Once Upon a Time Recap: The Dark Side of Snow

Wow, Gasmi.  I feel like we’re on a sort of roll right now with this show.  After last week’s AWESOME reveal of Red as the wolf, we keep on going down a dark path…..where oh where will it lead?

This time around we start out in Fairyland where Red and Charming have stopped to rest a bit.  It’s gonna have to be a short bit because King George is here to rain fire arrows on their resting place.  He calls for Charming’s head and Red tells her new buddy to get the fuck outta there; she’ll hold off the King and his horde.

You and what army?

Dude.  Just trust me.

Yep, it’s a full moon, so Red is in a great position to run interference.  As Charming gallops off she throws off the red cape and now the wolf is ready to play with some new chew toys.  I wonder if this means she’s in control of her wolf side, or maybe she’s hoping that the King and his men will fill her up so she doesn’t run after Charming next!

In Storybrooke, Mary Margaret is getting her mug shot and fingerprints taken by Emma.  Emma admits that she doesn’t think Mary Margaret is guilty, but how would it look if she just ignored the evidence?  She has got to treat her just the same as she would treat anyone else in town.  This is crazy, Mary Margaret tells her, she would never hurt anyone….

Meanwhile, Snow is cleaning up the dwarfs’ cottage, humming a merry little tune.  She holds out her hand and a little bluebird lands on it.  Awwwwwww……

DAMN!

I thought she liked critters, but it seems as if Rumpy’s potion of forgetfulness has made Snow forget more than her love for Charming.  To hear tell of it from the dwarfs, she’s turned into a right bitch.  Shit, even Happy is being affected by her crankiness.

The dwarfs have asked Jiminy Cricket to run this episode of Intervention, but Snow remains unmoved by their pleas.  She is HELLA pissed and wants revenge on EQ for destroying her life and killing her dad.

Turn the other cheek my ASS

Jiminy tells Snow her anger at the Queen in understandable, but it’s so not cool to be taking it out on her friends.  He’s right!  She should be taking it out on EQ instead!  That’s totally not what he meant!  Revenge is not the answer, it will turn her darker than she can ever imagine!  Well, looks like Snow want a soul tan because she off to taste some sweet revenge!

Don’t wait up, boys!

So……I don’t get Emma.  She tells Mary Margaret she has to treat her like anyone else in town and then lets Regina sit in on the questioning?  She would allow Regina to sit in on the questioning of anyone and everyone in town?  What the fuck?!?!?

Emma tells Mary Margaret that Regina is there as an impartial third party.  HA!!!  What a crock of shit.  She could literally pick anyone else (except David) and they would be 1,000,000% more impartial than fucking Regina.  Way to get played yet again, Emma.

She starts out the questioning by telling Mary Margaret that the heart was found at the t(r)oll bridge.  It appears it was cut out using an old hunting knife.  Oh, how weird; that’s where Mary Margaret and David held all their secret rendezvous!  Strange coincidence, doncha think?

It gets better.  Emma takes out the box that the heart as found in and asks Mary Margaret if she’s ever seen it before.  Yup.  It’s her jewelry box.  Rut roh.  But can’t they see what’s happening?!?  Obviously someone broke into the house, stole Mary Margaret’s jewelry box and put the heart in it.  She’s being framed!

Regina reaches out a hand to Mary Margaret, saying she knows that love and the loss of that love can make one do terrible things.  She’s there for her if she needs someone.

Bitch, please.

Outside of the questioning room, Emma tells Regina that Mary Margaret could be right; someone totally could have stolen her jewelry box.  Um, okay, says Regina.  Were there any signs of a break in?  You live there too, don’t you?

Over in Fairyland, Snow has managed to knock one of EQ’s knights on his ass.  She wants to know where EQ is and is prepared to go Tonya Harding on his ass if he doesn’t start talking.

I am NOT playing

She tells him about how diamonds are the hardest substance on earth but a dwarf’s pickaxe can cut through them as if they were nothing at all.  Just imagine what something like that could do to soft, pliable, tender flesh.  Damn girl!  Is it wrong that I sort of like Snow’s dark side?

Nope.  I’ve got a bit of a hard on myself and bitch almost chopped my leg off!

He’s not keen on becoming a gimp, so the knight tells Snow that EQ will be headed to her summer palace the next day.  HER summer palace?  That palace was built for Snow’s mother!  She knocks the knight out and proceeds to strip him of his armor.

As she gets ready to head out to the palace, Grumpy appears.  He doesn’t want her to go down this path; she’s become a different person, only caring about revenge.  He wants her to come with him to see Rumpy; maybe he’ll be able to undo the damage that his potion has wrought.  After all, the man can do anything.

Anything?????

Something tells me Snow’s not going for the cure.

Over in Mary’s Margaret’s house, Emma is investigating.  I guess Storybrooke isn’t worried about little things like FINGERPRINTS because Emma doesn’t even bother wearing gloves during her search.  Although, to be fair, she DOES live there so I guess her prints are all over the place anyway.  Still.

