Everything Auf’d is New Again

I first must apologize for the lateness of my recap. Normally I would come up with the usual “I was procrastinating” or “my real job got in the way” type excuses, but not this week. The reason I am late recapping the latest episode of Project Runway is because I spent Friday AT Project Runway. As any fan of the show knows, the big fashion show at New York’s Fashion Week was Friday, and thanks to our friends at BAWLS energy drink, I, as well as lucky TVgasm reader OD-TV, got VIP seats to the Project Runway fashion show. I went from writing about Laura, Uli, and Michael in my apartment wearing nothing but my underwear to actually watching them in person in my underwear. Granted, I had stuff on over my underwear, but the effect was the same. As to what I saw, who I met and what it was like, I’ll have that post up soon, but for now let’s concentrate on the episode at hand. After all, it was not without its requisite surprises. The show starts as always with everyone recovering from the recent loss. Vincent’s gone and it’s the final 5. At this point they really don’t care either way, and since Vincent wasn’t well liked, it just rolls off their backs. Laura however is still reeling from her review on the runway; it was scathing and has left her shaken. And stirred.

When the get to the runway for their next challenge Heidi tells them that she isn’t going to tell them what the new challenge is on the runway. They are instead going to a party hosted by L’Oreal Paris, and she will tell them about the challenge there. And she also mentions that she has invited some very “special guests”, and they will be involved in the challenge. Showing some signs of intellectual growth, Jeffrey says that instead of a nice relaxing party, its most likely some sort of trap, “Its never a f*king party”.

The party takes place at The Pink Elephant. It’s one of those trendy Chelsea bars that doesn’t open until ten, costs 20 dollars to get in and another 15 for a drink, and that’s if you can even get in (FYI, saying “But I work for TVgasm” gets you nowhere). As they sip on champagne and await Heidi they all try to think who their guests will be. Laura thinks its some rock band, which convinces Kayne that it is Destiny’s Child. Apparently Kayne doesn’t watch the show much since Project Runways version of a guest star is Sasha Cohen and the lady from Access Hollywood. Destiny’s Child is a stretch. I was thinking maybe the New Monkees, but they broke up years ago.

The suspense is lifted when Heidi shows up and introduces the guests right off the bat. The first one is…. Vincent. He’s back! In between his happy cackling 9and almost tripping over the stairs) he says “Ha ha, my buddies! They’re so nice! Ha ha!” Dudes creepy. And then our other special guest is, yep you guessed it, Angela. She wanders out from the back of the bar with a confused deer in headlights look as Heidi gives her a double cheek kiss. The woman is so powerful she can completely reverse the affects of any of her previous Aufs. Daniel Franco, there’s still hope! The appearance of Angela doesn’t sit well with Jeffrey, “and the special second guest was Angela. And I say special, If ya know what I mean” Umm, not really. Oh wait. I get it! You mean special as in she is “mentally retarded”? Oh Jeff that was quite the burn. What a scathing metaphor! If you are that quick with a simile than you sir, are a verbal force to be reclined with. The Gore Vidal of the Runway if you will.

The reverse Auf

At first I thought this was a cheap gimmick to bring back the most drama creating designers, but then Heidi explains. The “benefit of winning a competition” that she has been hinting at in forced voiceovers all season is that if you have won a challenge and were voted auf, you get to come back to compete one last time. And since the only people who won and were voted off were Vincent and Angela (all the other winners are still in it, except for Keith, who wasn’t eligible because he was kicked off) . OK, I can accept that, but Project Runway needs to keep the crazy twists to a minimum. The show is strong as it is, I don’t want to see its integrity fall apart and have it turn into ANTM. Heidi also says that this means this week there will be 3 people sent home, not just one.

This doesn’t sit well with the rest of the designers. Kayne responds by downing an entire glass of champagne in one gulp. Let’s just hope he doesn’t start overeating again. Then he’d never fit into his Elvis shirt. We can’t have that. Angela has the opposite reaction and reacts by talking about how she wants to run with gravy or something. I don’t know. The woman was mixing metaphors left and right. Vincent. Well, Vincent’s reaction is pretty much what you would expect. The boner is back. The challenge this week is to design a cocktail party outfit using only black and white fabric. Then Heidi unleashes the models into the room and they all drink champagne and talk. Which is like at least a few hundred calories a glass so expect some model purging later.

