Pretty Little Liars Recap: Special: Halloweenies!

H-A-Double El-O-Double U-Double E-N spells Halloween!  Technically, it spells Halloueen, which is probably how it’s spelled in Canada, anyway, so Happy Halloueen PLL Gasmii!  This isn’t just a regular episode of PLL, it’s a “special,” so prepare yourself for thrills, chills, and cupcakes.  Ooooh, spooky!

So, I’m assuming it’s Halloween, because Alison is telling a story about these two twin girls who were playing nicely until one went apeshit and killed the other one with a knife (she’s telling this to some little boy that Hanna is babysitting or something).  Her parents came back and weren’t really thrilled about this, so they put the girl into a home for the “criminally insane” . . . but she escaped and now she’s going to kill every little kid on Halloween!

She also refuses to do her community service!  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

Credits . . . Oooh, but they’re SPOOKY credits!  Did you notice this?:

I don’t know what the hell THAT’S supposed to be, but it’s probably a doll’s head, given my recap record.

You probably noticed this:

And this:

Ohmigod, Hanna, not on the wall.  Is it so hard to wash your hands after a cupcake binge?

It is not.  Anyway, I thought those were fun credits.  It’s October 28, 2008 in Rosewood, and the 4 gals plus Alison are walking down the street discussing whether Hanna should be sexy Britney or crazy Britney for Halloween.  What about Lip-Synching Britney?  Or Lazy, Out-Of-Breath, I’ll Just Sit Here For a Sec While Everyone Else Dances Britney?  There are too many to choose from!  Also, Hanna’s a little bit bigger than she is now (i.e.:  NORMAL), Aria has that stupid red hair and is, I don’t know, some rocker chick, and Spencer?  Is straight up White Urkel With Boobs.  Emily’s the same, though.  Noel Kahn and his cronies pull up and invite all the gals to Noel Kahn’s big Halloween bash and the girls practically orgasm over this.  Alison says that she’s kind of embarrassed by how excited everyone is.  Agreed.

The girls talk about meeting at Spencer’s house before the big shindig, but talk soon turns darker as the pass the scariest house in Rosewood.  Emily thinks she sees someone in the window!  Spencer says kids always go in there during Halloween!  Aria says she gets the creeps whenever they walk by it!  Alison says it’s just an ugly house!  Aria still feels like something bad happened in the house!  When they walk away, the door opens . . . and for some reason a car from a sanitarium is parked outside.  Oh no!

Emily spies Toby unpacking a moving van while she’s walking home and he tells her that his dad married again and the woman and her kid are moving in with them.  Emily asks him if he’s okay with that.

“I’m pissed off.  This is my pissed off face.”

It’s also been a year since Toby’s mom died.  How does Toby feel about that?

“Now I’m sad.  This is my sad face.”

Emoting!  You know what would cheer Toby up?  Some weird stepsister macking time.  It’ll cure what ails ya.

Over at the costume/Halloween shop, Alison’s looking at costumes . . . but she feels like someone’s watching her . . . And then someone in a mask jumps out at her and puts his hand over her mouth and it’s just Noel Kahn.  Someone picks up that weird Doll Man mask and walks away, and then Alison spies Jenna.  Without glasses!  She looks different without them.

Even her boobs were happier.

Perky!  Jenna introduces herself and says she already knows who Alison is.  Noel invited her to the party and she’s going as Lady Gaga.  And Alison is going as Lady Gaga, so she tells Jenna that she should pretty much wear a different costume.  When she’s leaving, Alison gets a text from a blocked number that reads, “I’m watching you.”  Oooooh!  “A’s” first text!  Alison looks around, but doesn’t see anyone menacing . . . until she turns and runs right into someone in the Doll Man mask!  She calls him a freak and then walks away.

Ian is taping Alison on his new camcorder, at Spencer’s house.  I guess to test it out or something.

This episode filmed in Statutory-Vista-Vision!

She turns the camera on Ian and flirts with him.  Spencer and Melissa come downstairs and Melissa praises Spencer’s speech.  I’ll just say it now and get it over with:  I don’t like Old Spencer.  She’s weird and off-putting.  Anyway, Alison apparently hates Melissa.  Spencer says that her parents have practically already planned her victory party (she’s running for student office or something) and Alison’s all, “I guess that’s what happens when you’ve got a perfect older sister.”  Meow!  Melissa says that it’s just part of being a Hastings. Alison’s all, “It’s comforting to know that Spencer can count on you.”  Ooooh, skank!  Melissa says that she and Ian are going as Bonnie and Clyde for Halloween, and Spencer has a dork-gasm over this.

