PLL: Dating, Swimming, and Basement Dwelling

My goodness, dear Gasmii, we’ve much catching up to do because I suck, so let’s get right to it!

Previously:  The sketchy new kid was sketchy.  Angstia and Fitzy had to be all cagey with their relationship, since it’s all illegal and wrong and crap.  Alison had a brother?!  (Completely forgot about that one!)  A copy of a bracelet was made. (Scandalous!)  Hanna’s mom stole a bunch of money, but in her version of the legal system it’s only a felony if people find out!  A picture of Ali being followed by a mysterious shadowy figure!

The girls all wake up from a sleepover at Spencer’s and look at the shadowy picture of Ali.  Hanna awesomely tells Angstia that her lack of sleep has caused one eye to be bigger than the other and as a result, Angstia “looks like a strung-out Powerpuff Girl.”  First minute of the episode and I LOL’ed.  Nice.  But on to more important things.  Angstia determines that based on the angle, the picture must have been taken from Alison’s bedroom.  They decide Alison’s brother named Jason (of whom I have no recollection) might know something, but none of the girls want to talk to him except for Spencer, who is not a total chicken shit.

Hanna stuffs some of the money she earned by shattering poor Dorkus’ heart to bits into a popsicle box.  Her mother comes in on the phone and starts freaking out when she finds out the lady who “loaned” her the stolen money is coming in to the bank that week.  Hanna’s mom tells Hanna to go to school and she’ll deal with it.

Meanwhile, Spencer shows up to talk to Ali’s brother and is dressed like Paddington Bear, for some reason.

What’s next?  Madeline?  Perhaps the Velveteen Rabbit?  Oooh, I know!  Curious George!

I mean, I love Spencer, but her outfits are INSANE, and not in the awesome Blair Waldorf way.  But let’s move on.  Spencer shows Jason and his bare torso the picture of Alison.  (She had to interrupt his workout for this conversation, naturally.  And despite the fact that she is wearing a coat and hat, his half-naked frame is glistening with sweat.  Oh, the magic of television.)  Anyway, Jason dismisses this photo as more conspiracy theory BS, which he and his family apparently were bombarded with after Ali’s death.  Jason offer’s to show the picture to the PI his family hired.  Then he apologizes for being a jerk at Ali’s memorial, which I think I’m supposed to remember but I don’t.  Feel free to enlighten me if anyone does.

Over at the pool, Emily has remembered that she’s on the swim team, and her coach and teammate are happy to see her competitive spirit back.  In some other part of the school, Hanna lies to Angstia and Spencer that everything is okay and Spencer gives Angstia two tickets to a museum opening.  In return, Angstia will pay for pizza toppings and a DVD rental, because Spencer will be holed up in her room all night as Angstia’s alibi, and she “would like to do it with Jake Gyllenhaal.”  You and me both, Spencer.

Hanna is confused because she thought they were going to the museum opening together, but Angstia reveals that she will be going with Fitzy.  Also, she wants Hanna to call him Ezra, but that’s still ridiculous on so many levels.  Also, I do not understand how going on a date out of town guarantees they will not get caught, but such is that magical land of TV.

Emily’s teammate (named Paige) hands out presents to the girls and makes some big speech about team spirit, but the coach interrupts her to compliment Emily.  Oh, this is going to end well.  Also, there are DOZENS of girls on this swim team.  Emily tries to talk to her but Paige storms out.

Eesh, this is about to get creepy.  Angstia goes to talk to Fitzy while upbeat music plays.  He acts all professional and signals to her that some students are in the back room taking a makeup test.  They can’t hear the soundtrack music though, so they don’t know that hijinks are ensuing.  Anyway, she unzips her hoodie to show him a tie she wants him to wear, then shows him her “reading assignment,” which is actually the museum tickets taped to her notebook with the words “Tomorrow night?” written above them.  It is so convenient that she had that all prepared even though she didn’t know those students would be there!  Anyway, Fitzy’s all happy and stuff about the museum.