The next morning as everyone is getting ready Angela is going on and on about how happy she is at being back. Laura then tries to gently remind her that her win was a team win, and if it wasn’t for Michael and her reigning in the Angela madness, she wouldn’t be sitting there. Angela tries to say it’s about the design not the construction, but then we cut right to a flashback where Laura and Michael are reigning in her crazy design ideas.

At Parsons Tim tells them more about their challenge. Since they are using the same colors the challenge is about the design and silhouette of the look, as well as the makeup and styling of the model as it is the only way they can inject color into the piece. They have one day and a hundred dollars to pull it off. Before they break off to sketch Angela asks one of her Angela questions. On this “black and white” challenge do you have to use black and white or can you use just one color? Sigh….

After they are done sketching Tim then throws in the final twist to the challenge. They need to use all the fabric they buy at Mood. Nothing can be left behind. OK, this part I have a problem with. Why? What is the point of making them do this? The trash challenges I get. It challenges their improvisation and creativity skills. This however seems like just a random roadblock thrown in their way to make for dramatic TV. It has nothing to do with fashion or their fashion skills. I think it’s dumb.

At mood everyone is extra tense by the “use all the fabric” rule and are racing around making sure not to buy too much. Uli tells us she is planning on designing a “hippie beach party cocktail dress”, because god knows we haven’t seen her do that before.

Back at Parsons Michael explains that he is going to be making an off the shoulder asymmetrical dress with a cummerbund on it. He is keeping it simple. Angela is doing a leather shrug with an Edwardian collar. Now normally I’m all about Edwardian collars. Edwardian everything really. But with Angela, it doesn’t bode well. Jeffrey is making a mini cocktail dress because mini to him means sexy. Vincent however is in a pickle. He bought a yard of fabric but was given a yard and a half, which is way too much. Now he has to figure out a way to use it. Maybe an elaborate cum rag to cope with his constant fashion orgasms? OK, that was too much, wasn’t it?

As they work into the night they all start talking about the twist of having everyone back. We then learn that in the short period of time since Vincent was kicked auf, he has cashed in his other 401k and purchased a high horse to which he has now mounted. “The more that things progress the more you see the true nature of people. And it’s getting a little too ugly for my tastes.” he says out loud to no one in particular. Laura comes back at him asking whether he thinks that they are treating him badly because he is back. Vincent just says he is seeing everyone’s true colors and doesn’t like it but he doesn’t care since he only has to win two more challenges. In the other part of the workroom Michael is trying to give Kayne some advice. He is worried that Kayne’s outfit, with its backless design and is a mini with black patent leather boots, is starting to look like something else. Meaning a cheap hooker.

Soon after that Tim shows up to tell them that they are going to have an initial fitting with the models. Models in underwear! At Laura’s station she is still fretting about her last evisceration by the judges. She is really second guessing herself this time. Laura’s model Camilla feels the same way and is trying to help her come up with ideas on how to make it look younger. Which is tough since the entire dress is done in the style of the 1920′s but I have faith in Laura. She says that she will continue to do what she does best and see what happens. She is definitely worried though and you can see it in her face. And so am I as I have her chosen as my final 3 pick and I’ve invested a lot of time and energy into this dammit!

Tim then gathers everyone around and brings out Collier Strong to talk about the makeup. Since it’s a black and white challenge the only use of color is on the models. From there we see Collier basically tell everyone what he is going to do, going so far as to make Angela’s model look like Queen Amidala from Star Wars. After they get back to the workroom Tm comes by for his take. Uli has decided to use all her excess fabric in a cloth necklace to which Tim warns her not to make it look too distracting. Over at Vincent’s station he is still worrying about his excess fabric problem. He says he thinks he will be making a shawl out of it. Talking with Jeffrey he says he is going for a “rock and roll shiny” look. Wow, Jeffrey going for a rock and roll look? That about as daring as Uli going for a hippie print beach look, or Angela going for a crazy bag lady that eats bugs look. Or Kayne going for a tacky hooker look.

