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Thursday, February 2, 2012
10:00 pm
41 Comments
Tagged: flipit, funny, Lifetime, mylifetime, project runway, recap, spoof, TV, tvgasm
Previously on Project Runway All Stars, a piece of toast got split ends, …
Ding! She’s ready! Seriously. She’s ready. Someone get her out of the toaster before she…too late.
…Austin Scarlett O’Scare used ribbon and horizontal stripes to further him down the path of being a drag king, …
Remember when androgyny used to be cut and dry?
… and Guest Judge VonToast crowned Chunk the winner in the second fat themed challenge in a row.
Close your mouth. You didn’t win a wedding cake.
We open this week in Central Park, where some kids are about to enter some sort of alien force field pod or some shit.
They’re heeeere! Who cares? The world ending doesn’t mean we can’t spend the rest of the hour concentrating on terrible clothes and fake mustaches.
The only one who looks terrified is, of course, the ever wide eyed Angela HideMe Lindvall.
AAAAH! Aliens! Grass! Trees! Children! Sun! Air! Cue cards! AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!
The challenge is to use a muse to create something not horrible. Mila scans the park with her cross eyed Boris and Natasha glare, sure she’ll win this the second Bullwinkle shows up.
Tumult inspiiiirrres me, dahlink.
The muse will have to be somewhere in the park, and they’ll have to convince the sucker to give them the clothes off their back. I predict Scarlett will run straight to the Brambles and steal the leather chaps and dog collar right off a horny German tourist.
Flamíngay Anthony is super happy about this one, because “I’ve taken sooo many daggers for havin’ a personality,” and now his personality will help him get terrible patterns to fold into bizarre shapes. Who’s been mean to him for having a personality? Girl, your personality is what keeps you on this show. And your adorable thirteen year old budding breasts, of course. Puberty is one of those human experiences that unites us all.
Janky Janx can’t believe it. She wears other people’s clothing all the time, but it’s usually thrown away first. Jerell the hobosexual raises his hand and asks if scarves from trash cans count. No. SadwhylieIneedabeer horns. My prediction about horny Scarlett seems to be coming true. At least that’s what his boner says. Tape that shit down, boygirl!
I’m not signing for that package until I know wth it is.
Mila runs right up to the first person she sees in color blocked clothes. LOL!! She’s smart. Can’t wait to to see what she’s gonna do with the bandanna collar.
Flamíngay notices that Mila has suddenly found a personality. Flam is always himself! Yes, Mila’s personality is questionable. But chances are, it won’t get her beat up in a frat bar.
You inspire me to make a hairy milk carton with fingerpaint on it. Now strip.
Flam pitches stripping to a farm lady working the market easily, and she’s thrilled to meet someone from TV. And possibly her first black person. She looks territhrilled.
Oprah, you’re so much more energetic in person. GIVE ME A MINIVAN!
Not surprisingly, Kenley and Rami can’t get anything. Kenley says people are literally scared of her. LOL. Hobosexual tries, but people just throw cigarette butts at him and snarl “GET A JOB.” Chunk is depressed. Mostly that it’s the first challenge in awhile that hasn’t revolved around calories. Poor guy. He’ll probably make a big hot dog or a bag of scented nuts.
Kenley finally finds someone wearing a fifties looking blouse and begs her for it. Hobo is right behind her to work his magic in case she fails.
Kenley’s bored mom muse is wearing black and white stripes. Scarlett’s poor person muse is wearing black and white stripes. Mila’s tranny color blocked muse is wearing black and white stripes. Mondo’s Asian muse is wearing black and white stripes. Jesus. The producers are actually making an effort to come up with creative challenges this season and these fuckers are still gonna end up making the same thing over and over again. I would just ask Mondo for his shirt. It’s frightening and hilarious at the same time, which is a recipe for a WIN!
Why is your shirt decapitating you?
I think Mondo’s the first person to ever ask this girl to take her clothes off.
I’m happy to report that Janky is finally earning her keep with this challenge.