Aria’s in a hurry to see her dad at Hollis College and she runs right into Ezra.  Ergh, blech.  Luckily, that’s all we’ll see of him tonight.  She’s leaving a briefcase and a note for her dad when some chick laying on his office couch says that he’s in a meeting.  Byron shows up and says “hey” to Meredith, the chick on the couch.  She says she just needed a quiet place to read.  Whore!  Aria’s like, What’s her deal?  Byron says that his students crash in his office all the time.

Hanna’s in bed, eating popcorn and watching a scary movie and then there’s loud wind and then the phone rings!  AAAAAAAAA!  Wait, it’s just in the movie.  I think it’s supposed to be similar to “The Ring,” but it’s kind of just a hilarious knockoff.  Then Hanna’s phone rings for real!  AAAAAAAAAAAA!  The girl on the movie is all, “Don’t answer it!”  Hee.  Hanna does it anyway.

“Hi, Hanna?  This is Leon from Lucky Leon’s Cupcakes calling.  I just wanted to let you know that your pallet of bavarian creme cupcakes arrived.  But, I have some sad news:  Only half of them survived intact.”

AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!  IT’S THE SCARIEST HALLOWEEN EVER!!!!!!!  Of course, there’s actually no one on the line, because this is a Halloween special.  Then the power flickers on and off and the phone rings again.  This time it’s Alison asking Hanna if she was at the costume shop and/or sent her a text.  Hanna doesn’t have time to talk because the doorbell rings.  It’s Hanna’s mom, Ashley . . . and that detective cop guy, Darin.  The hot one.  The one who was on “Popular” back in the day.  Ashley had too much to drink (oh, shocker) and the cop asked if he could drive her home.  After he leaves, Hanna and her mom talk about the mess they’re in — the financial fallout from the divorce and Hanna’s dad’s adultery and junk.  Hanna tries to make her mom feel better by saying that her dad’s girlfriend is ugly and has a big ass.  Awwww!

Let’s catch up with White Urkel With Boobs.

“Did I do that?!”

Seriously, what is this, 1986?  What’s with the huge glasses?  It’s lunch time and when Hanna sits down, she tells Emily that Ben is going around saying that he and Emily, like, totes did the nasty, like, all the time and junk.  Hey, Mona was a dork back then too!  She wants to eat with them, but Alison’s all, “If you ignore it, it will go away.”  I’m not sure exactly how Spencer gets to be in the group when she’s at least 55% nerdier than Mona, but it’s Alison, so it probably has something to do with blackmail.  So Mona goes to sit at another table, and guess who’s there!  Lucas!  Yay!  Still adorable.  The girls still want to hate on Ben, but Emily says there’s no reason since she’s totally straight.  Totally.  Straight.

“I just . . . love . . . the penis.  Because of all the . . . penis-y things . . . it can do.  Yup.  I . . . love it.  Love the . . . the . . . penis.  Does anyone else feel like they’re going to throw up?  No?  Okay.  So . . . penis ahoy . . . I guess.”

Aria and Alison are walking down the street while Mona yells for them from behind.  I’m pretty sure this is a flashback we’ve seen before and while it’s kind of crappy for them to use already seen footage, it’s kind of cool the way they’re weaving it into this episode.  This “special,” I mean.  Alison and Aria are just walkin’ along, bein’ cool and what-not, enjoyin’ their ice cream and BAM!  There’s Aria’s dad mackin’ on Meredith in his car.  Nothing hides an illicit affair like an isolated, secluded spot in a driveway on a busy street in the neighborhood where your family lives.  Dumbass.

Alison’s in her room, writing in her Hate Journal, when Jason barges in.  Alison’s all, “Ever heard of knocking?” which is dumb since her door was literally halfway open.  Alison asks what he and his stoner friends are doing behind his locked door and Jason says he’ll tell her for 20 bucks.  So Alison ridiculously pays him. Jason says that they’re making a movie.  Oh, lord.  Jason also gives Alison a package that was left for her.  Alison opens it to find a doll (of course)!  It’s made out of burlap or something like that.

“Dammit, J-Crew, I ordered the Mexican Hate Doll in ecru, not eggshell!!”