Speaking of Kayne when Tim comes over to see what he is working on the first thing he asks is where his white is. Kayne points to his tiny leather belt asking “Does this count as a fabric?” Tim just looks at it and exclaims “Oh Jesus.” Its trim he says, not fabric. But if that’s all he has it’s “make it work time”. That’s Tim’s last resort when he knows the outfit is beyond hope. Kayne just looks at him and says he’s just banking on Jesus now. Do you hear that God? If you can just pull yourself away from all the other horrible things going on in the world right now and help Kayne’s outfit on Project Runway, he’d really appreciate it. Hell at this point he’d take help from Allah, Yahweh, Buddha and even the glorious Lord Xenu. Well, maybe not Xenu, he’s got shitty taste. When Tim sees Michaels he thinks looks unfinished and with Angela he just gives that ‘Jubilee jumbles” look. You can only polish a turd for so long. Granted it’s an Edwardian turd, but still a turd.

When he gets to Laura’s station things look grim. Laura is shaken and upset from the beating she took in the last challenge with the constant “it looks too old” comments. So much so that she is on the verge of tears. “I can’t exhaust myself designing for the Olson twins” she tells Tim. She says she just ahs to be happy with what she sends out. From here we cut to Laura in her diary room interview in tears talking about her self doubt after she was blindsided t the last challenge. All she can hope to do is get through tomorrow. This pulls at my heart strings as I am a big Laura fan. And I’m sure a big part of this is hormones from being pregnant and tired all the time.

“Smeagol loves rosettes. Must protect precciouussss!”

The next morning as they are all getting ready Laura gets a small boost when she receives a video message from her husband and kids which lifts her spirits. When they get to the workroom they are told that they have a few hours to work with their models before the runway show, but Tim has some bad news. Vincent’s model Jia was in an accident and can’t be there. When Vincent asks if she’s all right Tim just says “she will be” and they move on. As any fan of Project Runway knows we have known this for a while. It led to all sorts of speculation that Vincent would be in the final 3 since it happened months ago and people thought that they were at the final 3 filming point. Well know we know they weren’t. Still, it was kind of a major accident. The woman was hit and dragged under a bus fracturing her skull and was in intensive care for a month. They kind of brushed over it somewhat quickly, especially when you think back to how much time they spent on the whole Morganza thing from season one.
http://www.nydailynews.com/front/story/434734p-366199c.html Vincent is not happy as he says he has no “seam allowance”.

During the fittings Jeffrey is doing his usual “I’m the best” talk saying that his idea is really fresh for a cocktail dress. Of course Jeffrey, everyone will be pleasantly surprised that you decided to go with a “rock and roll” look to your dress. Its so fresh and new! And his outfit is quite the rock and roller outfit. Flock of Seagulls was rock and roll right? Even Kayne says he thinks it looks cheap, so you know it looks really cheap. Vincent’s dress rips when he puts it on his model since his new model has a bigger hip. He is reduced to sewing the zipper on as she is getting her hair done. Then Tim comes in and tells them they have 5 minutes, but first he has to analyze everyone’s outfit to make sure that they used up all their scraps. Proving that this aspect of the challenge is a huge bust, most of them shoved all their scraps in the linings of the purse.

On the runway Heidi comes out wearing a lovely black outfit. She describes the challenge and then introduces our judges. Nina, Kors and Zac Posen (whose runway show at fashion week was apparently the place to be from what I was told). The show starts with Angela’s. Oy. The woman looks like she’s a carvel ice cream cake. If the object of the challenge was to try and make the model look like a Cookie Puss, then mission accomplished.

Kayne’s dress is odd since it looks like Amanda his model (and my close personal friend) looks like she’s wearing a black blanket covering her, yet when she turns around its backless but with this odd white O ring held in place with black string. It looks like a bridge is being constructed on her back.

Next up is Laura’s and it looks really nice. She seemed to have pulled it off and it looks really good on Camilla. Then Michael. He thinks his dress looks good since it is the only white one on the runway. Black people look good in white he says because it looks good off their skin. The dress itself is pretty basic but it does look nice.

