TVgasm Fall Predictions: New Shows

Predicting the future is a TVgasm tradition. Sometimes we’re dead on, and sometimes we are waaaaay too trusting of America’s taste levels. Either way, it’s fun ripping stuff to shreds that we haven’t even seen yet. Join us, won’t you?

Your sister in law died playing Human Tetris and says that you should try to smoke less.

90210, CW, Sept 2

Hypnotoad (America’s Most Smartest Model, Million Dollar Listing): Lori Loughlin in a new TV show? Shocker. She does more pilots than an American Airlines stewardess. Also, I want Andrea to come back as someone’s grandmother. Oh, a character from Kansas City! Awesome. I’ll watch if there’s a Peach Pit, and if we find out the owner can’t read. Will teenage audiences love a show that’s exactly like “Gossip Girl” on the west coast? Yeah. They will. Because the CW tells them to. Ding ding ding! Jackpot.

Treadingonme (Celebrity Rehab): So, it’s the exact same show as before, except it’s got a black guy (who has been caucasianized)? I love original ideas. This isn’t one. I heard they weren’t screening it for critics. Never a good sign, but on name alone (and sexy-Loughlin) I say it goes half a season.

LoLo (Gossip Girl, Top Chef, Work for Diddy): I want to hate it… but then I hear the theme song and my heart goes all aflutter. Add in Lucille Bluth and the fact one of the kids is supposed to practice Scientology, and I’m sold, dammit. Multiple seasons.

Bbitz (So You Think You Can Dance, Amazing Race): Well… at least we have warning that the end of the world is coming. Sadly… only the roaches will be around for it’s second season.

DearCrabby (Baby Borrowers, Ugly Betty): I was too uncool to understand the first one, now I’m too old. Quiet down, you troublesome kids! No one cares about your Rodeo woes when we’re paying $4 for gas in the Midwest! My favorite character? Dixon, the token minority teen taken adopted by Old Man Whitey in Beverly Hills. Because that’s usually how it happens for minority teens in foster care.

Flipit (Big Brother, Project Runway): The black kid was last scene as a young angry drug dealer on The Wire, so I’m glad to see he’s made it big. See? Crime does pay! Score! This show looks kinda awesome and how can you not love the CW for casting Jessica Walter from Arrested Development? If they get Liza Minelli for a couple of guest spots I will officially be in love. I was upset at first that Rob Thomas of Veronica Mars fame gave up the creator/head writer post, but Veronica Mars was cancelled so I guess it’s probably a good thing for a show I want to last, so I’m saying it will be a hit and get picked up for a few years.

J-Mo (Shear Genius, Salon Takeover, Top Design): Wow, they finally let black people and Iranians move into Beverly Hills… but still no gays. I like that they kept with the original premise that the “students” are all really stupid and have been held back about 13 times because they’re all portrayed by actors who are at least 30. They better bring Tori Spelling into the fold before the first season ends or I’m gonna be PISSED! Hope it flys.

TVgasm predicts: Majority says full season and renewal.

Kath and Kim

The story: A grown up moves back in with her mom and laughter ensues. Or does it?

Bbitz: I have high hopes for this show. Although the omission of the “y” enrages me a little. It’ll go a full season.

LoLo: I’m starting to reevaluate my assumption that it’s a coincidence that every character Selma Blair portrays seems semi-retarded… With some re-tooling and patience from TPTB, this could be a success, but the bad buzz doesn’t have me very hopeful.

Flipit: The other day I was sitting in traffic and there was a bus next to me emblazoned with a huge Kath and Kim ad that read “What’s paparazzi?” “It’s a pizza topping!” And then my forehead slammed into my horn and didn’t come off for a long, long time. Oy. I want this to be good so badly, but right now I’m scared for my idol, Sally O’Malley.

Dear Crabby: The poor man’s Katie Holmes, Selma Blair, makes me itch in the preview. There is something very icky about it, like when you sit on plastic diner seats on a hot day while wearing shorts and get up to use the bathroom. That sound.

