Once Upon a Time Recap: Seeing Red

WHOA!!!!  What an episode, Gasmi!!  Before we get to that, I wanted to give a GIANT THANK YOU to Apple Pie for covering for me last week.  Loved the recap and I really appreciate you taking it on.

Okay, I can’t wait anymore, let’s get to the episode!  Oh wait.  Before we do that…..did you guys notice that the opening sequence has changed???  Instead of saying “Only one knows the truth…” we’re now asked “Who knows the truth?” while we see Regina and Gold.  We’re also asked “Who can break the spell?” while we’re shown Emma and August.  Ooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!

We start off the evening at the sheriff’s office where Emma has taken David for questioning regarding the unexplained phone call he made to Kathryn.

I can’t explain that

Well, thanks for your help, David!  He gives Emma his puppy dog eyes and tells her he didn’t do anything to his wife.  Since she’s so good at spotting liars (except when they’re named Sidney!) she believes him.  She sends him home, but also says he might want to think about getting a lawyer.

A wolf howls in the distance as we make our way over to Granny’s where Ruby is doing what she does best: flirting.  This time with August.

I think he looks more like a July.

He’s spinning stories for her of his days of adventure, and Ruby reveals that she’s never been anywhere (which we all already know is thanks to the handy dandy curse).  Poor thing has never even seen a lemur.  Hint to Ruby:  get cable TV and try watching Animal Planet.

Granny is cranky watching their exchange, and yells at Ruby to get her attention.  Yeah, embarrassing your granddaughter is sure to get you what you’re looking for, Granny.

Granny’s knuckles rapping on the counter segue into knocking on shutters happening in Fairyland.  (nice transition, show!)  The voice behind the shutters asks to be spared as she is just a poor widow, but the guy knocking says she better let him in or he’ll huff and he’ll puff and he’ll…..

Level the house with the power of your breath?

Yep, it’s our very own Little Red Riding Hood and her gentleman caller is her beau, Peter.  Secret beau.  She shushes him so Granny doesn’t know he’s there and he tells her he wants them to run away together.  I’d guess that he’s the wolf, but they seem to be laying it on a little too thick for that to be true.

Red’s Granny is calling for her, but she delays as long as possible to flirt with her beau.  When she finally joins her to batten down the hatches for the night, there is a knock on the door.  A crowd of villagers is on their doorstep and their leader tells Granny they are going wolf hunting.  She is unimpressed.

Have fun getting yer bits turned to kibble!

Red really wants to go, but Granny tells her to STFU and stay inside with her red cloak on; after all, it red repels wolves.  I’m guessing this is not common knowledge since no one else is wearing it.  Seems unneighborly to be withholding that information, doncha think?

Granny and Red secure the cottage, even putting a grate over the fireplace (ha!  No wolves are getting down THEIR chimney!)  Once everything is secure, Granny sends Red off to bed while she sits watch armed with a crossbow.

Kick Ass Granny

Back at the Diner, Ruby is pissed that Granny treated her that way in front of everyone.  Granny responds by telling her she’s gonna need her to start working on Saturday nights.  She’s also gonna need cover sheets on all the TPS reports from now on; did Ruby get the memo?

Granny’s wants to start training Ruby to do the books and the reordering, but those plans sound like shit to Ruby.  She wants to know if this is a punishment for talking to August.  If Granny wanted to punish her she’d have better reasons; like the fact she dresses like a tranny during Fleet Week.  LOLOLOLOLOLOL

Well you dress like Norman Bates when he dresses as Norman Bates’ mother!

These two should start their own comedy team!

Granny tells Ruby to grow up and stop acting like a kid all the time, but Ruby thinks Granny just wants her to act like her until she turns into her.  Whew.  Anyone confused yet?  Let’s simplify:  nag, nag, nag, rebel, rebel, rebel, and…………

Take this job and shove it!

Sigh.  They just don’t make quittin songs like they used ta.