The swim team coach calls Hanna out for skipping “P.E.” (does anyone still call it that?  We always called it gym.)  Hanna makes the usual excuses, but coach gives her detention anyway.  New kid notices this and uses as an opportunity to hit on Hanna, but she blows him off.  She then heads to her locker and finds her next task from A:

Wait, what is Aria hiding?  A tramp stamp?  Nipple piercings?  We certainly know it’s not a failing English grade?

The card comes with a museum ticket identical to the ones Angstia has for herself and Fitzy.  Hanna is conflicted.  After a commercial break, Hanna’s hair is in a cute ponytail and she finds her mom being all sad in the kitchen.  Her mom puts on the most unconvincing cheerful face ever and offers to make pancakes, even though Hanna doesn’t eat carbs and I’m pretty sure all of the boxes of food in that kitchen are full of stolen cash anyway.  Hanna’s mom promises to always take care of Hanna and then offers to make her some bacon.  Mmmm bacon.  This prompts Hanna to put the museum ticket in an envelope addressed to Ella.

Yes, I’m sure Hefty Hanna would love some bacon!  That won’t bring up the traumatizing experience of eating the pig cupcakes for money at all.  Wait a minute- Hanna’s mom is totally A!

Paige admires Emily’s bra- since she’s involved with Emily’s plotline, she’s probably a k.d. lang fan.  Paige then gets into a pissing contest with Emily about being team captain and makes a comment about her same-sex tendencies.  Emily tells her to suck it up and if she wants to win, work harder.  I like this side of Emily.

It seems even after she sobered up from that flask she stole, she kept her awesome backbone.

Hanna puts the museum ticket in Ella’s mailbox while Angstia and Fitzy make eyes at each other across the courtyard.  Angstia tries to get Hanna to hang out after school, but Hanna’s feeling guilty so she makes excuses.  She also tries to convince Angstia to cool things off with Fitzy, or at least skip the museum date, but Angstia just gets pissed at the lack of support.

The girls (minus Hanna) are eating lunch, but Angstia and Emily are both bummed.  Spencer tries to cheer them up, but gets angry when she finds out Paige made a comment about Emily being gay.  Oh, and apparently there’s a field hockey penalty names after Paige, which is awesome.  Emily tells them she can handle it, and Angstia opens up the gift from Paige to find a bracelet just like the name bracelets all of the girls have.  They decide to visit the store and try to find out if all of the bracelets came from the same place.

Good lord, this show has almost as much ominous jewelry as Vampire Diaries!

Over in Ella’s English class, Spencer makes the requisite parallel between what characters are learning in class and what’s going on in their lives, which happens in every television show ever.  It’s about standing up to bullies, which makes Hanna feel guilty all over again and she tries (unsuccessfully) to get the museum ticket back.  Also, I swore Ella taught English, but now I think it’s Social Studies.  Either way it doesn’t make sense, because aren’t all of the girls in Fitzy’s English class?  Continuity, who needs it?

Hanna gets shunned to detention, where CONVENIENTLY the only available seat is next to the sketchy new kid (SNK)!  Damn, those Rosewood kids must be delinquents if detention is that full.  Aren’t they rich?  Can’t they buy their way out of it?  Anyway, after some completely unnecessary Justin Beiber product placement (seriously, everyone who was going to see that movie already knew about it, I promise), Hanna reveals that she doesn’t want Ella to get to Philly because if she does a lot of people will get hurt.  SNK hilariously asks if she’s a terrorist.  Okay SNK, you can stay, and I might even call you by your real name.  SNK then gets to leave because he sent a fake email pretending to be his social worker.

Angstia buzzes Fitzy’s apartment, but surprise!  Fitzy’s behind her in a limo!  They’re both all happy and smoochy.

“Hey there little girl, I’ve got some candy in this here van of mine!”

Hanna finally gets out of detention, but Ella is already getting into her car to head to Philly.  BUT WAIT!  Her car won’t start!  Emily’s swim coach has a chat with Emily and Paige about the homophobic comment, but Emily refuses to tattle on Paige and insists there’s nothing to talk about.  Angstia’s parents are bickering about the car, which won’t start because someone activated (or deactivated, or something) a kill switch.