Wedding bells ring when Chunk finds his girl. I don’t know what he plans on doing with this, but if he’s planning on making some amazing strained yogurt, he’s on the right path. He says “bells were ringing. Chickens were hatching. Jesus came back.” HAHAHA
You’ll like, give me like money for this? It’s a holey sock I picked up off the floor and threw on. But yay like me like!
Flamíngay has a bag full of clothes, so he has time to beat Janky in the hot guy race. Poor Janky can’t even win in that game.
Finally. All this working out has led to something good happening in my life. WHERE’S MY MINIVAN!?
Woops. Sorry. I pressed pause too soon. This guy is hot, but his underwear is a warning that he’s not healthy. Unleaded would be a much safer choice.
How do people look like this? HOW?! Scarlett got the hunk’s phone number. I hope we get to see him dial it and find out it’s the number to the free clinic.
The designers head over to mood. Hobosexi isn’t buying one piece of fabric. He found some thrown away underwear, a Gelson’s plastic bag, and a stained bra in the park dumpster and using anything else would be heresy on a “Use What You Dig Out of the Trash” challenge. Buying new fabric “would be puttin’ your baby in a bear trap. Why would you do that?” To trap a bear? Cuz babies are expensive? Cuz I couldn’t afford an abortion? I don’t know. What an odd question.
Janky gets three dollars from her fellow competitors to check out. Is that fair? Dramatic music is playing so I feel like I should care. Back at the workroom, Mondo tells us this challenge is right up his alley because he always shops from thrift stores. I find it hard to believe, don’t you?
The real shock is that any of this was bought first hand.
Flamíngay is making hot pants. No one seems to get it. We do, though, because what the hell else would he make to honor this muse?
Chunk has been all positive and fun because he’s been winning. Today he’s back to his mopey self. He’s realized he’s stolen a doily off a bimbo and he doesn’t even have a decent milkshake to set down on it.
I shoulda just gone wit da hot dog idea.
The next morning, Hagatha Coffee comes in to check on progress. Central Park is her fave place to find inspiration. Just look at the joy on her face as she thinks about it.
She starts off with Mondo and asks him fascinating questions like “Can you win this?” Unfortunately, she fails to ask why he’s got a lockbox over his belly button. I’m sure there are some really dark stories there that would bring some tears.
Free the lint!
Hobosexual’s muse had a plastic cup half full of nickels and boobs down to her knees, which has inspired him to make a Matador Bikini. I wish the muses had to wear these outfits.
Hagatha saunters over to Scarlett and snarls “Who on EARTH would give YOU theiah clothes??!?!?” HAHAHAH! It’s all in the glued on mustache, hon. Try it.
Flamíngay is having major trouble with his piece. Hagatha is having trouble understanding what the fuck he’s saying. You know she got back into the elevator and immediately googled “beezeeness”.
Chunk is all whiny and mopey, and his creation is pretty sad. He needs to buck up and just pretend they’re all food challenges. Yes, technically it’s about finding a muse, but there’s no reason he couldn’t find someone in a shirt the color of a tootsie roll and just gone with that.
The models come in for fittings, and Scarlett says that Hobo’s work is the most tasteless thing he’s ever seen in his life. LOL. Coming from the man in Justin Bieber hair and an ascot. That said, he’s not wrong.
Hobo thinks he’s gonna win. LOVE THIS SHOW. Flamíngay has only come up with crap after crap after crap, so he starts all over and finally gets somewhere. It doesn’t seem to make him feel better, though, cuz the next morning he is ready to strangle Kenley. “If a black person says you too loud, you too loud.” HAHAHAH! Cut to Kenley squealing and screaming and cackling. Turns out she’s trying to clear the room so she can finish Janky’s pants with no one looking.
Chunk runs right into the sewing room to tattle tale to Mila, who of course gets pissed. She doesn’t like that Kenley is walking around the room giving everyone advice. I like it, though, because it means Kenley’s finally coming out of her c word shell! YAAAAY! The return of Petty Page! Montage of Petty giving everyone her unrequested cents. The best part is “If he disrespects you, throw a cat in his face.”
Hair and makeup time! YAY! SMOKE BREAK!
