I’m sorry this recap is a day late. AGAIN. But I’m transferring departments at work, so I’m working more hours, which is good (daddy needs the money, kids, so we don’t have to have pancakes for dinner every night), but bad because I’m ever so tired.
One more thing: I watched this episode in real time, and I fell asleep. Then I watched the repeat two hours later, and . . . I fell asleep. That does not bode well for this episode. Let’s get crackin’!
So all the girls are at Emily’s house, where Aria asks why “A” would show the video at the graveyard (from last week). Spencer’s still convinced that Ian almost killed her over those “perverted” videos, but Emily brings up the point that Ian was kind of, well, not all murder-y on the video that “A” showed them. Emily posits that Alison may have walked home and been murdered on her way home, while Spencer’s all, Just because Ian didn’t kill Alison at the Kissing Rock, he could have killed her later. That’s an incredibly stupid name for a place for teenagers to dry-hump. Is Kissing Rock next to Make-Out Creek?
“Bury me . . . at Make-Out Creek . . .”
Hanna asks Aria if she’s bringing Ezra to “the show,” but Aria says that Ezra’s out of town presenting a paper at a conference.
I hear he’s *this close* to being a Rhodes Scholar.
Aria changes the subject and asks Hanna if she’s bringing Caleb, since she kissed him. Spencer tells them to keep folding the fashion programs for, I guess, a “fashion show.” Aria gets a text and Spencer alludes to Aria being romantic with Ezra, and the others call out Spencer for being all lovey-dovey now that she’s with Toby. Spencer says that she’s still being pragmatic. ‘Atta girl, Spence. Aria says that she needs to answer her text, while Spencer says that it’s the first time that they all have boyfriends/girlfriends at the same time. And it turns out — that text Aria got? Not from Ezra. It’s from Jason! He’s all, “Can we meet? Now?” Aria texts him back that she’s on her way to meet him. Because nothing gives Aria lady-boner like dating an inappropriate guy, and let’s face it — now that Ezra’s not her teacher any more, there’s really no point. Credits.
At night, Aria meets Jason in his convertible.
“No one can see us here, under cover of completely open air.”
Way to keep that secret meeting a secret, guys. Jason tells Aria that he probably shouldn’t have told Aria what he told her at the funeral. Aria says she won’t tell anyone, and that she owes him one because of what he did for Mike (her brother). Aria says she has to get back to folding programs for the “fashion show.” Jason says his mom gets into town tomorrow, when she’ll give a speech before stepping down from “the board.” Aria thought that Jessica DiLaurentis “WAS the board,” but Jason says she only joined for Alison, since Alison lived for that “fashion show.” Aria gets out and walks away.
When Hanna gets home, her mom and dad are making martinis and cooking dinner. Hanna’s not too enthused, and asks her dad if he’s still leaving in the morning, to which he replies that he is. Ah, okay, so Hanna’s dad has been there all this time, even though we didn’t see him once during the last episode. At least PLL is consistent in it’s inconsistency. Hanna’s all, “So what’s for dessert? Or are you saving that for your new family?” Oooohh, burn! Hanna skulks off, leaving Ashley and Daddy Hanna (I’m too lazy to Wikipedia his name) to tend to the steaks.
Toby has walked Spencer home, and they’re all kissy-kissy in her doorway. Toby asks her what time she needs him tomorrow, and she also (seriously) needs him to build her some makeup tables (seriously). Now, in case you missed it, Hanna explained to Emily in one of last season’s episodes that all the folding tables were burned to the ground in the Great Rosewood Folding Table Fire of 1977. Since then, the residents of Rosewood have refused to purchase any generic folding tables for any event, whether they be church potluck or school fashion show, where they could have just set up folding tables with hand mirrors and called it a f**king day. This explains why Spencer needs her boyfriend to build her some makeup tables THE NIGHT BEFORE THE BIG FASHION SHOW. Because, really, what other rational explanation could there be? Toby says that he’ll totally build the tables for Spencer, and then he calls it a night.
“I gotta go. You’re cutting into my precious scowling-on-a-park-bench-alone time.”