There’s also a note that reads:  “Now it’s my turn to torture you.”  Oh no!  She gets up from her bed and walks across the room, bending down to access her secret hiding spot:  Behind the air vent.  Which is totally Lilly Kane of her.  Who will get that reference?  Who?   In the vent, she has a wooden box, in which there’s yet ANOTHER doll.  This one has a secret compartment.  Alison pulls a locket out of the doll and puts the note inside.

Over at her house, Ashley is spookily reading the spooky want ads in the spooky Rosewood newspaper!  AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!  Not much in there . . . except a position for branch manager at the Rosewood bank.  AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!  That sounds perfect.  I sure hope she gets that job, steals a bunch of money from some old lady at the bank, freaks out about it for 8 or so episodes, and then completely drops the whole plot later on.  Because that would be awesome.  Officer Darin is at the door this morning, wanting some cougar lovin’, but Ashley says that he’s got the wrong idea.  He tells her that people are unpredictable, so she needs to watch herself.  Um, okay.

Spencer is in her room.  Sewing her costume.  With her sewing machine.

With prodigious planning and careful execution, Spencer was finally able to create a costume that would be acceptable at both the Star Trek convention AND the Renaissance Faire.

Renaissance Faires are bullshit, by the way.  They suck.  A lot.  Hell is a never-ending renaissance faire.  Don’t get me started.  Alison drops by to be a big fat beyotch because she’s just that caring of a friend.  She tells Spencer that she has a friend on the election committee and things don’t look good for Spencer.  She insinuates that Melissa is trying to sabotage Spencer’s election or whatever because she wants to get the most attention.  I don’t get it.  Exactly what office is Spencer running for?  And does the student body get to vote?  And will there be cupcakes?  Someone explain this to me.  Mostly about the cupcakes, please.  Alison says that if Spencer really wants this, she can make it happen.  Spencer says she really needs it to happen.  Meh.  I’m over 2008 Spencer.  She sucks.

Aria comes home and her dad’s sitting there in a chair, looking at a family album.

Is it just me or does he have a huge head on a disproportionately small body?

Her mom hasn’t come home and knows nothing, but Aria’s still pissed off.  Even though Meredith isn’t going to be in his class anymore, she still thinks it’s icky.  Byron asks Aria not to tell her mom, which makes Aria very conflicted.  She doesn’t think she can ever forgive him for what he’s done.  I can never forgive Aria for what she’s done to her hair.  He says that he’ll respect whatever decision she makes.

Emily and Alison are walking down the street (70% of this episode is people walking down the street) and Alison says she can get the pill for Emily and Emily admits that she and Ben haven’t done it but they probably will.  Emily asks Alison not to tell anyone.

At school, Spencer’s nervous and Alison tells her that everything will be fine.  Is she running for debate club captain?  And where are the cupcakes?!  Alison asks Aria if she’s okay and asks if her mom’s okay as well.  Lucas runs into Alison and spills soda on her and then Alison calls Lucas a hermaphrodite.  Oooh, bitch, you do NOT mess with my Lucas, bitch!  Lucas sees Mona and says that Alison will get what’s coming to her.  I hope so.  She deserves to be killed at The Kissing Rock and have her body buried for, like, a whole year until someone finally finds the bones.  Oh.  I see.  Awkward . . .  Some dude announces that Spencer won by 2 votes.  She’s the class president.  Ah.  So that’s what she was running for.  Alison winks at her.

And some 41 year-old extra in a tank top slaps her on the back.

It’s finally Halloween!  And just like every television Halloween special, there are at least 200 kids running around trick-or-treating.  I mean, really, when have you ever seen that many kids trick-or-treating on Halloween?  Never, that’s when.  All the gals are at Spencer’s house in costume, getting Halloween-gasms over being able to go to Noel freaking Kahn’s freaking Halloween party!  Freaking!  Aria shows up and Hanna asks her why she’s not in her costume.

“Oh, no, this year I thought I’d go as a teenager who thinks she’s so much more mature than she actually is and who gets turned on by men who are completely inappropriate for her.”

That’s a great costume, Aria.  It’s not really a costume, you guys, Aria’s just not in the Halloweenie mood tonight.  Alison’s like, Why the hell not, bitch?  I really hate Alison.  I know that we’re supposed to see this fragile, human side of her, but I just think she’s a she-bitch skankass ho from hell.  All of a sudden, Spencer sees someone outside her window in a Doll Man mask!  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

“Do not fear me, child.  I merely want to partake of your mini-Twix.  And smell your hair.  And cut you with a box knife.  But mostly the mini-Twix thing.”