Hypnotoad: One stupid phrase: LOL. If the trailer can make me laugh this hard, then it’s gold. Imported from Australia, like the yummy and violent Russell Crowe. Sadly, though, I see this show going the way of Freaks & Geeks and Arrested Development – loved by critics and hardcore fans, but not enough of a ratings-winner. One season, and that makes me want to cry. Thank god for DVDs.

Treadingonme: I refuse to believe that Molly Shannon can carry a show. This looks like it could be funny at times, but I’ve never been to Australia and don’t believe they can come up with something funny. On the upside, I hate My Name is Earl and it’s still going fairly strong, so this should make a full season because America is full of retards.

J-Mo: Reminds me too much of those abysmal 3 weeks I spent living with my mom after MY first divorce. Then again, my mom and I weren’t nearly as funny as Molly Shannon and Selma Blair (there was a lot more crying and heavy drinking going on in OUR little broken home). Hopefully this foreign import (from Australia, not Britain) fares as well as The Office.

TVgasm predicts: One rocky season, then cancellation.

America’s Toughest Jobs, NBC, August 25

The story: People compete to see who can handle the most difficult jobs in America.

Flipit: This one’s already premiered and I didn’t watch it. On purpose. Unless they are going to make thirtysomethings stoop to my level and sling cous cous and ask their dad’s for loans to pay their cable bills, I don’t wanna hear it. And in the pic above, is that a hat on the fish? I hope he gets his revenge.

J-Mo: Well, the backlash was inevitable… with so many popular gay shows (Ugly Betty, Project Runway, So You Think You Can Dance) it was only a matter of time before the hetero fellas holla’ed for the networks to butch up TVland. I hope all those super-manly male contestants don’t think they’re gonna hook up with the females on this show, cuz I think they’re both native lesbanians. If I’m going to watch big muscle men perform feats of brute strength, I prefer there to be spandex involved… Pass.


Treadingonme: Kind of like a game-show mixing Dirty Jobs with The Apprentice or something. Maybe? Discovery has an audience for this, but NBC doesn’t. 4 episodes?

Hypnotoad: Meh. It’s nothing you can’t see every hour on the Discovery or History channels. It’ll be on NBC for 6 episodes, then on Bravo for the remaining 7. If it goes to a second season, it’ll be on cable, not network.

LoLo: It’s like Ice Road Truckers, but instead of a documentary about gruff, interesting men you’ve got your typical grouping of self-entitled reality show contestants risking their lives for the big prize. Still, this is the best shot I’ve got at seeing a reality TV whore finally get maimed, so I may have to tune in for that. One season.

DearCrabby: Clearly the contestants aren’t working, otherwise how would they have the time for this? Any job is going to be tough for them. Too similar to Deadliest Catch.

TVgasm Predicts (Bbitz): The show is cheap and so is NBC, so it will finish the first season. But then it will go away.

Crusoe, NBC, October 17

The story: Robinson Crusoe retelling.

DearCrabby: Well, I adore Sam Neill and hot men on beaches, but deplore ancient times when tampons weren’t available. However, the hotness factor of the actors will keep it going awhile.

Hypnotoad: “He’s the sole survivor of a ship wreck. In a place that’s off the map . . .” Thanks for giving us the entire plot, Trailer Man. Hey, NBC – Pirates of the Caribbean is SO last year. It’s vampires now, idiots! 7 episodes aired, the full 13 on the DVD when it’s released a month after it’s cancelled.

Bbitz: This would be much better if it was “Caruso” and it was about stranding David Caruso on an island… with no sunglasses. 2 episodes tops.

J-Mo: I wonder what OTHER “devices for his comfort” Robinson came up with. And if there’s only one woman for him, does he ever have a little down-low slap & tickle with his right-hand man? Maybe.

Treadingonme: How do you make an entire show out of a book? I feel like I could read the book in a much shorter time than it would take to watch the entire season. Or maybe watch any of the 14,000,000 movies. History is boring. 6 episodes.

