Well it was a traumatic episode for us all last week on Project Runway. Watching Andrae run offstage was tough for all of us. I mean sure we all laughed because he ran like a 6 year old girl with arms flailing, but still, below the laughter was pain. And itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s not because we will miss his over the top gay facial expressions. No we still have Nick for that. It hurts because Andrae was actually pretty talented, and Santino and Kara suck, yet they are both still here. But thatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s OK, we have two episodes left to get rid of them so that when they finally get to Olympus Fashion week (Which took place this morning), it will be the three most worthy left. Namely Chloe, Daniel and Nick.
But letÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s not get ahead of ourselves. We still have 3 episodes left until then. And tonightÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s challenge is even more fun that sticking a bunch of models in shrubs. ItÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s time for a makeover!
The episode opens with the fallout form the loss of Andrae. Santino is beside himself now that his Ã¢â‚¬Å“Tim Gunn dates AndraeÃ¢â‚¬? impression must now be retired. But thatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s not as important as winning. Santino still thinks heÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s one of the most talented people remaining. He reminds us heÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s won two challenges. What he doesnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t remind us is that Daniels won 4, and that Santino has almost been eliminated for more weeks than you can count.
The next day they all come back to the runway where Heidi, who looks like she is about to explode with that huge belly, is there to tell them about their next challenge. ItÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s a head to toe makeover. And this is when the loss of Andrae hits me the hardest. We all know that the camera would have shown Andrae doing his famous bug eyed open mouthed Ã¢â‚¬Å“Oh my gaaawd!Ã¢â‚¬? expression. I mean sure, Kara did her best with her own bugeyed expression, but it wasn’t the same. But now there is just an empty hole in my heart where Andrae would have been. ItÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s like that first Thursday after they canceled Friends. You turn on the TV expecting to see the crazy comedy stylings of David Schwimmer, and all you get is a Will and Grace rerun.
Anyways, Heidi says that she will draw the names randomly from a bag. Santino gets to do Kara. Kara gets to do Santino. Nick gets Daniel, Chloe gets Nick and Daniel gets Chloe. Once they all get their picks done its time for one last bit of business. Time to boot a model. We have the winning and losing models from last week. Danyelle, AndraeÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s model, and Rebecca, Daniels model from the beginning. ItÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s no surprise what happens as everyone but Zulema has been loyal to their models. Even Danyelle knows as she starts to tear up before Daniel even says anything. But its ok, heÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s not telling Danyelle to leave, heÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s simply telling her that heÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s sending her off to do Ã¢â‚¬Å“bigger and better thingsÃ¢â‚¬?. And since the last thing Danyelle did was wear a big green tank, you canÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t argue with him. Backstage Danyelle gets a big group hug from all the other models as she is sent on her way. One day I am hoping this will dissolve into a pillow fight, from there it will turn into a tickle fight, and thenÃ¢â‚¬Â¦. well the skies the limit.
With that Heidi gives her patented Ã¢â‚¬Å“ByyyeÃ¢â‚¬? which I find gets cuter every week, but then again what isnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t cute about pregnant supermodels? From there itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s onto the work room where Tim is there to fill them in on the details of the challenge. There will be no models used this week because they will be the models. Yet another painful moment as I think of what Andrae could have given us on the runway, arms flailing. Tim tells them they have a 200 dollar budget and two days to get it done. They have one hour to come up with an idea.
Nick wants to look like Euro trash so Chloe comes up with a concept of a pinstriped suit. Santino wants to look more preppy and more all American (as opposed to the Osama like look heÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s got going now) because he thinks it would be funny. I agree. He also says he wants Madras pants. I only know Madras from the girly drink that gets chickÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s hammered at weddings. Now they have pants too? Well looking at our handy dandy fashion dictionary I now know that madras is Ã¢â‚¬Å“a lightweight cotton fabric with patterned texture, used primarily for summer clothingÃ¢â‚¬?. Who says TV doesnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t help you learn?
DanielÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s idea for Chloe is to make her into a hip fun loving girl. NickÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s idea for Daniel is a suit with a tight fitting jacket with shoulders, accentuating DanielÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s skinniness. He says he wants it to be very 1980Ã¢â‚¬â„¢s, but more modern. Huh? If itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s modern how can it also be 1980Ã¢â‚¬â„¢s? Nick has a tendency to blather about stuff and not make sense. If the remaining contestants were the A Team, he would be Murdock. Which Would make Santino B.A. Baracus. Hmm. So I guess that means that Kara is the Faceman and Daniel is Hannibal? Or is Chloe Hannibal? You know what. This metaphor is going nowhere, IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m gonna have to bail on it (I knew I shoulda went with the Golden Girls!) Santino meanwhile says one word that makes my heart soar. Jumpsuit! ThatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s right, heÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s gonna make a one piece jumpsuit for Kara. He wants to break away from KaraÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s whole Free spirit granola kind of hippie look and what better way to do that than make her look like Evil Knievel?
Now itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s off to Mood to pick out fabrics. Santino being Santino he immediately starts bullying Kara as to her fabric choices. He practically picks everything out himself. Nick finds some Cashmere thatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s he somehow thinks would look good. On a man. In a suit. Now any normal person would worry at choices like that but Nick says that his secret weapon is that he knows how to do menswear. My secret weapons are 6 inch titanium claws in my forearms that I can extend at a moments notice. That and an uncanny ability to instantly recognize the cheeses of the world.
Back at the workroom Chloe is looking lost. She has never done menswear and Nick is horrified that she doesnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t know to use a tight fitting shirt when using a vest. Nicks ego is starting to take over now. He is walking around thinking heÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s safe because he is the menswear designer. When he finishes his pants before anyone else they all are amazed and we see Nick in his confessional acting snotty saying that Ã¢â‚¬Å“thatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s what I doÃ¢â‚¬? and everyone else better Ã¢â‚¬Å“catch upÃ¢â‚¬?. Nicks chances of surviving this challenge have now dropped to about 10%.
As they are working Daniel decides to start playing Ã¢â‚¬Å“would you ratherÃ¢â‚¬?. Ã¢â‚¬Å“Would you rather have sex or make loveÃ¢â‚¬? he asks. Chloe wants to make love, Santino just wants to have sex. As they continue the Ã¢â‚¬Å“would you ratherÃ¢â‚¬? game, Santino starts to get more loud which annoys Nick to no end. Santino then starts talking about how many times he has to shit in a day. Just to let everyone know I am writing the rest of the recap from a hospital bed, because once my brain was presented with the notion of Santino having sex and shitting all within a 2 minute time frame, I had what the doctors are calling a Ã¢â‚¬Å“mini strokeÃ¢â‚¬?. But donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t worry IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ll be fine.
Nick is still fuming from SantinoÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s interruptions and he starts to do what he does best, passive aggressive anger. We were treated to a taste of it a few weeks ago when he pulled his little Tim Ã¢â‚¬Å“can I ask you what will work better with a blonde model?Ã¢â‚¬? ploy with Tim to try and get sympathy for Zulema taking his model, but man you havenÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t seen nothing yet. That was just a warmup.
But before we get to that its time for TimÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s takes. He stops by and wants to see everyoneÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s concepts and how they are progressing. He thinks everything looks fairly good. There are no huge disasters out of the gate like AndraeÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s doormat from last episode. He tells Santino that based on his color palette, which he thinks is really rich, it has the potential to be really good. He makes sure Chloe is managing her time well, because we all know she had issues with that last week. He even likes what Kara is up to. Myself, I meanwhile, can’t keep my eyes of SantinoÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s whole Jesus of Nazareth look. I mean if you ever wanted to know what it would have looked like if Jesus decided to chuck it all and become a bisexual dressmaker here is your answer. Now If I can only get to see what Jesus would have looked like if he walked around dressed like Flava Flav, my life would be complete.
Those who reek shall inherit the earth
Later as they are all working frantically Nick is trying on ChloeÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s suit and Santino jokingly yells out Ã¢â‚¬Å“You canÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t polish a turdÃ¢â‚¬?. This sends Nicks hissy fit into overdrive. He decides the best way to deal with Santino is to give him the silent treatment. ItÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s also worth pointing out that Nick is 38 years old. If Santino keeps up this behavior Nick might be forced to tell him that he’s rubber and Santino is glue, and whatever Santino says bounces of him and sticks to Santino. Or he could do the thing where he just repeats everything Santino says. ThatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s a good one too.