Time for the runway! The guest judge is Sean Avery: hockey player and Vogue intern. Huh? When did hockey players stop beating people up? This guy should be missing all his teeth. Teeeerible plugs, but love the glasses. Flamíngay starts making fun of him right away.
Chunk is up first with a nice comfy pair of pajamas for Wonder Woman. Linda Carter sleeps too, people.
He’s given his model a tragic ass, which I always approve of.
Scarlett O’Scare looks like the sling twink appetizer at a leather daddy Sunday brunch.
Make sure you try the fritters when they’re done group fisting you, ya freak.
His work is very Jackie O, if she’d been a biker bitch. I was kidding about him running to the brambles and ripping the leather off a public sex loving muse, but I wasn’t far off.
Jackie Woah
Janky’s pants look nice, so thanks Kenley! The rest not so much. You should never send your model down the runway in a boob sling, no matter how much pain said boob is in. Fashion eats the weak. Ok they don’t eat them. Hate them?
Not sure what Mila was going for. She’s got her black and white thing again, but the sloppy t-shirt and ill fitting vest? Why? The tranny looked better. The leggings are for people who want to work out but keep falling down. Built in kneepads are an idea no one should get behind. Well, maybe Scarlett.
Hobosexi’s work looks like a casino merger.
Rami’s blouse is pretty because it’s draped, but he can’t seem to do much else. He used to make such cool things. It just further proves my point that working out makes you less talented.
Kenley has made another fifties secretary wishing she were a housewife dress.
Flamíngay’s piece is a vast improvement on what he had to begin with, but it’s still bad. I don’t know who taught him the “fold every piece of fabric you can” technique, but they should be reprimanded. Her waist looks like a towel rack. Is that a swimming cap?
An homage to Heidi’s birth canal.
Mondo turned his dork’s dress into skorts and added a jacket made from stuff he bought from mood. Weak! Like the VonToast hair, though. Too bad she’s not here tonight.
The jacket opens to reveal a bikini top. I’d show you, but I figure no one reading these recaps cares about boobs. Well, except itchy. Sorry itch! They were mosquito bites, if that helps.
Chunk, Scarlett, Mondo, Flamíngay, Hobo and Rami are kept on the runway. Hobo didn’t escape!! I can’t believe it. Maybe it just needed some plastic jewels glued to it. His work is bad, but it’s not worse than any of the other dreck he’s walked this season. The judges start with Rami. They compliment his pushups.
No one’s loving Chunk’s slutty look. Eyesack says that Hobo’s model looks like she should be in the Lion King. HA. He adds that the model looks like she has a big unsexy stomach. Hockey says that’s mean and then adjusts his balls. Mondo’s work is loved. Even the zitty back showcase.
It’s time to stop being ashamed of steroid use.
They even love the giant vagina tribute.
You gotta love that the vagina points to the cornhole. Gay guys.
Flamíngay’s work is called beautiful, but he didn’t use enough street clothes and kinda ignored the challenge. Scarlett’s look is a bit over done, but still good.
In alone time, the judges repeat themselves a bunch, but Hobo’s look is called exciting. HAHAHAHAH! WHAT?!?!? Mondo wins!! The bottom two are Chunk and Flamíngay. NOOOOO! I’m upset either way. Flam’s out!! On a personality challenge! WHY GOD WHY?!?! So sad. Chunk fake sobs like a Housewife, and Flam consoles him by being grateful for his fabulous shoes. LOL. On his way out, he says he’ll miss being here and is kinda sad that his goal of not forever being known just as the woman who gave her entire audience free mini vans wasn’t reached, but he’ll continue folding and smiling. I’ll miss you, buddy!
Next week, the Hobo of all people accuses someone of stealing from him. Is it a cardboard box challenge? See you then!
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41 Comments
Am I the first to comment?? Yay me! This epi sucked. I looooooove Flamingay!!! I can’t stand Hobo or anything he’s made this season. How is he never in the bottom 2??
And what is up with that Angela? Didn’t they screen-test her before hiring her? She’s awful. My 9 yr old daughter walked into the room the other day when I was watching this and said, “Mom, is there something wrong with that lady?” Hahaha
Was there product placement for something called “The clothes off their back” this episode, or what? Jesus, how many times did they say that?