Flipit: First I thought this was the story of the family that lived in the tree. Then I thought it was the prequel to Robin Hood. Then I remembered that I hated being read to when I grew up so I never paid attention to Robison Crusoe the first time it was read to me and I won’t be paying attention this time, either. The preview formed eye boogars.

LoLo: I, too, at first thought this show about the Swiss Family Treehouse in Disneyworld. And you know what? I think I’d be more interested if it were. Pass.

TVgasm Predicts: Half a season.

Life and Times of Tim, HBO, Sept 28

The story: An animated comedy about a loser named Tim.

Treadingonme: This is intriguing. I thought one of the voices was Coach McGurk from Home Movies, but I was wrong, so I’m less interested now. A season is what, 6 episodes? It’s no John from Cincinatti (probably) so it should make a full season.

LoLo: Cartoons on HBO? Guess Rome really did break the bank. I don’t see this lasting more than 1 season.

Flipit: Last year, HBO’s chief executive was fired after smacking around his girlfriend outside a Vegas casino and the network’s been in a downward spiral since. This show doesn’t look like it’s gonna do much to revive it. Sad. All hope’s pinned on the vampire show. It will finish out a season because it’s probably already in the can, but then it will disappear.

Hypnotoad: HBO is in need of a new hit show, and an animated one would be a nice change of pace. But doesn’t everyone who tunes into HBO already get their neuroses fix with Curb Your Enthusiasm? Just bring back “The Comeback” already, HBO! One season.

J-Mo: Aren’t there enough badly-drawn, edgy, irreverent, topical, pop-culture-referencing zen-like cartoons about absolutely nothing on TV already? With cuter characters? No thanks.

DearCrabby: Wow, real-life flashback…totally funny and I’m laughing, but the tears are real. Viagra for careers, that’s what we need.

Bbitz: I liked this show even better when it was called “Dr. Katz”. Full season.

TVgasm predicts; One season.

True Blood, HBO, Sept 7

The story: The Japanese invent a beer to satisfy vampires so they can stop killing people and live in society. And Ana Paquin can read minds.

J-Mo: Oooh, nice parallel between the whole “vampire-prejudice” thing and gay-rights! Still, I love the premise, and all the gothic clothing. Oh, and rednecks turn me on somethin’ fierce! Looks sucky, but in a good way.


Flipit: HUH? This is from the guy who made Six Feet Under, so I’ll give it a go, but the vampires/homosexual analogy is kinda heavy handed and annoying. Like all we do is suck people off and demand to be equal to heteros. Come on HBO. We also do musicals and make clothes and design homes, k?

DearCrabby: Vampires kept down by the man! Sex! A bar called Fangtasia! Funny and yet ironically racist against the canine-teeth challenged. And the Japanese have come up with synthetic blood? That will keep the blood bank people from calling me during the holidays, thank God.

Hypnotoad: I’m distracted by music from Atonement in the trailer background. But interesting concept, sort of a Backwoods Buffy. Maybe that was the working title? Anyway, people love them some vampires, and this looks sexy enough to become a cult hit right off the bat. It’ll be around for a while, 3 or 4 seasons at least.

LoLo: A show about bloodsuckers. And no, it’s not another legal drama. Alan Ball + Anna Paquin (now equipped with a huge rack) = HBO’s best shot at a hit drama in a while. Multiple seasons.

Bbitz: Ugh. No interest in vampires whatsoever. And this has a whole “Harry Potter” craze to it. I’d say put those kids on the show and suck the life out of them but I’m pretty sure Warner Bros already has. Full season – but only one.

Treadingonme: HBO is normally good at interesting takes on played out shit. But vampires just don’t seem too intriguing to me. Also, can they still only come out at night? What if my alcohol has thinned my blood, are they less interested in it then? Like, do they feast on drunkos? Full season.

TVgasm predicts: Majority says multiple seasons.

Fringe, FOX, Sept 9

The story: Mysterious scifi show from JJ Abrams.