Henry stops by and tells Emma that he thinks Regina is the one setting up Mary Margaret; you know, the whole EQ/Snow White thing.  Yeah, well……that’s not really gonna hold up in court now, is it?

Suddenly there is a noise coming from the heating grate in Mary Margaret’s room!  What could it be??!?

I was wondering where I left that.

Fuuuucckkk.  Mary Margaret is really screwed.

Over at Granny’s, Henry is trying to drown his sorrows in a cup of hot chocolate.  Oh Henry, you’re only going to get fat doing that.  August arrives and tells Henry he shouldn’t look for answers in cocoa; why not try looking in the book instead?  What the hell does he know about it, Henry wonders.  Well, he knows that not all the stories in that book are fiction.

Wait.  Wha???

How does he know about this?  He tells Henry he is a believer and he’s here to get others to see the light.  But Henry already believes!  True.  That’s why he’s not here for Henry; he’s here for Emma.  To make Emma believe.  Whoa.

Why doesn’t he just tell her, Henry wonders.  Well, some people (like August and Henry) can believe a thing on faith alone.  Emma is not one of those people.  She needs to see something to believe it.  Last Henry tried to find proof he got trapped in a sinkhole, he tells August.  There are less dangerous places to look, August tells him.  Henry takes out the book to begin the search!

Over in Fairyland, Charming happens upon the naked knight.  He tells him to put his hands where he can see them, but once it registers that the dude’s nekkid, he’s all “Never Mind”.

Seriously.  Keep your hands right where they are.

The naked knight tells Charming that Snow is a bad apple and has gone off her rocker.  You can tell that Charming doesn’t quite believe him, but he takes off after her; probably hoping to kiss her back into love with him.

Regina is taking a break from her mayoral duties and is peeling an apple to snack on.  David busts in on her, saying that there is no fucking way Mary Margaret could have killed anyone.  He thinks that his blackouts may hold some clues as to what really happened out in the woods.

Regina poo poos this, telling him that everyone has a dark side; evil is made, not born.  “All due respect Regina, but I don’t think you know much about evil.”

Oh David.  You have NO IDEA

When confronted with evidence of the hunting knife in her heating grate, Mary Margaret pleads her innocence.  She has no idea how that thing got there; she doesn’t even know WHERE the heating vent is in her room!  Emma tells her the evidence is piling up by the hour; maybe Mary Margaret should think about getting a lawyer.

My thoughts exactly.

Holy donkey nuts.  Gold isn’t just a shopkeeper; he’s a lawyer as well.  Didn’t Emma wonder WHY he’s so good at contract work?  Emma thinks this is a terrible idea, but I think Mary Margaret has started to realize juuuuust how much trouble she’s in.  She accepts Gold’s offer to represent her.

After asking Emma to leave, she tells Gold that she can’t pay him.  He replies to her that he isn’t interested in money.  “Let’s just say I’m invested in your future.”  Well, that was creepy as fuck.

Speaking of creepy, Grumpy and Snow have arrived at Rumpy’s place.  He breaks it down for the dwarf; there’s no cure for what Snow’s got.  No potion can bring back true love and love is the only magic he hasn’t been able to bottle.  The man that COULD bottle such a thing would be able to accomplish anything.

Whatevs, Snow’s not interested in a cure.  She wants Rumpy to help her kill EQ.  He’s happy to help out in this endeavor (I wonder how long after the whole Belle thing this is), and he gives her a bow and arrow to use.  But it’s not an ordinary bow and arrow; Rumpy tells Snow that the arrow he’s giving her ALWAYS finds its target.

He also magics up a map that details the perfect hiding spot to make her shot from so that she will not be seen.  She’s a little suspicious; what does he want in return for his help? Oh, nothing at all, he tells her as he waves away her concern.  “Let’s just say I’m invested in your future.”  DUN DUN DUN!!!

You can’t do this!  I won’t let you!  I won’t go!!!

Hit the road Shorty; you were never invited to this party.

Charming arrives at Rumpy’s place, but it’s too late; Snow is already gone.  He tells Rumpy he HAS to reverse the effects of the potion, give Snow a cure; all spells can be broken.  Yes, with TRUE LOVE, Rumpy says mockingly.  Charming now knows what he has to do; find her and kiss her but good.

Once again Rumpy magics up a map but this time he wants something in return:  Charming’s cloak.  What does he want it for?

I like the way you smell…..just kidding!  It’s a little drafty in here.

Yeah right.  Ya just KNOW he’s up to something.

Snow is gearing up for her attack on EQ when Charming shows up, grabs her, and kisses her.  She responds by knocking him out.  LOLOLOL.  So much for the power of true love’s kiss, huh?

Back at Mary Margaret’s place, Henry has figured out how Regina has been able to get in and out of the house undetected.  FOR REAL!  He found Regina’s creepy ass skeleton keys!!!  Emma’s not buying; CLEARLY none of those keys will fit in the lock to their house.

Except for this one, that is.

:-O

When Charming recovers from Snow’s blow, she’s got him tied to a tree and remains unmoved by his declarations of love for her.  Hilariously, when he tells her his name is Charming, she says she’s beginning to understand why she’d want to forget about him.  Girl, seriously; call me and we’ll do drinks.