I haven’t read this yet, but couldn’t wait for the recap to come up so I could comment. How in the HELL did Hobo not go home for that pile of shit he threw on his model???? The producers FINALLY give us an episode full of Flamingay, only to rip him away from us??? What a waste of an entertaining, talented guy. Reallysadanddisappointed horns.
And I STILL don’t get the Chub love by the judges – this season or his last. Would love an explanation….
@S-Natch and other Flamingay lovers: the only reason Jerell survived with that odious outfit was because Flamingay didn’t follow the rules and didn’t include enough of the materials retrieved from the streets. Because they didn’t give him a critique, and they focused on him solely this episode, he got the boot. It was heavy-handed foreshadowing, but expected. I love Flamingay as much as anybody, but his ouster was his own fault.
Also, S-Natch, I don’t get the Chub love, either. I don’t respect people who play the low self-esteem card in an effort to garner sympathy, although they are talented and don’t need to beg for compliments (like he did with both Diane Von Furstenberg and that Australian model). He makes me sick. Especially last night, when he was crying more than Flamingay and Flaming comforted him. I kept thinking “Bitch, please! This is the Flame’s moment!”
@Derek – I know you are right about it being Flamingay’s fault, but they’ve overlooked people not sticking with the challenge in the past, so I was hopeful.
Also, in re: Chub – Word.
Okay, I know it was flamingay’s but I didn’t want him to go! Maybe someone will cry like a little girl and quit so he can come back. Bring him back!!
Chunk is definitely grating on my nerves, even more than Kenley! Maybe because they haven’t really focused on her yet. And hobosexual really needs to go. I need to start a write in campaign to bring Anthony back!!
Flamingay pretty much maxed out the Fabulous-O-Meter last night, so I’d had quite enough of his act and wasn’t sorry to see girlfriend GTFO.
But I agree, hobo sucked and really lost much bigger than Flamingay. And I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, Chunk just isn’t strong enough for the rigors of high fashion. If he loses, he’ll die of a broken heart. If he wins, he’ll cry until dehydration takes him.
I didn’t know WHAT to make of that hockey player… is he really known in the fashion world, or did he–as I suspect–lose a bet with a teammate?
I didn’t understand the critiques of not being able to envision any woman wearing certain outfits. That’s true of 99% of what gets made on this show.
And Chunk’s underwear looks pretty much like what Carrie Bradshaw stumbled down the runway wearing more than a decade ago…except Carrie’s ugly undies were sparkly.
But how the Hell did Hobosexual get to stay? Are the judges all drunk? They must be if they thought that model’s stomach was “big.”
I found it hilarious Chunk made Flamingay’s exit all about Chunk.
Maybe the judges will find out Jank didn’t do her own work, boot her, and Flamingay can make another triumphant return.
I could get behind Anthony leaving for not following the “terms of the challenge” ie – making 50% of the outfit out of the street clothes, if several others hadn’t gotten away with that as well. No way was Kenley’s dress 50% street clothes (just the yoke and wasteband were) and Rami’s shirt and shorts were all store bought materials, just trimmed in his street stuff.
Regardless of that thought, how the hell is Jerrel not out? His outfit (if you can even call it that) was awful.
* that should be ‘waistband’
No…wasteband was more appropriate.
I also wondered how much of the “off their back” fabric was used by the others as well. I could tell Anthony would be in trouble (sigh), especially since he didn’t even put the fabric on the model at all. But I couldn’t spot much borrowed material in some of the others, either.
The other shared thought: is it possible something would happen to bring Ant back THIS season, too? That would be sooo ironic.
If we think Kenley and Janxy cheated, who goes? One? Both? Or did they show us all that for nothing? So many questions. I can’t wait to find out.
Did they get to wash the clothes before using them for their new creation?
These are things that keep me awake at night.
Aw, I’ll miss Flamingay. “When a black person tells you you’re loud, you’re too loud!” Maybe they’ll just have him narrate the show from the great beyond.