Hypnotoad: Yeah, a show that starts out with an airplane crash from the guy who created Lost? How dry is THAT well? But America needs a new sci-fi show, even if it’s pretty much a clone of X-Files. Conspiracy theories and MacGuffins can really drag a show down (Rambaldi artifact, Alias fans?), but if this one finds an audience quickly, it’ll be around for a couple of years. 4 seasons. Ish.

Treadingonme: There is no way this show finds an audience. If this was a movie it would fall right between monkeys infected with rage, and monkeys ruling the world. Four episodes.

DearCrabby: Uh, I won’t lie. The trailer scared the living shit out of me. I just don’t have the time to be that stressed out on a Tuesday night and believe me, there won’t be any sound sleeping after watching that show (shudder).

Bbitz: I’m excited for this since I looooove “Lost”. I’ll be furious if it sucks. Pacey + facial hair = success!!! I fear that it’ll get killed mid-season just as it’s getting good because most people “won’t get it”.

LoLo: I keep debating whether my love for Pacey will trump my squeamishness of watching this dark-and-gory looking sci-fi drama. The fact that I still have no idea what it’s about after reading up on it and watching the trailer isn’t helping, either. One season.

J-Mo: Good thing in TV fantasy land there are super-hot über-gorgeous special-ops government agents around to save us from all the evil in the world, cuz all the uggo real-life ones don’t seem to be doing such a hot job of it in the right here and now. And stop showing so many damn plane crashes and disasters, I am nervous ENOUGH when I fly!

Flipit: What’s this obsession with planes, JJ? At least try and pretend you’ve got more ideas in you. A train crash maybe? Who cares, it looks good. And the lead actress resembles Cate Blanchett. Joshua Jackson is also on board, which is scary, but it’s a scary show so that’s good, right? After a summer of The Closer and Golden Girls reruns, I am very very excited for this show. Even though it looks fairly retarded. I give it three seasons before it falls apart and everyone realizes that JJ Abrams has no plan to make sense of the mess he’s made.

Privileged, CW, Sept 9

The story: Poor girl too sweet to work for a tabloid gets a job tutoring spoiled billionaires in Palm Beach.

LoLo: No, seriously, it’s totally different than 90210 or Gossip Girl. It’s set in Florida. Hel-lo! That being said, I’ll probably watch this too. I think my TiVo is embarrassed for me. .Will survive 1st season, likely multiple.

Hypnotoad: Joanna Garcia is a sweetie, but this show . . . yikes. No one looks comfortable acting in it. Even the music in the trailer sounds B-List. The writing/character development should improve after a few episodes, but by then the audience will have lost interest. Cancelled mid-season. Joanna Garcia, we hardly knew ye.

Bbitz: Ooohh – a show about rich kids. If only there was another show of similar plot lines to compete with it. If… only. Killed after 3 episodes.

Flipit: This was the most painful preview to sit through by far. Booooooooooooo! That is all. Full season, because you really have to fuck up big for the CW to yank ya midseason.

Treadingonme: This kind of looks like LC’s life on Laguna Beach but with tutoring added. Oh, and LC wouldn’t be as rich as she is. And she would have to work her way through life. But, other than that, mirror images.

J-Mo: Wow, the thought that super-rich-girls are worried about getting into the college of their choice is such a…. stupid premise.

Dear Crabby: A Yale-educated reporter tutors Palm Beach bitches into Duke University and in return has her student loans paid off? Think Dakota Fanning trying to do the same with Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears. I was too bored to even watch the whole trailer. One upside: the tutor does get tazed, but I can get that on Cops.

TVgasm predicts:

Yanked midseason.

The Ex-List, CBS, Oct 3

The story: A psychic tells a woman she’s already met her soulmate, so the chick goes back and redates all the guys from her past.

Flipit: I have trouble believing so many guys banged a girl who looks like Elaine Bennis in a funhouse mirror. That’s harsh. Girls with giant foreheads should be allowed to be whores, too. My bad. But I’m still not watching this tripe. Yanked midseason. And I mean that as a prayer.