Charming begs her not to kill the queen, but she’s not listening.  In fact, she is off to find her hiding spot again.  Smell ya later, Charming!

In Storybrooke, David has decided to pursue the thought that his blackouts may hold clues to what happened to Kathryn.  He goes to visit Dr. Hopper, begging him to help  him uncover the truth.  So Archie hypnotizes him.  And he gets memories alright, but they’re Fairyland memories!

Please, don’t kill her

STFU; I’ll kill who I wanna kill!!

Damn.  David’s not REALLY paying attention though or he’d notice that Mary Margaret and LONG HAIR and wasn’t wearing her normal teacher garb in his memory.  Not time to dwell on that though – he remembers the important things, like the fact that he was begging Mary Margaret (or a longhaired version of her) not to kill HER.

Back in Fairyland, Jiminy has arrived to help Charming.  He tells him he MUST stop Snow from killing EQ!!  And then he chews through the ropes that have him tethered to the tree.  He tells Charming he’s going about things all wrong – of COURSE the kiss didn’t work!  Before Snow can remember who he is, she has to remember who SHE really is!!

Too late for that because Snow has spotted EQ and another of her jaunty hats riding along the forest road.

Seriously.  I want her hats.

She takes aim and lets the arrow fly….

Into Charming.

She is PISSED, but Charming tells her that he loves her and he’d rather die than let her do this and become something she’s not.  No one has ever been willing to die for her before, she tells him….

Awwwwwww

They each shed a single tear as they kiss.  Once again, my allergies seem to be acting up because my eyes got awfully watery at this point.  Damn!  I guess I need to up my dose of Benadryl, huh?

This time True Love’s Kiss does the job and Snow remembers her love for Charming.  Unfortunately, King George’s men happen to show up at the same time (talk about ruining the moment!) and haul his ass off.  Stupidly, they leave her behind.  She vows to always find him.

Over at Storybrooke’s sheriff office, David has stopped by to visit Mary Margaret.  He tells her about his vision begging her not to kill someone in the woods.  Still no mention of her vastly different appearance in the vision, but hey, details aren’t the most important thing when you’re sort of accusing the love of your life of killing your fake wife, right?

This veiled accusation cuts Mary Margaret DEEPLY.  When all the evidence pointed to David, when it seemed like EVERYONE was SO SURE that he did it, she never for a moment thought him capable of such a thing.

Get the fuck out of here

And……David continues on his quest to make everyone hate his fucking guts.  Seriously.  How can I love Snow/Charming so fucking much and want to strangle this idiot every time he’s on my screen?!?!?  GAH!!!

Back at the Dwarfs’ cottage Snow arrives with a brand new stein for Happy.  Yeah, she knows it’s not going to make it all better, but it’s the only thing that she fucked up that she could actually replace.  Grumpy realizes this means she’s back and the dwarfs circle round to hug their friend.

She tells them she’s not hanging around; she’s gotta go save her Prince Charming from his dickweed fake dad.  But this time she’s not going it alone!  The dwarfs are going with her to help!  YAY!!

In Mary Margaret’s jail cell, she’s been sitting on something.  A key.  One of Regina’s skeleton keys to be exact!!  How did that get there?!?!  Does Regina want her to escape so she looks even guiltier?  What the fuck is going on?!?!?  No time to ponder because Emma is back with some bad news.

You are so fucked

You see, the DNA results came back and the heart is Kathryn’s!! FUUUUUUUUCK.  I don’t know that I really believe those results given that Regina seems to be able to tamper with/plant evidence all over town, but it doesn’t really matter what I think because now Emma has to move forward with the case against Mary Margaret.

Unlike David, she totally believes that Mary Margaret is innocent and vows to find out who it is that’s framing her.   Mary Margaret promises to have faith in Emma, but I think she means faith from afar because she’s using that key she found earlier to get the fuck outta jail.  That’s CERTAIN to help her case, right?

Emma pays Gold a visit at his shop telling him she needs his help getting some evidence about Regina.  Since when does she want his help?  Well, she’s fucking desperate, okay?  Now she’s prepared to do whatever it takes to take down Regina!!!

Delightful.

And over in Fairyland, Rumpy closely examining Charming’s cloak.  Is he testing out a new dandruff shampoo?  Nope.  He’s looking for a strand of Charming’s hair.  He adds it to the vial that holds the hair he plucked from Snow’s head, and the two hairs intertwine and seem to almost dance together.

Behold!  Bottled love!

Shit.  Does this now mean that he is capable of ANYTHING?!?!?!?!?!?

And that’s where we end this time around, Gasmi!  Holy crapola that was a good one!  What did you think of it all?  Do you think Mary Margaret made a mistake breaking herself outta jail?  Do you find David’s putziness more and more off-putting?  And just WHAT will Rumpy be able to do now that he has successfully bottled TRUE LOVE?!?!?  I can’t wait to hear what you all make of this one!

SWAK, PottyMouth

 

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