Spencer closes the door and goes inside, and I expect Melissa to show up and ignore her so that we have more to that storyline that began last week, but no. Sorry, PLL fans! However, Spencer’s dad is there (WHAAAAA?! Two weeks in a row?!), yelling at someone on the phone about Jason being back in town. Oh, I guess Melissa’s out of town on vacation. And she took all the pretzels with her, which is a shame because Spencer’s dad totally wants some. I feel like I’m being really harsh with this episode, but really? Melissa took *all the pretzels* with her to a “five-star resort?” Color me not convinced. Spencer’s dad says he was on the phone with some dude from the junior league board asking for a donation (probably a lie). He totally wants some salty snacky crispies, but Spencer tells him that he ain’t supposed to have anything salty. After he leaves, Spencer picks up the phone and *69s it, but no one answers . . . Except the voicemail of Jessica DiLaurentis!! Why is Spencer’s dad calling Alison’s (and Jason’s) mom?! Hmmmmmmm . . .
Oh, hey, where’s Pam?
Oh, please — where the hell else would she be?
Pam’s on the phone with Emily’s dad, all flirty and junk, and Emily asks to talk to him, telling him that she wants to email him her paper before she hands it in. Ever notice how people on TV shows never say, “Goodbye” on the phone? They just say, “Okay,” or “Thanks,” and then hang up. Pam gets all sad and says that she misses her husband. Even though she spent time with him in Texas, she still misses him. Emily suggests she spend a lot more time with him, like, maybe until the school year is over. Pam says she can’t leave Emily by herself, but Emily says that she barely ever sees Pam anyway, so what’s the b.f.d.? Emily says she can stay with a friend and join Pam and her dad in June when school’s out. Pam says she’ll think about it.
“It’s probably for the best — I’m down to my last Doorway Box.”
Hey, it’s morning! Time for Spencer’s coffee!
“Alllllll righty. It’s 8:04, so this should be enough coffee to last me until I meet the girls at the coffee shop for the 8:10 coffee meeting.”
Coffee coffee coffee!! Aria’s there too, and she’s all, “I just wanted to drink it, not swim laps.” Hee! Spencer tells her about her dad and the phone call to Jessica, and Aria wonders why Spencer’s dad is lying to her. But because Spencer’s gut reaction to everything is Deny, Suppress, and Change the Subject, she says the “real question” is why Jason lied to her about someone else being in his house with him, since she saw shadowy figures in the upstairs window. Spencer says he’s hiding something because “you don’t paper over windows unless you’re a vampire.”
“Oh, I beg to differ . . . bitch.”
Preach it, Betty!! Aria says that maybe Jason shuts out the world to cope and Spencer brings up the fact that Aria’s been all chatty with Jason lately. Aria says she’s just being supportive . . . but Spencer interrupts because she just got an email from Jessica (Alison and Jason’s mom). And Aria got the same email — I guess Jessica wants to take them to lunch. And we flash-cut to –
The girls having lunch with Jessica at Rosewood’s Only Restaurant. The special today? Secrets and awkwardness. With a side of shame. Or pasta salad. Your choice. While Jessica drinks a bloody mary (‘atta girl), Spencer brings up Jason and him moving back. Jessica explains that Jason came into “family money” and it was his choice what to do with it. She breaks out some presents for the girls — dress boxes with (gasp!) dresses (gasp!) inside (gasp!)! Jessica asks them if they recognize them and for some reason, we flash back to another Alison memory.
Alison’s trying on dresses — all one of a kind and all hers, “just like you guys,” she says to the other girls. After that random and probably pointless 10 second flashback, Jessica says that it’s a shame that Alison can’t get to wear the clothes, and when she heard that the PLL gang was doing the “fashion show,” she thought it was a perfect idea to have “Ali’s dream realized by her best friends.” Emily looks kind of concerned about this.
“Oh my god, I can’t believe this. I should have ordered the fish tacos.”
Aria asks if Jessica wants them to wear the clothes in the fashion show and Jessica tells them that she does — since it’s the four of them that are keeping Alison’s memory alive. After Jessica leaves, Hanna says that she won’t do it because it’s creepy to wear dead Alison’s clothes. Word, Hanna. I would feel the same way if I had to wear my dead friend’s dress. I mean, again. Spencer says that since Jessica already passed it by the board, it’s a done deal. Emily wonders if they should choose photos of Alison for the show — um, Alison got a memorial AND a funeral, and now that beyotch gets a tribute fashion show? Call it day, people. — and show Jessica, but of course Aria says that she can run the photos by Jason, because that might be easier. Emily asks her if she wants to go to Jason’s house, but Aria says she’ll just meet him after school.