DearCrabby:

All I could think of was “Ava from Grey’s Anatomy! Did she get the job because of her new face? Didn’t she pee on Meredith’s couch?” Psychic tells her to get married within a year or she ends up unmarried and alone. Bitch, please, that is an AWESOME ending to any story.

J-Mo: OMG! There’s a hot girl! And she NEEDS to get MARRIED! Right NOW! BEFORE she turns 25! Or else she’ll be ALONE for-evah-evah-evah-evah… because a psychic SAID SO! And it HAS to LAST for-evah-evah-evah-evah… because she can NEVER EVER get DIVORCED! Bitch, please! This is yet another tired example of misogynistic bullshit furthering the premise that women are not fully-self-actualized unless they are in the context of marriage. Plus, your Ex’s are your Ex’s for a REASON, stupid!


Bbitz: Eh. I’m guessing it’ll be on CBS’ “ex-list” by mid-season.

Treadingonme:

She’s already met the man of her dreams?! It’s good to put stock into something a psychic tells you. That said, it’s CBS, so maybe my grandparents will watch it, as long as it’s on before 9 and there are no bare shoulders or legs exposed. No way this makes half a season, please America don’t let it happen

LoLo: Hey ladies, remember that guy you dumped because you thought you could do better? You were wrong. Fear Factor for the female 30+-and-single sect.



Hypnotoad:

Yawn. It’s a bit gimmicky, like “How I Met Your Mother,” another CBS show. But Diane Ruggiero is involved, she of the wonderful “Veronica Mars.” Oh, it’s on after Ghost Whisperer. Cancelled mid-season.

TVgasm predicts: Not a chance in hell.

Gary Unmarried, CBS, Sept 24

The story: Jay Mohr sitcom about a divorced dad trying to deal with his ex, his girlfriend, and his kids.

Bbitz: I feel like they gave Jay Mohr 100 pints of Haagen Dazs and DVD’s of “According to Jim” and told him to go write a show. What’s he gonna do with a fat ass when they can it mid-season?

Treadingonme:

I’ve seen some funny clips of this show. I assume these are the only funny scenes. Yanked midseason.

LoLo:

It’s clear from the previews why Gary’s wife had enough. I’ve only seen 2 minutes, and I’m right there with her. Pass. The same idiots who keep Two and a Half Men so high in the ratings will ensure this survives multiple seasons.

DearCrabby: I love Jay Mohr and him explaining “tapping that” to his son is excellent. Better than Two and Half Men because it only has One and a Half. More economical.

Flipit:

This show looks truly sucky. The end. It will probably run longer than Cheers.

Hypnotoad:

Jay Mohr. Playing a dad. Need I say more? Be honest: All I needed to say was Jay Mohr, right? Cancelled after 5 episodes, perhaps the first casualty of the season.

TVgasm predics: Midseason casualty.

Eleventh Hour, CBS, Oct 9

The story (lifted from IMDB):

A government scientist and his attractive counterpart try to save people from deadly scientific experiments.

Flipit: The preview was about digging up mass graves of aborted fetuses. Uh…busy. And I’m getting a little sick of “is he an asshole? Is he insane? Who cares? He’s a brilliant detective!” Lame lame lame. And I am sure I will be forced to watch it whenever I go visit my crime show obsessed mother in TX. Full season, as there are a lot of crime show obsessed mothers in America who can only fall asleep if the sounds of someone getting killed are blaring out of their TV sets. At least that’s what I tell myself.

Hypnotoad:

Oy, Marc Blucas, he’s kind of like tofu – you have to surround him with a good cast to make him interesting. Wow, this trailer is only one minute long and I’m completely not interested. In the battle of sci-fi shows, Fringe will come out on top. Not renewed for a second season.

DearCrabby: David Caruso-like arrogant, douchey asshole investigates cloning and has to explain DNA in the trailer of the show…dipshit, I’ve seen CSI: Every City in the US and Virgin Islands, I know what the hell DNA is. I’m only interested if they change the title to Cloning Clooney.