Spencer arrives home to find Jason, who tells her that the shadowy picture is real, but he has no idea who took it, because he was too busy getting high all summer with Ian.

“Don’t mind me, I’m just here to make sure you’re as freaked out as possible by your brand-new brother-in-law who knows where you sleep.  But isn’t my smile pretty?”

Angstia’s dad is still trying to fix Ella’s car, but she makes some comment about their broken marriage so he gets pissed.  They get all suspicious and jealous of each other seeing other people, but he ends up offering to drive her to Philly, even though he apparently has a date.  He’s either ditching his date or lying about having one in the first place, but either way someone’s not gonna be happy.

“Remember when I was married to Hilary Swank, and she won that Oscar, and she forgot to thank me?  Teehee, pretending to hot wire my own car on ABCFamily is SO FUN!”

Spencer and Emily are eating pizza while Spencer exposits that she has a meeting with the bead bracelet shop lady.  Then she reveals that she was the one who told Emily’s coach about Paige’s comment.  Emily gets pissed, and claims she can handle herself, but Spencer says she never did with Alison.  Emily’s newfound backbone allows her to get insulted and leave.

Over in magical Philly, where no one could possible catch them, Angstia and Fitzy chat about the art show and smooch on the street.

Don’t worry, your parents aren’t in a car on their way to this very place at this very moment.

Hanna shows up in her mom’s office at the bank, where they both fret about their unwitting benefactor’s impending arrival.  An assistant/secretary/something comes in to tell them that the lady had a heart attack and died.  Damn, is A giving people heart attack’s now?  That is one shady bitch.  Hanna hugs her mom in tears and I think they’re relieved, but isn’t someone going to come looking for that old lady’s assets?

Turns out that Angstia’s parents have used their car ride to take a drive down Memory Lane.  Ella is touched that her ex-husband took the time to drive her all the way there, and it’s next stop Makeout Town.

“So, you, uh… wanna learn how to drive a stick shift?”

Spencer meets with the bead lady, and I didn’t recognize her, but the internet told me it’s Mrs. Edna Garrett!  Look it up, kiddies, she’ll teach you the fact of life.  It involves taking the good and taking the bad.  Anyway, she tells Spencer that the bracelets were made within the last six months.  She also says that the bracelets were purchased by Spencer Hastings!  Spencer is perplexed, to say the least.

Hanna tries to come clean to Angstia, but before she can Angstia reveals that she and Fitzy did not get caught.  Hanna takes the opportunity to make up with Angstia.  Emily is swimming laps when someone appears at the edge of the pool and shoves her head underwater a few times.  Turns out it’s Paige, who’s pissed that coach replaced her with Emily.

Hanna finds SNK leaning on her locker, and gives him attitude until he reveals that he stopped Ella from getting to Philly.  Hanna asks what he wants in return, and he says he’ll think about it.  She’s clearly coming around, as she gives him that “I see you in a different light now that you have done me a favor” look as he walks away.

Plus, he looks so much less sketchy without that knit cap.  Now that he’s discovered shampoo, can the barber be the next stop?

Angstia bumps into her mom, who says she went to the art show in Philly last night.  Angstia all but craps her pants.  Meanwhile, Spencer is dressed in pajamas from the 1800′s and looking at the shadow picture.  She flashes back to a conversation she had with Alison the night she died, in which Ali threatened to tell Melissa about Spencer and Ian.  They both start getting pissed, and it culminates in Spencer telling Alison “You are dead to me already!”  Oooh, that’s some guilt that’ll haunt you forever right there.  Spencer follows Ali out into the yard, and it turns out the shadow in the shadowy picture was Spencer!

The girls ask why she didn’t say anything before, and she says she was afraid it was her fault.  They then find Jason watching them from Ali’s room and are all pretty creeped out.

Don’t worry girls, I’m sure Jason is just watching you in hopes that you’ll have a pillow fight in your underwear.

Our cliffhanger is Mrs. Garrett telling A that she did exactly what she was told to do, whatever that means.

