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I’m back! After no hiatus whatsoever, Lifetime is shoving the All-Stars season down our throats! I’m guessing after a refreshingly interesting and talented Season 10, they figured they should keep the music playing before our couches lost that familiar indentation on Thursday nights. Which means, open wide Gasmii, here comes MrsMiaWallace!
First up, if you haven’t watched Flipit’s awesome redub of the preview, please do. Not only because it is hilarious, but also because it may be what I will have to base many of my opinions of these contestants on. I hate to confess this, but I missed several of these dregs when PR went to Lifetime and I said “No, thanks” for a few years. I blame Flipit for the fact that I even know what channel Lifetime comes on.
I do recognize a few faces and can tell from the commentary that this season was chosen largely on personality instead of talent. The oldest question in reality TV was answered when Andre came back as a caricature of himself. Wendy Pepper came back as an even haggier hag, Halloween style. Oddly enough I think Perez Hilton turned up sporting his baby weight, and some lady who looks like a mom from the 90’s is competing, but she only designs tennis wear.
Also. Uli. Because I love resorts almost as much as I love resort wear, I am currently rooting for dear, sweet, Miami sun-kissed Uli. Anyone who calls South Beach home is someone I’m proud to suck up to.
The good news is they replaced the hostess with another generic model everyone pretends to know. This one seems to have something firmly inserted in her rectum, but at least she’s not on the verge of bursting into a big, wet, ugly cry EVERY TIME she addresses the designers.
The first challenge of the season is a team challenge, which is great because 1)drama and 2)time savings! Which leads me to my favorite thing about All-Stars. It is only an hour long!!!! Thank you Jeebus! That Project Runway is a baffling hour and a half is obviously a cruel joke Kors and Nina Garcia thought up to punish us all.
They are split into two teams, kickball style, and each design a collection around a single word. One group does a terrible job (with one exception) and the other is pretty good, but not great. The talent level might have me concerned. The judges made the right decisions in my opinion, but that could very well be because it’s too early for me to care much who stays and who goes.