Gawd, Hobo makes the ugliest crap ever! Can’t wait for him to be gone.
Funny recap as always, Flipit!
Flipit, I laugh so much with your recaps! Thank you!
I can’t believe those clothes! They’re all horrible! Are you sure that wasn’t the “People of Walmart” challenge?!
MILA!!!! <3
That is all
@cattyfan, I wondered about whether the clothes were washed also. But if you think that is keeping you up at night, imagine how the poor models feel. Are we sure that model’s skin problems existed before she put on used, possibly disgusting clothes? I wonder if the models found out when we did. Ewwwwww!
Love the recaps! I’m w/ Val on the “People of Walmart” challenge *.*
Did Flamingay’s hot guy have a boner? Or was his junk just like that? HOw is Jerrell not gone?
Great recap Flipit!
Anthony needs his own show ASAP. The scene where he talked the hot guy out of his pants was the best thing that has ever happened on this show! I think Anthony’s show should feature him walking around offering random people makeovers. Tim Gunn should be his co-host because I love them together.
I really don’t understand how Hobo is still there, his outfit was horrible. I also don’t understand how Anthony was disqualified, yet Kenley and Rami didn’t seem to have 50% “off the back” materials in thier final products. I guess Anthony should have made a short jumper instead.
flipit – you are my a-muse. Now take off your pants.
I wondered about the washing a couple of seasons ago when the designers were pulled out of bed and had to make something out of their sleepwear and Burt had to use his boxers. All I could think about when I saw that dress was that the models boobs were all up in Burt’s business.
@Flipit no matter how I start out feeling you always make me end up LMAO!
And today I started out feeling annoyed. Flamingay’s 1 of my favorites.
But as that line about if I know 1 thing it’s how to keep the rules of a challenge came out of his mouth, I started getting a bad feeling.
Here’s what you missed FFing thru hair and makeup: Chunk told them he wanted SJP circa 1999 meets 2002, but futuristic.
And thank you for my new vocabulary word sling twink appetizer. I’ve already got lots of useful everyday sentences planned for it.
Am I the only one who doesn’t understand how what Kenley made qualifies as clothes? It may be the ugliest thing ever and thats saying a lot with the fug abounding this week! Her clothes are always so meh, and she hasn’t even let the bitch out. I guess we’ll get one good satisfying episode of her the week she’s finally cut.
Finally! A chance to merge my useless hockey knowledge with Project Runway recaps. Yes, Sean Avery is sort of a “fashion” person. He DID do an internship with Vogue and he has done some photo shoots. He’s not that hot tho, so I don’t know why. However, he is a douche of the highest degree. He got kicked off my Dallas Stars a few years back for talking trash about an ex girlfriend that was dating another hockey player using the ever pleasant “sloppy seconds” term. He got picked up by the NY Rangers but by the time this epi aired he had already been released. He got released the game before the big Winter Classic game so he didn’t get to play in the outdoor game. Karma!! There is an “Avery Rule” in hockey that was put in place from what this douche did during a game vs NJ. It was pretty funny tho. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bb4WaZMVtyE There you go, notwithoutmy tv… hope this helps!
So upset Flamingay is gone. Sad horns. Ugh Hobo’s ‘outfit’ was just fug.
Is it cheating to help someone else or just frowned upon?
I guess I’m in the minority regarding what’s-her-name…the host; I kinda like her. BUT, I would shove the bitch out the back door without a second thought if Anthony – AKA Flamingay – would take over hosting duties. THAT would turn this shitty season into a real winner. Let’s pitch it to Lifetime!
One tear is slowly trailing down my cheek for the loss of Flamingay. His departure was made worse by how hilarious he was during the episode. I liked Jerell in comparison to the other people his season but that “Coming to America” outfit was atrocious and everyone knew it.
How is Kenley oblivious to the fact that people hate her?