It’s morning in Fairyland, and a cloakless Red asks Granny if she got any sleep.  “I’ll sleep with the trolls in the afterlife” is her reply.  LMAO!  She sends Re out to check on the chickens.  As Red collects eggs she hears a rustling noise.  Uh oh.

Snow is caught egg-handed

Phew!  For a minute there I thought it was the wolf.  Red’s not too thrilled to find someone stealing eggs, even if it is only a couple, but she quickly gets over that at the prospect of finding a new friend.  A new friend named Frosty.

Yeah, Snow White’s not so quick on her feet yet, so I’m guessing she hasn’t been out on her own for very long.  I’m guessing this is post Huntsman (sigh) pre-carriage ambush.  Snow does realize that the name Frosty is a ludicrous one, so she changes it to Margaret, wait!  Mary.  Yeah, that’s the ticket, Mary.

Red doesn’t hold the obvious lie against her; it’s probably hard to make friends what with Granny yelling “Wear the cloak!” at her all the time.  They head over to the well to get some water, and Red clues her in on the wolf attacks.

They’re both distracted, but by different things.  Red is looking at the well water which is red as blood, while Snow’s attention has been caught by an even more gruesome sight.

Looks like someone crashed the hunting party.

Damn.

Over in Storybrooke, Mary Margaret and Emma are out for a stroll and a talk.  Mary Margaret wants to know if David’s okay and if’s there’s any news about Kathryn.  Emma tells her there’s nothing new as they happen upon Dr. Whale hitting on Ruby.  Still as slimy as ever, that one.

Ruby tells our girls that she is heading outta town.  To where?  Dunno.  Just out.  Mary Margaret being Mary Margaret, she invites Ruby to stay at her place until she sorts out what exactly she wants to do.  Emma is super thrilled to have another roomie.

Shit.  I’m not sharing my room, Mom!!!!!

In Fairyland there’s a town meeting going on.  Today’s topic?  The wolf.  Wanna bet that the wolf is ALWAYS on the agenda at these meetings?  The people still are hell bent on killing the wolf, ending his reign of terror.  Granny decides to bring a dose of realness into the conversation.  She tells them to stay inside, hide their children, and forget about their livestock.

You see, sixty years ago she watched another wolf slaughter her entire family.  It was a terrible sight to behold, and in the end the wolf left only one alive: Granny herself.  But he left his mark upon her.

Holy shit!  I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!  She’s the fucking wolf!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She tells them there is no fighting a wolf like this.  “You don’t kill it.  You just hide.”

Snow takes it all in and later tells Red her Granny is kinda intense.  No shit.  Red says she wants to get out of there but Granny keeps her cooped up.  Snow guesses that Red wants do more than just exchange unsubtle looks with Peter; after all, she’s not blind.  Red wants to run away with him, but she’ll never be able to as long as the wolf is around.  Maybe her Granny is right, she tells Snow.

Snow agrees that Granny is right about the wolf, but she thinks it’s wrong for Granny to use that to keep her from Peter.

Wait.  She has an idea.

We could kill the wolf.

Red Riding Hood say what?

Snow is no idiot; she saw what that thing can do, but Red tells her they won’t go after it at night.  They’ll do it now, during the day so they can kill it while it sleeps.  Umm…….excuse me?  But shouldn’t someone think about what Plan B is in case the wolf wakes up?  No?  Okay, let’s go wolf hunting!

Over in Storybrooke, Mary Margaret drives to the edge of town and then goes strolling in the woods where she runs into a disoriented David.  He tells her “I’m looking”.  Mary Margaret tells him Emma knows he didn’t do anything, and David replies, “I’m looking.”  Rut roh.

In Fairyland, Red and Snow are in the woods, trying to track down the wolf.  Snow finds a bunch of different prints, each one Red shoots down.  Until she doesn’t.  The wolf’s stride is huge.  But Red is not deterred; she tells Snow when she wants to find something she’s pretty good at tracking it down.  And she’s off!