On to the next episode:

Byron tells Angstia that she and her brother are on their own for dinner that night because he has a thing.  Angstia then discovered the tell-tale museum ticket in his jacket pocket and, coupled with her mother’s mention of it in the previous episode, begins to get suspicious.  She asks Byron about it, but he says her mom had to borrow the car to get to Philly, which to me does not explain how the ticket ended up in his jacket, but whatever.

Over at Emily’s house, Spencer is staring at Toby’s mailbox, which has been smashed to bits.

Although frankly, she could just be concerned with how dirty the window is.  That seems like something that would bother Spencer.

Emily reveals that poor Toby has been doing nothing but cleaning up messes when he’s not off scaring kids with ice cream cones.  She’s tired of defending Toby to Spencer, but Spencer is starting to come around and might believe that Toby was framed.  She apologizes for Emily for all of the things she said about Toby, but Emily says she should apologize to Toby.

Hanna and Angstia make small talk about someone sneaking around the school at night and breaking into vending machines, then Angstia brings up the museum ticket she found in her dad’s coat.  Angstia goes on and on about it, but Hanna’s guilt thankfully causes her to interrupt.  She then runs off to tell SNK to keep his mouth shut about stopping Ella’s car from getting to Philly.  He says she owes him.  She then gets a text from A, who will not be quieted so easily.

Over on the swim team, Emily and Paige tie during practice, so the anchor of the relay will be determined the next morning by a swim-off.  Ella tells Angstia she was just talking to the principle about Angstia and Mr. Fitz.  Despite the calm, nonchalant tone in Ella’s voice, Angstia all but craps her pants before Ella reveals it was just about some field trip or something.  Angstia questions Ella about the museum ticket, but Ella makes up a lie about going out to dinner with a “friend.”

In the library, SNK tells Hanna some kids didn’t give him the money they owe.  Hanna hilariously asks if she’s supposed to bust their kneecaps, but it turns out SNK just wants her to go on a date with him to help his reputation.  She tells him she’ll be at the swim meet, which he uses as an excuse to touch her hair before she tells him she’s not swimming.  Anyway, I guess it’s a date.

SNK is starting to bear a striking resemblance to Rory Gilmore: The College Years.

Spencer and Emily see a flyer on the wall looking for a French tutor for Toby.  Spencer decides to tutor him in hopes that he can offer some helpful information, despite Emily’s insistence that he won’t say anything because he doesn’t trust anyone, especially them.

Spencer goes to Ian’s office to tell him she won’t be at field hockey practice that day.  Ian is suspicious and tells her she can’t avoid him.  Melissa shows up, and both she and Ian are scandalized when they hear Spencer is going to tutor Toby.  They actually seem really genuinely concerned and protective of her, and it’s kind of nice.  They seem like normal big siblings and it’s the least creepy either of them has ever been.

This week in Spencer’s wardrobe, we have My Grandmother’s Curtains Got Into a Fight with the Dryer.

Spencer arrives at Toby’s house to offer her tutoring services, and he stares at her all creepy and silent-like.

It’s almost like he’s looking at her through the bars of a jail cell!  Ahh, symbolism.

Spencer starts babbling about the schedule she made when a door slam prompts Toby to come out onto the porch to talk to her.  He says she can’t come in because Jenna’s home, and he can’t go anywhere because of his house arrest ankle bracelet, even though just a couple of episodes ago he was being taunted in the hallways at school and sending little kids with ice cream cones fleeing for the hills.

Meanwhile, Angstia is STILL obsessing over this ticket thing.  Hanna keeps telling her to get over it, but Angstia overhears her dad on the phone and gets suspicious.  When she questions him, he admits he’s not going to his “thing” from earlier, but doesn’t offer up any explanation as to where he actually IS going.  Once he leaves, Angstia drags Hanna along to follow him and see what he’s up to.

Spencer gives Toby a copy of “Catcher in the Rye” in French to help with the tutoring.  Spencer says she saw him reading it and it helps to read a book you already know in English.  OMG, you guys, Toby shot John Lennon!  Or something.  Anyway, Toby asks Spencer what she wants, since she never does anything without a reason, and she tells him she thinks someone framed him and is trying to do the same to her.  They bond over this in French and then Spencer apologizes for all of the things she said and thought about him.  When she starts to question him about the sweater, he says he’s not supposed to talk about it and then a noise from inside the open window scares Toby into running back inside.

