh, sorry…..sympathies. He doesn’t know how to wear armor either, she says.
I completely disagree
Snow has put two and two together and knows he is not taking her to the summer palace; he’s going to kill her. She’s got good instincts, the huntsman notices. A good batting arm too; she grabs a stick and swings, knocking him on his ass and giving her a chance to skedaddle.
In Storybrooke, Emma is at the police station, looking cranky and throwing darts badly. But never fear! Regina arrives to cheer her up!
Stay the fuck away from my man!!!
Yeah, that’ll work. We all know how well Emma follows orders. Emma advises Regina that nothing is going on between her and Graham. Really? Like ever? Nothing has ever happened between them? Regina tells Emma she has eyes everywhere, she knows what happened.
She goes on, telling Emma she is incapable of feeling anything for anyone. There’s a reason she’s alone, isn’t there?
Fuck off and die
Regina warns her to leave Graham alone; she may think she’s doing nothing but what she’s really doing is sending him down a road to self destruction.
He’s followed that road right back to the Mayor’s house, but he’s not there to see Regina; he wants to talk to Henry. Graham wants to know if he’s a character in Henry’s book. Let’s go look!
Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! We’re heading back to Fairyland first and the Huntsman has caught up to Snow White, possibly because she’s not even running. Instead, she’s sitting on a rock writing a letter. She acknowledges that she really doesn’t have a chance of getting away from him in the forest which he obviously knows so well.
She’s now accepted her fate and asks only that he deliver the letter she’s written to EQ along with her heart. “Tell her that I mean every word.” He takes the letter from her and reads it.
Obviously those wolf schools are a hell of a lot more advanced than we thought.
She sits and watches him read her letter, and when he’s done, he sheds a tear. He unsheathes his dagger…….and cuts a reed then fashions a whistle out of it. Snow is confused. I’m right there with her.
The Huntsman hands it to her telling her to sound it when she needs help; it will bring her aide and she’ll be lead to safety. Now go. Wait, what? She doesn’t understand…..he’s not going to kill her? RUN, he tells her. And so she does.
In Henry’s room they’ve got the book out, trying to figure out who Graham might be. Henry needs more information. When did the flashes begin? Right after he kissed Emma.
You kissed my MOM??????
Both of them actually.
Poor Henry, now he’s REALLY gonna need therapy.
What did he see? A wolf. He saw that he had a knife in his hand and he was with Mary Margaret. Henry asks if he was about to hurt her. Yes! Henry’s got it! Graham is the huntsman.
Henry tells him he was raised by wolves which is probably why he keeps seeing; it’s his guide, trying to help him. How is it possible that he’s remembering this because he kissed Emma? Henry lays it on him that Emma is actually Snow’s daughter which gives her a special connection with him. If he hadn’t saved Snow, Emma wouldn’t exist.
What happened after he spared Snow White, Graham asks him. “The queen took your heart.” Henry replies. Rut roh. That doesn’t sound good. No, it’s not. She ripped the heart out Henry tells him, it’s kinda her thing. She didn’t want him to ever be able to feel again.
They go back to the book, finding a page where EQ is standing in front of something bearing the emblem from his vision. What is that? Why, it’s her vault of hearts. How lovely!
And Graham is off to find his heart! Thanks Henry! Outside Emma is sitting in her car waiting for him to come out of the house. She thinks maybe he should go home and rest. No! He has to find his heart! How? He just needs to follow the wolf.
Oh no! That’s not like chasing the dragon is it?
No, no, no, it’s the wolf from his dreams; it’s gonna help him find his heart. Oh, he’s serious. She thought they were speaking metaphorically. No, he really believes that his heart is missing. Emma is tender with him and puts her hand over his heart saying she can feel it. Look, he can too, and she puts his hand there, making him feel it.
Of course he can feel it he tells her; that’s the curse at work. No…..it’s his heart; he can’t really believe the curse is true. And then the wolf shows up and she sees it too and it shuts her right up. And off they go, after the wolf.
It leads them into the cemetery right to…..
Dun, dun, dun!
They enter and then we’re back in Fairyland where the huntsman has returned with a heart for EQ. Only she doesn’t know it’s not Snow’s heart. But before he hands over the heart, he delivers the letter. Ugh, she doesn’t want it. Fine, read it to her then.
In the letter, Snow says she understands that EQ will never have love because of her so it’s fitting that she be denied that same joy as well. She hopes that this act will satisfy her need for revenge and that she’ll now rule the kingdom with compassion and a gentle hand. Oh, and she forgives her.
Boo. Hoo. Hoo.
So. Whatever Snow did to EQ robbed her of love forever? WHAT THE HELL DID SHE DO?!??! I need to know. NOW dammit!
No answer. Hrmph.
EQ remains unmoved by Snow’s words. She throws the letter into the fire and warns him not to become a sheep now. He sees EQ for the evil bitch she is, saying Snow sacrificed herself for others and yet EQ still hates her. What did she do to you?
Yes! Tell us! Tell us!
She tells him she shared a secret with Snow and she couldn’t keep her trap shut. That betrayal cost her dearly. Oh come on! That’s it?!? That’s all you’re going to tell us? You really ARE evil.
Can I just say here that this secret better be fucking epic because if it’s some stupid thing I am gonna be PISSED.
EQ is not playing; she wants that heart and she wants it now. The huntsman hands it over and she puts it into a box before heading over to a wall that quite obviously houses oodles and oodles of other such boxes. But there’s a problem. The vault should magically open and it doesn’t. Hmmmm…..maybe it’s broken?