Who is Doll Man?  My bet is on Ella Montgomery.  Think about it.  Have you seen her at all this episode?!  All the pieces are there, people.  He goes away and then the doorbell rings.  It’s the pizza delivery guy, probably.  AAAAAAAAAAAA!  Spencer, Emily, and Hanna (of course) go to answer the door, and Alison asks Aria to stay behind so she can hold Aria’s hand, give her a great big hug, and tell her that everything will be all right.  Because Alison is a giver.  Alison is compassionate.  Alison is a true friend.  Alison is . . . none of those things.  She says that Aria’s a buzzkill and she knew that Aria’s dad would talk her out of telling her mom.  Alison is all, “Are you sure no one else saw your dad?  I’d hate for her to find out about it from someone else.”  Blackmail is the best foundation for friendship.

So now it’s time for the party.  Noel Kahn is a doctor.  A gynecologist, to be precise.  Which is ever-so douchey.  A Lady Gaga song starts playing so Alison orders all her minions to dance with her . . . But oh, what’s this?  Another wannabe Gaga has arrived.

Ah. No.  Not what I meant.

Dear god, no.  That’s even worse.

No, this Lady Gaga is actually Jenna in disguise.  And she’s way hotter than Alison and Noel is totally flirting with her.  Alison is actually okay with this.  She tells the girls that she’s accepted the fact that she doesn’t always need attention and it’s nice that the new girl is making friends, so why don’t they all go home for a Julia Roberts marathon and root beer floats.  Oh, I’m sorry.  I had Alison confused with a rational non-bitch human being.  Mona’s dressed as Catwoman.  And not the awesome Eartha Kitt Catwoman, the lame Halle Berry Catwoman.  Anyway, Alison’s all, “Do I know you?” and Mona’s all, “No, but you will.”  Oooooh, interesting!  Alison walks up to Jenna and tells her her costume is awesome and that she can make things easy for her in Rosewood.  She says that she and her friends are “a tight group, but there may be room for one more.”  Jenna says that she appreciates the offer, but she likes to make her own friends.  I like 2008 Jenna.  She actually doesn’t seem like a beyotch at all.  Of course, even Imelda Marcos would seem like Mother f**kin’ Teresa around Alison.  Well, your fate is sealed now, Jenna.  Mona tells Jenna that she’s the best Gaga and Jenna tells her that they shouldn’t tell Alison that.  They introduce themselves to each other.  Hmmmmm . . . Jenna and Mona in cahoots?

“What a great night.  What a lovely party.  I sure do love seeing.  You know, with my eyes.  Yup.  Nothin’ like watchin’ things to really make a gal feel worthwhile.  Well, I’m gonna go stand in a garage full of flammable materials and hope that nothing monumentally life-changing happens.  Happy Halloween!”

Alison is not happy.  Spencer joins her on the porch and Alison tells Spencer that Jenna is a slut.  Alison then hands Spencer a bunch of ballots and tells her to get rid of the evidence.  Conveniently, there’s a wood stove (or something like it) right there on the porch.  Alison says that it’s surprising who Spencer’s friends “aren’t.”

The band, which I’m assuming is named We All Look Like Aubrey Plaza, plays a slow song while Hanna and Aria go to the woods to get drinks.  Even those two think it’s stupid that they have to do that.  They get scared by someone in a wolf or bear costume.  It’s so lame that it doesn’t even deserve an AAAAAAAAAAAAA!  The Aubrey Plaza Five continue their dreamy song and Jenna dances seductively as Emily stares at her.

“She’s pretty, but what I like most about her is her apparent lack of penis.”

Alison notices this and goes up to Emily, all, “Do you wish you could taste her cherry chapstick?”  She tells Emily that her secret is safe with her.  Awww, friendship.  Someone is watching Alison through a gauzy mask thing!  Later, the girls meet up outside.  It seems no one has seen Alison, and for some reason, they’re concerned about that.  They all get a text at the same time and Hanna’s like, “That’s weird.”  Mini-hee.  It’s from Alison and reads, “I’m in trouble.  Come alone.”  Except, you know, together.

So they all head out to find Alison, whereas I would just text her back and tell her to suck it and die.  I wonder where Alison is . . . They got another text saying she’s at 313 Mockingbird and it turns out that at that address is AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

That’s not . . . That’s not scary . . . AAAAAAAA . . . ?