Next morning Tim greets them and tells them its time for a special surprise, which is code for Ã¢â‚¬Å“product placementÃ¢â‚¬?. ItÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s non other than Collier Strong from LÃ¢â‚¬â„¢Oreal! HeÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s there to help them all with the makeovers. However the mans competence level is soon brought into question when he starts talking about Brad Pitt and Santino in the same sentence. Unless heÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s talking about the smell of Brad PittÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s dumps and the smell of Santino’s hair there’s no comparison you can really make here. But no, Collier is talking about how strong SantinoÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s chin in and its like when Brad Pitt grew his beard hiding his beautiful face. SantinoÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s only response to this is to just nod and say Ã¢â‚¬Å“I know, I knowÃ¢â‚¬?. With Kara he wants to trim down her eyebrows. Seeing as how sheÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s the resident crunchy granola head, her eyebrows are probably not the only thing thatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s needs to be trimmed down, if ya know what I mean.
When he comes by to see Nick and Daniel, Nick has some definite ideas for what he wants to do to Daniel. “I want just a nice good warm color. You know like a self tanner or a bronzer” Collier disagrees and says that it would look more dramatic to keep him looking pale. Once he says that Nick jumps in and exclaims Ã¢â‚¬Å“Exactly!Ã¢â‚¬? ItÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s amazing how Collier was able to read Nicks mind and know that the exact thing he wanted was the total opposite of what he said he wanted. What a team they make.
Santino tries joking around with Nick later but Nick still has his panties in a bunch and continues to pretend that heÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s not there and not answer him. 38 years old people. To this we hear Santino say Ã¢â‚¬Å“If youÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re going to give me the silent treatment then IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m not going to tell you that the suit youÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re making makes Daniel look like a girl and its sewn bad.Ã¢â‚¬? Just when you think Santino is just too annoying heÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ll say something like that to get him back into your good graces.
Later as Tim is making another round looking at everyoneÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s progress, Nick tells Tim and Chloe that he thinks he looks like, and he says he means this in the nicest way possible, the senior flight attendant for British Airways. He truly is a master of the passive aggressive insult. It’s like telling you’re girlfriend shes the “good” kind of fat. This is all just making his inevitable downfall that much easier to take. Tim is worried about Nicks outfit and its Ã¢â‚¬Å“feminine overtonesÃ¢â‚¬?. Nick says he definitely wants to Ã¢â‚¬Å“MasculinizeÃ¢â‚¬? it. Then we here him tell us that at that point he was Ã¢â‚¬Å“94% done so there was nothing I could do but have Daniel butch it upÃ¢â‚¬?. Yep, heÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s doomed.
Out on the rooftop patio Chloe is telling Kara that she thinks they are safe. Kara, in her increasingly unintelligible South African accent says that Ã¢â‚¬Å“safe isnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t even a wuhd anymohrÃ¢â‚¬?. Yep, Kara still realizes that she may be in Ã¢â‚¬Å“DaihnguhÃ¢â‚¬?.
Are they trying to tell us something here?
Soon enough its time for the runway show. This week, besides the beautiful Nina Garcia and the fabulous Michael Kors, we also have as a visiting judge celebrity fashion stylist Freddy Leiba. He can also been seen as the Ooompa Loompa from Tim Burtons Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, now on DVD!
Santino walks out and to me his outfit looked horrible. The pants didnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t fit,they look like a picnic blanket, the shirt had a crazy collar and the hat had a weird looking print glued to it. But what do I know? Also about 50% of KaraÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s voiceover explaining her work was completely unintelligible to me.
Kara comes out wearing the tan one piece jumpsuit. It’s breezy and airy and even has slots to keep your soylent green in so you donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t have to worry where it is when being chased by the C.H.U.D.. It also accentuates the blinking red lights on her palms indicating that she is a runner and must be taken down. The one thing I can say positively about the outfit is that Kara has a pretty nice figure under all those layers of hippie dress and patchouli oil and the jumpsuit gives us the slightest hint of a camel toe.
