With sg-dubs recent sabbatical in order to finish his 4 volume novel on the history of the Russian monarchy, the task of taking over Project Runway has fallen to me, EdHill. Since this is one of my favorite shows I was eager to accept the challenge. I will, as Tim Gunn says so eloquently, “Make it workÃ¢â‚¬?. So hopefully the recaps can remain funny and interesting and no one will notice that we switched DarrenÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s midstream. And IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m sure sg-dub will provide me with a few funny jokes here and there, like Carson did for Letterman.
Since last weeks recap was cut short, to refresh you’re memory the gang was given the task of DEE-signing a dress for a red hot socialite. The woman was none other than Nicky Hilton herself. You’ll remember her as the cuter sister of the other Hilton who likes to shoot videos of her polishing some dudes knob. When it came down to the judging Guadalupe lost because while her outfit was perfect for Tina Turner in Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome (Masterblaster rules Bartertown!), it didnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t work so well in rich pre-apocalyptic 2006 New York City. I personally preferred NickÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s dress with the low slung back but since Santino charmed Nicky so much at the cocktail party, Nicky went with him. If only Santino could work the soap as hard as he worked Nicky, I wouldnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t have to spend 5 minutes every week cleaning off the greasy film he leaves on my TV screen. And special thanks to commenter ceenee who said she thought Santino looks like he smells like friend onions. That still makes me laugh every time I see him onscreen.The episode this week starts with the ritual Santino ego trip. Since he was picked as the winner he is walking around the loft acting as if his shit donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t stink, which if true would be the only part of his body that doesnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t reek. HeÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s babbling on about how he is going to start designing everything for Nicky, blah, blah, blah. This is probably part mind games with the other people, and part Santino just being a natural dick.
“These aren’t the droids you’re looking for..”
Next we have the group assembled before the dazzling Heidi Klum who is going to tell them about their next assignment. But first we have to eliminate a model. Tarah and Rachael (?) are on the chopping block and Santino decides to go with Tarah, because as he says “If thereÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s one thing I am its a loyal person”. Funny, If I had to choose what one thing Santino is, I would’ve gone with “smegmaish”.
Heidi then fills them in on their next project. They are going to DEE-sign a day/night dress for Banana Republic. Something, she says, that will truly reflect the Ã¢â‚¬Å“Banana Republic Woman”. To me the Banana Republic woman is someone who wanders the streets avoiding the guerilla soldiers with machetes. But I guess you canÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t really design for that. And if you did it would be something that breathes when you run. Then I realized this was Banana Republic the store. And thatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s a whole different thing.
This challenge will require each of them to mold their individual visions to a national brand. And they can only choose from the Banana Republic approved fabrics. So no frantic trip to Mood this week. They have to pick all the pre approved fabrics placed in front of them.
After a few minutes of frantic fabric grabbing (always a funny moment every week) the ever dapper Tim Gunn wanders in and drops a bomb on them. Everyone will be split into teams of 2 to work on one outfit. And they have to pick their partnersÃ¢â‚¬Â¦.NOW! They all scramble to pick someone that they hope wonÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t suck. Unfortunately Marla picks Diana, which sucks because Marla is a waste of space and I donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t want her to drag my Dirty Diana down with her. To my delight the six foot 7 Emmett chooses 4Ã¢â‚¬â„¢3 Chloe as her partner thus ensuring an hour of uninterrupted visual comedy watching them stand next to each other. Daniel V and Andrae choose each other and right out of the gate they tell us they are Ã¢â‚¬Å“thinking as one personÃ¢â‚¬?. Could this lead to both of them crying like a 5 year old girl with a skinned knee on the runway? Only time will tell. Nick has the unfortunate task of being partnered with Santino, who right from the beginning begins to take over the entire project as if itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s all about him. Zulema gets paired with the emotionally fragile Barbie hat loving Kara with the hard to place accent. At first I was thinking Australian, but she sounded too much like the bad guy from Lethal Weapon 2 (“Diplomatic Immunity!”) so I’m gonna say she’s from South Africa. And lo and behold, I’m right.
As they all pair off and start to work on their initial ideas, Tim Interrupts them once again to drop yet another bomb. The losing team this week will both be eliminated. Kara and Zulema, who evidently have never seen a reality show in their lives, are stunned at the news. After TimÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s announcement he tells them “This is the classic make it work time” Woo hoo! YouÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ll have to excuse me IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m playing the “make it work” drinking game so from now on my typing may get sloppier.
Diana comes up with the idea of a pencil skirt. I have no idea what that is but a quick internet search reveals a pencil skirt to be a Ã¢â‚¬Å“Popular skirt shape cut from a straight block from hip to hem. Often knee length and worn with suit jacketsÃ¢â‚¬?. For examples look here. This show teaches me something new every week. Marla however tells us that she doesnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t believe in the idea %100, but Marla is horrible and she plagiarizes other peoples stuff, so she can just go suck it.