No, they weren’t just all meeting to split some vanilla kremes.  Actually, it turns out to be the creepy old house from the beginning of the episode.  Shocking!  They think it may be a joke, except for Emily, who of course frowns and furrows her brow and makes her wide-eye face.  The girls head inside to rescue their best friend who verbally abuses and blackmails them in return for their loyalty.  Alison’s like a Care Bear, isn’t she?  The house is dark and Alison is nowhere to be found.  Someone walks behind them but they don’t see him.  They keep exploring the house and decide to head upstairs because THAT’S always the smart thing to do.  Doll Man peers at them from behind a corner.

Upstairs, they get freaked out by a hanging suit.  Who leaves a hanging suit in an old house?  They see some shadows in the crack of a door and Alison opens it, telling them that she some guy grabbed her and has a knife and wants to kill her.  She got away and is hiding upstairs from him.  Hanna tries to call 911 and can’t get a signal.  Alison says that it was the same guy from Spencer’s house because he has on the same costume.  Alison says she got a signal in the hallway so she’ll call the police from there, and instructs them not to open the door for anyone but her.  They hear her screaming but the door is jammed and they can see her fighting with Doll Man through the keyhole in the door.  Alison runs off and Doll Man pops up into the keyhole.  AAAAAAAAAAA!  Kind of.

The girls climb out of the second story window (and why didn’t Alison think of that?) and then for some reason GO BACK IN to help the person who treats them like complete shit.  Alison sits in a rocking chair — the whole thing was a prank.  She says Doll Man was Noel and there was ketchup on the knife, not blood.  None of the girls think it’s funny.  Alison says it was a test — she knows she can count on them if she really needs them.

Back at the party, Aubrey Plaza and the Aubrey Plazas are stepping it up a little bit.  None of the girls are in a party mood, however.  The camera pans around to about 3 or 4 different people in the Doll Man costume.  Oh, and Melissa and Ian are at the party because . . . It doesn’t matter.  They’re there, okay?  Alison walks up to Ian and flirts again, so Melissa grabs him and kisses him hard.  Jenna flirts with Darin (the cop).  Someone in a Doll Man costume comes up to Alison and calls her a bitch, and then walks off.  Who is in the Doll Man costume?!

His possible attempted murder of Alison only strengthens my love for him.

Noel goes up to Alison, who is all, It was so awesome they way you pushed me around and junk, you even scared ME!  Noel’s like, What are you talking about?  Aria says they know it was him.  He says that that’s why he was coming up to talk to them — his brother went for a beer run and took the car; Noel’s been stuck at the party all night.  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!  Alison gets a text on her phone:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!  And also, “A.”

Aria asks who it is, and Alison says, “It’s a secret.”  The camera pans to many people at the party wearing the Doll Man mask.  And then to one person who stands away from the party . . . he or she takes off his/her mask . . . to reveal his/herself as . . .

I TOLD YOU! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Obviously, we don’t see who “A” is.

Well, that’s it, kids.  This episode brought up a lot of questions.  Most importantly:  Where the hell were the cupcakes?!  I mean, come on!  Let’s discuss, but most importantly, NO SPOILERS PLEASE!

And if you’re looking for more Halloween/Scary TV show episodes, may I suggest:

Treehouse of Horror V – The Simpsons
Parks and Recreation - Greg Pikitis
Roseanne – Boo!
Buffy the Vampire Slayer – Halloween, Hush
Felicity – Help For the Lovelorn (great homage to The Twilight Zone)
Alfred Hitchcock Presents – Lamb to the Slaughter, Breakdown
Alfred Hitchcock Hour – An Unopened Window (so dang suspenseful!)
The X-Files – Home (holy crap this one’s so disturbing and pants-crappingly creepy!), Aubrey, Chinga (if you’re jonesing for some more doll horror), and . . . just about any X-Files episode, really.  They all tend to creep me out.
The Twilight Zone – Twenty Two (AAAAAAAA!)
Lost – The Man Behind the Curtain (I still get totally creeped out by that “help me” voice in the cabin)
Veronica Mars – Spit and Eggs (Some taut, taut stuff.  Best ep of the third season and probably my favorite of the whole series.  Well, maybe . . . Maybe not . . .)

And probably others.  I’ll see you in the comments!  And the previews for the second half of the second season’s winter first half of the second season’s shortened half of the second season’s full schedule look pretty kick-ass, don’t they?!