What did you do?
Meanwhile, Emma and Graham have entered the crypt in Storybrooke. Graham is positive that his heart is around here somewhere and Emma looks like she’s about to cry because she’s so worried about him. He just knows there’s a hidden door in there somewhere.
Emma tells him there is nothing in here, but it’s going to be okay. And once again, Mayor Killjoy shows up to cast her particular ray of sunshine all over everything. You see, tonight is the night she visits her dad’s grave each week to bring flowers. Yeah, I’m sure that takes the sting out of cutting out his fucking heart, right?
Graham tells Regina not to blame Emma; he’s the one that wanted to look in there. Really, why? What was he looking for? Nothing. She tells him he doesn’t look well and then tries to lead him away with her. Graham is not going anywhere with her.
Reeeallly? But he’ll go with Emma? Emma doesn’t want to get involved in this mess, it’s between them. Graham agrees; it’s between them and things are going to change. Why is that? Regina wonders. It has nothing to do with Emma, Graham insists. He has realized that he doesn’t feel anything with her and he knows now that it is not him, it’s her.
So you’re leaving me for her?
No, I’m leaving you for me, he tells her. You tell her, Graham!! Regina tries again, telling him he is not thinking straight. Actually, for the first time he is. He’d rather have nothing than settle for less. Nothing is better than what they have. Ooooooooo……that’s gotta smart!
He tells her it is over and she turns on Emma saying she doesn’t understand what the fuck her problem is with her, why she is trying to take away everyone Regina cares about. Whoa, Nellie! Hold yer horses, Emma tells her maybe the problem isn’t her but Regina herself. After all, Henry went looking for Emma, Graham kissed Emma; both were miserable. Maybe she needs to take a good hard look in the mirror and ask herself why everyone is running away from her. OH YEAH!!!!! You tell her!
Okay, that? WAS FUCKING AWESOME!!!
Emma tells Regina she is not worth it before taking her leave. Once she’s gone, Regina approaches Graham again, but he turns and walks away. Somehow I think this one doesn’t take rejection very well.
Back at the sheriff’s office, Graham tends to Emma while apologizing for losing his mind. ‘Sok, Emma tells him. He was tired and feverish and heartbroken. He doesn’t know why he let himself get caught up with Regina. Emma does. It’s because it was easy and safe; because not feeling anything is an attraction option when what you DO feel sucks.
Take it from me; I know what I’m talking about here.
The heat coming off these two right now may just melt my television from the inside out!
Back at the crypt……
Me thinks the writers are trying to give us a clue.
We found out that Graham was right – there is indeed a secret doorway and it’s the fucking coffin! Regina pushes it to the side, revealing a stairway leading downward. Holy Crap!
In Fairyland EQ is fuming. Did the Huntsman really think he could fool her with the heart of a deer? Um, obviously or he wouldn’t have tried it. He says Snow doesn’t deserve to die. That’s not up to him; EQ wanted a heart and a heart she shall have. And then…….she rips his beating heart right out of his chest!!!!!
He’s not dead though, so it’s some sort of magical heart ripping out thingy. He asks EQ what she going to do to him and she grabs his face and kisses him violently. See? I told you she doesn’t like rejection! She tells him he is now hers, her pet, and will have to do everything she says, and if he ever disobeys her, if he ever tries to run away, all she has to do is squeeeeeeeeze.
She then calls for her guards while telling the huntsman his life is now in her hands. FOREVER. And then she tells the guards to take him away to her bedroom!!!!!!! Holy crapola! She’s gonna make him her sex slave! Talk about not taking no for an answer…..
Regina descends the stars in Storybrooke to reach her vault of hearts. God. I bet she’s got a vibrator or two stashed in there as well. You just know she gets her rocks off in that place. She locates what she’s looking for immediately. Yep. You guessed it: Graham’s heart.
Graham is oblivious to this of course, he’s busy giving steaming hot looks to Emma while he cleans her face. She’s giving the steam right back to him, but there’s tenderness there too. You can see that she’s knocking over some of those walls that Mary Margaret was talking about before.
And then she goes for it……
The kiss causes flashes again, and this time, Graham remembers it all. He looks dumfounded for a minute…..
Regina has his heart in her hand…..
Emma asks if he’s okay, and he looks at her in wonder as he says, “I remember. I remember.” He remembers what? He doesn’t answer. Instead he holds her face in his hands as a single tear falls from his eye.
She smiles at him, not really understanding what he means, but knowing what the look he’s giving her does. He goes in for another kiss…..
And Regina squeezes.
He collapses on the floor as Emma cries out, not knowing what to do.
And Regina squeezes until nothing is left of his heart but dust.
Emma calls his name over and over, shaking him, but it is to no avail.
They killed Graham.
And that’s how we leave it; with Emma sobbing, heartbroken, Graham in her arms, dead.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! He can’t really be dead, can he? Maybe he’s only MOSTLY dead. Quick! Someone go get Billy Crystal; I bet he can help!
Damn it, Gasmi; they did it to me again. And now we have to wait a whole fucking month to find out what happens next. ARGH! Couldn’t Graham have managed a little “Henry is right about it all” before he died? Damn.
Regina is an evil, evil bitch, y’all. And I am dying to know who else’s hearts she’s got in that vault of hers. Any ideas? What did you think of this episode, Gasmi? Did you have the tissues handy? I seriously cannot wait to hear what you all have to say, so get to it already!
I hope you all have a wonderful holiday, and hopefully the month will fly by so we can find out what the hell happens next! Until then….
Ho Ho SWAK, PottyMouth
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