Over on the other side of the studio Zulema is bitching about the Banana Republic fabric. She is sick of all the navy blue being used. Makes you hope for the irony if Old Navy is next weeks challenge. But then you would need to have really bad fabric and stitching to complete the “Old Navy” experience. That and fleece. Lots and lots of fleece.
Meanwhile Santino is once again talking all sorts of smack about people while he designs his newest monstrosity. This weeks complaint is DianaÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s voice is driving him nuts. He calls it a high pitch squeal. Why can’t everyone have an annoyingly nasal whiny voice like he does? While working on his piece (it’s definitely his piece since he pretty much takes over from Nick from the get go) he say’s he thinks it needs more “flair”. Flair for Santino means burying the dress in tons and tons of ruffled crap. The man is a cake decorator in the wrong profession. He should be decorating a Fudgie the Whale instead of a supermodel.
While they are working we get another appearance by Tim Gunn. TonightÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s ensemble is a smart looking blue blazer with a matching pair of blue jeans. You would think this look was a little outdated, I’m thinking Jerry Seinfeld circa 1997, but dammit if Tim just doesnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t Make it work. Ahh crap. I said it. Time to drink.
Things seem to be going all right with his reviews (he loves the Chloe/Emmet and Daniel/Andrae pieces) until he stumbles across Marla and Diana. Ad you can tell itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s bad from the combination of the look on TimÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s face, and the sudden ominous “Tim thinks it sucks” theme music. “I don’t see it.” he says. He thinks they are way off the mark. “It’s just not working for meÃ¢â‚¬?. Oh crap. Does that count? Do I have to drink to that? OK, I’ll do half a shot for that one. From what Tim said Diana and Marla decide to chuck the whole idea of a pencil skirt.
Andrae shows Tim his accessories
Over at Zulema and KaraÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s table we get a study in contrasts. Zulema is quite calm under pressure. Kara, who is mentally unstable, is not. When they are not confident in their design Kara turns on the waterworks and starts her weekly meltdown. This sends Zulema into her bitch mode, which we saw briefly in episode one where she demanded all of the closet space for her crap. Ã¢â‚¬Å“You can cry, but you gotta cry and cut. DonÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t stop and cry.Ã¢â‚¬? She says to Kara, who is simultaneously blubbering and cutting fabric at the same time. If she was also chewing gum I think itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢d be a record of some sort.
The next day when everyone comes down to the work space, Tim has yet another surprise for them. ItÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s time for a field trip! Yeah! But then I remembered last time their Ã¢â‚¬Å“field tripÃ¢â‚¬? was just a walk over to that weeks corporate sponsor Toys RÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ Us. Why canÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t they ever go someplace fun for a field trip like bumper cars or the Bronx Zoo?
Well before you know it they all, including the models I might add, walk through the streets until they stop at, surprise surprise, the Banana Republic store. After Tim introduces us to the Banana Republic corporate whore who then rattles off an in show commercial for Banana Republic, we find out what the next part of the challenge will be. Each team will be responsible for creating their own window display using their models as mannequins and they will be judged based on feedback from passing customers who are going to be filling out cards selecting which window they liked best. This reminds me of one of my favorite movies, Mannequin 2: On the Move. Ahh Meshach Taylor, you are an overlooked genius.
I may be going out on a limb here, but I think Andrae is gay
With That Tim gives them all some money and they are off to the craft store to buy supplies for their installation. Diana goes with a classroom setting and starts buying desk supplies. Marla, as usual, hates it. Maybe they should have gone with MarlaÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s idea which wasÃ¢â‚¬Â¦Oh wait, Marla didnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t come up with ANYTHING. Unfortunately Marla is actually right about the idea sucking as Tim takes a gander and gives them that look that has crushed many a heart. DianaÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s whole concept turns out to be just a pile of crumpled up paper on the floor. Not exactly a creative masterstroke.
But across the way Santino and Nick arenÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t doing much better. Their concept is their model is working in an “art gallery”. And their vision of an art gallery is to have a huge wall with brown paper bags all over it and a message smeared on it by what must be a mental patient. This whole spectacle earns a Ã¢â‚¬Å“P.U.Ã¢â‚¬? from Tim, which is probably the only swear word he knows.
Chloe and Emmett go with a nice simple white background with EmmettÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s drawings of the actual dress behind it. Nothing cool like Unicorns or Spiderman, but just drawings of the model. Ho hum. But Tim says that he thinks it is Ã¢â‚¬Å“more fabulous than I can say.Ã¢â‚¬? And Tim is never wrong.
Daniel V and Andrae’s window is also pretty simple. Two different clocks showing night and day so they can have the model move from one end to the other showcasing the outfits day and night looks.