Spencer gives Emily homework answers while she thinks out loud about Toby.  She can’t understand how someone made him look so guilty if he didn’t kill Alison.  Emily tells Spencer she’s probably not going to get any more answers out of Toby and questions whether Toby even wants her to come back, but Spencer is pretty sure he does.

Byron arrives at the high school, much to the confusion of Angstia since he said he wasn’t going to see her mom.  Hanna points out to Angstia that people lie, and hilariously follows that up with “… I mean, hello.”  They call Ella, who claims she’s at home.  We, however, see Byron sneak up behind her in the school while the whole family continues to lie about their whereabouts.

The girls sneak into the school library to find Angstia’s parents necking in the stacks.  Ella insists that they can’t tell the kids until they know what’s going on.  They leave and Angstia can’t believe her parents are having an affair with EACH OTHER.  I’m pretty sure it’s not considered an affair if neither of them is seeing anyone else, but whatever.

“So, you, uh… you wanna check me out of this here library and read me cover to cover?”

Hanna sees a sleeve sticking out of an air vent and finds a stash including a leather jacket, a wad of cash, and a bunch of cells phones.  She concludes that it must be A, and Angstia wants to GTFO, but Hanna pockets the wad of cash first.  The lights go out and a shadowy figure in a hoodie emerges and chases the girls through the halls of the school.  When they can’t get out, Hanna maces the shadowy figure, who turns out to be SNK Caleb.

Turns out Hanna maces him with hairspray.  Gotta love Hanna.  Caleb confesses that he’s been living in the school, which baffles our wealthy heroines.  So he was the one breaking into the vending machines and whatnot.

“So, I mean, Dean will always be my first, but there’s just something about Jess that keeps drawing me back to him…”

Emily is awakened by a text in the middle of a dark and stormy night.  It’s so crazy that it’s only raining in this part of town and not at the high school.  Anyway, Paige shows up at Emily’s front door to apologize and say she understands if Emily hates her, but since Emily is still nice even when she has a backbone, she says she doesn’t hate Paige.

The next morning, we learn that Paige crashed her bike in that dark and stormy night and can’t swim, at least for the meet that day.  Later, Hanna meets up with Caleb, whose knit cap has made its triumphant return.  She gives him names of rich kids and how to get in good with them in return for answers about his Dark and Tragic Past.  He talks a little but clams up the second she brings up his real parents.

Outside of the swim meet, Melissa tries to make nice with Spencer, who brings up her suspicions about Ian once again.  Melissa reveals that she was the one who proposed and suggested they elope.  Spencer keeps telling Melissa that Ian is a liar and to ask him about what happened the summer that Alison was murdered, but Melissa blames Toby for putting that idea in Spencer’s head.  Ian comes over and Spencer brings up Alison and glares at him.  Melissa sends him away and tells Spencer to stay out of her relationships for a change.

“So, is this a bad time to ask about a threesome?”

At the swim meet, Angstia and Spencer question why Hanna is sitting with Caleb, but she has no comment.  Meanwhile, Emily wins the race for her team while Paige looks on supportively from the sidelines.

After the swim meet, Angstia gets a text from A telling her to ask Hanna why she was almost busted the other night.  Hanna finds Caleb picking his clothes out of the trash and offers the old couch in her basement as a new bed for Caleb to use, promising that her mom will never know so no one will call Social Services.  Angstia shows Hanna the text, and even though she doesn’t believe it, Hanna confesses anyway.  Angstia is furious and refuses to listen to Hanna’s excuses.

Emily and Paige make up and Paige says she’s had enough of swimming.  Emily tells her she needs to relax and just swim for herself, and then we get a lovely montage of the two of them doing precisely that.

Spencer goes to Toby’s house, where he gives her back the book she gave him and says she can’t tutor him anymore.  Angstia ignores a call from Hanna, who is sitting on her stairs and crying when Caleb comes over to ask her about towels.  He sees her crying and she tells him about Angstia being mad at her.  She says he doesn’t have to listen and he should go shower, but after he starts to leave he sits back down with her and tells her it can wait.  If you had any doubts about this relationship happening, that should put them to rest.  Quite frankly, I’m enjoying them together.  They have fun banter and he’s refreshing after all of the Sean/Dorkus drama.