J-Mo: He blinded me with science (doot-doot-doot)! Science! Looks so close to the X-Files that it makes me want them to just bring back the X-Files! And Thomas Dolby!

Bbitz:

I’m thoroughly confused as to wtf this show is about. So I’ll say it’ll last a full season.

Treadingonme:

This is one of those shows that’s supposedly suspenseful. But to me it just seems boring. Also this character seems kind of in the vain of House, only less captivating. And less genius. That said, this may have the meat to get through a full season. Ha. Meat.

LoLo: Another dark sci-fi drama, and this one doesn’t even have any eye candy. Pass. But it will have a full season.



TVgasm predicts: One season.

Life on Mars, ABC, October 9

The story: A detective gets hit by a car and wakes up in 1972.



Flipit: Then he starts having key parties with his neighbors and sending love notes to the chick from Deadwood. If you want to do a series about cops not needing DNA evidence or warrants you could have just shot at Guantanamo. Still, this show looks pretty interesting and the star is FINE. Full season and then death because it’s too nuts.



LoLo:

If I ever get run over and survive only to be stuck in 1972, please someone do me a favor and finish the job. This remake of a British hit could be horrible or awesome, but either way I won’t be watching. For an 80s child like me, the 70s are so old news. Will survive the 1st season, unsure after that.

Hypnotoad: WTF? Fascinating, kitschy, perhaps too mired in the “old-school” ways of the 70s, though. It’ll be critically-praised, have a rabid cult following . . . and be cancelled after one season, of which the last episode will totally be a cliffhanger.

DearCrabby: Police officer gets hit by car and “travels” back in time to 1972 where he ends up looking like Steve McQueen (score!) but has to explain DNA testing when it hasn’t been invented (boo!). Sucks to be you, dude, except for all the tail you’re gonna get. Don’t hit Ali McGraw this time, it’s just not nice.

J-Mo:

Wow, interesting premise. Look how silly everything was in the 70′s! This might be fun, if it doesn’t get too convoluted and people stop caring.

Bbitz:

Boring. Should have sent him back to the 20′s. We already have a “70′s” show swinging around. And TV needs more flappers anyways. Killed mid-season.

Treadingonme:

I am of the firm belief that since about 2005 ABC has been marketing all of its dramas to women and gay men. This show seems to marginally diverge with this marketing strategy, and yet, I just can’t get interested in a 70′s cop show. Eight episodes.

TVgasm Predicts: We couldn’t get a majority vote on this one, so we’ll go out on a limb and say one season.

My Own Worst Enemy, NBC, Oct 13

The story: Christian Slater in a remake of Jekyll and Hyde.



DearCrabby: Christian Slater as two different personalities: Wimpy, Wimpy, Wimpy, and Kaiser Soze. I think we dated, didn’t we?

J-Mo:

I would never, ever, EVER let that wackjob Christian Slater near a gun… even a fake one. Then again, schizophrenics need their heroes, too…

Bbitz:

Christian Slater x 2 = 1/2 as bright. Dumbest idea ever. I give it one episode.

Treadingonme:

Christian Slater is one person. No, wait, two. No, wait, who cares? Half a season.

LoLo:

I wish I could blame the bruises I find every morning on some secret operative alter ego – but no, I just get drunk and bump into shit. This show’s getting a lot of buzz because of Christian Slater, and even though I think he’s kind of a goof, I’ll give it a shot. Multiple seasons.

Hypnotoad:

It’s a network show that wants to be a cable show – the worst kind, if you ask me. Christian Slater is looking pretty tasty, though. People like action. It’ll make it to a second season, but just barely.

Flipit: Perfect title for a Christian Slater show. It will last if he doesn’t snort up the entire set.

TVgasm predicts:

One season.

Knight Rider, NBC, Sept 24

Hypnotoad: Yeah, NBC – because The Bionic Woman worked out really well. The 80s renaissance is over. It’s all about the 90s now. Wake me up when it’s time for Family Matters – The Next Generation. Plus, it’s a freaking talking car. One season.