Kara and Zulema have done a Diptych also showing day and night and have the model switch the jacket from its day version inside out to show the night version. Unfortunately their day and night imagery is simply construction paper cut outs of the moon and a skyline making it look like a third grade arts and crafts product. I even thought I saw a hand traced turkey in there somewhere. What would really make this whole diptych (I like writing that word) transformation work perfectly is if they also had the model wear Freezy Freakies gloves, and let the window space go from warm to cold and watch the magic happen.
After the reviews are in we see that Santino is still unable to come to grips with his suckitude when we hear him say Ã¢â‚¬Å“I didnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t see one ballot with a five on it. I donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t even think thatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s possible, but whatever.Ã¢â‚¬? I think the correct pronunciation Santino is Ã¢â‚¬Å“WHAT-everrrrrÃ¢â‚¬?. Puhlease. Like, its so obvies.
Time for the runway show. HeidiÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s wearing a lipstick that I would describe as “whore red” but damn if Heidi doesnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t pull it off. She Ã¢â‚¬Å“makes it workÃ¢â‚¬? so to speak. Time to bring out the DEE-signers. One of the funny things that happens when the models come out is we get to hear the voiceovers of the designers all talking about how they think their dress is great. Not one of them simply says “yeah, my dress looked like a big flowing turd. I’m definitely going home tonight.”
The judges immediately detect the last minuteness to Kara and ZulemaÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s dress. They donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t think it works with the jacket. Michael Kors compares it to an Ã¢â‚¬Å“80s power bitch moo glare jacketÃ¢â‚¬?. At this point I say to myself Ã¢â‚¬Å“What the f is a moo glare jacket? Once again with the handy dandy internet I go to my trusty google and found out he was referring to the designer Thierry Mugler who was popular in the eighties with those padded dominatrix looking jackets. Now I see what heÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s talking about. Oh, spot on Michael. Spot on. See how this show just teaches you new things?
Diana and Marla are up next. ItÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s not pretty. Kors think she looks like a stewardess, and the Banana Republic Lady thinks it doesnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t look modern enough. Not too mention its puke gray and covers up her entire body.
Chloe and Emmetts is another hit with the judges. The only problem is Kors thinks it looks a little too BergdorfÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s. I actually thought it looked a little too Marshalls, but thatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s why IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m a silly blogger and heÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s a fashion designer. Still, my Freazy Freakies idea is fÃ¢â‚¬â„¢in brilliant.
Santino and Nicks dress is another one that goes over like a lead balloon. Santino has this image of her being some fancy pants owner of an art gallery. Nina Garcia says its yet another Santino dress that needs to be edited Ã¢â‚¬Å“yet againÃ¢â‚¬?. Michael Kors smells an opportunity to show off and he doesn’t hesitate to pounce. “I know the most powerful women in the art world. They are my customers. And they wouldn’t walk into galleries dressed like that.” Well la de freaking da Mr. Kors. I know some of the most powerful people in the blogging world but you don’t see me walking around the streets telling everyone. I’m humble that way. Santino responds with this by getting all defensive and whiny. “Well your customers are older. And a lot of Banana Republic customers don’t know Michael Kors.” He says. Meow, bitch.
With that they send them away and its deliberation time. Chloe and Emmett and Daniel and Andrae are the clear favorites, and the rest they are not that happy with at all. Diana and MarlaÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s wasnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t Ã¢â‚¬Å“women friendlyÃ¢â‚¬? and its too flat. Santino is over designed and heÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s trying too hard.
When they bring them back they declare Andrae and Daniel the winners. Emmett and Chloe are EEN, and are allowed to leave the runway. Kara and Zulema are also in by the skin of their teeth, and you can tell my their reaction when Heidi reads their names. Lots of hands over the mouths and hushed “Oh thank you, thank you’s”
I want to see them have sex for the comedic value alone
So now its down to Diana and Marla and Santino and Nick. Diana and MarlaÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s dress is Ã¢â‚¬Å“Dull and clichÃƒÂ©, and it didnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t work for day or night.Ã¢â‚¬? And Santino and NickÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s Ã¢â‚¬Å“Was over designed, and they didnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t think about the Banana Republic womanÃ¢â‚¬?.
And the losers areÃ¢â‚¬Â¦.. Diana and Marla. Damn. That idiot Marla took out my Dirty Diana. sg-dub and I both had her picked from the beginning. I feel like a piece of me died when she walked off stage. No more will we hear her mousy voice, or see her upper lip never move when she talks. But I guess if I had to choose between losing Diana and Santino, IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢d have to go with Diana. Santino is the kind of reality contestant you love to hate.
So what did everyone else think? Are you as sad as I am that Diana s gone? Or are you just happy for another week of Santino?