Spencer heads on over to the fashion show stage area, which is kind of insanely professional and fashion week-y, given that this is a high school. I remember when our high school had a fashion show once. For 4-H. In the basement. Of the Methodist church. Mona is, of course, in charge of the fashion show, and she of course already took care of the programs that Spencer was in charge of, because she thought Spencer was probably going to jail. Mona also took care of everything else, including getting a deejay.
“Hello, I’m Noel Kahn. You may remember me from such episodes as that one that was 5 episodes ago.”
Just barely, Noel. Also, does anyone else think that eventually we’re going to get really confused as to which one is Mike (Aria’s brother) and which one is Noel? Because I already have. I thought this was Mike at first. But no, it’s Noel Kahn. Mona says that she’s now the committee chair.
Emily’s at her house, changing into her dress with the help of Probably Eventually Crazy Samara.
“This dress isn’t nearly as nice as the one I made for you.”
“You mean the one made out of belly button lint, your own hair, and fruit roll-ups?”
“Silence!” (Dramatic pause.) “It was an artistic statement.”
“And that statement was . . . ?”
“THAT NO ONE ELSE CAN LOVE YOU LIKE I DO!! And also that fruit roll ups aren’t just tasty — they give you 60% of your daily vitamin C.”
Emily invites Samara to the “fashion show,” but Samara says she has plans. It’s cool, Em says — Samara can bring her friend because she has an extra ticket. Uh-oh. I don’t like this “friend” nonsense of Samara’s. She’s either talking about another lesbian or her invisible friend Sir Richard Barkington, who always seems to end up taking the blame for Samara’s farts. Crazy Samara!
Aria’s looking at old photos of Alison in her room when Ella (her mom) comes in. Aria asks her if it’s possible to black out and not remember a whole chunk of time. She tells Aria that there might be a few nights in college that she can’t remember. As well as season 8 of Charmed. Aria says that she has this “friend” who might have blacked out and is missing a whole night, and her friends think that that’s kind of convenient for him to “forget.” Ella says that people sometimes file things away that they can’t deal with and when the time comes and they can handle it, it comes back to them. Oh, please, that never happ — OHMIGOD I POOPED MY PANTS DURING 7TH GRADE BASKETBALL PRACTICE!!!! Ella then picks out a photo of Alison for Aria.
Meg Ryan debuts yet another new face.
Hanna’s in her kitchen, when she decides to take a study break and jam out to her mp3 player, with her headphones on.
“‘Don’t tell my heart, my achy breaky heart!’ AAAAAA BILLY RAY CYRUS EFFING ROCKS MY FACE OFF!!!!”
In a moment of horrifying embarrassment that I COMPLETELY sympathize with, Hanna is caught dancing by none other than (dun dun DUHHNNNN!) her father. He says that her mom gave him a spare key and he let himself in. He brought Thai food, but since cupcakes aren’t a staple of the Thai cuisine, Hanna is understandably pissed. She’s all, I thought you left today to go back to your fiancee . . . douche. He says that he decided to stay for the fashion show. He’s also sick of them fighting and wants to talk, so he does. He misses talking to her and seeing her, and Hanna says that he’s still in love with Ashley (her mom) and that’s why he’s still around and doesn’t want to leave. Hanna wonders what’s up with their behavior together and tells him that he needs to stop using her as an excuse to keep seeing Ashley. When her dad leaves, Hanna throws away the Thai food.
At the school courtyard, Aria’s got her laptop out, showing Jason the photos she’s chosen. He asks if Jessica put her up to that, and Aria admits that she had. She shows Jason a photo taken on the day Alison got back from visiting her grandma, which was the same day as Spencer’s barn party, which was the day she disappeared. Jason says that people won’t remember or recognize the photo as being from the day she disappeared. Aria takes this opportunity to jog Jason’s memory of that day and ask him if he remembers anything, and of course Jason gets pissed off. Aria says that it was a bad idea (DOI) and Jason walks away. Um . . . I still kind of can’t stand Aria.