Flipit: Knight Rider brought us David Hasselhoff, and David Hasselhoff brought us, well, the world. I just hope this Justin Breuning guy shows up in twenty years on a home video made by his daughters wasted in his underwear eating a hamburger off the floor.



DearCrabby: They didn’t hassle the Hoff, and sadly, the car gets the best dialogue. Will go the way of Bionic Woman.



Treadingonme: Will Arnett was signed on to do the voice of KITT, and then he was contractually obligated to Chevy or something so he couldn’t do it. So, fuck this show.

LoLo:

Hey, I have 90210 and you have Knight Rider. Unnecessary remakes for everyone! One season.

TVgasm predicts:

One season.

The Mentalist, CBS, Sept 23

The story: A handsome detective who solves crimes with, get this, his MIND.



Bbitz: That guy is HOT. And just a lil’ smarmy. If he keeps his shirt off I’ll give it a full season.

Treadingonme:

I have no interest in any shows on CBS. This can’t compare with Dexter, and I guarantee you I won’t watch a second of it. One season.

LoLo:

Not only has CBS stolen this premise straight from the USA show Psych, but they’ve cast the cheesiest bastard on earth in the leading role. Congratulations, The Mentalist, you’re my pick for worst new show. Yanked by midseason – CBS’s desperate airing of promos doesn’t make them look too confident.

Hypnotoad:

There was a Brita commercial before the trailer. I thought it was the show. Hee. The show is not about water filtration, but about a criminal expert. Just what CBS needs – another show about crime scenes and catching criminals. People will eat this shit up with a spoon. It’ll make it to the second season, after that, god only knows.

Flipit: A detective using his observation skills to solve murders? That shit is wack and would never happen in real life. I was impressed when he decided a dead guy was gay because he’d had a pedicure. Fucking brilliant, Mentalist. Brilliant. Still, people love this crap. Multiple seasons. And also I have already started using the title in everyday talk. “Smooth move, mentalist.” Thanks, Simon Baker!

DearCrabby:

Poor Simon Baker…acting jobs just haven’t been the same since you gave a blow job to the fictional mayor in LA Confidential and ended up dead. I like you, but your agent sucks. As do the writers, given the pathetic scene promoted in the trailer. Still cute, though.

J-Mo:

A quirky, super-smart detective who notices the minute things nobody else does. Sounds fun. Like “Monk”… and “Cracker”… and “Columbo”… and “Ellery Queen”…

TVgasm predicts:

Either four episodes or four seasons. You heard us.

Worst Week, CBS, Sept 22

The story: Clumsy guy having, well, a bad week.



Treadingonme: See: Gary Unmarried



Bbitz: Is this a documentary about the first week of Christian Slater’s show? 2 episodes.



Flipit: Wacky guy in a towel on the poster. And… the channel is already changed. Bad Sitcom. But it’s after Two and a Half Men so it will still be on the air when the Asian babies I adopt in five years graduate from highschool.



J-Mo:

Hmmm, the Book Of Job brought to life as a TV series? I have enough misery in my real life, thank you…

LoLo:

…and that’s about how long this show will be on the air.

Hypnotoad:

It’s only a week? So, if it makes it past 7 episodes, will they have to change the title? “Worst Bi-Weekly Ever?” What is it with gimmicky shows? It looks okay and safe, which is what CBS likes. But gimmicks don’t make for long-lasting shows. Pulled mid-season.

Hole in the Wall, FOX, Sept 11

The story: Human Tetris Gameshow that’s “sweeping the nation”.

Hypnotoad:

How the hell has this been “sweeping the nation” if it hasn’t even started? And why does the trailer look like something made for SNICK in 1994? Are they airing it after Roundhouse and Are You Afraid of the Dark? Screw it – give me Double Dare and cancel this shit. Yanked mid-season.

DearCrabby: Human Tetris. You have to see it to believe it. I like it in theory, but after like the 3rd episode, isn’t it just the same thing? People getting bashed into a swimming pool? I see that in the kiddie pool at the Y. And it’s more fun there because of all the wagering.