Meanwhile, in Storybrooke’s sheriff’s office, Henry is trying to help Ruby find a job.  There are a couple that sound promising; both involving delivering things to people in a little basket.  Ruby is not interested.

She ends up answering the phone when she finds out from Henry that it goes to a machine when Emma’s not around (just the non emergency calls, that is) and Emma arrives to see Ruby handling the latest call.  She’s got an idea; how about being her assistant?  Hell Yeah!  Her first order of duty?  Go get Emma lunch.

Maybe pick up my dry cleaning on the way back?

As Ruby leaves with the lunch order, Mary Margaret comes in to tell Emma about her conversation with David in the woods.  She’s really worried about him; he didn’t seem like himself.

Back in the woods of Fairyland, the girls are on the wolf’s trail, but not long after starting to follow it, they notice something strange; the paw prints they have been following change into bootprints.  “Wolves don’t wear boots” Snow obviouses.  (Do we know that for sure in Fairyland?  If a Puss can wear boots why not a wolf?)

They keep following the trail until……

It leads back to Red’s cottage.  In fact, the trail goes right up to her window!!!!!!!  Snow wonders who has been at Red’s window lately, and we all know Peter was there just last night.  Snow thinks Red should talk to Peter; maybe she’ll be able to save the village.  If he doesn’t know already, she’s got to be the one to tell him, the one to make sure he doesn’t kill everyone.

Ruby’s in a good mood as she saunters into Granny’s to place the Sheriff’s lunch order.  It doesn’t last for long though as Granny points out that it looks like she’s still doing the same old thing she’s always done; just calling someone else boss now.  It’s more than that, Ruby tells her,  She’s helping solve crimes.  Uh huh, sure.  Granny hopes she’s finding what she’s looking for.

Oh, I am!

Over in Fairyland Red takes Snow’s advice, meeting Peter in the woods and then trying to break it to him as gently as possible that he is the wolf.  She says she has to tie him up before the moon comes out so that he can’t hurt anyone.  Peter is heartbroken at this revelation, but he hands her chains to tie him up instead of rope.

Where the fuck is Red’s cape?

Why do I have a feeling it’s gonna be bad that she forgot to wear it.

Henry seems to have wizened up and is now looking his book away in a desk drawer in the sheriff’s office.  Wanna bet Regina has a skull key for that lock?  He’s heading out as Ruby heads back in with lunch and a foul mood.  Emma tries to cheer her up by bringing her along to help find David.  Good thing she does because Ruby seems to really be in her element in the woods and quickly finds David unconscious, lying under a tree.

When he comes to he can’t remember anything since leaving Emma’s office the night before.

Did you put roofies in that coffee?  What happened?  Where are my pants?  Oh, wait.  I have them on.  Nevermind.

Uh oh.  Looks like he’s earned a trip to the hospital.

Dr Whale thinks the forgetfulness could be linked to his coma, and tells Emma that people in similar states have been known to do all sorts of things from cooking to driving a car to killing off an inconvenient spouse.

The last part was silent, right?

Regina arrives to squash the conversation because she is still David’s emergency contact.  Still???  Yes, since Emma can’t seem to locate his WIFE, her friend.

The fugue state conversation gives Emma an idea.  She calls Ruby and tells her the last time David went off like this, he ended up at the T(r)oll Bridge.  She wants Ruby to go out there and see if she can dig anything up that might be a clue to Kathryn’s disappearance.

Bingo!

I’m sure you all recognize the logo on the box immediately, but poor Ruby doesn’t and so she opens the box.  And screams.  I think we all know why.

Back in Fairyland, Granny is ready for the battening down nightly ritual.  She sees Red lying n her bed, but as we all know, it’s really Snow wearing the red cloak.  At first Granny is fooled, thinking Snow is shit outta luck being too foolish to get back in time for the lockdown.  It’s when she tries to rouse her granddaughter to help her that she sees it’s Snow there instead of Red.

Snow assures Granny that Red is fine.  They figured out that Peter is the wolf and Red has him tied up in the woods so he can’t hurt anyone.