Daniel Comes out wearing Nicks and it doesnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t look very good at all. ItÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s wrinkly and very feminine just like Tim Gunn said, but Nick just smiles and tells us he thinks he totally pulled it off and it looks fabulous.
Next up is the Chloe, who while comically short, is still something of a cutie pie. She’s wearing a tan vest accentuating her boobs but it’s not fitting her real well. Plus she has the whole short person walk, which doesnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t work well on a runway. Unless itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s made of yellow bricks. ZING!
Finally Nick sashays down the runway wearing his pinstriped suit looking quite dapper. Chloe did a pretty good job. Very Guys and DollÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s.
Once they get in front of the judges its clear who they like and donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t like right away. Everyone is disappointed in Daniel, none moreso that Michael Kors, who has done everything but get down on his knees and give him a rusty trombone right there on the runway the last few episodes. The hem is a mess, it doesnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t fit her well. Ã¢â‚¬Å“When I saw Chloe before she looked like a hip, cuteÃ¢â‚¬Â¦.girl” Heidi says, with an uncomfortable pause between cute and girl. Eh, sheÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s German. They like shiny things.
Amazingly, at least to me, they really like KaraÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s Santino outfit. They like the look, and the color. And the madras pants. Kara says she wanted him to be Ã¢â‚¬Å“mohr wuhldly lookingÃ¢â‚¬?. I thought it sucked, but like I said, what do I know? Other than the cheeses of the world that is.
Kors says Nicks is a mess because he picked a womanÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s wear fabric thatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s mushy and soft, he has no pockets, no buttons, and its badly sewn. He says it looks like “a Golden Girl jacket you belt and wear with leggings”. Ooh, he went there.
When itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s SantinoÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s turn he gets immediately defensive and starts attacking Kara because she is looking uncomfortable. When they actually ask her if she looks comfortable, she doesnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t answer and Santino jumps in saying “I think she looks great”. Then they notice that one of her sleeves is literally falling off.
They send them backstage and its time for the judges to deliberate even more. And Nick is getting pummeled. Ã¢â‚¬Å“ItÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s the wrong fabric, the wrong garment. The pants are like a legging that friar tuck would wear.Ã¢â‚¬? Wow, somebody but a little extra bitch into MichaelÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s corn flakes today. The Oompa Loompa somehow likes SantinoÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s jumpsuit thatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s falling apart at the seams. This may be the deciding vote that keeps him.
When they bring them out for the final decision Heidi tells Daniel how disappointed they all are in his outfit. If it wasnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t for the fact that he had immunity Ã¢â‚¬?Today you would have gotten my Auf Wiedersehen” Heidi tells him. Man, you do not want to get HeidiÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s Auf Wiedersehen. But he does have immunity so they send him backstage. As for the winner itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s between Kara and Chloe. And the winner isÃ¢â‚¬Â¦ Chloe. SheÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s amazed as itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s her first time doing menswear. HA! Suck on that Nick. Then they tell Kara that she is safe and she can leave.
This leaves our final two down to Nick and, as always, Santino. IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m trying to remember what it is Heidi said about both of their outfits but the cheesy after the fact Apprentice like voiceover was so distracting I canÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t even remember it. Something along the lines of Nicks looking like a chick who just rolled out of bed and SantinoÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s looking like a bad jumpsuit as opposed to the brilliant jumpsuit that it could have been.
And this weeks loser is.. Nick. No surprise there. You get cocky on a reality show, or to be more precise they edit in the cockiness in a reality show, that is the kiss of death. But somehow even after he leaves I donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t think Nick realizes he lost. He tells us that Ã¢â‚¬?ItÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s not over yet. The fat lady hasnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t sungÃ¢â‚¬?. Yeah she kinda did Nick. She was the German pregnant one. She even said Auf Wiedersehen and everything. DonÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t let the door hit your as on the way out kiddo, and tell Andrae we said hi.
But not to worry, Nicks impact is being felt to this day. Here’s TVGasm reader Jenny10girl showing off her very own Nick designed Project Runway Barbie.
Now of we can only get her to buy about a hunderd Save Kaysar buttons we have lying around the office…