Then its time for Jeffrey’s dress. Its polka dots, thigh high legging and a huge dangling belt. Jeffrey is of course convinced it’s young and totally hip, whereas I just can’t get over the fact that it looks like something Kelly Lebrock wore in Weird Science. It’s uber eighties. I half expected his model to whip out a Rubik’s Cube on the Runway and start fiddling with it. With Uli’s I was actually surprised. Yes its the usual Uli print but I liked how she had used long sleeves lined up with the dress itself. And the fabric really moved well. Once again I must couch everything I say telling you that I shop for clothes at Old Navy. When Vincent’s model comes out her skirt goes right up to the edge of her cooter. Vincent’s excuse is that the model “over pumped” the dress too much. The excess fabric was made into a rather overlarge and unattractive shawl.

After the show they bring out the models and designers. They start with Michael. Zac Posen thinks its chic and simple and thinks he did great. Nina also loves his total look and Heidi agrees. Kors thinks its impeccable and wonders about how much fabric he used. Michael says he lined the inside of the purse to get rid of his excess.

On to Vincent. Nina doesn’t like it. The length makes it look cheap. Kors has trouble with the cape. Zac asks him to put the cape around the end of her dress to see what it would look like as a longer skirt and it makes a marked improvement. With Uli’s dress Kors hates the necklace. He thinks they look like pool floats. Nina ahs a problem with the length of the sleeves matching the length of the dress. When she hikes them up to compare the look all the judges start randomly throwing . by hiking up the sleeves 6 inches she looks taller, leaner, fragile, delicate, and what have you. Did you ever have a glass of wine with some pretentious person who would go on and on with a adjectives about how it tastes earthy, fruity, heavy, crisp, tight, precocious, buttery, airy, and yadda yadda? That’s what they sound like throwing out all their random adjectives at Uli. To me it just looks like she has the sleeves hiked up.

Angela. They don’t like her Jiant whipped cream headdress and thinks it all looks costumey. They also call her out on shoving her excess fabric in her purse without even lining it. Its just shoved in there. Busted. With Jeffrey he says that he wanted to capture the spirit of the last few cocktail parties he went to in L.A. Where’s the syringes and spoons? Nina is disappointed saying she thinks he can do more than just the usual Rock and Roll L.A. look.

When they get to Laura you can see the look in her eye. She’s wary for another beat down. But instead they all love it. The judges gush about her silhouette, her use of colors and details, her point of view. They love it. Laura just smiles. Things don’t go as well for Kayne’s. Zac doesn’t like the whole accentuated white ring on the back and Nina criticizes him for his lack of balance with the colors.

When they are done they send everyone backstage and talk amongst themselves. Laura’s is a mess they all agree. Kors gushes about Michaels knack for presentation. Vincent they think ahs no sense of proportion and hate the wacky cape. With Jeffrey Kors says he keeps getting Gwen Stefani over and over again and wants something new. Uli they are sick of the same dress over and over again. And Kors gives a pretty funny Uli impression. With Kayne they are glad he moved out of his cheese level but the dress was still a failure. They save Laura for last and have nothing but good things to say about her dress. Nina is glad that she is finally designing for someone other than herself.

Once they are done they bring them all back to the runway to reveal their decisions. First the winner. The winner is Laura. Good for her. She needed a win under her belt and it was a nice dress. Laura is thrilled and tells us that she went from the lowest low to the highest high.

Then we get rid of some dead weight. They auf Angela and Vincent right off the bat. Vincent goes out with the usual class and style we expect from him. “I’ve been making beautiful music all along, no doubt. And I’ll be making beautiful music the rest of my life. I do it so damn well. It’s a gift.” Ugh, not only does he pull the typical narcissistic “I’m perfect” crap but he refers to his dresses as “beautiful music”.

Now down to Kayne and Jeffrey. And Kayne is out. Once again Jeffrey escapes by the skin of his teeth. Backstage everyone kisses Kayne goodbye. And they send him off to clean up his space. As the credits roll we get a brief text n the screen telling us that Jia made a full recovery from her bus accident and is back modeling again. I looked and I don’t remember seeing her at the Bryant Park show.

Jeff being as classy as always

Well that’s it. We have our final 4. We know who is showing at Bryant park since all four get to do it, but who is the decoy that is sent home and who are the real final 3? We’ll find out in the next episode. I have my theories based on what I saw at the runway show but they are all just that. Theories. I’ll explain more in my Fashion Week post.