Melissa tells Spencer that she knows about Spencer and Ian’s kiss.  Spencer thinks Ian is dangerous, but Melissa thinks it’s all about her wanting what Melissa has.  Melissa reveals that she’s hormonal because she’s pregnant, and is insulted when Spencer is too speechless to even congratulate her.  After Melissa leaves, Spencer finds a piece of paper in the book Toby gave back to her:

I keep waiting for Pacman to come across that paper and gobble those dots up.

Oh, and our cliffhanger is that A is learning French and arranging weird things on a desk.  OK then…

And finally, this weeks episode!

The girls discuss Melissa’s pregnancy, but all they decide is that it’s weird.  Angstia insists on sitting at the window, as far away from Hanna as possible.  Using the magical internets, they decide that the Braille message from last week spells BAD.  How… informative?  Angstia thinks Toby is messing with them because he doesn’t trust them.  The rest of them disagree, but Angstia’s still mad at Hanna and leaves, while Hanna pretends to have no idea why.

Hanna’s mother takes what little is left of their cash wads to put it back in the dead lady’s safe-deposit box.  I again must question why no family or other loved ones have shown up to claim the contents of this safe-deposit box, but I suppose I’d best keep my logic to myself.

After her mom leaves, Hanna lets Caleb out of his hiding spot and he mentions that he’s hoping to get out of town soon.  No, not yet show!  He asks Hanna if she’ll miss him, but then has to run and hide when her mom comes back in for something she forgot.  Later, at school, Angstia and Hanna both apologize to each other and make up.

“Oh honey, if you want to be friends again, come back to me when your hair is half as fabulous as mine.”

In the cafeteria, Fitzy tells Ella and another teacher about some private event with some author and ends up inviting both of them to come along with him.  Over at another table, the girls all question Hanna about the time she’s spending with Caleb.  They tell her to watch out, but quite frankly he’s one of the least threatening characters in this show, which Hanna correctly points out.

So, was anyone wondering where all of Paige’s issues come from?  You’re about to find out!  Her dad walks in yelling for the coach.  Fitzy intervenes and tries to calm him down, but Paige’s dad insists his daughter is the best swimmer on her team.  Fitzy finally convinces him that a bunch of high schoolers eating lunch is not the audience he’s looking for.  You know, I must say that Fitzy was pretty awesome in this scene.  I like him when he’s not making out with a high schooler.

“And then the stupid lunch lady told me they were all out of curly fries!  I WANT CURLY FRIES!”

At the bank, the dead lady’s nephew shows up!  Yay, logic.  Thank you show!  Hanna’s mom says they’ll need ID, but of course he’s already got copies.  She commences pants-sitting and makes up an excuse about needing to wait until the next day.  She asks the nephew if they were close and he says she was mostly just a birthday card to him.  He asks how well she knew his aunt, and Hanna’s mom says she came in once a year, “like Santa Claus.”  Well, yes, precisely like Santa Claus, if children broke into his factory in the North Pole and stole all of his toys.  The nephew invites Hanna’s mother out to drinks to discuss his aunt.

So, she’s definitely going to try to bang her way out of this one too, right?

Paige tries to apologize to Emily for the way her father acted earlier, but Emily’s not too happy.  Angstia’s parents walk through the hallway discussing parent-teacher conferences, and it ends up with Ella singing Fitzy’s praises to her ex-husband and current fling, who does not seem thrilled to hear that she is going to a book signing with Fitzy.

Spencer questions Toby about the message he left them, but all he’ll say is that she’s reading it wrong.  He invites her back Saturday morning, when Jenna will be out, and then gets in his lawyer’s car because apparently this is one of those “Toby can leave the house” episodes instead of a “Poor Toby is trapped on his front porch” episode.  Spencer gets a text from A saying that Jenna will NOT approve.  I love how A knows absolutely everything instantaneously.