You stupid, stupid girl

Peter’s not the wolf, RED IS!!!!!!!

In the woods, a tied up Peter pleads with Red, but she’s already turned into the wolf and snarls at him as she stalks closer and closer.

Ruby brings Emma the box and Emma confirms that it’s exactly what Ruby thinks it is.  She did good.  This is good, Ruby wonders.  Yes, now they can figure out what happened.  Emma is really impressed with Ruby, and Ruby says she is scared out of her mind.  But she did it anyway, Emma reminds her.

In Fairyland’s woods, Snow and Granny are making their way toward Red, and Granny tells Snow the whole truth.  Red’s mom was a wolf too before she got killed by a hunting party.  She thought maybe Red didn’t get it, but when she turned thirteen it started.  Hmmmmmm….

Granny got that cloak from a wizard.  It keeps Red from turning, well it WOULD keep her from turning if she’d wear the thing.  Snow doesn’t understand why Granny didn’t tell Red, but it’s because she didn’t want her to have that terrible burden.

Turns out Red’s grandfather was the werewolf that killed Granny’s entire family; he also turned her when he marked her that night.  Granny herself doesn’t turn anymore; she’s too old now.  So I guess the wolf change ties into the menstrual cycle, for she-wolves at any rate.   As if a visit from Aunt Flo wasn’t enough of a pain in the ass!

Do they make wolf size tampons?

I wonder how the whole thing works for the guys.

They arrive at the clearing, but they are too late.  Oh man.  That sucks.  Granny incapacitates the wolf with a silver tipped arrow and then they throw the cloak over it, and it instantly transforms back into Red.  But where is Peter?

In your belly

Red barely has time to register the fact that she has eaten her boyfriend because the villagers are making their way closer and closer to their location.  You can see the torches through the trees and Granny sends Snow off with Red as she stands alone to face the mob.  I wonder what she’s going to say?

In Storybrooke, Ruby arrives at Granny’s and tells her that she’d like to come back.  Why? Asks Granny.  She thought Ruby was pretty mad when she quit.  No, not mad, Ruby tells her.  The thing is, she was asking Ruby to do all that stuff and she wasn’t sure she could.  She said Granny wanted her to become Granny, but the fact of the matter is she doesn’t know how to be her.  She’s a tough act to follow.

She got scared at the thought of taking on all that extra responsibility.  Granny says don’t be; she shouldn’t be.  She is, but that’s ok, she tells Granny.  She can do it anyway.  Awwww…..see what lessons you can learn from finding horrific boxes in the woods???

“What about adventure?  What about lemurs?” Granny wants to know.  “Emma was my lemur.”  Ruby replies.  Um, okay.  I’d say her eyes need to be bigger, but whatevs.  Ruby’s done that and now found out she doesn’t want to; she doesn’t want a job where a good day means ruining someone else’s life.  She wants to do something that makes her happy.

I want to spend my day flirting with all the boys

Granny tells Red that the reason she’s giving her more responsibility is because she wants to leave her the business someday.  Awwwwwww.  They hug and (for now) everything is alright again between them.

Meanwhile, over at the animal shelter, Mary Margaret is visiting David, trying to tell him that everything is going to be okay.  He’s not really buying it.  Emma stops by to tell them about Ruby’s discovery of a human hart in a box.  But that’s not all: there were fingerprints inside the box.  But David couldn’t have done it!  It’s not possible!  Mary Margaret protests.  Uh, Mary Margaret?  The fingerprints are yours.

Huuuuuh??!??!??

Whaaaaaa?!?!??!?

I know, right?

Holy shit, Gasmi!  I did not see that one coming!!  Fucking Regina.

SO what did you think of this episode?  Did you know all along that Red and the wolf were the same?  Were you fooled by the Peter ploy?  Or did you think it was Granny like I did?  And what about this heart in a box issue?  How far do you think Regina will go?!?!?!?

I’m DYING to hear what you guys thought about it all!

SWAK, PottyMouth

 

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