Welcome back, cupcakes. Apologies about the lateness, but here’s a double whammy: 2 recaps for the low, low price of 1! All recaps must go!
So now it’s five months later from when we left off. Which, given how much attention is given to time in this show, means that Melissa’s probably still only 3 months pregnant. A hip Rhianna song (I’m guessing) is playing and all the gals are together for a gab session. Hanna got a haircut. I guess Spencer took some college classes and Aria was in some photography class — Spencer says she beat out “a thousand applicants for space in that photography class.”
“She took candid photos of Ezra that would blow your mind.” “I called the exhibit ‘Douche: 150 Days of Hipster Sweater Vests.’”
And I guess Emily spent time in a foreign country building houses for poor people. Hanna didn’t really accomplish anything. Also, the girls are drinking alcohol. ABC Family! They all get a text that reads, “Show me your boobs — A.” They’re all annoyed, so I’m guessing the whole school knows about the “A” thing and is texting them stupid crap. Aria mentions that Mona hasn’t said a word since she’s been in the insane asylum. Emily’s drinking a lot because she has a lot of pain since stupid Maya went and died. The girls toast to “making it to senior year.” Um, what? I thought they were sophomores last season. Ugh, I don’t care anymore. This show is a black hole of continuity. Emily turns that innocent toast into some pathetic remark about Maya being dead. Get over it, Emily, it’s been 5 months. There are plenty of other druggie bitch passive aggressive bisexual fish in the sea.
Later that night, the girls are all asleep when Aria wakes up to find the back door open. Spencer comes downstairs and says that Emily’s gone. They call her on her cell phone, but Em doesn’t answer. She’s too busy digging up Alison’s grave to find out that the casket is empty! Um, Emily’s weird now.
Got a secret? Can you keep it? Blah blah one of them is dead.
The other girls reach Em and Aria is all, How can she not remember anything? Spencer says that Emily is still out of it and totally drunk. Well, she’d have to be. Aria’s all, Do you think she had anything to do with this? Color me confused. Spencer grabs Em’s phone and is all, You had a blocked number a while ago, but Emily doesn’t remember. Also, Em’s phone states that she got a call from Spencer at midnight, but that’s impossible because Spencer was asleep. So someone was in Spencer’s house and used her phone. Jeezus. So much for easing into the third season, eh? Okay, sooooooo Emily didn’t dig up the grave? It was just like that when she got there? Let’s go with that, because frankly, I don’t know what the hell else to think. They hear something (maybe) and all run away.
Hanna wipes the prints off the shovel while Aria wonders who would play this game with Emily. Spencer and Emily discuss who could have set them up. They rule out Jenna and Melissa as Spencer burns Emilly’s clothes in the fireplace. Um, why? Do the Rosewood police have some sort of Cemetery Dirt Detection Kit? Lame. Later on, Hanna drives Aria down a street and tells her to get down because someone’s coming. It’s Lucas! Yay! He gets into a car and drives away and the girls follow him . . . Or not, because they end up right back at Spencer’s house. Spencer’s writing a note for her mom (who, because she’s a parent on this show, is away on business because she feels it’s totally fine to leave her daughter — who has been harassed by a psycho for almost a year — by herself) letting her know that they’re at the lake house. And that’s where they’re headed.
“Hmmmm, did I remember to pack my Extra Cheesy Pizza Lunchable? . . . Yes. Yes, I did.”
The phone at the lake house rings. Who can it be now? Who can it, who can it?! It’s Spencer’s mom with bad news.
“Lindsay Lohan is playing Elizabeth Taylor.”
Noooooo! It turns out that it’s all over the news that Alison’s body was dug up and crap but the police don’t have any leads. Wow, the Rosewood P.D. doesn’t have a clue? Color me shocked. Em says it’s all her fault but Hanna says that no one’s blaming her. Uh, I am. Aria says they can tell the cops the truth, but Hanna says that no one even knows what the truth is. Spencer gives them all an alibi and they agree to it.
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