Emily tries to warn Hanna over the phone about Caleb, and gets defensive and snippy with her mother.  Meanwhile, Spencer is on the phone with Angstia and asks what happened between her and Hanna.  Angstia changes the subject and pretty soon Spencer figures out that she’s on Fitzy’s bed.  She teases Angstia for a bit before they hang up.

Fitzy arrives with some takeout and expresses his concerns about meeting Angstia’s father the next day, but she gives him a typical supportive girlfriend pep talk.

Hanna and her mom discuss the mysterious nephew when the doorbell rings.  It’s Caleb, who claims Hanna decided he should meet her mom.  Mom pulls Hanna aside and asks if he’s a rebound.  She says she doesn’t want Hanna alone with him in the house.  HA!  If she only knew.  Anyway, the nephew arrives and Hanna’s mom has him sign something while Caleb looks on, intrigued.

The adults head out and Hanna and Caleb discuss his decision to ring the doorbell and introduce himself to her mother.  The quickly move on to the subject of the nephew, and Caleb finds him sketchy because he claims to be an architect but has a crappy plastic pen when architects tend to be pen snobs.  Caleb says he knows Hanna gets a weird feeling from him too and wants to know why.

Caleb has a point.  I know Hanna’s a rich snob because she pours juice from a glass pitcher instead of the carton it came in.

Fitzy is having his parent teacher conference with Byron.  Aren’t both parents supposed to show up to these things?  Anyway, Fitzy is talking about Angstia but Byron can only focus on the fact that Fitzy is going to hang out with his wife.  Oh, if you only knew, Byron.  That is the LEAST of your concerns in this situation.  Anyway, they discuss the author and Byron gets all pissy while Fitzy gets nervous.

“Oh, I’m sorry, it’s my group hangout with your WIFE that you have a problem with?  OK then.”

The girls are at the mall, and Hanna and Angstia finally tell the other two what their fight was all about.  They also discuss Caleb’s sad tragedy of a life, up to and including the fact that he’s staying in Hanna’s basement.  They’re interrupted when they see Jenna trying on some fancy lingerie type getup, saying that she wants it to be perfect, because “he likes lace.”

Oh look, Jenna’s being creepy.  Must be one of those days that ends in -day.

Angstia and Fitzy argue over whether or not Byron hates Fitzy.  Fitzy says Byron hates him, Angstia says he doesn’t, Fitzy thinks he’s crazy.  Spencer stares at the Braille message and the translator on the internet and has a revelation.  Ella tells Emily’s mom about Paige’s dad claiming Emily is getting special treatment on the swim team because she’s gay.  When Emily’s mom hears that this went down between a bunch of students and teachers, including Emily, she actually looks like she feel sort of bad.

Spencer gets to Toby’s house and, when no one answers and the door is open, starts wandering around.  She picks up a snow globe and for some reason, Toby calls out to her to put it back and startles her, which is a brilliant plan when she’s holding such a fragile object.  Anyway, he tells her the charges against him have been dropped and she almost drops the snow globe again, but Toby catches it- and her hands- in his hands.  They have a moment.  Toby says the evidence they had was corrupted, and they can charge him again if there is new evidence, but for now he’s free.  They smile at each other and Spencer offers to drive him to the courthouse to get his house arrest ankle bracelet taken off… don’t they have to come to the person’s house for that?

Toby’s house arrest ankle bracelet sure is temperamental.  It’s like a mood ring for the plot.

Caleb tells Hanna that he called Syracuse University, where the nephew claimed to have attended, and discovered that James Leland (the nephew’s alleged name) had died two years earlier.  Ahhh, so there IS something fishy about him.  Of course there is, otherwise why would he be on this show?

Jenna arrives home in a cab to take Toby to get his freedom back.  He says he has a ride, and Jenna first suspect Emily, but Spencer corrects her.  Jenna tells Spencer she’s no longer needed, but Toby insists that he’s going with Spencer.  After they leave, Jenna creepily whispers, “I see.”

Hanna has told her mother what Caleb discovered, but Hanna’s mom says if she brings it up it will just draw attention, increasing their chances of getting caught.  Plus, she refuses to make decisions “based on what Caleb says.”