Although her personality does suck, Kenley’s personal “style” is what really bothers me about her. The thick/too short bangs, the bright red lipstick, the unflattering clothes that are meant to be “pin-up-y” (but arent sexy),the pasty skin….*sigh*. This “style” has been overdone for about 7yrs now, and it is very hard for most chicks to pull-off. It’s unoriginal, and men do not find it sexy at all. Unless you’re Deeta Von Teese or Katy Perry, remove the high-waisted bottoms from your closet, get some layers cut in your hair, and pay a visit to your local MAC makeup counter for some lip colors that actually go with different color schemes.
Hated to see the little man go! Not feeling the Stuck Her Hand in a Socket surprised looking host and agree that Anthony would make a great one! Why do all of Kenley’s dresses look as if they were made for Minnie Mouse?? Mila’s models always look like they’re wearing cereal boxes. Kara is Just. Too. Weird. Michael, Rami and Mondo’s clothes don’t always scare me. Hobo keeps making the same thing. And Austin – I supposed there’s a place somewhere in this world for him. Too funny about it being the People from Walmart challenge!
I am not liking the “inquiring readers want to know” slant of the mentoring from Hagatha. It feels really scripted. I guess Tim’s job is harder than it looks.
Also, what bothers me most about Kenley’s “look” is those little black Keds she always wears. She’s too old and her legs are too big (not to mention the pronated ankles) to rock the pinup/adolescent look anymore.
>>>>>>BUT, I would shove the bitch out the back door without a second thought if Anthony – AKA Flamingay – would take over hosting duties. THAT would turn this shitty season into a real winner. Let’s pitch it to Lifetime!<<<<<
This show hosted by Flamingay would be the only entertainment offered in hell.
Would someone PLEASE remove Kenley’s adneiods? Preferably without anesthesia. I still don’t understand what Jerrell is doing there.
Love me some Anthony. Miss him already.
Well, if I were a judge, Hobo would have won. Just sayin’.
They really really want Mondo to win. I think they still feel guilty about what happened on his season. Personally, I’d like to see him turned into a comic strip character. He’d need one of those propellor beanies, which would look great with his permanent five o’clock shadow and spaghetti arms. Oh, and the douchebag tattoos.
@catty – I think they meant it was a big swatch of skin showing, which happened to be her stomach, not that her stomach was big.
LOL!! Thank you, Flipit for the great recap and the man candy. I go to Central Park and all I get is hit on my homeless guys. Maybe I should hang out with Flaminggay now that he is gone
Kenley’s dress was the only one I liked and now I am pissed to have to say that. How did Hobo get a pass? Somewhere there is a shelter watching this show and rooting for him.
And thanks to Chunk for his stirring performance in the off broadway production of “It’s all about me!” Could you let Flaminggay have his moment? That way, with the focus on him, you could have finished what was on the buffet table. Queen…
Thank you Catty and FanAnn for voicing what I thought. It just made my skin itch to think of those clothes fresh off of someones body on the models. Skeeve!!
I really hate Chunk, but interestingly enough its not because of this season. I’m feeling lingering hated for him that most likely originated from his 1st season but I can’t remember why lol. I know I watched at least some of his season but I can’t recall anything about it. Is he the one that got busted for making a knockoff of a popular designer’s red carpet wear but got to stay anyway? Is that why I hate him?
I feel like Chunk was just channeling his inner Wretchen. He made pretty much the same gross, drab, baggy, granny hot pants that she won with on their season. I’m not sure why he chose to do that…I’m sure he knows (like everyone else knows) that those hot pants were atrocious and absolutely unwearable.
Hobosexual officially has the dick-sucking game on lock, to be making all these hideous clothes and still be getting off scotch-free (shout out to Janelle’s lawyer). If anyone needed those kneepad pants that Mila made, it’s him, not Austin.
Sad about Flamingay, but my heart will go on and on.
I was also skeeved about the clothes not being washed…I don’t know if ya’ll have been in New York in the summer, but most of the time, it feels like the city was wrapped in a blanket and then nestled firmly beneath Satan’s balls. All those clothes would have been covered in sweat and deodorant and sunscreen, as well as skin cells and hair. And patchouli from the hippies. *shudders*
@fancyface, I thought that was Kenley. She stole a dress from Alexander McQueen and I want to say Balenciaga, and then pretended like she had never heard of them before.
Aaaaaaaaah…