Over at the fashion show stage (I’ve stopped using quotes because Rosewood High has apparently come up with the budget of the entire NYC fashion week), people are rehearsing on the catwalk. Mona tells some random girl that she can’t walk in flats. Spencer says she has a migraine coming on and leaves. Hanna asks Aria and Em if they have an extra ticket for her dad, since he’s not going anywhere. Aria struts her stuff down the catwalk and Mona’s all, “Um . . . are your legs always that short?” That wasn’t really a good, bitchy joke, but still — more Mona please.
Spencer’s backstage, complaining to Toby about Mona, and Toby’s all, She stepped up when you were going through some serious stuff. Okay, right there — that’s why I don’t like Toby. Why can’t he be all, “She may have taken over for you when you were having a rough time, but yeah. She’s a big ole bitch.” Toby is the type of boyfriend who, when you ask him where he wants to go to dinner will say, “I don’t care,” every. Single. Time. And then you’ll be all, “But you always say that, you should pick a place this time, I’m sick of choosing.” And then he’ll be all, “But any place we go is great because I’ll be with you.” And you’ll say, “Awww,” but you’ll be thinking, “What a spineless douche. Make a decision!” I mean, I’m a decision-maker. I have no problem making decisions, but every once in a while, I’d want my boyfriend to say, “Indian food? Are you shitting me? We’re not eating that crap. Get in the car, we’re going to Arby’s.”
Where were we? Ah, yes. Toby. He says he’s glad the drama is over — um, do you think you’re on another show, perhaps, Toby? Because the drama is NEVER over on PLL, my friend. Spencer agrees that it’s nice to be able to breathe.
“Except for that part about my sister completely hating me and me pawning her wedding ring and not getting it back and getting those texts from a mysterious someone who is blackmailing me about that ring as well as my dead friend and my dad lying to me about something and my mom never being around. But yeah, it’s good to have an end to the drama.”
Stereotypical fashion show music plays, which can only mean one thing, people — band practice! Wait, no, sorry. It’s a fashion show, we’re at the fashion show, not band practice. My bad. Backstage, the PLL gang is putting on their makeup at Toby’s magical built-in-12-hours makeup tables when Samara walks in with Emily’s dress . . . and a mystery girl with a tank top and an edgy haircut. Uh-oh . . . Samara says that she needs to see Emily in the dress and the girl introduces herself as Gwen. Also, she’s holding hands with Samara. Cut your losses (which aren’t much) and move on, Em. Go back to Paige. I liked Paige. Sure, she tried to drown you, but she was kind of funny. Gwen and Samara flirt and then go to sit down in the audience. Em asks Hanna and Aria if they thought Gwen and Samara were kind of chummy.
Mona goes all Kelly Cutrone on Spencer’s ass and tells her to get a headset, and then tells her to get the tribute slideshow disk and give it to Noel. Meanwhile, it’s grownup cocktail time! Yay!
“I don’t know, Pam. I’ve been standing in Aria’s doorway for weeks now, but it seems like something’s missing.” “Have you tried holding a box of miscellaneous items?” “A box, yes!! You’re a lifesaver!”
Pam says that she’ll have a hard time leaving Emily, but Ella tells her that Emily’s responsible. Pam says it would be nice to reconnect with Wayne (Emily’s dad). Jessica walks by them, and as Spencer hands the disk to Noel, she sees Jessica with Peter (Spencer’s dad), and they’re arguing heatedly. Hmmmmmm . . .
Emily’s looking all sad cuz of the Samara thing. Hanna decides to go sneak some champagne. ‘Atta girl. Meanwhile, Ashley and Hanna’s dad meet and talk about how he keeps coming in and out of her life and how it’ll take a long time to repair that. He compliments Ashley on her dress and she says that she thinks they’re beyond all the problems they had before. She takes his hand and they start dancing, and of course Hanna spies them from across the room. Ooooh, an announcer says the fashion show is about to begin! Backstage, Emily asks Samara about her and Gwen — they’ve been friends for a long time. Samara asks Emily if she’d be bothered by her seeing other people, since Emily said she didn’t want to move too fast. Oh, sure, Samara. Because moving too fast doesn’t include going to Emily’s swim meets, going to her house for dinner, lying to Emily’s mom, showing up at her school multiple times UNANNOUNCED, and helping her with her dress for the fashion show. Also, you’re a high school girl who makes her own jewelry. If that doesn’t scream psycho, I don’t know what does.