Angstia asks her father about his parent teacher conferences, specifically Fitzy.  Byron thinks Fitzy is shallow and not that intelligent, and no amount of defense from Angstia is going to change his mind.  When he brings up Ella, and the book signing, Angstia tells him that’s not a date since half the teachers in the department are going.  That seems to shut Byron up for the time being.

At the bank, the nephew is disappointed by the $3000 in the safe deposit box and brings up some “family myth” about a lot of money being stashed away somewhere.  Hanna’s mom just keeps giving him standard answers about the bank encouraging people not to keep cash in safe deposit boxes.  He keeps looking at her all angrily and creepily.  He clearly knows something, but he’s also doing something illegal, so we’ll see where he goes from here.

Emily’s mom asks her about Paige’s dad, and Emily says she didn’t say anything because she knows what her mom thinks of her.  Emily says she has to get used to people treating her like that.  Emily mom marches up to Paige’s dad and tells him off, accusing him of blaming other when things don’t go his way.  It’s actually pretty awesome.  Emily follows her mom, who says that she still doesn’t understand, but she does love Emily and doesn’t want anyone to hurt her.  She apologizes and Emily wraps her up in a big, forgiving hug.

This looks like the Disney version of Peter Pan, I feel like they should be flying over turn-of-the-last-century London right now.

Spencer and Toby stand atop a hillside under the starry night sky overlooking the lights of Rosewood.  Yes, it really is that intense.  They discuss his newfound freedom, but he says he’s done too much running.  Spencer says he can have his life back, but he says he needs to make some changes.  She tells him she figured out that the message was numbers, not letters, so it means 214 instead of BAD.  Toby says he doesn’t know what it means, but he heard Jenna on the phone in her room talking about Spencer.  Toby says he’s not as afraid of Jenna as he used to be, but he still doesn’t want to cross her.  He also thinks Jenna is afraid of Spencer and the other girls.

Emily gets into her car to drive home, and Paige suddenly gets into the passenger seat.  Paige wants to know why everything is so easy for Emily, which sends Emily into a rant about trying not to feel the way she feels, Maya being shipped off and maybe dumping her, etc.  Paige is so moved by this that she lays a giant smooch on Emily, frantically begs her not to tell, and then runs off, leaving a shocked Emily sitting alone in the car.

“This one time, at swim camp…”

Hanna walks Caleb to his basement door, and he’s in much less of a hurry to leave town than he was earlier.  She thanks him and they stare at each other for a moment as if they’re about to kiss before he heads down into his Slightly Less Tragic Lair.  The doorbell rings, and Hanna finds what appears to be a modern-day Ghostbuster standing there saying “A” called about an infestation in the basement.  Hanna tells him he has the wrong house and turns him away.

Angstia and Fitzy are making out on his couch when Byron calls to leave a message apologizing to Fitzy and inviting him out for a beer.  Unbeknownst to Byron, he has successfully killed the mood.  Spencer and Toby drive past a motel, and then we get a closeup of room #214.  Question is, how/when/if they will ever figure this out.

That mysterious sign is totally a clue, right?  What could it possible mean?  No erasing?  SUCH A MYSTERY!

This week’s cliffhanger is “A” putting flowers on the old dead lady’s grave.

Next week:  Hanna and Caleb finally hook up, plus the usual secrets and sketchiness and all that jazz.

So, I don’t really know where to begin with the questions at this point.  Obviously, we’re not going to find out major stuff anytime soon, so I’m not really putting much effort into figuring A out at this point.  It’s better to focus on little things, like what that sketchy fake nephew’s deal is or what creepy thing Jenna will do next.  Any theories?  How does everyone feel about the Hanna/Caleb and Spencer/Toby pairings?  I like them so far.  Oh, and Ian and Melissa.  So weird, I don’t even know where to begin.  Will Angstia and Fitzy ever get caught?  How many ways will Emily get Paige wet next week?  What will Hanna do now that her pantry and fridge are devoid of cash?  And does Spencer know more than she’s letting on?  (She totally does.)  Tune in next week, same pretty little time, same pretty little channel.  And for now, talk to me!