Flipit:

Dumb people getting walls slammed into them. I love it. Five years.

J-Mo:

Just when you thought Deal Or No Deal was the epitome of talent-free game-shows.

Bbitz:

I don’t know why… BUT I LOVE THIS SHOW. I’ll watch that fat kid get nailed over and over. Something tells me this show is gonna be huge. People will have those wall-pushers installed in their home pools just in time for next summer. Forever.

Treadingonme:

Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader is a success, and I have a feeling this will be too. Full season order, syndication by Summer 2009.

LoLo:

It’s hardly appointment-television, but if you need something to make you chuckle after a long day, watching people get hit in the face by a wall should do the trick. Human Tetris rocks.

TVgasm predicts: The majority says this show will be on forever, but we all hope Hypnotoad is right.

Dollhouse, FOX, January

The story: Secret agents are brainwashed and retrained to be whoever they need to be to get the job done.

J-Mo:

Where is Barbie? And Midge? And Skipper? They’re just as plastic.

Bbitz:

OMG! A show about pretty people whose brains are wiped clean as they go from playing one character to another. HOW COULD THEY EVER COME UP WITH THIS IDEA IN HOLLYWOOD!?!? 1 episode since it’ll require acting capabilities beyond their pay grade.

Treadingonme:

This is, what, the 23rd show FOX has put around Eliza Dushku? FAIL. Nothing personaly Eliza. 3 episodes.

Flipit:

Elisha Dushku is programmed to forget all about Tru Calling, bang an old guy, and sleep in swimming pools. I’m onboard! This show will make it for at least two seasons.

Hypnotoad:

Love Joss Whedon. Love Eliza Dushku. Love Eliza Dushku even more when she’s kickin’ ass! Could this be the new Alias? But even more important: Will James Marsters join the cast and walk around with his shirt off? It’ll make it to season 2, because the networks love them some Whedon. But by a thread, and after that, it’ll be iffy. Shame. Looks like damn fun.

DearCrabby: Paying robots to do what you want, sort of an I,Robot meets West World. Uh, I need one in a Clooney, please. And no malfunctioning!

LoLo:

One of the only original-sounding new shows for this year, Buffy’s Joss Whedon is the creative force behind this sci-fi thriller. Unlike Fringe and Eleventh Hour, this one doesn’t give off a creepy vibe, and it stars one of my girl-crushes, Eliza Dushku. I’ll be waiting for this one’s January debut! Multiple seasons.

TVgasm predicts:

Two seasons.

Stylista, CW, Oct 22

The story: The creators of America’s Next Top Model and Project Runway bring us The Devil Wears Prada, reality style. Winners get a job at Elle Magazine.

J-Mo: Cool, CW finally gets their own “Project Runway” meets “The Devil Wears Prada” knockoff brand… looks cheap and diluted just like real knockoff brands. Zzzzzz.

Bbitz:

I’d like it with Meryl Streep better. Only this time they let her carry a bat instead of hand bags. Full season.

Treadingonme:

The CW seems like a pretty solid network for a show to get a full season and still go under the radar. That said, this seems like one of the more well thought out ideas they’ve had. Also, it’s basically a copy of any of the thousands of design shows out there already, so if it’s not broken, why try to modify it at all to present people with alternative options? That’s right, don’t.

LoLo: Tyra Banks’ quest for world domination continues in this reality show she’s executive producing. But if watching people fetch lattes is the best she can come up with, perhaps it’s time to let people feel her boobs again.

Hypnotoad:

Are there any people bitchier than fashion people? No, there are not. People love bitches, bitches! Water cooler fodder for fashionistas. One season at least.

Flipit: There’s a fat girl competing! I will tune in just to watch her win. She better win, or else I’m gonna get off my couch and march right down to El….wait. I don’t get off my couch, I don’t march, and fat people don’t get hired at Elle. Booooo Stylista! It will go for four seasons.

TVgasm predicts:

full season with renewal.

Thanks for joining us, guys! What are your predictions?