Before the show, Spencer tells Hanna that Caleb’s there and that they should be together since they both want each other. Fashion show time!
Hanna gives her best smells-like-cupcakes face.
There really isn’t much to recap. Girls walk down the runway in what appears to be Sears Active Wear. I’m sorry, but most of it doesn’t look fashion-y to me. Which is, I guess, kind of refreshing given that it’s a high school fashion show. I guess Gossip Girl has spoiled me. The best part is when Aria makes this awesomely horrid faked surprise face:
Aria is smizing the shit out of this fashion show, y’all.
There’s a cute moment when Aria/Lucy Hale spanks Spencer/Troian Bellasario on the runway on their way back, which I’m thinking was improvised, which increases it’s cuteness. Blah blah fashion show blah. Then it’s time for the tribute to Alison. Photos of her are on the big wall at the beginning of the runway, and all four girls of the PLL gang are on the stage in what I’m assuming are Alison’s dresses. It’s kind of pretty, but kind of lame, and then the music changes and then the photo of Alison has these demon eyes, and some music plays about a “bitch” being “back,” and the words “bitch” and “evil” show up on the photos of Alison. Basically, it’s not what anyone had in mind. Except the person who planned it! Spencer runs over to deejay Noel to stop the madness!
“OHMIGOD CAN YOU PLAY ‘BABY GOT BACK?’ I LOVE THAT SONG! WHOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
She tells Noel to stop it, but he says that he can’t, so Spencer pulls all the plugs. Why didn’t Noel do that in the first place, hmmmmm? Afterwards, Spencer says that she tried to call Jessica, but Jason said she couldn’t talk. They say something about “A,” and then Caleb comes up to comfort Hanna and say that he’ll walk her home. After Caleb leaves, a note from “A” pops up on the wall — “My dresses. My game. My rules.” I’ll leave it to “A” — that mofo is certainly tech savvy. As Aria’s packing up her makeup to leave, Noel shows up and tells her that he can give her back the disk. She assumed it was his, and then Jason shows up and demands that Noel give him the disk; he does and then Jason breaks it.
Pam is in Emily’s room — is this the only room in Emily’s house that the PLL budget is allowing for this year? Because we have literally only seen her room in the house. Pam says that she’s sorry about what happened and that no one thinks the PLL gang did it, because they were as surprised as everyone else. Emily asks her mom if she and her dad dated other people. Pam says that she told Wayne that if wanted to be with her, then he couldn’t be with anyone else. She then tells Em that Ashley said that she’d look out for her if Pam went down to Texas and she can stay with Ashley and Hanna if she wants to. Emily says that she’d like that. Nooooooo! Pam, don’t go! Who will stand in the doorway?! Think of the boxes, Pam!! THE BOXXXXESSSSSSSS!
Hanna finds her dad in the darkness when she gets home. Apparently the Hastings No Electricity Plan has spread to other families. Her dad took a bunch of phone photos of Hanna, and they look very pretty. She says that she saw him with Ashley and wonders what’s going on. He says that she was right, that he’ll make no more excuses, but he’s not ready to leave — he wants to work things out with Ashley and stick around. Hanna says she’ll see him tomorrow.
Spencer arrives home — to darkness, natch — to find her dad raiding the fridge. She asks him what’s going on between him and Jessica and why he cares if Jason moved back. He tells her it’s none of her business, but she needs to stay away from Jason.
Aria’s still at the fashion show, with Jason, of course, and she wonders how many times they’ll have to bury Alison. At last count, Aria, it was three, and I’m betting on at least 4 more. She wonders when people will move on to the next tragedy. She asks Jason why he came back and why he’s living in that house — he says he’s looking for something. Aria asks about the note, suggesting that the note from last episode has to do with what happened to Alison. He says that Ian confessed so he’s done searching. He asks her if she wants him to take her home, and she tells him that’d be great. Then the camera pans up to reveal that the candles on the table form the letter “A.”
End Credits “A” Sequence: A bunch of fashion mags lay on a table as someone with a gloved hand surfs the internet for some fashion boots, finally selecting a pair to buy. He/She enters the number “5214″ in the address box. Yeah, I’m sorry — I have absolutely no idea what this means. I don’t get it. Explain, PLL Gasmii! Explain like the wind!